Grandpa’s Chocolate Pastry Filling
Ingredients (Check measurements with Grandpa):
Eggs (Both yolk and white?)
Flour
Milk
Vanilla essence
Perugina dark chocolate
What to do:
Make a roux, like how Nanna makes her custard, with eggs and flour first.
Pour milk and vanilla over roux. Allow to simmer first, then break up the chocolate pieces and leave to melt, stirring constantly and keeping an eye on it so it doesn’t burn.
Usually takes a good thirty minutes till thick and cooked.
The evening had been a huge success. San Francisco Beat’s first album had officially released to the world with a triumphant bang. Thanks to the undeniable charm of all four band members, Levi’s ability to woo everyone he came in contact with and Dan’s knack of leaving everyone in his presence in awe, all in attendance at the party, and all those who had tuned in via social media, were well and truly under the band’s spell.
Sabrina gave herself a pat on the back for hosting and putting together such a winner of a launch party. She looked around and noticed everyone was smiling. Dylan was chatting away to a small group of music executives, with a huge grin on his face. James was entertaining a handful of women on the dance floor. Dan was sat in a far corner of the room holed up with his phone, a megawatt smile lighting his face. That smile could only mean one thing – he was talking to Amanda.
Sabrina scanned the room, unable to spot the charming drummer, and wondered if he had got lucky with one of the groupies already. The thought made her reach for a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. Lydia had said her goodbyes earlier, so she felt it was safe and well deserved for her to help herself to a glass or two. The cool bubbles fizzed on her tongue. She let her shoulders roll back as two hands reached around her waist, making her simultaneously jump and tingle from head to toe.
‘You are amazing,’ Levi whispered into her ear. She spun around to face him, pulling away ever so slightly. His touch felt incredible, but she couldn’t help but glance around the room to see who was still there. She didn’t want to come across as unprofessional.
‘Thank you,’ she stammered. ‘You’re not half bad yourself,’ she added, watching Levi’s reaction as his face creased into that boyish smile. He was staring at her with a look that she had only experienced once before, the day they met, six months ago. For fear of being mistaken as a groupie, she gently pushed his hands away from her hips and turned so she was standing with her side to him.
He watched her for a moment, then did the same. They both stood facing the dance floor, their elbows skimming each other’s. Sabrina threw back the rest of her champagne and instantly scolded herself for being so stupid as the bubbles reached her brain and her cheeks burned.
‘So, are you looking forward to the tour?’ she asked, feeling the need to break the silence, but not looking at him.
‘Yeah, of course. It’s a dream come true,’ Levi responded with a casual shrug, watching her closely.
‘Good, good, I’m glad,’ she said, braving a sidelong glance his way. That was a mistake. Levi always looked good in his signature blue jeans and assortment of designer tops. But tonight he practically looked edible in his tailored suit. He was tall and lean, but the suit showed off his muscles in all the right places.
A moment passed before Sabrina realized that Levi was looking at her. She had, once again, been caught ogling him. She looked up catching his eye and gave him an apologetic, shy smile. A waiter wandered by with the last few glasses of champagne. Levi took two from the tray and handed one to her. She took it with a polite nod, before scanning the room. It was near empty now.
She watched James leave with one of the girls he had been dancing with before and spotted Dylan still engaged in shop talk at a nearby table. Dan hadn’t moved from his spot in the corner. He had a faraway look in his eyes that made Sabrina smile. He was clearly in love with Amanda, but the daft pair were too stubborn to admit it.
‘Would you like to go outside and get some fresh air?’ Levi asked, pulling her out of her reverie.
‘Sure,’ she replied, careful not to keep eye contact with him for too long. Levi stepped behind her and gestured towards the patio doors. Outside, the balcony had been decorated with lanterns, twinkling lights and the same black and gold balloons as inside. There were benches placed around a still-blazing fire pit, which eased off the midnight chill. It looked beautiful and sophisticated, with a touch of rock-star elegance.
Sabrina smoothed out her black skater dress and sat down close to the fire. Levi settled in beside her. She watched the orange and yellow flames sway in front of her and couldn’t help let out a laugh. She had been bossing Levi and his bandmates around for the best part of six months. She never shut up when it came to meetings, ideas, public appearances and telling them where to be and when. As for her and Levi, they gave each other as good as they got with their effortless banter. Yet tonight she had suddenly become a mute.
‘What’s so funny?’ Levi asked, a mischievous sparkle in his brown eyes.
‘Oh nothing,’ she managed, taking another sip of her bubbly and giving Levi her best puppy dog smile. His breath caught and he let out a low groan before leaning in to her and cupping her face, his eyes staring straight into hers. He gave her time to pull away, but she didn’t. Levi’s lips were now on hers and Sabrina found herself kissing him back, hard.
Her hands found their way through his hair as he caressed her cheeks. All she wanted to do was kiss him; her mind had gone blank of everything else. She grasped his biceps as he pulled her onto his lap, not breaking the kiss.
Suddenly, a balloon popped against one of the lanterns and Sabrina’s eyes flew open. What was she doing? She was being completely unprofessional. What happened if she and Levi didn’t work? What would it mean for the band? What would Lydia say? How would she ever be taken seriously? She pulled back, their foreheads resting against each other’s, both a little out of breath.
‘Levi, I can’t,’ she whispered, and then stood up and ran away.
***
The skyline was a mix of orange and purple hues. A slight hint of grey was forcing its way in, trying to darken the spectacular vibrant colours. Sabrina was sitting on the balcony swinging back and forth on the outdoor swinging sofa. She twiddled her sandy blonde hair and gazed into the distance, watching as the sun rose above Sicily.
It wasn’t until Amanda stepped out into the morning sun that Sabrina realized just how long she had been sitting there. She shivered as the morning chill suddenly hit her. Sleep had eluded her again last night. She rubbed her tired eyes.
‘Hey, everything OK?’ Amanda asked, catching her eye before putting on a red oversized jumper and throwing a grey one at Sabrina.
‘Huh?’ Sabrina started as the jumper hit her in the face. She quickly grabbed it and put it on, trying not to act dazed. ‘Oh, yeah, it’s as good as it can be, I guess,’ Sabrina continued, with a shake of her head, trying to dispel the negative thoughts twirling round inside it. She patted down her static-affected hair and pulled at the cuffs of the jumper, warming up her hands.
Then she looked from her sister to the magnificent view. The sea stretched out for miles, glistening gold with the sun’s strong rays. Off in the distance you could see the faint edges of Sicily. She took a deep breath, overwhelmed by its beauty, as Amanda sat and joined her in her swinging.
‘So, besides Grandpa having the nerve to up and leave us at this wonderful time of year, what else seems to be bothering you?’ Amanda asked, kicking her feet to move the swing back and forth.
‘Your humour knows no bounds,’ Sabrina replied, letting out a chuckle and pulling a face.
‘What can I say? He taught me everything I know.’
‘Then aren’t we in for a treat for the rest of our days: delicious food with a side of sarcasm and terrible jokes.’ Sabrina tutted.
‘His jokes weren’t all bad – he actually had some really good ones,’ Amanda responded.
‘I can’t argue with you there.’
‘So, what has you squinting and giving evils to the sunrise?’ Amanda said, stopping the momentum of the swinging to curl her legs up underneath her. Sabrina did the same. It wasn’t exactly warm in Italy in December and she could have done with bringing out an extra blanket for her legs. She was grateful for her sister’s jumper.
‘Uh, nothing much.’ Sabrina paused, uncertain as to whether it was the right time to delve into her thoughts. She had managed just fine over the past few days not thinking about Levi. Her sisters were her priority and then Grandpa had well and truly gone and pushed any feelings for anyone outside the family right to the back of the line. But the sleepless nights were starting to make her eyes more weary and as the reality was settling in about Grandpa, Sabrina had felt more lonely than ever.
In turn this caused her mind to drift to Levi, leaving her feeling guilty and confused. She was his manager; he was a drummer in a rock band. She couldn’t fall for him. That would be stupid.
‘You can either sit and listen to more of my bad jokes or you can talk.’ Amanda softened, gently nudging her sister.
‘I saw Levi with Lydia as I was leaving the other night. They were getting quite cosy with each other in her office. I don’t know why I’m acting all stupid over it but she’s just so horrible. He can do better than her and he’s never shown any signs that he likes her – though I know she is always drooling over him whenever she’s in the same room – so I just don’t get it,’ Sabrina said, her face scrunched up in disgust.
‘Ahhh, that would explain the dire wardrobe choices … and eeww gross. I feel your pain. Have you asked him about it?’ Amanda said, making the swing rock back and forth again while she was thinking.
‘Why would I do that? He can date whomever he wants. It’s really none of my business. I just wish it wasn’t my bitch of a boss. And it hasn’t exactly been my top priority.’ Sabrina fiddled with her sleeves.
‘Brina, being your wise older sister I have the ability to know what you’re thinking so here’s my advice: one, you talk to him, because yes it is your business. You’re looking out for the band’s best interests after all and, well, because clearly you like him. And I know timing sucks but it’s just going to keep eating away at you,’ Amanda said, patting Sabrina’s hand.
‘I didn’t say anything about liking him,’ Sabrina noted, a little too forcefully, now playing with the hem of her shorts.
‘Were you not listening? It’s a gift, a skill, call it what you will, hey, that rhymed. But I know what you’re thinking,’ Amanda said, while performing spirit fingers around Sabrina’s head.
‘You are a nutter and anyway, how is you being best friends with Dan supposed to help me?’
‘Oh yeah, well, advice part two: I can just have Dan fire him so you don’t have to see him any more,’ Amanda replied with a shrug and a sly raise of her eyebrows.
‘Do you have any words of wisdom that will actually help me, oh wise one?’ Sabrina said, rolling her eyes and playfully shoving her big sister. The sun was high in the sky now, yet Sabrina felt it was deceiving them. The fresh air hit her skin causing goose bumps to rise and the hair on her arms to stand tall.
‘Look, I know what you saw probably sucked, but if I know Levi he wouldn’t do something like that. I know he can be quite the flirt, but he’s loyal and he knows how that woman treats you. I really think there’s more to the situation that you don’t know. In all seriousness you should speak to him,’ Amanda said, her eyes boring into Sabrina’s.
Sabrina wasn’t fond of her big sister being right, but she knew it didn’t make sense to run and hide. She had done that before and it hadn’t worked out so well. In addition, she had to work with Levi. The band was her responsibility. She had to keep up with their lives and make sure nothing affected their work. If Levi was dating Lydia, she needed to make sure it wouldn’t affect her position. She suddenly had the urge to be a little more honest with her big sister. She squirmed in her seat.
‘Uh, we kissed – a long time ago, but we kissed,’ she blurted out.
Amanda gasped and threw a hand to her mouth. ‘No way, you didn’t.’ But one look at her big sister and Sabrina was fully aware she already knew.
‘Is there anything you and Dan do not tell each other?’ Sabrina asked, mock annoyed, tilting her head back on the seat cushion.
‘Not much.’ Amanda shrugged and laughed. ‘From what Dan told me, Levi was crushed when you ran away from that kiss. Granted the idiot then chose to play rock star rather than talk to you, but even Dan said you very clearly put him in the friend zone after that. How come I had to hear it from Dan anyway?’ Amanda asked.
‘I was scared of what it was and I was terrified Lou would add it to her list of reasons she hates me and my perfect life. If I had a rock-star boyfriend, she’d just think I was living it up and having the time of my life and that I’d never come home,’ Sabrina answered, with hurt in her tone.
‘Look, I’m sorry about Lou. I hate you being gone too, but Dan can’t stop talking about how amazing you are. In fact, that’s all he talks about sometimes. You’ve worked so hard. She just misses you, that’s all; but she will come round,’ Amanda noted, pulling her jumper higher around her neck to keep the breeze at bay. ‘Now, what are we going to do to fix the situation with you and Levi?’
‘Lou did actually apologize to me earlier, so things might be looking up. Uh, I don’t know about Levi. I don’t even know if he likes me any more, and I did promise myself I wouldn’t get taken in by his charm. Some professional I am. The first major band I take on and I immediately get a silly crush on the cute drummer. I’m just going to make a fool of myself,’ she whined. Her voice sounded childish, even to herself, and she hated it. She was a grown-up, she was a professional, she could handle this. Heck, if the past few days were anything to go by she knew she was strong. If Levi had moved on, then so what? The pain could be nowhere near what she was already going through with her grandpa, surely?
‘They are a pretty special group of guys. I imagine their faces adorn the walls of many teenagers’ bedrooms right now and I can guarantee there’s a woman swooning over their ridiculously handsome faces right this second. And you’re not being unprofessional – this is how people meet. You’ve been working together for, what? Nearly two years now. You’ve spent a lot of time together. It happens. Plus, as far as Dan is concerned, the chemistry between you two every time you’re in a room together is through the roof, so I don’t believe it’s just some silly crush on a hunky rock star. Something like what you have with Levi can’t just fizzle out, no matter how much you try and bury it,’ Amanda said, with a wink.
Sabrina watched as her big sister got up to stretch her lean legs. For all the food Amanda cooked and consumed, Sabrina was always impressed with her sister’s athletic physique. Unlike herself and Louisa who were petite all over, Amanda had a few more inches on them in height and had inherited the same bust Mum and Nanna had. She was a knockout in a deep-cut neckline. It wasn’t over the top but just enough to where she was sexy yet classy. Team that with any dress that showed her stunning legs and forget about it.
Growing up Amanda had been Sabrina’s role model. To this day she felt the same. She adored her big sister’s outgoing personality and laid-back, yet glam fashion sense. Amanda very much inspired her to be confident in who she was and with every aspect of life really. She had never admitted this to her big sister and there were many moments when Amanda drove her nuts and she wished her older sister would be more like Louisa when it came to love, rather than being so scared – something she herself ought to take into account too. But nevertheless, Amanda was strong and fierce and Sabrina loved that about her.
‘Well, that’s embarrassing,’ Sabrina said, standing up to join Amanda in looking out across the waters and the view of Positano to the right. You could see everything from their aunties’ house: blue houses, pink houses, yellow houses all dotted along the mountainside, trees covering every inch, rocky pathways and steps upon steps upon steps that made it all seem like a secret maze, each road leading to its own unique and glorious haven. ‘Thanks, Amanda. Oh and speaking of Dan and talking about being open and honest with people, have you been in touch with him recently?’ Sabrina asked casually, hoping her sister wouldn’t put her walls up again.
‘I’ve spoken to him every day since Grandpa died.’ Amanda let out a little sigh and then laughed. Sabrina studied her big sister’s features closely. ‘I can barely go two days without talking to him about something or other.’ Sabrina knew this to be true; however, she was of the understanding that Amanda hadn’t been keeping to that schedule in recent months. Dan had voiced his concerns whenever he hadn’t heard from her in more than four days and those concerns had been voiced every week for the past three months. Sabrina felt hurt that her big sister wasn’t being one hundred per cent truthful.
‘You say that like it’s a bad thing,’ Sabrina noted, choosing to move past her sister’s dishonesty when she saw that Amanda’s face wore a worried expression. A frown crossed her older sister’s face when she spoke.
‘Well, it kind of is. He has his own life and people to deal with. He can’t be speaking to me all the time or rushing to my aid when I need him.’ The fact that Amanda had just mentioned needing Dan caused Sabrina to forget about her own job and Levi worries. This was a big step that Amanda was, again, oblivious to. Excited that her big sister was opening up to her she subtly pressed on.
‘I’m sure Dan doesn’t see it that way. I bet he’s more than happy to help when you need him. And you know, speaking of telling people how you feel, you do know he’s good for you. You’re more lovable when he’s in your life,’ Sabrina said, giving her big sister a cheeky wink and a nudge in the side of her hip.
‘He’s my best friend, Brina – there’s nothing more to tell.’ And just like that Amanda closed up. It saddened Sabrina that Amanda’s past had caused her to be so sceptical towards love when all signs clearly showed Dan was her meant-to-be. One rocky relationship and one disastrous break-up and her confident superhero of a big sister had built a wall. ‘Hey, don’t you dare go telling him that. He’ll have a field day and get the wrong idea. I’m lovable all the time – just a big ball of lovableness.’ Amanda winked back.
‘Do you think it’s bad that I’m thinking about Levi when Grandpa’s funeral is tomorrow?’ Sabrina wrapped her arms tightly around herself. It was an attempt at comfort, having not gotten used to talking about Grandpa this way. The tiles at her feet suddenly became very interesting.
‘Not at all. If anything, I can completely understand why you would be thinking about it. Life is too short to sit and wonder about what-ifs. If you have feelings for Levi, why waste time? You know Grandpa loved life. Just look at him and Nanna. He saw her and didn’t even hesitate – he walked straight up to her knowing that she was the one. And think about it, even with food, if he wanted to cook you couldn’t stop him. He went to the kitchen and cooked. Sometimes you just have to go after what you want and not be scared of the consequences. He lived every day doing what he loved, surrounded by the people he loved most.’
Before Sabrina could suggest that her big sister take her own advice, Louisa wandered onto the balcony, resembling a sloth. She had a blanket draped over her, her feet dragging across the floor. As the sun found her face she blinked, raising a hand to shield the unwanted wake-up call.
‘Morning, munchkins, what do you want to do today?’ she asked, sounding a little more enthusiastic than she looked.
‘You seem full of life this morning. Are you OK?’ Amanda enquired, half joking, half serious about the sprightly tone in which her baby sister had spoken and the sharp contrast in her appearance. Her hair was scruffy, her cheeks covered in creases from her pillow.
‘I guess so. I still feel like this is all some nasty dream, but I feel closer to him being here,’ Louisa said, pausing to take in the view that Amanda and Sabrina were still admiring. ‘I feel like I want to make the most of being here. We’ve missed this place so much. Grandpa loved it with everything he had. I want to embrace it and celebrate him and where he came from,’ she continued, making Sabrina smile at her positive outlook. Of course, Sabrina was also aware that a certain gorgeous Italian had given her baby sister this much-needed boost of positivity, not simply the fresh Italian air. But she knew Louisa was right about Grandpa too: she herself had indeed felt closer to him since they had arrived in Italy.
‘Sounds like a plan,’ Amanda said, putting her arm around her little sister. ‘But first we need fuel and by the smell that’s rising in the air – my gosh they should bottle that and make it a perfume’ – Amanda tilted her head to the sky and sniffed the air – ‘Zia Sofia is making saccottino al cioccolato.’ With one last glance at the waking village below, the girls turned towards the wooden door and made their way down the white tiled steps and into the kitchen.