Chapter 3
MAX KNOCKED ON THE door without hesitation. Determination was the only thing running through his veins right now. He stood ready when the door opened, and he was relieved to see it was Willow who had answered. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her mate, but Willow was easy to talk to.
“Max!” she exclaimed. Her mouth stayed hanging slightly ajar like she might say something else. She settled for frowning instead as she reached out and touched one of the scratches marring his face. He didn’t know what it was about shifters, or at least wolf shifters, but they were openly affectionate with anyone they considered a part of their pack. They also didn’t give a damn about nudity. That last part seemed true for every shifter. Max could deal with it when it was him and other guys, but he always looked away when the women shifted. It felt wrong, like he was somehow cheating if he looked. Thankfully, they weren’t a nudist colony or something. He would have probably lost his mind from shock. He was also glad there were no kids around since Casey left a month ago. He still didn’t know what to make of this lifestyle though and never got comfortable.
His wolf got more restless with each passing day. With each moment.
He cleared his throat when an uncalled-for growl tried to rip itself free from his mouth. He spoke instead. “I need a ride to Boise. I’ve put Lizbeth off too long. I have to apologize now before it’s too late.”
Willow beamed at him, but then she faltered. “Did you and Nick have a fight? Is he okay?”
Max grimaced. “Yeah. He’s going to be okay.” He touched the back of his neck, overwhelmed with the conjured-up memory of what he had done to the Blue Pack Alpha. He almost killed him. Almost. Was Nick going to call Gwen and tell her what happened right away or would he leave her out of it as long as possible? He obviously hadn’t sent word to Willow. Maybe his other Beta, Howard, was taking care of things.
Frowning, Willow looked in the direction of the Alpha Den, her brother’s luxurious mansion and the biggest building in Moonwatch. For a moment, Max thought she would shoot him down and check things with her Alpha. She was one of his two Betas after all. She should be in the loop. Max knew she had a bad habit of avoiding asking her brother’s permission, though. That was what he was counting on when he chose to come to her. Plus, she had a big romantic heart. She sympathized with him and had been telling him to talk to Lizbeth for at least a month and a half. If she went to Nick and saw the state he was in, he was pretty sure she wouldn’t let him go—especially not after she heard exactly what happened. God, he was being so selfish, but there was nothing he could do if he stayed. The same went for Willow. Nick was already being taken care of. He was sure of that. He didn’t like Cedric, but Cedric respected Nick.
“Okay,” Willow said as she jerked her head, tossing her long and curly white-blond hair over her shoulder as she placed her hands on her well-defined hips. “It’s about time you manned up.”
Max expressed his relief with a sigh. He picked right. “Thanks.”
“Mind if Derek comes?”
“You’re the one doing me a favor. Of course he can come.”
“Derek!” Willow called as she left the door open despite the snow and scampered through the house, grabbing her garish hot pink purse and holding out her car keys.
Her mate sauntered out of a room, his hands resting in his jeans pockets. His pitch-black hair was messy as usual, and he wore his scruff proudly like some kind of badass. He smirked at Max. That cocky grin of his always riled up Max’s wolf. He thought it was a challenge or something stupid like that. The more dominant the shifter he faced, the more his wolf pushed at the cage Max had made for him. But it was okay. He was in control.
“Good luck, loverboy,” Derek said as he grasped Max’s shoulder and pushed him out the door. His wolf shifter hearing meant he had heard every word of Max and Willow’s conversation and was ready to go. He was only wearing a hoodie and boots to combat the cold, but Max was dressed much the same way. They were very warm-blooded. “Be sure to make it a good show, all right?”
“Derek,” Willow said sternly as she joined the boys, “this isn’t a show for your entertainment.” There was a grin on her face, though. Max had a feeling she felt much the same way her mate did.
Mate. At least Max was getting better with the terminology used here. He never slipped up and even thought the word “mate” now when describing these shifters’ relationship. The human part of him viewed Willow and Derek as nothing more than girlfriend and boyfriend, like his current—scratch that—former relationship with Lizbeth, but his wolf side could smell the bond they had created. He wasn’t blind either. He could see the matching Lunas Sigils, Moon Marks, tattooing the back of their necks. Fated Mates is what it meant. They were what he could only describe as a match made in Heaven. Destiny, the Moon, tied them together. Soulmates. Forever lovers. By Wolf Law, they were a married couple.
God, he hoped Lizbeth would take him back. He didn’t deserve it, but he hoped. He didn’t know what it felt like to have a soulmate. He and Lizbeth hadn’t fallen head over heels for each other, but they got along. They slowly grew into something more. She was a good match for him. He could be happy with her. He wanted to be happy with her.
“Princess, let me drive,” Derek said as he grabbed for Willow’s keys.
She giggled as she darted away from him, holding the keys above her head and dangling them. She teased him like they were both kids. He grinned and darted for her again. This time he caught her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Max’s face burned when Derek kissed the back of Willow’s neck. Then he licked that same place, tracing her Moon Mark with his tongue. Max shivered when Willow let out a helpless moan. Yeah, no. They were so openly affectionate in this town. It was another thing he wasn’t used to.
“Derek,” Willow growled playfully as she eased back into him, “remember the rule? She who grabs the keys first drives.”
“It’s whoever grabs the keys first drives. I’m not a she. The rule you just stated excludes me.” He growled back and bit at her earlobe.
“Exactly.” She giggled and pushed away from him, freeing herself. “C’mon. We’re making Max uncomfortable.”
“He can deal. He’s a grown-ass man.”
Willow tried to give him a serious look, but the smile on her face ruined it.
Once they were all piled into Willow and Derek’s new burnt orange Ford Wrangler and Willow had pulled out of the gravel driveway, she said, “Nick didn’t okay this, did he?”
“Nope,” Max replied as he stared out the window alone in the backseat.
“Figured. Oh, well. He’ll forgive me.” She never missed a chance to pull at Nick’s weaknesses. Her being his baby sister was one of those weaknesses.
“Good for you, Max. It’s about time you do what you want instead of listening to good old Nick,” Derek commented.
Max tensed slightly when they passed by a few Blue Wolves, but none of them tried to stop them, and soon they were safely out of the small town and heading on down the road. The drive ahead would take around an hour or so, but it would be smooth sailing now.
“Are you going to pledge to Nick on the next ‘Full Moon?’” Max asked.
Derek shrugged. “Maybe. But if I did it, I wouldn’t be a free wolf anymore. Don’t really like the sound of that. Besides, our wolves don’t get along.”
“It’s because you’re both so damn aggressive,” Willow said with a shake of her head. “I dunno what the Moon was thinking, giving me an alpha brother and an alpha mate. I’m just a beta!”
Smirking, Derek replied, “You’re one hell of a beta wolf then. How am I supposed to pledge to Nick when I’m already pledged to you? I already gave away my freedom.”
Willow giggled and Derek grabbed her thigh possessively, riding his hand farther up her leg.
“Stop,” Willow said. Her voice was airy, and her need heavily scented the air. “I’m driving.” She swatted his hand away, and he laughed in response.
Being able to know how turned on Willow was because of his wolf senses was another thing Max wasn’t used to. It seemed like a heavy invasion of privacy.
Max settled into silence as Derek continued pestering his mate. He stared out the window. There were trees, grass, hills, and mountains, but none of it registered. It was like he was staring at a blank canvas waiting for an artist to apply the first stroke of color.
Well, if he had to look on the bright side, something his mother always said, at least he hadn’t lost his job. He was a programmer and did full-time freelance gigs. He could do it anywhere he had his laptop and a Wi-Fi connection. He was still a civilized working man. He wasn’t a mountain man roughing it out in the woods like he might have been if Nick and Gwen hadn’t found him. Or he would have just ended up a wild wolf in some forest. Or maybe dead in a ditch somewhere. There was also the possibility a human could have found him, and then some lab would have probably been running tests on him. He shuddered at the thought. He was as lucky as he could be, given his situation.
His relationships were a crappy mess, though. But it was going to be okay now. He was going to fix things with Lizbeth, then his family.
Max placed his hand on the ring box tucked away inside his pocket. Whatever happened, this ring was made for Lizbeth. He was going to make sure she got it. That was one thing he could guarantee.
The only other words Max exchanged during the drive were when he told Willow how to get to Lizbeth’s apartment. Derek even let him be. Derek liked to be a bit of a pain to everyone, but he was wary of the Berserker waiting underneath Max’s skin. All Blue Wolves were. Most avoided talking to him because they were afraid they would provoke his monster. At least there were a handful of shifters who didn’t mind him too much. Soon that wouldn’t be a problem anymore either.
He was an almost Berserker no more. He was a wolf no more.
Max waited for backlash. He waited for the wolf inside of him to growl and bite at the outright rejection. Instead, there was nothing. There was a hollowness in the pit of his stomach answering his resolve. Was his wolf actually agreeing with him? That would be a first.
Strange.
“This the place?” Willow asked when she pulled up to some generic, albeit pricier, apartments after they had been driving around in Boise for a few minutes.
“This is the place,” Max replied as he sucked in a deep breath. He was steeling himself, getting ready for whatever happened next.
There was nothing left to lose. Lizbeth had already broken up with him, so it couldn’t get any worse. Still, he hesitated, taking a moment to stare out the window at the familiar sienna colored building.
“You okay?” Willow asked. The concerned tone of her voice was grating because his wolf senses picked everything up ten-fold.
Max glanced at the front of the truck to see Willow and Derek both looking back at him. Even Derek was concerned. Maybe that showed how much Willow had changed him during the time she first met him, got him back from that crazy shifter collector, and he decided to stay in Moonwatch with her—or maybe it meant they could sense Max’s hesitation, his doubt. They probably could.
“Does one of us need to hold your hand?” Derek mocked. There it was, the teasing. That helped Max relax a bit.
Max humphed and didn’t dignify Derek’s comment with a response. Derek laughed, but that was fine. It wasn’t like Max was pissed off or anything.
“Be nice!” Willow exclaimed as she grabbed her mate’s face and gave him a big kiss to silence him. It worked. Derek wasn’t ready to let her go when she drew back and whispered, “Max hasn’t seen Lizbeth in a long time. He’s nervous.”
“I can sense that.” There was a playful growl in Derek’s throat.
“Gross,” Max teased. “I’m getting out of here.”
“Good luck!” Derek said, never taking his eyes off his mate. “Just take control of the situation, and you’ll be fine.”
“No, Max.” Willow giggled. “Be apologetic and romantic.”
“We’ll have to agree to disagree,” Derek growled again and pounced on his mate.
Max was out of the truck before he had to witness another intimate kiss—or more. As the cold air hit him and a little flurry of snowflakes spiraled around him, he took his first step back into the world he came from. No more wolves. No more Berserker crap.
“God, please let me pick up where we left off,” he muttered under his breath.
The soft crunch of snow under his boots was something he didn’t hear. He only felt it. The world was silent. A soft yellow light glowed from inside Lizbeth’s apartment. She was home. This was it. His heart fluttered with the thought of seeing her again, the inevitability of it.
He pressed his hand to the ring box in his pocket to reassure himself it was still there as he walked up the stairs to her door. The curtains were drawn, but he could see the shadows playing across them thanks to the light. Shadows? Max’s hearing came back in a rush as he stood near the window. He heard a soft moan that he knew well. Lizbeth.
He gritted his teeth. Was someone hurting his girlfriend? He expected his hackles to rise, to feel a growl in his throat, but his wolf wasn’t having any part of this. Like he really was gone. He had to take care of this as a human. He was getting his second chance.
Readying himself to knock down the door if he had to, Max was about to charge when he heard Lizbeth speak. He heard her words as clearly as if she was standing next to him. “Keep going.” She moaned again.
She wasn’t being hurt. She was moaning in pleasure. He shook his head. This couldn’t be happening. Lizbeth barely broke up with him, already moved on, and found a new guy to replace him? And she wasn’t even getting to know him first? She went immediately to sex? That wasn’t the woman he knew. Unless…
“What about your boyfriend?” a male’s voice asked. “Do I need to make this quick?”
It took everything Max had to slowly place his fist on the sienna wall in front of him instead of slamming it down. He trembled there as he leaned against the wall for support. This couldn’t be happening.
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Lizbeth replied. “It’s over with him. He was always so fucking uptight and the ‘perfect Christian gentleman.’ I like a little excitement in my love life. Plus, he was always working. We hardly ever had sex, and so I had to get it somewhere else. God, I miss his hot body and money, though.”
“That makes me feel great about myself.”
“Shut up and fuck me.”
Max shuddered when he heard another whimper and the couch legs grinding against the wood floor inside. He could see the scene play out through the shadows on the curtains. Lizbeth wasn’t the person he thought she was. Or maybe he had been projecting what he wanted her to be. He wasn’t the kind of guy to jump around from girlfriend to girlfriend. If he met someone who wanted to talk, who was nice and interested in him, he was willing to give them a chance. His priority was to make a relationship stick. Yeah, he and Lizbeth had sex eventually, and he enjoyed it, but it wasn’t about that to him. He wanted a companion to stay by his side always. Lizbeth was the only serious girlfriend he had ever had, the only one he ever had sex with, the only one patient enough that she stuck around long enough to get that close to him. He thought she could be that companion. He thought they got along. He thought they cared about each other. Turned out, she just liked to play games.
Well, as she told him on the phone earlier, he was done playing too.
Max’s fingers melded to the ring box as he pulled it out of his pocket. He tightened his fist around it, crushing the box and molding it into a hard piece of garbage. He sealed it shut. Maybe someone would somehow recognize the disfigured box, but it was more likely the extravagant ring would get tossed without a second thought. Its beauty and worth weren’t shining on the outside for all to see, and that’s all it was about. Wasn’t it? People were superficial beings. Lizbeth had liked what she’d seen. His body. His money. That was all he meant to her.
Dropping the unrecognizable ring box on Lizbeth’s porch, Max turned and walked away. Yeah, he just threw away a lot of money, but he didn’t care. That was the punishment he got. If he had truly been living the way he wanted to, he would have gotten to know Lizbeth instead of convincing himself she was perfect, the one for him.
He was as blind as the rest of the world.
Willow was in Derek’s lap as they stared out the window together, watching him as he made his way back to the Wrangler. Max wasn’t ready to go back to his old life after all. With that acceptance, he heard a growl in his chest. His wolf never left. He was waiting for Max to come to that conclusion. Life would never be the same. That was all there was to it. He wanted to go back to Moonwatch. He wanted to go back to the wolves.
As soon as he opened the door and got into the backseat of the truck, Willow asked, “You okay, Max?”
“Chicken shit,” Derek said.
Max leaned his head back on the headrest and closed his eyes. He heard movement, probably Willow getting back in her seat.
“It’s over,” Max whispered.
“You can change her mind,” Willow encouraged. “I know you can. Just tell her the truth. If she really loves you—”
“She doesn’t. She’s been cheating on me this whole time.”
Max opened his eyes again to see Willow in the driver’s seat looking back at him with her mouth hanging wide open. A split second later and he could feel the crackling fire of her fury grow into an explosion. “That bitch!” she shouted. “I’m going in there to give her a piece of my mind.”
“Please, don’t,” Max said, too exhausted to keep up with her energy. “I just want to go back to Moonwatch.”
Derek grabbed his mate before she could kick open the door and make good on her word. His eyes were on Max though. “You want to go back to Moonwatch?” he asked incredulously.
Max shrugged. He didn’t feel like talking anymore, and he didn’t feel like going home. He didn’t want to talk to his family, not right now. He didn’t want to go back to his apartment because it’d make him miss everything. Yeah, he wanted to go back to Moonwatch. Maybe he’d shrivel up there and blow away as a pile of dust. He still didn’t trust his wolf and wasn’t going to let him out again.
His chest burned as the monster inside of him fought against his thoughts, but he didn’t care. He had been trying to get the wolf thing to work. It wasn’t. He was a danger to society, himself, and his family. He’d lock himself away like a good monster. Moonwatch was the safest place he could do that. If he got out of control, there were enough wolves there that they should be able to put him down without any causalities.
He wanted to throw the cross on his neck out the window as Willow and Derek grew silent and the truck’s engine hummed to life. He didn’t know what he did to anger God, but he sure did it. He didn’t know what he believed in anymore. He didn’t know what he wanted. Never before had he felt lost, but now lost was all he knew.