With my head lowered in shame, I drove to the nearest hotel and booked a room for the week. I couldn’t drive to my parents’ house after what Aiden did to me. I’m a sobbing, disgusting mess, with my hair all over the place and makeup caked on my face. Even the hotel clerk gave me a strange look when she took in my appearance.

I look about as good as I feel on the inside, which isn’t saying much. Aiden left marks that go further than my skin. He pierced my soul, took a part of me that I wasn’t sure I wanted to give, and made me live to regret the decision. I told him it was okay, but was it?

He took things too far. Aiden claimed a part of me that had never been claimed by another man. I gave myself to him willingly. Along with my body and heart, I gave him my trust. And he abused it. Now, I understand the purpose of the safeword. Still, being able to use a word to bring him back to reality wasn’t enough when he had already taken things too far.

I lean back against the warm porcelain, soaking in the oversized tub. My body aches from the number Aiden did on me. It took me a while to get the bleeding to go down, the pain from our rough anal sex too much for me to bear. The water helps to relieve me of some of the aches and pains. Too bad it can’t take away the ones in my heart.

Aiden wrecked me from the inside out, and then had the nerve to dismiss me, tell me to leave. I knew from our sessions that he had a dark past. But I thought I could fix him. I had hoped that by sacrificing my body we could build a bond between us, one that would heal us both.

The Lowes Hotel is my new home until I find someplace better to move. At least Aiden doesn’t know how to find me. He’s already called my cell phone ten times and left apologies on my voicemail. I stopped listening to the messages after the third one. His words mean nothing. Words without actions to back them up have no value. They just become words.

My back throbs from the pain of being bent over and fucked senseless. I didn’t want to use my safeword, but Aiden had left me no choice. I could feel my body tearing along with every shred of my sanity. The warmth of the water helps to take the edge off though I doubt the stinging aftereffects will dissipate anytime soon.

The ding of my cell phone causes me to jump. Aiden hasn’t given up since I left the apartment. Is this a game to him? Does he only want me back to prove a point? That I am his property. When he gave me that ring, he claimed me, and I allowed him to put his marks on me. He exerted his dominance in every way he knew how, all while stripping me of my dignity. Aiden Shaw broke me. I never thought I would allow someone to hurt me in such a way.

I was never meant to be submissive when I am dominant by nature. But I lowered my guard, all for the sake of finding a cure for Aiden. My experiment proved that people like Aiden do not change. He doesn’t have a sex addiction. There’s no course of treatment for deranged asshole.

Until he comes to terms with his past, Aiden is a lost cause. I’ve treated plenty of men like him, but none that require this level of sexual gratification. Unless he can control the entire situation and everything in it, he has no power. And that lack of power drives him crazy. That’s why he punished me for Mark showing up at my office. I had no say in the matter.

After another missed call, I push myself up from the tub and almost fall forward. I grab hold of the wall to stabilize myself, my legs still too shaky to stand on my own. I doubt even Aiden realizes how much damage he has done this time. Scars and bruises in hidden places are one thing, but my pride is another.

I wish I could turn back time and go back to when I gave Aiden permission to hurt me. Because I would tell him no. I would set my own rules. We would do things my way.

After I dry myself off, I wrap the towel around me and take in the sight of myself in the mirror. The black-and-blue marks on my shoulders remind me of when Aiden fucked me a few nights ago. They match the ones he imprinted on my hips and thighs.

I touch my shoulder and drag my fingers along my collarbone, thinking of Aiden. Even after what he did, I can still feel him on my skin. Heat travels beneath my fingers, the burning fire I have for Aiden setting my body ablaze. Despite the fear and pain that rushes through my body, pleasure spreads through me like wildfire as I run my hands over my chest. The towel falls to the floor, as I continue to navigate every place Aiden ever touched.

Why do I want a man who has the power to make me bend to his will? I never thought I could be so turned on by his sadistic ways. Maybe we have more in common than I realize. I like it when Aiden pulls my hair, spanks my ass, and tells me that I am his good girl. I shouldn’t, though.

As a doctor, I know better. His tendencies are part of a much larger problem, one that I keep feeding. The hunger that burns inside Aiden has transferred to me. I run my hands down my breasts and tug at my nipples, loving how much it hurts when I squeezing them between my fingers. They’re still slightly discolored from Aiden pinching them to death with nipple clamps. But I love the pain.

The things he has convinced me to do with him and to him still amaze me. I suck in a deep breath from the pleasure that rushes over me, my body still belonging to Aiden. I should hate Aiden and everything about him, but I don’t. Not even a little bit. Missing him already, I slide my hand down my stomach and between my legs. Rolling my thumb over my clit, I stare in the mirror and watch myself.

I study the rise and fall of my chest, the hardening of my nipples, and the power Aiden still has over me. Aiden did this to me. He made me wet and hungry with greed. But I can’t go back to him. Not until he makes a few changes in his life. I want him so bad I can practically feel his tongue, as I glide my fingers along my slick folds, testing my wetness. His fingers become mine once I slip them into my pussy.

I lean forward and press my palm to the countertop, bracing myself for the surge of adrenaline that floods my veins, commanding control over me. My heart speeds up, and a pulse-pounding rush of energy causes my body to tingle.

“Fuck you, Aiden,” I whisper, out of breath. “Fuck. You.”

His name on my lips only forces me to work harder. I curse myself for loving Aiden and for wishing he was here to fuck me. Like Aiden, I am high from the power, consumed by my lust for him. I’ve pleasured myself plenty of times, all with Aiden in mind, but never like this. Sweat drips from my brows, forming on my forehead, as I push my fingers further into me, working a feverish pace.

My fingers hit every pleasure point at once. The sensation is painful, almost too much to bear once my gums go numb and the sheer power of my orgasm takes hold of me. I moan Aiden’s name, the words heavy on my lips. I scream them so loud to purge him and everything about him from my system. With this orgasm, I cleanse myself of Aiden Shaw.

Aiden will not own me.

He will not break me.

* * *

After my last patient of the day, Brittany knocks on my door and pushes her way into my office. She closes the door behind her and comes toward my desk, focused, determined, and with a purpose. Brittany sinks into one of the chairs in front of my desk and crosses one leg over the other.

“Will you please talk to Dr. Sexy Voice already? I can’t take any more of his phone calls.”

I laugh at her comment. “Is Aiden still calling?”

“Yes. He’s so bossy and hot. I don’t know how you can resist him.”

I shrug against the chair. “It’s easy. I ignore him.”

“What did he do to piss you off this much?”

I turn my head away from her, refusing to respond. Brittany and I are close but not that friendly.

How could I ever admit to the things I let Aiden do to me? I’m too ashamed to tell anyone about our dark and destructive relationship. No one would understand. Only people like us would get the thrill that comes with handing over control to someone for the sake of pleasure.

“Sorry, that’s none of my business.”

“You’re right. It’s not. Aiden and I have a past. We couldn’t work out our differences.”

“You could still treat him. He’s your patient.”

“He was my patient. I discontinued his treatment. Aiden wasn’t getting better. In fact, he was getting worse. Some people you cannot fix. As a doctor, I hate to admit that, but it’s true. I can’t save everyone. They have to want to help themselves.”

“I will miss seeing his fine ass in this office.” Brittany licks her lips, as she thinks about Aiden in inappropriate ways, and then flashes me a bright smile.

Watching her drool over Aiden annoys me. As much as he wants to claim me, I want to do the same to him. Aiden is mine. I am his. We are meant for each other. But how can we fix what he broke? I can’t endure another week of the torture, let alone months or years. If I go back, what would that make me? His live-in whore, his submissive, his fuck toy for him to use and abuse.

I rub the spot where my submissive ring used to be and sigh. Not only do I miss Aiden, but I also miss the feeling of the cool metal against my skin. I would turn the ring every time I would think of Aiden. Now, all I feel is the void left behind by my loss. He wants me back. But is he willing to change? I doubt it.

The front doorbell chimes, the sound snapping me out of my Aiden induced coma. All week, I have been like this, unable to function and too sick to even eat. My thoughts constantly wander back to Aiden. I wonder if he’s with other women, which is none of my business anymore. I dream about his cock inside me. I imagine his hands on my body, his touch rough and possessive. Most of all, I hope he’s okay and hasn’t gone back to his destructive ways.

Brittany gets up from the chair and peeks down at me. “I’ll be right back.”

I nod, daydreaming about Aiden as she walks away. For the longest time, Aiden was obsessed with me. It’s funny how the tables have turned. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get him out of my head.

A few minutes later, Brittany strolls back into my office with a massive bouquet of black roses. The arrangement is so wide I can’t even see her face.

I shake my head at the present from Aiden. Who else would send something so ridiculous? Of all the colors, he had to choose black. This is about as close to romance as Aiden will ever get.

“Special delivery,” Brittany says, as she sets the flowers on my desk. “Who the heck sends black roses to someone? What an odd choice.”

“I have an idea,” I mutter, laughing to myself.

I lean across the desk to pluck the card from the plastic stem and smile as I lift the note. Nervous energy shoots through my body, pouring over me in waves. I haven’t listened to a single message from Aiden in days. But this time, his words mean something.

I hug the card against my chest, the chills from his words sending a shiver down my spine.

“Who are they from?” Brittany hovers over the flowers, trying to peek at the card as if she could even read Aiden’s note from a distance.

“Dr. Shaw,” I confess.

“He has a thing for you, huh?”

I nod. “We have a complicated relationship. I’ve known Aiden for over seven years. He was always different. Why would his flowers be?”

She laughs. “Black roses are cool but also a bit creepy. They remind me of Edgar Allan Poe and death.”

“And they remind me of dark love and obsession.”

“That must be a therapist thing that you and Dr. Shaw have going on.”

“You could say that.”

She chuckles to herself. “I would be freaked out if a man sent me black roses. I’d think he was plotting my death or trying to send me a message.”

I shake my head. “Not with Aiden. He’s not like other men.”

Aiden’s ring is black tungsten. Mine was, too, only thinner in width. The roses have so much meaning, even more so than his words. His actions are a start, but I’m not ready to forgive him. We can’t move forward if I go running back to Aiden after a week. He needs to understand that his actions have consequences.

Every bone in my body aches for Aiden and craves his touch. I am not submissive, yet I want to be his.

How can I be something I am not?