Hero
RANGER HATED POTTERY, but he sat through it like a champ. After we finished and quietly strolled back to my truck, I had already planned our next event for the evening. He told me I could choose anything and since we’re in a truce, I thought I’d do something nice. Creating new happy memories would help me when he leaves again. Clearly he wouldn’t be back. Even if he took the money and purchased his own ranch, it probably would not be around here.
“What’s next?” he asked as I pulled onto the main street.
“A walk down memory lane,” I said, ignoring the pain in my heart.
I turned on my CD player in the truck and Luke Bryan filled the cab. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Ranger moving his lips to the words. He used to sing all the time. Actually, we sang a lot together and were both terrible at it, but we didn’t care. We’d hold hands and belt out the words.
I turned into the deserted lot of Walmart, which was formerly a drive-in movie theater. We came here all the time and set up food and blankets in the bed of the truck. Sometimes we’d watch the movies, other times we’d talk or not watch the movie at all and let the world fade away from us.
I put the truck in park and jumped out. The cooler, the Bluetooth speaker, and the blankets were already waiting in the back for us. I made sure to stay away from the well-lit areas to give us privacy. I fanned out the blanket as he watched me.
“What are you doing?”
“I cooked your most favorite meal.” I explained.
A smile slowly appears. “You don’t mean my most favorite meal?”
I giggled and opened the cooler. “Yep. I have slow cooked honey barbecue pork chops, freshly snapped green beans, and garlic mashed potatoes.”
He jumped on the tailgate and rocked the truck as he raced over to me.
“Grab the pillows in the duffle bag and I’ll grab the plates.” I was still laughing because he acted as if he hadn’t eaten in a year. He did as I asked and I uncovered the already made plates.
Rubbing his hands together and licking his lips, I handed him his plate. “Hero, I did love when you cooked for me.”
I tried not to flinch at the past tense of his words. Finally he solidified the fact he was over me. Holding back my tears, I poured him a Solo cup of sweet tea and gave him a plastic fork. I grabbed my plate and sat next to him.
“Man, this is just as good as I remembered.” He moaned around the food.
“Gramps loves it too.” I commented and suddenly lost my appetite since realizing there really was nothing between us anymore.
I turned on my Spotify app and again Luke Bryan filled the silence around us. Ranger inhaled his food and I couldn’t be sure if he even breathed in between bites. He cleaned up his plate and glanced at me.
“Are you not hungry?” He noticed I barely touched mine.
“Guess not.” I covered it back up and placed it back in the cooler. “I guess you’re ready to go.”
“Did you have something else planned?”
“Just star gazing.” I shrugged. “It’s nothing.”
“Come on.” He tossed the pillows over so we could lay down and look up at the clear night sky. I grabbed another blanket to ensure my back didn’t hurt. “When was the last time you did this?”
“With Garrison – about week before he died.” We both laid down and stared up.
“He loved being outside.” His voice cracked a bit and I reached for his hand. I almost expected him to pull away, but instead, he laced our fingers together.
“He did. We would ride the horses until he couldn’t anymore. After that, we’d take the four-wheeler out. I would have to drive slow, but he loved it.”
He rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. We fell into silence peering up at the sky.
“Did you love him?” Ranger’s question startled me.
“Who? Garrison?” I turned my head to see his face. He nodded but didn’t look at me. “I loved him as much as I love Wallace and Bryson.”
Now he did face me. His look was one of confusion. Slowly, he sat up and I followed him. “What?”
“What, what?” I didn’t think my answer would cause him to be perplexed.
“You loved Garrison like a brother?”
“Of course.” As if I was bucked off a horse, reality hit me. “Wait, did you think we were in love? Like how we loved each other?”
“I figured as long as you two were dating—”
“Dating?” I cut off his words. “We never dated. Who told you that?”
He furrowed his brow deeper. “Wait. I’m confused.” He shook his head.
“Let me explain it to you. Garrison and I were friends, nothing more. When he found out about the brain tumor he came and talked to me. He didn’t want to bother you or your parents. He wanted you all to live your lives. We both were deeply hurt when you decided not to come back to Langston after the war, but he understood your choices. On the other hand, I questioned it every day. However, you and I had stopped talking by then. I told Garrison I would take care of him. As he grew worse Grammy told me to bring him to the ranch, which again he didn’t want to be a burden, but you know how Grammy is. Then...well...he got worse, but I stayed by his side. He was family to me, as close to me as my brothers.”
His mouth was hanging open and suddenly he jumped over the side of the truck and began to walk away from me.
“Ranger!” I yelled and climbed off the truck to chase after him. “Ranger! Stop!” I caught up to him and grabbed his arm. “Why are you running?”
He jerked his arm away and rubbed his face roughly. “I...I…”
“Hey.” I softened my tone, pulling his hands from his face. “Talk to me. It’s just me. We always talked to each other.”
“I want you to tell me the truth, Hero. And I mean the whole truth.” He seemed as if he may cry.
“I’m always truthful with you.” Minus the part where my heart was shattered and I still loved him.
“Were you with any other guys while I was gone?”
I gasped and stepped back from him. “No. I’ve only been with you. I gave you my word the day you left – I would wait for you and I did.”
He closed his eyes and looked up to the sky.
“Why are you asking me?”
He didn’t say anything.
“Ranger, do you believe I had other boyfriends?”
Slowly he lowered his head and stared at me.
“I gave you my word and stayed true to it. Ask anyone in my family. I stayed home night after night when everyone else was at parties and living their life. I waited by the mailbox, praying there would be a letter from you. Every night I wished you were okay and wanted you to come home. To me.” The tears began to stream down my face. “We made plans together. We planned our future together. Don’t you remember? Do you remember our talks?” I choked on a sob. “Do you remember how much I loved you?”
Under the lamp post I watched his eyes fill with tears and then slowly roll down his face.
“Talk to me.” I begged him.
He shook his head and brushed past me.
“Ranger!” He didn’t stop. He walked past my truck and continued on. “Don’t walk away from me again.” I hollered as loud as I could.
Right then I let my walls down for an instant in hopes he’d turn around and come back to me. Instead, he walked out of my life.
Again.