My receptionist just sent your clearance to Captain Crane.

Cade stared at the text from Dr. Hersh. That’s it? he thought. It seemed too easy.

Does that mean I can return to duty? he replied.

You have medical clearance. Returning to duty is up to Captain Crane. Do you have time to talk?

Cade groaned. He was so close and then Dr. Hersh threw in that little question. It was almost like being in a real relationship.

Sure.

Immediately, his phone rang.

“Hey, Doc,” he said.

“Good morning, Cade. I trust you’re happy with the medical clearance?”

“Well, yeah. Of course.”

“Good. I’m sure Captain Crane will have you on the team in no time.”

“Crew,” Cade reminded him. “So if I’m cleared, what do you need to talk to me about?”

“Well, medical clearance is a big step, but mental health and managing the kind of trauma you sustained is going to take much longer than the few sessions we’ve had. It’s my strong recommendation—and one that I included in your clearance—that we continue sessions.”

“You want to keep seeing me,” Cade confirmed.

“Yes, but not necessarily as frequently as we have been. My recommendation is twice a month.”

“Huh.” Cade realized he didn’t hate the idea.

He’d gotten used to Dr. Crane and the strange, sci-fi furniture that didn’t fit his personality. “I … I guess that would be okay.”

“Great. I’ll have my receptionist call and set up our next few appointments.”

Cade hung up and pulled on the most recent firehouse t-shirt.

Might as well look the part when I arrive, he thought.

He grimaced when he saw Aiden’s truck in the firehouse lot. Since the incident in the parking lot, he’d largely managed to avoid Aiden without Elijah getting suspicious.

It was clear Aiden had avoided him, too. In order to keep up appearances, he’d asked Elijah out for drinks a couple of times. Both times, Elijah came alone.

“Where’s Aiden?” he asked each time.

Elijah always shrugged as he took a pull of beer. “Had something to do.”

“The crew’s all here!” Elijah crowed as Cade walked in.

The new recruits he’d trained clapped him on the back, but he saw Aiden with his jaw clenched in anger. Before Cade could figure out how to handle it, Aiden turned his back to him and went back to his task.

Well, this is going to be awkward.

“Hey, Aiden—” Cade started as he walked toward him, but his voice was drowned out by the alarm that started to wail.

“All crews head out,” Crane’s voice boomed over the system. “Including Charles.”

Shit. So this was it?

He hadn’t had an induction like this since his first day in Montana. As he raced to his locker, he felt the immediate rush of adrenaline mixed with naked fear. That was a first, and he wasn’t sure what to think of it. Fear hadn’t even been part of the equation before.

Cade suited up and raced to the airfield behind the station. He noticed the recruits he’d worked with stuck close to him.

God, no. Please don’t let them be counting on me.

“You six, go,” the captain called. Cade’s heart fell deeper when he realized he was on a rappeller group with not only Elijah, but Aiden.

If anything happens to either of them, that’s it, he thought. There’s no getting over that.

As the helicopter lifted into the air, he worked on his breathing. Even count in, even count hold, even count exhale.

You’re a goddamned firefighter, he told himself. Dangerous and stupid things are second nature.

In the past, every time he ascended with a crew, he was always first. He wanted to get the lay of the land, make sure there weren’t any surprises on the ground. But now? He was worried. There was no other word for it—and he’d never been worried before.

Below, the small wildfire had just started. It was small, but clean and hot. The chopper raged all around him. It filled his head with vibrations that made it hard to think.

Elijah nudged him hard through the suit. Fine? Elijah asked in rudimentary sign language as he tapped his thumb to his sternum.

They’d both signed up for American Sign Language in high school as their foreign language requirement, stupidly thinking it would be easier. It wasn’t, but what little they remembered had stuck.

Cade nodded and shrugged. For a moment, he though he saw his Montana crew below. Heard their screams.

They’re not there, he told himself. Breathe.

The pilot gave the signal to go, and Cade forced everything out of his head. All he saw was white. A soothing, calm white. His body took over, and Cade reached for the harness. Even if his brain couldn’t fathom it, his body couldn’t handle anything but to rappel out first.

As soon as he hit the ground, he looked up to count the suits that came behind him. Five. Two he knew were Elijah and Aiden. The other three were new recruits.

I got you.

“Trenches, go! Now!” Elijah commanded.

Cade was impressed. When he’d left Salem, Elijah was somewhat on the track to be a leader, but still had that boyishness to him. Now, it was gone. Elijah was all business, and Cade saw a trace of his dad in him.

Cade threw himself into the work. He didn’t look up when he started to sweat. He didn’t stop when the pain in his back got so severe he wondered if it was causing permanent damage. He kept his peripherals on the boots and suits around him. There were always five pairs. Always.

When he grabbed a shovel, he felt instant blisters blossom on his hands from the heat even through the gloves. Cade refused to flinch. His body was a machine, but it couldn’t stop the worry that broke through in his mind. It barreled through the serene whiteness and weighed on his brain.

What if something goes wrong? Five pairs of boots. He checked over and over again without a lift of his head.

For five hours, he pushed through. The trenches were strong, sure to hold.

That’s what you thought last time. The worry grew heavier, spread from his brain to his shoulders. The pain in any other moment would have been excruciating, but in the moment it served as a means to ground him.

I’m alive. There couldn’t be this much pain if I wasn’t.

In the distance, he thought he heard yelling and he paused for a moment.

Nothing. It was just the wind.

Cade went back to work. The walkie-talkie crackled for a moment. He bristled, but there was nothing. He waited for the voice of Barron, of Dominguez, but there was nothing but the whisper of static.

“… hear me?” Cade felt a sharp shove on his shoulder. It heated up the pain and traveled fast down his spine. Finally, he looked up and Elijah stood over him.

“Huh?”

“I said you’re on firebreak! Didn’t you hear me call you on the radio?”

“Uh … no,” Cade said.

Briefly, excuses flooded through him. Truth, too. I was too scared to listen.

“We’re done here,” Elijah said. Cade scanned his surroundings. Five suits. “There’s another crew coming in to relieve us. We just have to hike down to the main road now.”

“Oh. Okay.” Cade stood up straight, though the pain was almost too much to bear.

Elijah looked at him strangely. He opened his mouth, but snapped it back shut.

We’re both too tired for this, Cade thought.

As the two of them started down the trail together, Cade turned back to look at the fire. It had largely burned itself out. Elijah marched ahead of him.

From the back, he looked like his dad. Dog-tired after the fight, but still sturdy and strong. Cade felt like the little boy he used to be when he thought Mr. Hammond might as well be God.

Five suits. There were five suits in front of him.

But that was sheer luck, he thought to himself. I didn’t keep them safe. Elijah did. And so what does that matter?

He jogged after Elijah as the post-adrenaline rush shakes started to come on. His gear wasn’t that heavy—he worked out more than that in the gym. But it felt like it weighed a ton.

He spotted Aiden’s signature bowlegged walk at the head of the pack. He walked alone while the three recruits hung together in the middle. They no longer thought he could protect them.

And maybe I can’t. They’re on their own now.

Cade had never been happier to see the truck that waited at the main road. Aiden jumped in first and nodded for one of the recruits to sit beside him.

Anything to keep me away from him, Cade thought. But in that moment he was grateful. It wasn’t the time to get into it. Especially in a small, confined space.

Aiden had really whaled on him.

Not that I didn’t deserve it, he thought as he climbed into the truck.

Elijah was beside him. Cade stared out the window as a ground crew arrived. He watched as they moved in perfect sync together, clearly a crew that had seen some shit—and survived.

Cade wanted that again, he realized. He wanted to work together, to have zero animosity. More than that, he wanted his friends back. Elijah and Aiden had both been like his brothers ever since he could remember.

Hell, I remember when Aiden was still in diapers, he thought.

As they maneuvered onto a paved road, he thought about the years behind them. It was too much to give up.

And why should we? Why can’t we make this new dynamic work?

Aiden thought he would hurt Lily, and he couldn’t blame him.

But what if he knew how I really felt?