Nanna’s Zeppole
Ingredients:
Yeast (Need to double-check with Nanna how much yeast)
Flour (I’m sure it’s about 6 tablespoons)
Sugar (How sweet does it need to be, Nanna?)
1 egg
Pinch of salt
Orange and lemon zest (Only Italian lemons and oranges)
Powdered sugar (Use the millions of packets you have in the cupboard from all the pandoro cakes – it’s amazing)
What to do:
Dissolve the yeast in warm water, add three tablespoons of flour and leave in warm oven to rise overnight with a cloth over bowl.
Add egg, sugar, salt and 2 tablespoons of flour and mix.
Keep adding flour until you have a dough.
Make into ring shapes and fry until golden brown. Dust with powdered sugar and the orange and lemon zest.
The air smelt rich and thick as the aroma of roasted vegetables wafted through the kitchen. It was getting rather stuffy as Amanda weaved back and forth around Zia Sofia as they prepared the dinner.
‘Isn’t she beautiful?’ Zia Sofia asked Dan as she waved her right arm in the direction of Amanda, while at the same time roasting peppers over the stovetop with her left. Her Italian accent was thick and strong.
‘And she cooks,’ Dan replied smiling shyly at Zia Sofia, who immediately burst out laughing and started pinching his cheeks with her pepper-free hand.
‘You are a very smart man. You are lucky to have such a beautiful girl, who can cook too,’ she said in a mix of Italian and English while tapping him on the head and still laughing.
‘Be careful with that pepper, Zia – come here,’ Amanda said trying to ignore her auntie pawning her off to Dan. She walked over to her and prised the now very crisp pepper from her hand. ‘Sit down and I will finish the rest,’ she said and then turned to Dan. ‘You don’t even know what she said,’ she whispered.
‘I’m pretty certain it had something to do with your beauty,’ he replied, with a wink. Dan, ever the charmer. Amanda had been helping Zia Sofia in the kitchen all morning. They were preparing the roasted peppers for the risotto they were making for dinner. She and Dan had gone to pick them up from the fresh market, just a stone’s throw away from the house, just this morning as the sun came up.
Amanda loved showing Dan round Orzoro and telling him stories from when she was a child. He’d probably heard them all before, but he listened intently all the same. The weather had been getting cooler. Snow flurries came and went but she was happy being outdoors, breathing in the salty air and getting lost in the Christmas lights that hung from the streetlamps and houses.
She would never get tried of the mesmerizing view of the water. Time stood still on the Amalfi Coast. One look at the water and hours could pass by without you ever realizing it. There were so many views in the world but none could hold a candle to this coastline.
‘She’s taking over my job now. She’s better than the teacher,’ Zia Sofia said with a chuckle as she sat down at the kitchen table opposite Dan. Amanda felt a tug at her heartstrings as she watched her. Like her nanna, her zia was short with soft grey curly hair that came to her shoulders. She was strong and had so much gumption. She could do everything by herself, but she was ageing. She couldn’t be on her feet for too long, though she tried when she had company, always up, cooking this and that; but Amanda could see the pained expression as she bent to sit down. She admired her and loved her so.
‘I doubt that very much, Zia. I try, but your food – there is no comparison anywhere in the world,’ Amanda informed her, opting to speak Italian to make it easier for her auntie to relax.
‘Ahh, sweetheart, it makes me so proud. One day you will have your own restaurant, you’ll see.’
Amanda walked over to her auntie and gave her a big hug. ‘Thank you, Zia. Maybe one day. Then you can come to England and make sure it’s up to standard,’ she said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
Out of the corner of her eye, Amanda caught Dan looking at her. She smiled. He had told her on numerous occasions that she should have her own place. They often got carried away discussing what it would look like, what she would make. Together with Dan’s added enthusiasm, she had envisioned this magical place of her own and spent many a day daydreaming about it one day becoming a reality.
She would import everything from Italy and serve nothing but fresh Italian cuisine right from her grandparents’ cookbook. It wouldn’t be fancy; it would be simple and made with pure love. Catching Dan’s eye again as she stood, his bright smile and understanding of her when she spoke Italian caused a flutter of butterflies in the pit of her stomach.
She sharply turned her back. Dan didn’t make her nervous. Dan did not give her butterflies like this. What was wrong with her? She haphazardly diced the tomatoes. She was aware that her feelings for Dan were getting stronger, but she couldn’t deal with the frenzy of fluttering in her stomach. Wiping beads of sweat from her forehead she wondered if she was she getting sick. Maybe that was the reason for the sudden knot in her stomach. Her emotions had been a mess lately and she had been stressing out more than ever about work and her struggling, somewhat non-existent blog, but she didn’t want to get sick. She absolutely could not get sick before Christmas – there was so much to do.
***
The risotto was a hit. Everyone had had seconds and thirds and was now enjoying relaxing at the table, talking about their days, nibbling at the breadsticks and taralli that were scattered over the table. Amanda sat back feeling proud. She looked over at her nanna and despite everything she had been through lately, Amanda was thrilled to see her face filled with joy, engaged in conversation with her sisters. The laughter lines around her eyes were more prominent. She imagined coming to terms with Grandpa’s passing was made just a little easier by having her sisters by her side. Sisters she had missed for twenty years. They were making up for lost time, that’s for sure, shouting over one another, holding hands and giggling like teenagers. It was a pleasure to watch.
Levi and Sabrina were looking rather cosy at the other end of the table. You could clearly see their attraction towards each other. Amanda hadn’t had chance to speak with her sister to see if she had cleared the air with Levi, but by the looks of things, she must have. Everything certainly looked to be OK as they huddled in close together, Levi whispering into her ear in between giving her pecks on the cheek.
She knew they had both liked each other forever. Dan had mentioned there being an attraction there from the moment they met, but Dan, himself, had warned Levi to concentrate on his work and not meddle with his best friend’s sister. Dan had assured Amanda that he would kill Levi if he hurt Sabrina. Amanda was grateful for Dan being protective, although she would probably get to Levi first if he ever broke Sabrina’s heart.
Watching Levi’s face, she knew it was genuine. All his focus was on Sabrina as he playfully stroked her hair. Amanda had never seen him so relaxed. Amanda cared for him, like he was an older brother. He had always been good to her. They got on like a house on fire and she couldn’t imagine Dan being friends with someone who wasn’t trustworthy or loyal. She was happy for her sister and proud of her too for going after what she wanted and putting her feelings on the table.
Louisa sat with Luca. They were talking with their mum and dad at the end of the table. Luca spoke with ease and fitted in seamlessly. Amanda loved the way Louisa’s eyes sparkled as Luca spoke. Her little sister was smitten, and Amanda knew with all her heart that Grandpa was looking down on them all.
‘I’ll grab dessert,’ Amanda announced, standing up from the table. Out of nowhere, she felt a rush of longing and a sense of hopelessness inside her. She made her way to the kitchen and got herself a glass of water. She downed the glass and leant on the sink, giving herself a minute to compose herself. Then she collected a tray of zeppole and a tub of custard from the kitchen island and rounded the doorway, bumping right into Dan and hitting her head on his chin. ‘Ouch,’ she exclaimed, unable to rub the sore spot with having her hands full of dessert.
‘Are you OK?’ Dan asked reaching up and touching her cheek.
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she replied, moving backwards and placing the custard back on the island so she could rub her forehead. ‘Do you need something?’ she asked. Her voice sounded irritated. She hadn’t meant for it to come out like that, but the butterflies were back and she didn’t care for them. Seeing Louisa all loved up with Luca and Sabrina all cosy with Levi made her beyond glad for her sisters, but it had caused an ache in her own heart, one that seemed to get worse when Dan gave her one of his all-encompassing looks.
‘Who’s Luca?’ he said, with a slight frown.
‘He’s basically Thor, with an Italian accent and dark, shorter hair. Why do you ask?’ she said, her voice coming out a little testy. She leant back on the island to steady herself, the bump on the head, combined with the butterflies, making her feel slightly dizzy.
‘Because I care about Louisa and you hadn’t mentioned she had a boyfriend. In fact, you haven’t been telling me much at all lately.’ It seemed Dan had noticed her lack of availability. Besides the phone calls since Grandpa had passed, she hadn’t been calling him or answering his calls as often over the past few months. The two of them stared intensely at each other, both a little agitated all of a sudden. Amanda knew where to place the blame for her frustration: it was standing right in front of her. Dan on the other hand rarely got vexed. What on earth could be bothering him? He didn’t have the right to be cross. She was the one dealing with a swarm of butterflies in her stomach.
She had to be careful – one soulful look from Dan and every secret she harboured would come floating out, and damn it if her feelings weren’t confusing the heck out of her right now. She simply stared back at him, not trusting herself to speak. Dan continued, his voice back to calm and raspy. He didn’t stay vexed for long. Well that’s good, Amanda thought. You don’t deserve to be irked – you have nothing to be irked about. She squinted her eyes, giving him a slightly evil glance as she took in his sweetness. ‘Look, I know you’re going through a lot right now, Amanda, but if I’m not mistaken I felt you could always talk to me, about anything.’
‘I do talk to you, Dan. I talk to you all the time and even if I don’t talk to you, you somehow know what I’m thinking,’ she said, in a voice that made her sound like a spoiled three-year-old.
‘Well, you seem to have me stumped this time, Amanda. What’s wrong?’ Dan said, stepping forward and leaning against the island close to her. Louisa had been right: he did resemble Harry Styles. Dammit, that did nothing to help her feelings right now.
‘Boy trouble, Dan, OK? Just boy trouble, it’s nothing,’ she said with a sigh, not taking her eyes off his reaction. His dark eyes grew tense, a shadow casting a darkness over his pupils, but his voice remained calm.
‘Who is he?’ he asked, shoving his hands in his cardigan pocket and looking to the door for a brief moment.
Feeling dumbfounded by his blunt response, she couldn’t help the words that came out next. ‘No one, just someone from work. He’s wonderful, sexy, he completes me, so yeah, there’s no trouble really. I’m just being silly. Everything is pretty darn swell and I’m fine,’ she lied. There was another painful silence. Had Dan truly not read her this time? Now, she truly felt stupid. She did not like this childish attitude she was displaying. It wasn’t like Amanda to lie, let alone to Dan. And it certainly wasn’t like Amanda to say daft things to make him jealous. She rolled her eyes at her own awkward behaviour. Dan was not the jealous type, especially when it came to her, and who she dated. Protective, yes. Jealous, no.
‘OK. Well, I guess congratulations are in order. He sounds great,’ Dan said before pausing. His brow arched and his eyes drifted to the floor. A look of confusion crossed his face, which Amanda found intriguing. Dan was a master at concealing his emotions and he rarely dropped his gaze when speaking to her. ‘I’m happy for you,’ he continued, which was then followed by another thoughtful pause. Then he collected himself before bringing his steely gaze back to her. ‘You know, if he doesn’t treat you right and there are any troubles, you need to tell me. If you need me to speak to him or sort him out I will.’
Amanda blinked her eyes hard in frustration, completely thrown off by this whole conversation and the fact that she was not acting like herself at all. Why was she doing this? OK, so she knew why, and she didn’t like it one bit.
‘Oh he treats me just fine. He’s the perfect gentleman, always there for me, always ready with compliments, most definitely marriage material.’ What was she saying? Dan remained calm though his gaze grew more intense and Amanda sensed a hurt in his eyes. Could he tell she was lying? It was a few moments before he spoke again.
‘Well that’s great. How come you never mentioned him before?’ he asked, standing up straight, hands still in his pockets. He towered over her once more, his wavy hair catching the corner of his left eye.
‘A lot has been going on with work, Dan, and family – you know all this. I didn’t think it was important, you know.’ She was lying to him and it didn’t feel good. She could feel her palms beginning to sweat and she prayed she wasn’t about to drop the tray of scrumptious desserts she was still holding in one hand.
‘Yes, OK, of course, it’s not important for you to tell me something like this. That’s fine.’ At this he looked down at the tray of zeppole and brushed a hand through his unruly hair.
‘Can we drop it now, Dan? Now you know and everything is superb,’ she said picking up the jug of custard once more.
‘Amanda, could you do me a favour?’ He leant in close to her ear. She could feel his warm breath on her neck. In that moment she was angry with her body for betraying her as her knees buckled slightly. This really was getting ridiculous.
‘What, Dan?’ she said, aware her voice sounded hard yet out of breath, not at all how she was accustomed to speaking to Dan, on either account.
‘Don’t go getting engaged to this Mr Perfect, marriage material guy without telling me first, OK?’
At the risk of another eye roll and asking Dan why on earth he would ask such a stupid question, when he knew she always told him anything and everything important, except things like this because they were utterly scandalous and completely not true and she had just made it up on the spot. She took a deep breath, resisted the strong urge to stomp her feet and throw the whole tray of zeppole out the window and made her way back into the dining room, quickly. How could he not see what was going on? What was wrong with him? What was wrong with her? She needed a zeppole or five.
***
The room was quilted in darkness, the faint scent of coffee still lingering in the house. Amanda lay in bed staring at the ceiling. She felt ridden with guilt about lying to Dan, but she just didn’t get it. Their emotions, their mind frames, everything had been in sync from day one. She didn’t like having these feelings alone and she couldn’t understand how Dan could be so calm when her insides were squirming.
She willed her brain to switch off so she could get some rest, but instead it decided to play a highlight reel from one of the most perfect days she had shared with Dan when she had been in San Francisco.
***
The fog had cleared up by early Friday afternoon. The sun was high in the sky making San Francisco beautifully picturesque and rather toasty. It wasn’t a scorching hot day and there was a light breeze that made it the perfect day for further exploring the city and for eating ice cream. Each day there had been new things to discover. Amanda was blown away by the culture, the art and most importantly the food.
Every night when she got back to her hotel she would take out her notebook and write about all the flavours, the combinations, the unique dishes she had devoured. She rang her grandpa every other day to run dishes by him and inform him of all the new recipes she was creating. She had her spark back, her ideas and creative juices were flowing, and she owed Nikki the world for letting her experiment in the kitchen at Bruno’s. She didn’t know how she would have coped if she had had nowhere to turn to make these ideas come to life.
‘Ooh they have Red Velvet and Peanut Butter, ooh and Rocky Road. What are you going to get?’ Amanda asked Dan, the words spilling out fast, as they stood in line at The Baked Bear, a newly opened ice-cream sandwich shop. Dan had brought her here, enticing her with talk of ice-cream sandwiches that were so good you would be back for seconds the very same day. He didn’t seem to be lying. The queue rolled out into the street.
Amanda hadn’t needed too much convincing. He had her at the mere mention of chocolate chip cookies. Now, the sweet smell of those freshly baked cookies was tickling Amanda’s taste buds, making it harder for her to be decisive. The corner of Dan’s eyes crinkled, his rosy lips relaxed and slightly parted, a barely there smile permanently played at his lips. He stood with his hands in his jeans pockets and though people glanced his way, his eyes stayed focused on Amanda. His attention never faltered from her. She had a slight flush in her cheeks from the gentle heat and the fact that she felt frazzled at trying to decide on which ice-cream sandwich to get.
‘I tell you what, how about I choose for you? It will be the best ice-cream sandwich you’ve ever had and if you don’t like it, then we’ll just have to keep trying until we find your favourite combination,’ Dan said softly. She looked up into his soulful brown eyes. Her own features softened as she relaxed at the decision being left up to Dan.
‘You sure know the way to a woman’s heart,’ she said, playfully shoving him. ‘What if I say I don’t like it just so I can eat more ice cream and cookies? How much ice cream and cookies do you think you can handle, Dan?’
‘Oh, I know you’ll like it.’ He paused to chuckle and shake his head, then draped an arm over Amanda’s shoulder. ‘But if that’s a challenge, Miss Amanda, bring it on.’
***
Amanda closed her eyes, licked her lips and breathed out a satisfied breath, as she savoured the last bite of her oatmeal and cinnamon cookie sandwich with coffee ice cream inside.
‘So, you liked it then?’ Dan enquired with a cocky smirk. He had already finished his red velvet cookie sandwich with strawberry cheesecake ice cream. Amanda liked his healthy appetite.
‘It was terrible. I think I might need to test another,’ she answered giving him a small wink. She halted suddenly, the view in front of her stopping her in her tracks and she grasped Dan’s arm. They had been walking a while chatting easily about ice-cream flavours and what cookies and ice creams worked best together. She hadn’t realized they had been walking in the direction of the San Francisco Bay. The fog lay low and the Golden Gate Bridge looked positively enchanting in the distance.
‘You’re going to want to save room. I’m not done with you yet,’ Dan said, a butter wouldn’t melt smile spreading across his face. ‘This place is a foodie’s heaven.’ He nodded towards the sign that read ‘Pier 39’. ‘And if it’s the view you love, then I know just the place too.’
Amanda smiled as she linked her arm through Dan’s. As they walked she stole glances at the bay. A few weeks ago, the wind had been knocked out of her sails when Jason broke up with her. She didn’t think she would ever find happiness again. She could never have imagined the feeling she had now, walking side by side with this man she had only met three weeks ago, but whom she felt had been her best friend forever. Her heart felt light as a feather and she had a strong feeling of contentment.
‘Dan, do you think you could ever leave this place?’ she asked, curious.
‘It’s drawing you in, isn’t it?’ he replied, still focused on walking ahead.
‘It just has so much about it, I couldn’t ever imagine wanting to leave.’
‘I’m glad you feel that way and that you appreciate the beauty and culture we have to offer. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, it’s home, but I’d like to see the world. I hope that I get to travel more with the band and you never know, maybe I’ll like someplace else better or just want to experience living somewhere new. You never know what the future may hold. Emily may want to move; work might take us to different places. Sure, I’d miss this place, but I’m open to adventure and the idea of home being somewhere else. I think it’s invaluable to experience other cultures and it interests me. Are you planning on moving here then?’
He had stopped walking now and turned to look at Amanda, his eyes sparkling with hope. Did he want her to stay? Amanda had fallen head over heels for the Bay and the people she had met here, in such a short amount of time. She didn’t believe they could possibly feel that way about her. She was probably one of many quirky wide-eyed travellers that crossed their paths every day.
Amanda laughed as she looked up at him, trying to suss out whether he could feel their connection too. The sun was making her squint slightly but through the gaps in her fingers as she raised her hand to avoid the blinding rays. That same feeling she had when she’d walked into Bruno’s for the first time hit her. Dan’s eyes were intense, like he understood everything about her just by looking at her. His voice spoke to every part of her being and she knew he felt it too. She giggled to herself as her brain computed this new information.
‘What’s so funny?’ Dan asked, though he was grinning too.
‘Oh nothing,’ she responded as they walked towards Luigi’s Pizzeria. ‘I’ve travelled quite a bit over the years perfecting my craft and I’ve lived away from home before, but home to me is always when I get to see my nanna and grandpa morning, noon and night and when I can have my mum over for a cuppa. So, I don’t think I could ever really live anywhere too far away. This place is everything and more. I will be back, but my sisters and I have a pact that one day we will all live on the same road as each other. That might sound crazy to you I know, but I’d be lost without them. Sabrina just moved to LA and I worry constantly – I don’t know how my parents do it.
‘When I lived in London for work my parents could visit and Louisa and Sabrina liked to come up and stay with me on the weekends, so I got to see them in one piece each week and knew they were OK. With the time difference and her work schedule it’s harder to keep track of Brina and I hate not being there for her if she needs anything.’ Amanda stopped talking, suddenly aware that she had started to ramble. Her worries were spilling out of her as she found Dan so easy to talk to.
‘You know I don’t think you’re crazy. In fact, I think it’s awesome that you and your family are so close. Family bonds are special ones and it’s a beautiful thing that you appreciate it and what you have with them. But you know I also think it’s great and so important that you are travelling and seeing the world on your own. It allows you to find yourself outside of your comfort zone.
‘Are you always right?’ Amanda laughed, happiness flooding her once more, as she gently nudged Dan.
‘Not always. After you,’ he said as he opened the door to Luigi’s Pizzeria.
‘Thanks. Oh, my goodness, it smells amazing in here,’ Amanda said taking a deep breath in, the aroma of fresh dough filling her senses with gratitude.
‘I thought you’d like it. Now what did I say to make you giggle before? You are aware, Miss Amanda, that you actually giggled?’ Dan raised his eyebrows as he led her to a cosy booth by the window that looked out across the magnificent San Francisco Bay.
‘I didn’t giggle. And it was nothing.’ Amanda looked him up and down, his dark eyes staring deep into her, exposing her white lie. ‘Uh, it’s just I never believed in soulmates before,’ she started, reluctantly, with a roll of her eyes, ‘but San Francisco has been calling to me for the longest time and now that I’m here I feel it was meant to be, like I was meant to find you.’ As she said this she felt heat rise to her cheeks. It sounded silly saying it out loud and Dan sure was taking a long time to answer back.
Feeling foolish she picked up a menu and gave it her full attention, hoping he didn’t think she was a crazy person. After what felt like forever, Dan spoke.
‘I know exactly what you mean,’ he said, dazzling her with a soft smile as he picked up his own menu.
***
‘OK, I don’t think I have ever been this stuffed and that’s saying something if you know my nonni,’ Amanda said, leaning back and rubbing her stomach. After demolishing a medium size Fisherman’s Wharf Pizza from Luigi’s Pizza at lunch, they had stopped by Crepe Café and walked and talked while nibbling on the silkiest, lightest, melt-in-your-mouth s’mores crepe Amanda had ever tasted.
Dan had been a fantastic tour guide pointing out famous places along the harbour and filling her in on interesting facts about Pier 39. They ducked in and out of the gift shops, Amanda favouring The Fudgery and Chocolate Heaven the most. She made a mental note to nip back and pick up some treats to take back to her family in a few days, though she would have to resist the urge to buy one of everything in both places. Everything had smelt and looked divine.
‘You can’t possibly be full.’ Dan laughed, as he patted his own stomach. ‘I have one more place to take you, if you’re feeling up for it?’ Dan challenged, his eyebrows raised.
‘I see you’re dishing out the challenges now. Well, I can always just look and save the eating for another day,’ Amanda said, knowing full well that never worked. She had never been able to say no to food.
‘I’m going to hold you to that. I should place a bet. What would I win if I bet that you won’t be able to resist another San Francisco treat once you step inside the place?’
‘Well, I don’t think that’s very fair. You know where we’re going and seem to know my weaknesses – I don’t stand a chance,’ she said, doing her best fake pouty face.
‘You’re cute when you pout,’ Dan said, hands in his pocket, as he casually leant against the railings overlooking the docks. ‘I’ll give you a hint,’ he continued and nodded towards the café straight ahead of them on the corner. A squeal escaped from Amanda’s lips.
‘No way, they actually have their own café?’ She couldn’t believe it. ‘No, Dan, it’s too dangerous. All bets are most certainly off – I love that stuff.’ She had automatically began skipping towards the white-panelled shack with a gold, white and red sign that read ‘Biscoff coffee corner.’ Dan walked slowly behind her, watching her as her eyes lit up when she reached the door.
‘We’ll just take a quick look around,’ Dan whispered, his lips curling into a mischievous grin.
***
Back then of course, that day had all been innocent. Now she cringed. Had she felt more then? But Dan had had a girlfriend, Emily, and she hadn’t felt jealous. She didn’t look at him and swoon or want to kiss him or anything of the sort. They had talked about how they felt. They had bonded over that instant connection that they both knew was special.
Besides, Amanda had read in a women’s magazine once that soulmates didn’t have to be lovers and that’s how she felt towards Dan. They were meant to find each other but it wasn’t a romantic thing – she knew that much. No matter how often her friends teased her and queried their friendship, asking if they were together or telling her that they should be together, she always stood her ground.
Even when her sisters couldn’t quite understand their relationship either, she stood her ground. She had boyfriends, she went on dates and Dan never got in the way of any of that. They were friends in the purest form, good old-fashioned friends. They didn’t sleep together or want each other in that way. Those thoughts hadn’t even crossed her mind, well, not until recently.
When putting down the phone after their nightly phone calls, she felt empty. She suddenly felt like she wanted more. She wanted him to be by her side every day, like she wasn’t whole without him any more. But she was determined to not screw this up. She didn’t want to confuse the emptiness over losing Grandpa with a sudden longing for Dan. It was for this reason she didn’t want to make one of the most important relationships she had ever had complicated, or worse still, non-existent.
Tonight it had all gotten too much, seeing Levi and Sabrina happy together, seeing Louisa chatting away to Luca – she wanted that too. But she didn’t want that with Dan, surely? And he obviously didn’t think of her that way. She knew that based on the countless girls he was linked with every week in the media and the conversations they had had over the years. Dan wasn’t the settling-down type. He wasn’t a womanizer by any means, but he saw the beauty in everything, women being one of them. She needed to get out there and start dating again and just have some fun. She was not about to get the whole love thing wrong, again.
‘Breathe, Amanda, breathe. This is stupid – you’re a big girl, you can handle yourself. You’re probably just emotional after everything that’s happened. You love Dan, but not in that way at all. That would just be stupid, and just gross,’ she said to herself, scrunching up her nose, as if the thought of Dan, six feet three inches, muscles to rival a wrestler and shaggy brown hair, wasn’t attractive to her, at all.