Ranger
IN THAT MOMENT, I walked away from Hero and everything. I didn’t mean mentally. I mean I stomped my boots down that black-topped road until it turned to dirt again. I walked and walked until the night gave birth to the day and I could no longer stand up straight.
I also walked some sense into myself.
My granddaddy would’ve called me a fool-idiot. I once asked him why he called people that. He said it was because they were stupider than a fool and an idiot combined. They deserved to be called both names.
That was me – the fool-idiot if there ever was a person who earned the name.
It was too early for coffee but too late for sleep. The sunrise over the mountain was crisp and was spray painted with colors, just like Hero’s sunset had been.
I knew better than this. I knew better than to come back here for anything, even to lay my brother’s memory to rest.
At this point, I didn’t even know where I was.
A truck was coming down the road behind me. It didn’t sound like Hero’s but I sure as heck wished it was. There were a lot of things I needed to say to her. Words I couldn’t take back. Thoughts and actions that defined the word regret.
The sun’s rays were now blinding me as I realized that regret was buried so deep inside me that I might not ever get it out.
“Hey there, good-lookin’, you need a ride?” The voice was familiar but until I looked into the window I had no idea who it was.
“Beth, I’m glad it’s you.”
“You are? You don’t look glad to see me, cowboy. Get in. I’m on my way to the diner for the early shift. I can drop you by the hotel unless you want me to take you somewhere else?”
I got in the truck. As soon as the weight of my body was off my feet, they began throbbing worse than when I was in boot camp.
“You been walking all night?”
I didn’t even look at her. There was no use.
“Yep. She call you?”
“Who?” This time I did look. The smile on her face was brighter than the sun that just wouldn’t leave me alone. She shrugged. “She was worried.”
I laughed. “Really? Because sometimes her worried sounds like pissed. Actually most of the time Hero’s worry sounds like pissed. Then she finds out what’s really going on and her pissed sounds like worry.”
My comment deflated her.
“I never realized that until you just said it. That’s so true. Hero is a mess and a half, that’s for sure. There was only one time where she was really happy. But I’m guessing all that’s over now.”
“All what?” The dirt road was ending again and Beth turned left onto the main road into town.
“You and her. That perfect romance. I was green as a clover in high school over you two. There was nothing I would’ve given for what you had.”
It stung to hear how other people perceived Hero and me. We were far from perfect. We got in trouble. We skipped school. We did things that would make Grammy blush from head to toe.
Now that I thought about it, maybe it was perfection.
“Nobody’s perfect.”
She stopped the car in front of the diner but didn’t move. “Hero’s not perfect, Ranger, and neither are you. But love can be perfect and true and honest, no matter what the world says. That kind of love never ends. It can be drowned, rung out, pushed and shoved, beaten and bruised, but it never quits. You remember that. Now get out of my truck before they start a story about me and you. You know how this town gossips.”
I didn’t get out of the truck fast enough. There were too many scenarios in my head to work out.
“I said get.” She punched me lightly in the arm and it was as good as an alarm clock.
“Yes’m.”
Back at the hotel, I took a cold shower – well as cold as I could get it – and got dressed again. Sleep wasn’t going to get me anywhere today.
I had some digging to do.
My phone was nearly dead when I pressed the button to call the one person I trusted in this town.
“Hey.”
He answered with a groggy voice. Of course he did, I thought, as I looked at the tiny alarm clock on the bedside table. It was only a little past six and Jacob had never been one to wake up early.
“You have time to talk today?” He said he did. I had to give him a couple of hours.
“Alright. I’ll come by your house in a few.”
He hung up.
Laying in the stiff hotel bed, I thought about all the things Hero had said the night before. I knew every facet of her. The surprise on her face when I asked about Garrison was real. She knew nothing about why I would think she and my brother were together that way. Her tears were in anger and her voice was also laced with betrayal.
Hero Danner wasn’t that good of an actress.
We had both gotten thrown out of drama class for the very same reason.
‘I’ve only been with you. I gave you my word the day you left I would wait for you and I did.’
Those words – two sentences – held the truth I’d longed for, even dreamt about.
Jumping up from the bed, I decided to go to Jacob’s early. I didn’t give a rat’s butt if he was tired or not. There needed to be a ‘come to Jesus’ with him, and it was going to happen right now.
Except I didn’t know which one of us needed it more – me or him.
“MAN, I TOLD you. I stayed up late last night. What are you doing here?”
I pushed my way in the door. I didn’t really care about how tired he was at that point. “I need you to tell me everything you know about Hero and Garrison. And I mean everything.”
Almost as if he didn’t live here, Jacob was stumbling around the kitchen in his pajama pants looking through all the cabinets for coffee.
“It might be in the jar with coffee on it. Just a guess.”
He gave me a dirty look and then after realizing I was right smirked. “You always were a smart cookie.”
Nothing he said ever sounded sincere. I hadn’t realized that until now.
“Just tell me.”
“Look, what’s past is past, my man. Do what you have to do and move on. Get the money. Move to wherever. Build the boot camp. Forget about this place. I wish I could.”
I gave the man a few minutes to get some coffee down before I asked again. I waited, looking around the place for something. I didn’t even know what I was looking for.
“Okay, you want to know. I’ll tell you again. It’s your torture.”
I nodded.
“As soon as you left, they were seen around town. Most people thought they were just friends. I saw Garrison and Hero one day walking back toward the truck – your truck. He had her pinned to the door, hand above her head. They weren’t talking about horses, you know what I mean? He bent down and kissed her, right there in front of everyone. Well, in front of me.”
I swallowed against his words and the pain they resurrected.
“Girl like that, you need to get over her. She isn’t worth your time.”
Hero was worth everyone’s time.
“Some things aren’t adding up. I went out with her last night. She said Garrison’s just a friend. I don’t know what to believe.”
He sat down across from me at the table, putting his cup down with such force he almost spilled it all. “Look, man, you can’t trust women. You just can’t. They will say anything to get what they want when they want. My mom did, still does. And your mom…”
I looked up at him so fast that my neck strained against the swift movement.
“Don’t talk about my mother.”
He shrugged. “But you know what I mean, right?”
I did. My mother cheated on my dad more times than I could count. He always took her back. She’d cry and apologize and say how much she loved him and the fool-idiot would take her back just for her to do it again.
“She’s never lied to me.”
He laughed and I seethed at the sound of it. My gut was telling me to leave. And the person in front of me wasn’t who I needed to be talking to.
“She lied to you with every letter. Every time she continued to tell you she loved you – she lied to you. And you just ate it up.
A vein in his forehead resembled a river, and it was throbbing with every word he spoke. I forgot he had a little temper. Okay maybe a lot of temper.
“What do you mean I ate it up?”
“Come on. Tell me you didn’t.”
“Of course I did. That woman was supposed to be my wife when I got home.”
He huffed a breath out of his nose. “Yeah, you said it enough times. You love her. You miss her. You can’t wait to move to Texas and get a farm of your own.”
Texas – that’s when it hit me – all of it.
I tried like heck to compose myself. “Hey, you mind if I use your bathroom?” The words did jumping jacks in my throat.
“No, man, go ahead. Whatever.”
He pointed toward the hallway. I’d only been in his house a couple of times. His parents had moved to the guest house a while ago.
His bathroom was disgusting. There were clothes and towels strewn everywhere and there was more mold in his tub than there was sand in Afghanistan.
I looked in the mirror. I came in here to splash some water on my face and get a hold of myself but that wasn’t happening in this dirty place.
The walls were closing in on me. The scummy ceiling was on its way down while the walls were moving at a rapid pace.
I knew the truth now.
I knew it all and none of it was coming from Jacob’s mouth.
Why? Why had I put so much stock in someone who had contributed so little to my life?
Why had I thrown everything away over deceit?
I’d wasted time and heartache on nothing. I’d wasted this part of my life and there wasn’t a dang thing I could do to reverse it.
Now to find the evidence.
“So where are they, Jacob?” With that one sentence, a burst of bravery took over.
“Where is what?”
“The letters. Where are they? I’d like to give them to the person they were addressed to. Speaking of, who did you have at the post office working for you?”
He got back up to fill his cup again and cackled. “What letters? You’ve really lost it this time.”
“Just give me the letters so I can straighten out my life again. I’m not going to listen to your lies anymore.”
“My lies? I’m your friend.”
“Here’s the thing, Jacob. I never told Hero anything about Texas when I was home. It wasn’t until I met a guy named Dixon in the force who was from Texas that I decided Hero and I might be happy there. I put it in a letter. She and I had never talked about Texas.”
He tried to play cool but the blood was rushing out of his face faster than a hog running for scraps.
“Not only that but my truck wasn’t working when I left and my brother couldn’t tell heads from tails when it came to fixing a truck. It was still in the barn, rotting away, when our place was sold. So how was it that you came to see them leaning against my truck kissing?”
Jacob rolled his eyes, but when he turned to put his cup down, he was shaking.
Cowards shake. Heroes buck up.
Hero with a capital H never shakes.
There’s a lot you can tell about someone under pressure.
“Who cares whose truck it was. I know what I saw. You’re getting all torn up about a girl who is nothing. She might be pretty and fine but she’s not worth your time. Trust me.”
That was my snapping point. My leg kicked out and knocked over his table, sending it across the room.
“No, I think that’s been my mistake all along, Jacob. What happened? I went off to the military and you thought you’d hone in on my girl? But wait, Hero’s standards are a little high for a creep like you. She shot you down, right? You thought a little revenge was in order. How close am I or do I need to shred this entire house to find what I want?”
Jacob might as well have been three feet tall for all the fear pouring off him. He opened his mouth several times before a sound ever came out.
“You’re not…”
I wouldn’t stand for hearing another lie from his pathetic mouth.
“Give me the letters before I rip your head off. And I’m not one of these small town cowboys just threatening, Jacob. I’ve killed people – plenty of times. You’d be just another tick on my headcount.”
I reached back and with one flick turned his refrigerator onto the floor, spilling the contents all over his already dirty floor.
“Okay, okay. In the bedroom at the top of the closet. In a shoebox.”
I went to get them since he probably couldn’t move. And just like he said, there were two shoeboxes with the letters, along with photos of Hero from afar. The guy I trusted with my life’s secrets was a filthy creep.
With the shoeboxes under my arm, I marched out of his house, slamming the door so hard the screen door fell off its hinges.
Those two shoeboxes held the contents of a wasted life, wasted dreams and wasted love.
In those shoeboxes, maybe Hero could find a way to forgive me.