Fifteen days, seven hours, ten minutes, and thirty-six seconds have passed since I pushed Scarlett away. I began apologizing by sending flowers and progressed to jewelry and clothes. None of it has worked. Scarlett hasn’t returned a single text message, voicemail, or email. I don’t blame her for hating me when I hate myself enough for both of us.

If only I could be different, the man she needs and wants in her life. Everything Scarlett did with and to me was all for my benefit. Did she ever get anything from our sick and twisted relationship? Does she love me or were those just words said in the heat of the moment? How could she love me and still walk away?

I glance at the stack of boxes in the corner of my office and sigh. Scarlett returned everything but the black roses. Maybe I should send another bouquet. Either she liked them or didn’t see the point in returning flowers that could wilt before someone had the chance to pick them up from her office.

A loud beep pulls me out of my thoughts that were supposed to be on the patient I am scheduled to treat in the next hour.

“Dr. Shaw,” Erica says, “what would you like for lunch? I’m thinking about picking up some sushi.”

“A bottle of pills and a fifth of whiskey,” I deadpan.

“Stop being such a weirdo before I have to come in there and set you straight,” she counters.

I’ve always loved the fight in Erica. She reminds me so much of Scarlett that depending on the day I either take comfort in her presence or loathe the sight of her. Every day is different. As each night passes without Scarlett in my bed, I crave her even more. She was the missing piece in my life. I just didn’t know it until she was gone.

“Can you fix me a coffee?” I sink back into the leather chair behind my desk and press my fingers over my eyes, sucking in a deep breath. “And add some Jack to it.”

She laughs. “One coffee, minus the Jack coming up.”

The line goes dead, but Erica works fast. She pushes open my door a few minutes later, strolling toward me with a mug in her hand and a smile on her lips. I used to love fantasizing about Erica, especially on the days when she would wear too much clothing for my liking. But today, Erica does nothing for me. Scarlett has single-handedly killed my usual robust sex drive.

My dreams and fantasies are all filled with Scarlett and her delicious body. When I close my eyes at night, I imagine her face down on my bed with her ass up and my cock thrusting into her. Surprisingly enough, I don’t act on those thoughts. Just knowing how disappointed Scarlett would be in me eases my desires. All I want is her pussy. My hand is no match for how wet Scarlett gets for me.

Erica sets the mug on the desk in front of me with a smile. “Here you go, Boss.”

“You defied my order,” I spit back.

She rolls her eyes at me. “You are not supposed to be drinking in the middle of the day when you have a patient coming to see you. I was starting to like the new and improved Dr. Shaw. Don’t mess it up by day drinking.”

I raise my eyebrows at her. “New and improved? I haven’t changed.”

She sits in the chair across from me and crosses one leg over the other, holding her hand on her knee. “Yes, you have, Dr. Shaw. I’ve noticed a few differences since you started seeing Dr. O’Brien. She’s doing a good job.”

I take a sip of my coffee, my gaze fixed on her. “I haven’t changed one bit, Erica.”

“You stopped going out to lunch to meet women. That was a start.”

I snicker. “Who said I was meeting women?”

“Are you serious? I know you better than you think, Dr. Shaw.”

“Since you know me so well, what other changes have I made?”

This should be interesting.

“You stopped hitting on me, which was a relief. Some days, you were a bit too much for me. Now that you don’t run out on your lunch breaks, you’re on time for your patients. I know they appreciate that as much as I do because covering for you was becoming a job in and of itself.”

“Is that all?” I interrupt, not wanting to admit that she’s right about the changes I have made.

All of them are Scarlett’s doing. She has made me a better man, whether I’d noticed before or not. Now that Erica is calling my attention to the differences in my life, I know now, more than ever, that I have to get Scarlett back.

Erica shrugs. “I don’t know. I see an improvement in your personality in general. You’re a lot easier to work for now. Quit your moping around and get Dr. O’Brien back. Whatever you did I’m sure she will forgive you. You two have a history together. It’s not like she’s some random woman you picked up at a bar.”

“I’m trying, Erica.” I hold out my hand to the collection of returned packages in my office. “She doesn’t want anything from me.”

“You’re trying to buy her. Money isn’t always the answer. That only works for some women.”

“Would it work on you?”

She chuckles. “No, it most certainly would not. I would want a grand gesture.”

“What kind of gesture?”

“If my boyfriend did something wrong, I would want him to put himself out there and be vulnerable, just like me. You either hurt or offended Dr. O’Brien. She’s not going to forgive you because you sent her a Cartier watch and a new pair of shoes. Gifts are no match for words, but actions say a lot more.”

“I just wish she would end this.” I take a sip of my coffee, wishing it could drown my sorrows.

I have never been this upset about a woman before. The last time I was this affected by a woman was when Scarlett turned me down back in college. It has always been Scarlett. And I let my fucked up bullshit get in the way of our relationship.

“You want Dr. O’Brien to come back to you, right?” I nod, and she continues, “What is the one thing you have in common? Do you guys have a favorite song or movie? Is there something that reminds you of a better time?”

Sex. We have sex and dominance. Submission and order. What’s the one thing those have in common? I stare at Erica with a blank expression, unsure of what we have in common other than sex. We are both therapists who graduated from the same college. I’ve known Scarlett for all of our professional careers, even though we did our best to avoid each other, which is easy to do in a city as large as Los Angeles.

“Think, Dr. Shaw.” Erica folds her arms across her chest and sinks further into the chair, pinning me down with her gaze. “The answer is there. You just have to find it.”

I laugh. “Has anyone ever told you that you should become a shrink? You’d make a good one.”

She smiles. “You think so? I don’t know if I would be any good at listening to problems all day long.”

“If I can do it, so can you. It’s not that hard. You help me all the time without even realizing it. Hell, you even chair my weekly group sessions.”

“You are there, too, Dr. Shaw.”

“Yeah, you do most of the talking, and the patients love you.”

She blushes at my comment. “Well, thank you for that, but we should go back to you and your dilemma. You have to find a way to get Dr. O’Brien to forgive you before you reverse all the good that has come out of seeing her.”

I snicker at her. “You’re bossy today, Erica.”

“Sorry, Dr. Shaw. I’m just looking out for you. Someone needs to do it.”

“Thank you. You are right about Dr. O’Brien. Presents will not win back a woman like Scarlett. The proof is right here in my office.”

“So, what are you going to do?” She sits up straight and leans forward. “Can I help in any way?”

I turn my head to stare out the window.

This sick feeling is the reason I have avoided dating. Before Scarlett, I preferred to spend my time at The Circle with women who understood my lifestyle. Those were the days when I was truly free. Then, Scarlett had to come along and change me. Now, I’m in pain and angry with myself for hurting her.

My mother used to tell me that love felt like someone was punching you in the stomach repeatedly and that the emotions never go away. At one time, she had the whole butterflies and rainbows shit with my dad, but that quickly changed after they were married. He was and still is the most manipulative, self-centered bastard I have ever known.

And I’m just like him.

Scarlett was right about me. I couldn’t deal with hearing those words come from her mouth. She used what I’d told her about my family against me. It pissed me off, as she knew it would.

Damn her.

Scarlett was trying to provoke a reaction from me. It was a counter move that I would have noticed if I wasn’t too busy being an asshole. I played right into her hands.

If we were in the bedroom, what would I do to make her submit? Would she fight me? Would she scream? Would she take it, like the good girl she was for me in the past? Until that fucking safeword flew out of her mouth. We use them in my world for a reason.

She had every right to say hers after how I treated her.

Like an animal.

Like my property.

Once the idea pops into my head, I turn to look at Erica once more, excited about my attempt to connect with Scarlett on a deeper level.

Scarlett’s safeword was the end of our relationship, but what it if it could bring us back together?

It’s worth a shot.