Lauren
Evolution: a process of gradual development in a
particular situation or thing over a period of time
June melted into July, bringing with it crowds of people. The island attracted everyone from artists to presidents. Some came to spend time in the cafés, restaurants and galleries of Edgartown, others came for the landscape and the beaches.
Lauren slept with the windows open and drifted off to sleep with the sound of the ocean in her head and the cool salt breeze on her face.
The ache and the sadness came and went like the tide.
One minute she’d be fine, and the next hardly able to breathe, but somehow she forced herself to keep going.
During the mornings she focused on Coastal Chic. Thanks to the loan from Scott, she’d been able to take on a couple of clients and so far it was going well.
She had enough to keep her going into the winter months.
Work was great. Her mother was happy, and Mack was doing well.
Lauren was the only one who seemed to be struggling.
She missed Ed. She missed Scott. Then she felt guilty for thinking about Scott when she was still sad about Ed.
Her brain felt like a roundabout and she had no idea how to stop it spinning.
“Mom?”
Lauren glanced up from her laptop as she heard Mack’s voice. “I’m upstairs.” As her mother no longer used it as a studio, Lauren was using it as an office. She still hoped that her mother might paint canvases again at some point, but right now she seemed to be pouring all her artistic, creative urges into painting houses and designing gardens.
Lauren glanced at the blue and purple hydrangeas stuffed into the pretty rustic jug she’d found at the Goodwill store when she’d been helping her mother clear out her life.
She heard Mack’s feet on the stairs and a moment later she appeared in the doorway. Her hair was windblown and streaked from the sun, the pink streaks long gone.
“Are you busy?” She was out of breath. “Can you come?”
Lauren was on her feet in an instant. “Is something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Scott wants to take us sailing. There is something important he wants to say to us both.”
Her heart lurched like the deck of a ship in a storm. He was leaving. What else could he possibly want to say to them both? Ever since her mother had told her he no longer wanted to buy The Captain’s House, she’d been waiting for this moment. If he wanted them on the boat to tell them something, then presumably he wanted to remind them both what a sea creature he was. How he needed the ocean to survive.
Could she be sympathetic to that a second time, especially now that Mack had started to build a relationship with him?
“He wants to talk to us right now?” He’d taken her at her word and given her space, although whenever they saw each other it was as if the rest of the world disappeared.
“Yes. We were going out anyway, but he said he wants you there. He drove me here. He’s outside in the pickup.”
Lauren reached for her keys and her phone, reminding herself that she’d handled everything life had thrown at her up to this point and she’d handle this, too. Whatever “this” was. Please don’t let Scott be leaving. “I’ll send a text to Grams to let her know we’ll both be late tonight.”
“Where is Grams?”
“With Alice.”
“Again?” Mack raised her eyebrows. “How is that going?”
“She’s seen her a few times. I think it’s going okay. I haven’t asked for the details. Grams will tell me if she wants to.”
“So they’re BFFs again?”
“I wouldn’t go that far, but there’s hope.” And hope, Lauren thought, kept life moving. Hope that things would improve, that sadness would pass, that you’d live feeling you’d love and live. Hope that the few fragile threads of this new life won’t be snapped before they can strengthen. She grabbed a sweater and sunscreen. “Let’s go.”
“What would you have done if you were Grams?”
“I don’t know.” Lauren locked the door of the Sail Loft. “I don’t suppose any of us really knows what we’d do until we’re actually in that position ourselves. It’s pretty easy to judge from the outside, but not so easy when it’s your life.”
She knew many people would have judged Scott for not wanting to embrace fatherhood, but she’d understood. She’d understood him. It was one of the reasons she hadn’t wanted to divulge the identity of her baby’s father. She’d wanted to protect him from the judgment and speculation that would surely have followed.
But what if he walked away now? How would she react this time?
He’d won his daughter’s heart. Would she be able to forgive him if he broke it?
Mack waited while Lauren dropped the keys into her purse. “I know she broke the girlfriend code, but I kind of like Alice.”
“I do, too. And so does your grandmother. That’s why it’s hard.”
They walked to the road together and Mack sprang into the pickup.
Lauren followed more slowly, noticing the way Scott tugged at Mack’s hat, teasing her. They argued all the way to the marina, over whether she should be allowed to take the boat out without him, about whether he should get another dog to keep Captain company.
“A puppy would be good.”
Scott raised an eyebrow. “Are you going to take responsibility for this puppy?”
Lauren found herself analyzing everything he said. Would he be making jokes like that if he was thinking of moving on? Mack had been spending plenty of time with him and had even slept over on the boat once or twice.
It had made Lauren feel a little strange and she hated herself for feeling that way because she knew how much Mack loved the water. And it was obvious she loved Scott, too. And that was good, wasn’t it? She couldn’t blame her daughter for wanting to spend time with him, or Scott for wanting to spend time with his daughter. She was pleased. So why did she also feel slightly sick?
Was it because part of her was always a little worried Scott might decide he’d had enough and move on again? Or was she turning into one of those mothers who couldn’t bear having their children leave them?
Scott parked and turned to look at her. “You’re quiet. Is everything okay?”
“Everything is good.” Except that she was tired of being sad. And anxious. Sad and anxious. It was a toxic combination.
Still watching her, Scott reached out and stroked Captain’s head. “You’ve been busy lately. I’ve barely seen you. How’s the business?”
“Good.” She tried not to look at those fingers. She tried not to think about that night in the kitchen of the Sail Loft. “We have more work than we can handle right now, including a client who wants us to take a look at her apartment in Manhattan. It’s all very exciting.” Manhattan. She’d visit for the weekend. Mack was perfectly safe with Nancy, so she could probably visit for longer if necessary.
For some reason she didn’t understand, the idea didn’t thrill her.
Mack frowned. “Does Coastal Chic even work in Manhattan? I mean seashells and Central Park? I don’t think so.”
Lauren smiled. “I think we can broaden our look if we need to. Maybe Coastal Chic could become City Chic for a while.”
Scott kept his hand on Captain’s head. “So you’re moving to New York? It’s what you wanted when you were a teenager.”
“Move?” Mack looked horrified. “Mom?”
“We wouldn’t move anywhere,” Lauren said. “If we take the business in New York then I’d find a way to travel and do it. No way are we moving. We’re here now and we’re staying.” And she loved it. The island. The people. The sea. How could she have lived so long without it?
“Good.” Mack opened the car door. “Because right now I am done with change. I want to stay here, have tea with Grams, eat too many of Aunt Jenna’s cookies, update your website, program a robot, see my friends, sail with Scott.” She whistled to Captain and jumped out of the car.
Lauren was about to follow when Scott caught her hand in a tight grip.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m looking forward to our sail. Where are we going?”
He gave her a long, searching look and let go of her hand. “You’ll find out.”
Refusing to say more than that, he loaded the cooler onto the boat and they all clambered aboard, including the dog.
Mack moved around the boat with confidence, following Scott’s instructions.
It was obvious from the way they worked together that they’d done this plenty of times.
“Hey, Mom, did you know you can sail right round Martha’s Vineyard?” Mack secured the rope. “It’s 54.7 nautical miles. Scott says we can do it next summer.”
“That’s great.”
So he planned to be here next summer. But what about the long winter in between?
She tried not to think about it. Right now her daughter seemed happy and that was good.
Good for her, and good for Scott. He needed this. It would be good for him to feel a sense of responsibility for someone. It wasn’t something he’d had before in his life.
Sailing round the island gave them views of cliffs, headlands, open water, lighthouses and beach houses, some the size of hotels. Normally Lauren would have loved it, but today her mind was busy with other things.
Scott guided the boat into an inlet and Lauren immediately recognized the beach.
Eyes wide, she glanced at him.
Scott smiled. “Remember this place?”
Of course she remembered this place. It was their beach.
The beach they’d treated as their own.
The house had been uninhabited at the time and they’d sneaked onto the beach and talked, laughed and made love in the moonlight. Everything she’d learned about him, she’d learned right there on that strip of golden sand. And he’d learned everything about her.
If a place could keep secrets, then this beach knew all of hers.
She ached for those carefree nights. She ached to be that woman again. She ached for him.
“Great house.” Mack craned her neck to get a better look. “There are balconies on the upstairs bedroom and it has its own staircase down to the beach. How cool is that? Is it a holiday place? Who owns it?”
“Right now, no one,” Scott said. “It’s for sale.”
Lauren tried not to think about a bunch of strangers walking on their beach, trampling on the memories. “I always loved this place.” She was looking at the house but she could feel Scott looking at her.
“I know.”
She turned to look at him and saw all of her memories reflected in his eyes.
“Who wouldn’t love it? It’s a pretty house. Pretty perfect in fact.” Mack gazed at it dreamily. “I wonder what sort of person is going to buy it.”
Scott’s gaze didn’t shift from Lauren’s face. “A guy who loves the ocean, but has decided that the time has come to live near it and not on it. A guy who needs space because although right now it’s just him and his dog, they’re both hoping that’s going to change.” He paused, taking in Lauren’s shocked expression. “A guy who made a big mistake once in his life, but believes in second chances.”
Lauren felt her heart miss a beat. “You’ve bought this house?”
“Not yet. I wanted your opinion first. It’s important that you love it, too. That’s why I brought you here today. To check if this place works for you. It’s close to your sister and not far from the Sail Loft.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What do you think?”
What did she think?
“I thought—I thought—” She looked into his eyes, and then at his mouth. She wished she could see into his heart. “I thought you were going to tell me you couldn’t do this anymore and were going sailing for the winter. I thought you were leaving again.”
Her knees were shaking and she closed her hands around his biceps to steady herself.
Scott gave a rough exclamation and pulled her close, this time ignoring Mack.
“I’m not leaving you.” He held her tightly, kissing first her head, then her cheek and finally her mouth. “Never again.” He breathed the promise against her lips. “Never again. Not unless you send me away and probably not even then.”
She felt herself come alive under his hands and mouth. The present and the past melted together and her anxiety fell away.
“Hello! Teenager present.” Mack’s voice cut through the clouds of excitement. “Embarrassing public displays of affection are discouraged. You’re supposed to wait until I’m not around to kiss my mom.”
Scott lifted his head slowly. “You’re not the public.” Keeping one arm round Lauren he held the other out to Mack. “You’re my daughter. And I intend to kiss your mom a lot, so you might as well get used to it.”
Mack muttered something about living permanently in the Sail Loft with her grandmother, but Lauren saw her eyes mist and after a moment’s hesitation she slipped into the circle of security Scott was offering.
“So does this mean you’re thinking of sticking around?”
Lauren detected the insecurity under the casual tone and it made her heart ache all over again. One day, perhaps, Mack would stop thinking she was going to lose everything she loved.
Scott obviously heard the same note of insecurity because he nodded.
“I’m sticking.”
“Are you sure? I mean, you don’t know how annoying I can be. You might change your mind when we’ve had our first fight.”
Scott’s eyes gleamed. “I think I can handle it.”
“That’s good to know because I might have told a few of my friends that you’re my dad so it would be kind of awkward if you walked away now.”
Scott tightened his grip and Mack flushed pink with pleasure.
They stood, the three of them, feeling the boat move gently with the water, looking at the shore.
Mack broke the silence first. “Are you asking us to live there with you?”
“One day I hope you will, but I know it’s early days and you might rather wait a little while. The house will be here when you’re ready. And I’ll be here, too. Whether you take a week, a year or ten years, I’ll be here.”
Lauren felt the strength of his arm around her.
She hadn’t asked for her marriage to end, but it had ended anyway and the fact that she had chosen to keep living didn’t make her a bad person. Ed would have wanted her to be happy.
Scott was right that they needed time, but she didn’t think she was going to need much time. Time, she’d discovered, was precious. It didn’t do to waste a moment of it.
Mack nudged Scott. “Do I get to call you Dad or is that freaky?”
“You can call me what you like.”
“Cool. And when we move in, do we get a puppy?”
“She never gives up, does she?” Scott looked at Lauren.
Her head was spinning and her emotions were so close to the surface she didn’t know whether to cry or smile. “She never gives up. Welcome to parenthood. It’s a type of erosion. Gradually, over time, you’re worn down like the rocks on the beach.”
Scott winced. “Sounds tough. You’re going to have to share your secrets with me.”
“The secret,” Mack said helpfully, “is to say yes to everything. It makes life simpler. Yes, Mack, of course you can stay out late and drink and take drugs. Have fun. You’d like a car? Yes, Mack. Which make and model? A new laptop? Great idea. See? It’s easy. If I ask you a question, the answer is yes.”
“I think that’s called cupboard love.” Scott was smiling, and they watched as Mack walked across the boat to stop Captain from hurling himself into the water.
When Mack was out of earshot, he turned back to Lauren. “And how about you?” His voice was soft and for her alone. “Maybe it’s the wrong time for you to hear this, but I love you, Laurie.”
It was never the wrong time to hear those words.
“I love you, too.” She felt his arms tighten around her.
“We’ll take this at whatever pace you want, but one day, at some point in the future, I’m going to ask you a question. Do you think your answer will be yes?”
“You’re going to ask me if I want a puppy?”
He laughed and she laughed, too, and leaned her head against his chest.
She was going to be fine. Maybe not right away, but gradually, over time she’d piece herself together.
Her old life had gone, but there was a new one waiting for her. All she had to do was take that step...