Hero
IF THE COFFEE wasn’t delicious I would have gladly run over him with my truck. Instead, I loudly groaned at Grammy’s suggestion and stomped off toward the stables. I loved working with our horses, even though we’d sold a few in the past year. It broke my heart to let them go, but we needed the money. Life on the ranch was a simple one, but even that costs money. I wished I had more of it to help out my family, but I have very little.
At times, I used to feel like a bum, but there’s no one else to be with my grandparents twenty-four hours a day. My brothers had their own lives, leaving me to handle them. I didn’t mind. Grammy and Gramps put their lives on hold for us when we had to move in. They never complained either. Now I felt it was my duty to be on the ranch. The bright side of it all is being here...I loved it. The smell of the grass, hay, and fresh air filled me with elation every time.
“Where do you want me to start?” Ranger asked breaking me from my reverie.
“Have you forgotten what to do?” I snapped, storming past him going toward where the shovels, pitchfork, and wheelbarrow were stored.
I grabbed the shovel first and stalked over to Donut’s stall still avoiding his eyes. I could feel them on me, but I wouldn’t give him a second glance. No matter how badly I wanted to. I kissed my horse’s nose before moving him out and into an empty stall.
“I see he stills listens to you.” Ranger commented.
“Of course, he’s my horse.” I gruffly quipped.
I began to shovel the dirty sawdust and manure into the wheelbarrow. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Ranger move about the barn. He did it with such ease. Then again, we both grew up on this ranch. Well, he may as well have. My memories of him here were as many as I have with my family.
“How ya doin’, Boots?” He spoke to the horse two stalls down from me. “It’s been a long time.”
I rolled my eyes as I finished shoveling the last bit. “Maybe you shouldn’t be gone so long and it wouldn’t be a long time.”
He made no remark in return. He simply began working on moving Boots to an empty stall.
When I came back from emptying the contents of the wheelbarrow, I loaded it up with fresh sawdust.
“It looks heavy. Do you need help?”
“No.” I snarled. “I’m a grown woman who does this every single day. I don’t need any male assistance. Especially yours.” I felt my blood beginning to boil. The poor sawdust was the victim of my wrath as I tossed and kicked it around the stall. Using the shovel was pointless now as my boots helped level it out. I changed out the water bucket and gave Donut some extra oats and hay. I guided him back in and moved onto Gramp’s horse, Sundance.
“Where are the rest of the horses?” he asked with a cautious tone. He probably figured I would blow up at him again. Which was highly possible.
“Sold them.” I stated with no explanation.
“How come?”
“Well, genius, why do people sell livestock?” I busted open a bale of hay and began to spread it around.
“Are you still working at the diner?” He doesn’t answer my original smart mouth question.
“A couple days a week or if they’re short staffed.”
Falling back into silence, we continue our task at hand. There were times I blatantly stared at him as he easily picked up bales of hay. His muscles are outlined perfectly under his tight gray t-shirt.
“Gramps kept all the saddles.” He nodded over to the far side of the wall, where the saddles were lined up. “I figured you would have shredded mine.” He smirked at me.
I turned back to my task. “Gramps is a hoarder. He doesn’t get rid of anything. Don’t get all sentimental.”
I doubted Gramps even knew Ranger’s old saddle still hung in the barn. The truth was I couldn’t get rid of it. Ranger and I rode a lot together. I recalled many of our talks were about what the future held. Most of them were on the back of a horse. We were always together in our talks of the future. Sometimes married, sometimes with kids, but always on a ranch and happily together. I held onto those memories tightly when I felt the most alone. He’ll never know how much he hurt me. I took a deep breath and pushed away from the emotions bubbling up.
“What’s next?” He closed the final stall door.
“You going home.” I pulled off my gloves stuffing them into the back pocket of my jeans.
“What about feeding the hogs?”
“We don’t have any.”
“Why?”
I crossed my arms, raised one eyebrow and gave him a pointed look. He knew the answer. There was no need for me to say it out loud.
“Are you in financial trouble?” He looked deeply into my eyes. I could remember getting lost in those deep green eyes. Seeing them would make all my troubles disappear, just like being in his arms. I was safe.
“I’m sorry, do I look like someone who is just going to magically open up to you and show you my checkbook?”
He opened his mouth to say something but stopped. He stared at me for a few seconds before I broke our connection, spun on the heel of my boots and headed toward the back of the property.
Like the pond, I found solace in the vegetable garden. Grammy’s pride and joy was this garden. She and I would can up most of it, but nothing was as good as fresh vegetables right off the vine. I grabbed a wicker basket off the porch and continued to ignore Ranger, who followed behind me.
“Popping beans on the porch with Grammy used to be the highlight of my summer.” He began to pluck the beans. “And her fried green tomatoes.”
“She’s always feeding us.”
“She is.” He tossed a handful into the basket. “Want me to grab some corn or potatoes?”
“You better.” Grammy came up behind me. “I think we’re going to fire up the grill and enjoy a peaceful evening cookout.”
“I’m working tonight.” I reminded her.
“Why did you think I said peaceful?” She winked at me.
“Whatever.” I teased back.
“Ranger, you’re more than welcome to come back tonight.”
“Thank you, but I can’t tonight.”
“Hot date?” The ping of jealousy hit my heart from my question. I was certain he hadn’t had too many lonely nights. Unlike me.
I remembered when he first left for basic training, he would write to me as often as he could. I would rush to get the mail every day in hopes there was something from him. All his letters, no matter how long or short, were still tucked away in a shoebox deep in my closet. I still treasured them.
“Jacob and I are planning on hangin’ out tonight.”
“Buy a flea collar.” I grumbled and continued picking at the beans.
“Jacob isn’t a bad guy.” He quickly defended his friend.
I rolled my eyes and made my way back to the front porch without the basket of food. I didn’t want to be around him anymore if he was going to talk about Jacob. I hated him. He was scum. Actually, worse than scum. Ranger had been gone almost two years when I saw Jacob at the diner. The guy had always rubbed me the wrong way. I could never put a finger on it, but since he was Ranger’s best friend, I had to deal with him. He kept flirting with me and making advances toward me. It would make my stomach quiver and my skin crawl. The last straw came when he grabbed my arm a bit too roughly. I kicked him right in the shin and told him to never touch me again. Garrison said I had done the right thing, even though I didn’t need affirmation for my actions. Now, every time I saw Jacob, his evil glares and snarled lips make me want to throat punch him even more.
“We’ve not discussed our dates.” Ranger took a seat next to me on the porch swing.
“I don’t care. I just want to get it over with.”
Spending more time with him was going to be more difficult than I thought. I couldn’t honestly sit here and say the money wouldn’t be helpful for me right now. I could easily get the ranch back on its feet and I wanted that more than anything. Grammy and Gramps deserved to enjoy their golden years and not have to worry about the ranch. Garrison was my best friend. Being there for him when he made the decision not to tell Ranger or his parents about the life-ending cancer was hard, but I respected his decision and stood by his side. By the time Garrison moved into the house I cared for him full time, and the town was abuzz with rumors about the two of us. Again, it didn’t matter to me. Ranger had been long gone from my life and Garrison needed me.
“We used to have fun together.”
I closed my eyes to hide the welling of tears. There were many good times.
“I miss hearing your laugh and seeing your smile.”
I turned my head away from him.
“You still matter to me.”
There was a slight jolt as he stood up. The crunch of the gravel under his feet was loud at first and then faded until the closing of his truck door. The first tear fell as he drove down the driveway and out of sight.
“You’re as stubborn as a stripped screw.” Grammy sat down in Ranger’s unoccupied spot.
“I’m not.” I choked out with a whisper trying to hold back the tears.
“Hero, you’re a good girl and you love that boy. In fact, he loves you too. I can still see the shine in his eyes when you’re around him.”
I turned to her and gave her a look of disgust. “I believe our relationship is about as good as the manure I dumped earlier today.”
Grammy softly laughed and rocked back and forth, causing the swing to move with her. She stared off for a moment and the sound of the squeaky swing echoed around us. “Would you want Ranger to be happy if he was with someone who wasn’t you?”
A lump quickly formed in my throat. “I guess.”
“You’re still a bad liar.” She patted my knee before she slowly got up and headed into the house.
I hated when she was right. I hated thinking about him with a girlfriend. I’ve blocked those thoughts from my mind as often as possible. There were times they crept up and brought great sadness to me. There had been a few times a guy would ask me out, but I quickly shot them down. Admitting my heart still belonged to Ranger was hard but true. It was always his.
My legs lifted me up and carried me down to the pond. I sat on the bench, placing my head in my hands. The birds were loud around me, but the joyous songs they whistled aren’t bringing me the usual calmness. The tears fall heavier down my cheeks. After ten years of him being gone from my life, he still had a way to worm his way in and rip it to pieces.
“Hero.” Wallace my oldest brother wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “It’ll be okay.” He was the one who taught me how to throw a punch and ride a horse. When we first moved in with our grandparents, I would have bad dreams and he would come in and read stories to me. “Want me to kill Ranger?”
I sniffed, wiping away my tears. “No, you’d go to jail, and then I’ll have to drive up on the weekends, and it seems like such a bother.” I forced myself to laugh.
He kissed my forehead. “Now that you’re smiling again, we need to talk about something. It’s important.”
I turned and faced him. When Wallace says ‘it’s important’ then all my attention would be on him. “I’m all ears.”
“There’s a rumor and I need you to confirm it.”
I nodded.
“Did Garrison’s will say you have to date Ranger to get money?”
There was no reason to lie or hide the truth. “Pretty much. Garrison wants us to fall back in love.” I shrugged. “I don’t know what he was thinking.”
“Garrison loved you like his sister. You were there for him and in his last moments on this earth, you brought him great comfort. But you don’t need to do this. I’m going to talk to the bank and maybe they’ll give me a loan to catch up on the bills. If not, I’ll pick up more shifts at work. There’s no reason you have to put yourself in this position.” Wallace’s eyes were the same shade of blue as mine and Bryson’s. Just like our mother’s eye color. They stared at me with deep concern.
I knew Wallace would work himself into the grave if it meant helping out the family. “No, I can handle this. Being with Ranger is difficult, and for whatever reason, Garrison thought this to be a good idea. Although, I’m not too sure about it.”
He stared at me for a beat and shook his head. “Hero, you’re a tough girl and I know you will put Ranger in his place if need be. However, I worry about you. Spending time with him is going to bring up all sorts of feelings and I’m not sure you can handle it.”
I scoffed. “First you say I’m tough, then you’re worried about my heart.”
“Probably because I just found you sobbing your eyes out alone by an empty pond.”
“Point taken.” I concurred. “But I’ll be okay this time. I only have to go on a few dates and then leave. Then Ranger will be out of my life forever.”
“Hero, he’s been gone for ten years and you’ve not moved on yet. What makes you possibly think you can handle it when he leaves you for the second time?”
I faced the pond and studied the still water. He might be right, but it just means I’ll have to build a stronger wall around my heart. I will survive this.