CHAPTER EIGHT
HOPE
Blinding light.
My eyes are being attacked by a light so strong I can’t get away from it fast enough. It tries to attack my retinas as its scorching heat tries to melt away my lids to get to them.
“Time to wake up, my love.” The lights turn off and for a moment I think I’m being given a respite but then they come back on stronger than the last time.
On. Off. On. Off
On off. They keep going and I can feel the fingers of doom take a grip in my brain and rummage within the depths of my skull.
“Wake up, my love.” The way his voice sounds, it almost sounds like the man I knew before, the man who loved me and I loved him. I slowly open my eyes; the lights are off and I can just make out Mark’s figure from the doorway. I’m still in this nightmare, the room looks just like before I closed my eyes, this is real, this is not just a nightmare. I cry, I cry for the millionth time and then as if to remind me he’s there the lights go on once again, blinding me with their brightness and my tears become heavier as I close my eyes. I feel someone behind me and my arms are being tied together, my arms feel too weak to protest and I just let them do what they want. I feel so hungry, so weak as my lips demand much-needed liquid. I don’t know how long it has been since he gave me the bread, but I know from the way my body feels it must have been hours, or it could be days I have no idea.
“Lesson number two.” My head is being pushed up, a hard voice echoes in my ears telling me to open my eyes and when I don’t I feel a stab in my side. I open my eyes and I see Mark has stepped into the room and he has a plate. A plate with something on it. Oh God, please say he has some more bread for me and as I look at it I feel my tummy rumble with its intense hunger. Food. I’m so hungry. I need food so much. I feel like my body, my soul is aching for it, aching for some sort of comfort.
“Are you ready now?” He asks of me and the fingers that keep my chin up force it up and down again.
“Good girl.” He smiles.
“Lesson number two. Hope Bryant no longer exists. Who you thought you were no longer exists. You’re no longer human. You’re going to be someone’s pet. Someone’s dog and dogs need to know where they belong.”
“D..D..Do..Dog?” A dog, he’s reducing me to a dog, oh my God I just don’t know what to do and so I merely look at him in pure bewilderment. How can he do this to me? How can he do this to another human being? Please don’t let this be real, please let me wake up. No matter how many times I say that it doesn’t seem to make any difference, I’m still in this hell.
“Come on, dog, it’s time for your dinner.” I don’t do anything, I will not do what he wants me to. I’m hungry, I’m so hungry but I will not reduce myself to this. I’m Hope Bryant. I’m Hope Bryant and I have a family out there who will be worried about me and who’ll find me. He drops the bowl in front of me, the basin is covered with crusted bread. Bread, that’s all he’s going to give me again but at this point I’m so hungry it would help me a little at least. I reach out to touch it but then he opens his mouth and my hand retreats back to the floor.
“Eat it, dog.”
“Eat it.” He keeps saying the same words over and over again but I won’t do it. I can’t do it.
“You ate like a duck last time; this time you will eat like the dog you are.” My head shakes from side to side and I can’t control the state of my hands as they shake with fear or anger. I will not allow him to reduce me to this.
“Who are you?”
This I can do, the smug bastard.
“Hope Bryant.” I feel a kick to my side as my kidneys feel like they’re going to pop out of my body. I try to fold over myself in a way to protect myself, but it does nothing as another kick is delivered.
“Who are you?”
“Hope Bryant.” A sigh from Mark is all that greets me before another two kicks attack my sides.
“Who are you?” This time I decide to just keep my mouth shut. He can’t be mad if I don’t say anything at all.
“Who are you?” I stand tall on my knees, showing my defiance. I will not give him what he wants. Two fingers come out of nowhere and squeeze tightly on my nose as I keep my lips firmly shut. I will not take that bread like a dog, I’ve already made that mistake and I don’t want to do it again. No matter how much I want the pieces of bread I will not tell him what he wants to hear. I’d rather die than accept what Mark is telling me. The fingers squeeze harder and as time goes on I can feel my lungs begin to suffer from the lack of air. I need air, I need to take a breath, but I know as soon as I open my mouth Mark will stuff it with food. I try with all my might to stay strong and keep my mouth shut, eventually I even fight at the hand that suffocates me. I start to feel dizzy, my eyes become blurry and I can only see a mess in front of me and I come to the point where I have to give up. Fresh air pours into my lungs, the relief is immense as I take a big breath, but a handful of bread is mixed with it. I choke on the lumps but before I can spit them out a hand squeezes my nose again and another clamp’s my mouth shut. I can’t move, a warm soft chest is behind my back encasing me within its warm embrace so that I could easily mistake it for a lover’s. But this is no fairy tale, these men want to hurt me and make me suffer, I just don’t know why.
“Swallow it, dog.”
Mark becomes a blur before me as he just watches me. Everything becomes painful once again with my lack of air, so that I have no choice but to swallow the food. Once I have my nose and chin are let go and I slump to the floor, just trying to take in some beautiful cold air. Everything seems to be cold but to my lungs that are burning it’s a relief.
“It doesn’t matter how long it takes. You will learn.” Mark says before he leaves me in the dark again.
Darkness again.
The darkness just swallows me whole and I feel like I’m going mad in this hole. A black hole of misery and I scream into it. I scream and shout until my throat hurts but nothing happens. Nothing comes to join the party except my tears.