Hero
SITTING IN RANGER’S truck wasn’t uncomfortable, but it didn’t feel right either. The last time we rode together was when I dropped him off at the train station to leave me. The faint music of George Strait played on the radio and I stared out the window watching as the scenery whipped past my eyes.
I watched Grammy and Ranger from the window as they talked on the porch. I didn’t get to hear what they were saying but he looked perplexed through the last bit of it. Knowing Grammy, she was throwing out some of her wisdom. More than likely he didn’t understand it. She had a way to say things in a complex manner instead of just saying it outright.
The parking lot was full as usual. This place was the most popular eatery in the county. It’ll be perfect for everyone to see us together. Then again it will add fuel to the gossip grapevine fire too.
“Ready?” He sighed. Apparently, he was as excited as I was about this faux date.
“Sure.” I reached for the door handle.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Are we eating in the truck? I’m certain they don’t deliver to the parking lot.”
“You know what I’m talking about, Hero.”
Rolling my eyes would seem appropriate right now, but it excited me knowing he wanted to open the truck door for me. He jumped out of his side and came over. I hopped out landing on the side of my boot heel. Causing me to stumble. Ranger grabbed my arm to steady me. Our bodies were close.
Too close.
“You okay?”
“Fine.” I lied. I wasn’t okay being this close to him. All of the feelings I was hiding bubbled up to the surface. I quickly stepped back from his hold. “I’m hungry.”
“Right. Sure. Yes.” He rushed out his short blunt words and we began strolling through the lot until we reached the door.
I hesitated for a second. This was it. If we walked into the restaurant, this would mean I was really doing it. I was going to put myself deeper into this outrageous arrangement. I could do it for my grandparents and the ranch. The steel wall was tightly in place. He held the door open for me, lightly placing his hand on the small of my back. I felt myself shiver from his touch.
The hostess seated us at a table in the middle of the room. He pulled the chair out, and I did my best to gracefully sit down even though my knees were knocking together. His touch had sent me into a hazy daydream of what we had before.
“Do you want alcohol or something else?” he asked.
I couldn’t let my senses be under the influence of alcohol. “I’ll just have a sweet tea.”
When the waiter came over Ranger ordered our drinks and my favorite appetizer. I stared at him in disbelief. He remembered? He remembered something I enjoyed.
“You hate spinach.” I reminded him.
“But you love those weird spinach puffs.” He didn’t look up from his menu as he spoke.
“Thank you,” I kindly said before opening my own menu.
We quietly gazed over the laminated pages trying to figure out what to order. Although when you came here to eat, you ordered the steak. It was their specialty.
“Well, look what the dirty stray cat brought in.”
My stomach dropped as Jacob’s voice came up behind me.
“Hey, Jacob, what are you doing here?” Ranger looked up at his friend.
“Trying to see if this chick will put out if I buy her dinner.” He nodded over to the brunette at the corner table.
“Maybe I should warn her about who she’s having dinner with?” I growled and turned my head up and glared at him.
“Do you mean a charmingly, handsome man?” His smirk made my stomach turn.
“No. I will tell her you’re an evil, conniving jerk who thinks of only himself and no one else. Oh and I can add liar in the mix.” My eyes narrowed as did his. I wasn’t going to let him get to me. I would kick his butt all over the restaurant.
Jacob opened his mouth, but Ranger stopped him. “We’ll catch up later. Go enjoy your date.”
He and I continued our stare down before he broke the connection, nodded to Ranger and walked away.
“I hate him.” I went back to the menu but my stomach wasn’t hungry anymore. I lost my appetite.
“He’s my friend.”
“Sucks to be you.” I mumbled around my sweet tea.
“He’s been there for me.” He glared at me.
“Maybe others would be too – if you let them.” I was becoming angry. I had been there for him, but he didn’t remember those times like I did. It became clear to me that I cared more than he did.
The waiter stepped up to our table and took our order. Although I wasn’t really hungry, I ordered the biggest steak they had. I was going to make Ranger pay anyway. We continued our silent treatment until the food arrived.
“Do you remember the first time we came here?” Ranger cut into his steak.
I added more butter to my baked potato and tried not to smile. “We thought we were grown up.”
In truth, we had no clue what we were doing. Ranger had saved up to bring me here for my sixteenth birthday. I was almost intimidated by the fancy cloth napkins and numerous silverware pieces. I had never been somewhere this fancy before, but he made me feel better. We may have been a couple of kids but together we could conquer the world.
At least at that time, I thought we could.
“I asked for the wine list.”
The smile grew on my face. “The waitress thought you were nuts.”
“And I thought I had to pay for the bread.”
I giggled. “You even asked her why it wasn’t on the bill.”
“I didn’t want the police called for stealing bread.” He popped a steak fry into his mouth. “I remember what we did after.”
I snorted and almost choked on my steak. “We went to the store and bought a pint of ice cream. We had to use our fingers.”
He chuckled. “We shared everything back then.”
I slowly chewed my meat. “We did.” I paused and swallowed down my food. “I guess we were young and dumb.”
He nodded. “A lot of time has passed.”
“Yep.” I went back to the food on my plate. A lot of time has passed and it mostly involved lonely nights for me. I missed him. Over the years, the pain turned into determination to wait for him. Seeing him sitting across from me, I didn’t know what I was doing. Memories flooded me and what would bring happiness to me, at one time, now burned my heart. He doesn’t even realize how shattered he left me.
“Is your food okay?” Ranger asked breaking me from my thoughts.
“I’ll need a box.” I pushed the plate away and leaned back in my seat. This was a mistake. I couldn’t keep the steel walls over my heart for long. Especially when my memories keep tearing at me.
“Are you finished?”
“Yes, that’s why I said I need a box.” I checked my phone. “It’s getting late and I have a lot to do tomorrow.”
“It’s barely eight.” His perplexed look mocked me. He knew I was lying.
“Sorry, some of us aren’t lucky enough to be on vacation.” I waved down the waiter and told him we were done.
Ranger shook his head and pushed his plate away. “I’m not on vacation. I’m here because of Garrison.”
I closed my eyes. Right there he said it. He may not have said the words out loud, but the tone was there. He didn’t care about me. He didn’t want to be here with me. It was for the money and once he had it he’d be gone. Just like before. I’m fidgeting with the cloth napkin as he paid the bill. I rushed out of the restaurant and waited by the truck for him. When he came out he opened the door for me, but again we didn’t talk.
As he pulled up in front of my house I was about to jump out of the truck, but Ranger locked the doors and reached over to cover the unlock button, making sure I wouldn’t get out.
“Will you stop?” He ordered me.
“I’m not some animal you can command. I’m a person,” I shouted at him making it echo in the truck cab.
Ranger sighed and leaned back a bit. “I don’t want you to forget your food.”
“Fine.” I jerked it out of his hand. “Thanks.” I yanked on the handle but his question stopped me.
“What happened?”
“What? When?”
“What happened to you?” His question was low and close to my ear.
He couldn’t be this close to me. The smell of his cologne made my knees weak. His voice made my breathing become erratic. “You.”
“Huh?”
“You are the reason I’m this way. It’s all your fault.” I shoved my shoulder into his chest, knocking him out of the way, and quickly ran into my house before the tears fell.
ANOTHER SLEEPLESS NIGHT led me to drink two cups of coffee before I could even start the morning chores. I fed the chickens first before saddling up Donut and heading out to check on the cattle. Wallace is already in the pasture breaking up some hay for the cows.
“Morning, Hero.”
“Hey.” I jumped off Donut and pulled a bale of hay off his truck.
“How was your date?”
“Crappy.” I cut the strings of the hay and went back for another bale. “I realized this is going to be tougher than I thought. I need to tell Ranger this isn’t going to work and I’ll just figure out something for the ranch.”
My brother grabbed my wrist to stop me. “I know it’s hard for you, but maybe you should try.”
I furrowed my brow. “Excuse me, weren’t you the one who was telling me not to do this? I’m pretty sure we had a conversation about this.”
“I know you love him.”
I gasped. “No, I don’t love him. He broke my heart. He’s the reason I’ve been alone for the past ten years. He’s the reason I can’t trust another man. He’s the reason for all my pain.” I shouted louder than I’ve ever done before. I jumped off the truck and ran as fast as I could to Donut and rode him hard. I wished I could ride him until the pain and tears went away, but that would be an endless ride.