CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
HOPE
“H....Hope.”
“H....Hope.”
“Hope Bryant.”
“You’re Hope Bryant.”
“You’re strong.”
“Just hold on a little longer.”
“Help is coming.” I hear the words but I’m too weak to even look up to find out where they are coming from.
Cold. I feel so cold but it’s a welcome distraction from all the pain, all the heat.
Why am I so cold? This isn’t right.
Why am I so cold? Shivers take hold as my body starts to come round, the haze has started to lift, my body feels somewhat my own again.
Where’s Mark?
Why hasn’t he come with that needle again? I don’t want it, I really don’t want to feel the bite of that needle, but there must be a reason. My fingers graze through my hair, pulling at it, not knowing what’s going to happen to me again. Frustration surges through me, at least with the drugs everything else around me was numb. I knew what was going on around me but this is different. The drugs make me feel too hazed, too weak to do anything about it. My mind has been blocked and it is better than being coherent and now he is taking that away from me too. I scream, just fearing the loss of my world. I have made everything so much worse for myself because I clung to a hope that has never happened, will never happen.
I’m a fool.
An idiot. It would be better to just leave my life to Mark and his father and hope they just keep giving me the drugs.
Without the drugs I’ll die.
I’ll want to die. End it all if I can’t have that little needle to help me.
Oh God, what has my life become?
Why has this happened to me?
Why has Mark done this to me? What did I ever do? A scream escapes me again as I feel the madness erupt and I can actually hear the sound bounce off the wall and come back to me. It hurts my ears, it hurts everything. I scream and I scream until my voice goes hoarse and then the door starts to open and I know that’s it.
More drugs. I see him come in and it’s as if it’s the first time, as if it never meant anything before. I take a look at him, smiling to myself that I can really notice him. I look at him and look all around me seeing my cell for the first time in what feels like ages. I see him again and I can’t hide the smile that wants to break free. He’s wearing shorts today, his calves are on show letting me see the tanned colour to them and the light hairs that grow. He looks so normal as he stands there like every other time before, but today it seems different, like I can really see him properly. I’m locked away, I’ve been under the influence but even I can tell how hot it must be outside. I feel so cold but heat is seeping through the cracks of the walls. And there’s Zac being like every other man I would have known on the outside. Something tries to stir inside me as memories of happier times engulf me but I can’t let them develop. I must have been here for months, years, it feels like it and I’m stuck here.
No one is coming to save me.
I’m on my own but here’s Zac giving me a tiny piece of normality and I’ve never been so grateful. For just a moment I can just be Hope, not Hope the slave, the captive, but just me. Looking at a man. I need to be careful around this man, he’s making me think things that I should be trying to forget. Forget, because as much as I hate to admit it, this is going to be my new life. Oh God, the heat swamps me, engulfs me and I can’t reach the surface. I’m drowning in my own despair. I have to try and fight it and although I don’t know how much time has gone by I know that enough has passed that I’m lost to my fate. Something would have happened by know, if I were going to be saved it would have happened by now. Fresh tears fall down my face, that’s all I seem to be able to do at the moment. So many things seem to be just a blur. I can see things, things that I was made to do but it’s all fuzzy, blurry and I can’t see straight. Now that the drugs haven’t been given again all I can remember is Zac trying to help me in his own way. Comforting me with just a look, just a smile as I was made to endure too many horrors. I can feel his eyes watching me again and I can’t deny to myself that everything he did to me felt nice, natural. He never looked at me as if I was anything but a girl with a boy. He didn’t look or treat me like a training slave, a thing at his mercy to do with as he willed. Just a girl. A girl in a sickening situation. That is me and I try to fold my arms around myself as if to try and protect myself but it’s only Zac in the room with me. I know, I’ve always known that there is nothing to fear with him. He doesn’t mean to bring me pain. I watch as he bends down in front of me, touching my face and I can’t help it. Is this how he would touch me if we were in any other situation? It feels too good to think of anything other than the feeling it is evoking throughout my whole body. He is bewitching me with his magic, he has since he first walked into my cell and I first noticed the shift in the air. As time goes on it is getting harder and harder to resist him.
I don’t want to. If this is really going to happen don’t I deserve just a little bit of happiness? Just for a moment?
Our time together doesn’t last long, Mark comes in quickly after, Zac jumping from my space as fast as light. Another needle injected into my skin but the effects don’t seem as strong this time around. Everything is intense but I am more aware of what is going on around me. I can see again with clear eyes. The more I am able to see the more I feel, see Zac’s reluctance grow as Mark insists on him doing my training now. He doesn’t want to do it but just like me I know he has no choice. As the days and weeks go by I know that he is in just the same predicament as I am. You can see my chains but his hold him with an invisible leash but just as strong as my own. I feel at ease while I am in his presence.
I don’t know why. I can’t explain what he is doing to me but I know I like it. I don’t want it to end but I should considering where we are and what is going on in my life. Whatever his plans are I can’t deny the fact that I feel very secure and safe while he is so close to me.
He is my anchor.
My safety net and I want to hold on to it for as long as I can.