Lauren
Setback: something that reverses progress,
hinders, or thwarts
Lauren walked out of the bank and kept her head down. She was grateful that the bright sun gave her an excuse to slip on dark glasses. As long as no one spoke to her, she’d be all right. All she had to do was put one foot in front of the other and walk back to her car. Keep moving. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t had practice. Wasn’t that what the past months had been about?
Thirty more steps to the car, that was all.
“Lauren!”
The voice came from behind her. She wanted to ignore it, but good manners forbade it, so she stopped and turned, grateful that her eyes were shielded.
“Alice. How are you?” She wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone. She particularly didn’t want to speak to Alice.
After her mother’s revelation, she had no idea what to say to her.
You were supposed to be my mother’s best friend.
But she understood the guilt her mother had felt in telling them and her concern that it shouldn’t affect Lauren and Jenna’s relationship with Alice, so she made a supreme effort to act normally.
“You’ve moved out of The Captain’s House,” Alice said.
“A few weeks ago.” It was already June. How had that happened?
“Your mom must have been so busy with it all she forgot to say a proper goodbye.”
Lauren thought it more likely that her mother hadn’t yet decided how to handle the situation.
How did you handle a situation like that?
“She’s only moved a few miles away,” she said. “It’s not as if she’s left the island.”
“It must be hard for you all living in such cramped space after having so much room.”
“It isn’t,” Lauren said. “We’re all enjoying being close to the beach.”
She’d been surprised by how comfortable Nancy seemed in the Sail Loft. Her mother had undergone something of a transformation over the past few weeks. Her clearing out had extended to her closet and she’d thrown out all the drab clothes she’d been wearing for the last decade. In a storage bag she’d discovered clothes she’d bought years before on trips to Europe and worn for the openings of her exhibitions and for city tours. Her old look became her new look. Instead of blacks and grays, she wore white and teamed it with flowing scarves in bright jewel colors. There was a Pucci silk she’d picked up in Florence, and a Chanel jacket from Paris. Bold silver bangles decorated her wrists and Lauren noticed that she’d taken to wearing a touch of discreet makeup.
“You look like an artist,” Jenna had said when she and Greg had visited on their first night there. “I hope you’re not going to wear that to paint someone’s house. It’s asking for trouble. If you don’t believe me you need to read My Sister’s Adventures with Paint.”
Lauren and Jenna had both agreed that something was going on between Nancy and Ben.
The two of them were often together in the garden of the Sail Loft, heads together as they studied something.
Nancy had laughed off their comments on her appearance.
“I decided that if I’m going into business with my daughter I need to upgrade my look.”
If I’m going into business with my daughter.
Lauren blinked. “I have to go, Alice.”
“I’ll visit soon.” There was a note of desperation in Alice’s voice. “Tell Nancy to call. I’m going to miss squeezing through that gap in the fence. We’ve been doing that since we were four years old.”
“I know.”
Years of friendship. One betrayal.
Lauren had no idea what she would have done in her mother’s position, or whether she would have been able to hold on to that particular secret for so many years.
Nancy had told them that she’d suspected for a long time, but hadn’t been sure until that day she and Alice had visited the Sail Loft.
“It’s the reason I took her,” Nancy had confessed one night as they’d all shared a bottle of wine. “I wanted to see her reaction. I needed to know for sure.”
And now she knew.
“I heard you’re starting your own business.” Alice wasn’t in a hurry to let Lauren leave.
“Yes. It’s all very exciting.” And frustrating. And impossible. Why had she thought anyone would give her a loan? She was a terrible risk.
“I heard from Mary-Beth that you even have your first client.”
“Yes.”
Miranda Hillyard, a lawyer from Boston who had moved to the Vineyard permanently a few years earlier, and was in the process of renovating a $8.8 million waterfront home near Chilmark. She’d happened to be walking her dog along the beach path one day when Lauren had been painting pallets to use as nightstands.
Miranda had stopped to talk. Within minutes, Lauren had found herself showing her round the Sail Loft. Miranda had fired questions at her and later, when Lauren had typed her name into a search engine, she’d seen that Miranda had a terrifying reputation as the lawyer who never lost a case. It was easy to see why. She was nothing if not persuasive and when Miranda had asked to see The Captain’s House, Lauren had agreed. She was proud of what they’d achieved there, although she’d kept details of the budget to herself. Turned out she was the queen of recycling and repurposing, but that didn’t mean she wanted to do that with every job.
Finally, after Lauren had bitten her nails to the quick, the woman had called and asked Lauren to come and look round her house and give an opinion.
Lauren had spent half a day with her, walking through the place room by room, absorbing Miranda’s vision for the place and translating that into ideas. It had been exciting to think about decor without first thinking about whether they could afford to do it. Miranda was wealthy and had big plans.
Lauren had left with her first client and a major problem.
The Hillyard project promised to be huge and Lauren had no capital with which to fund her new business.
Her mother couldn’t contribute because she needed all the rental money from The Captain’s House to get through the winter.
If Miranda had been more approachable, maybe Lauren could have discussed it with her, but the other woman was so terrifyingly competent, Lauren didn’t want to reveal the horrible mess that was her life.
She’d worked into the night drawing up business plans and Mack had helped her produce a professional-looking document, but it hadn’t been enough to satisfy the bank who had turned down her request for a loan. Although she was deeply disappointed, she could hardly blame them. She had no collateral and no business track record. Given the facts, she probably wouldn’t have loaned herself money either. They’d suggested she talk to her mother about either loaning her the money or acting as guarantor, but Lauren knew neither was an option.
She was going to have to call Miranda back and say she couldn’t take on the project.
That was a call she was dreading on so many levels.
“I should go, Alice.” She turned away, holding back the emotion that threatened a serious assault on her dignity.
The sun was hot and the streets were noticeably busier. The island smelled of summer. The thick scent of colorful blooms mingled with the smell of sunscreen. Summer on the Vineyard meant the shrieks of happy children, strawberries piled like jewels in the farmer’s market, the slow drip of ice cream melting in the heat. It meant cooling dips in the sea, a barefoot run on the beach with a salt breeze cooling your face. It meant sitting on the harbor’s edge eating lobster claws while butter dripped down your chin.
There was a buzz in the air and an energy that was absent in the winter. The population of the island exploded and people moved at a slow summer pace. The locals would mutter and complain and some would secretly wish for the season to be over, but Lauren didn’t wish that.
The Captain’s House had been rented for the whole summer right through until Labor Day and the amount they were earning would enable her mother to stay in it for the winter.
The place wasn’t going to be sold. It was still the Stewart residence, as it had been for well over a century.
She would have felt hopeful for the future, if it weren’t for the meeting she’d had at the bank and the phone call she’d had the night before from London.
What was she going to do if she couldn’t get her business off the ground?
Blinded by the combination of dark glasses and misted vision, she walked slap into someone.
Strong hands clamped her shoulders to steady her and she muttered an apology.
Instead of releasing her, those hands tightened.
“What’s the rush?”
Scott.
Of all the people she didn’t want to bump into right now he was probably top of the list.
“Sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
Since that day at the Sail Loft, she’d carefully avoided him, timing her visits so they weren’t ever alone together. Every time she thought about that evening in the kitchen she felt remorse, and not only because she’d been having wild, abandoned sex while her sister was trapped in her car in a ditch. She knew that by allowing herself to get close to Scott again, she’d opened a door that was going to be hard to close. The realization that she wanted him badly was as frustrating as it was unsettling. Not only was it the wrong time, but he was also the wrong person. She was smart enough to know that Scott had an effect on her that no other man did. That hadn’t changed, but neither had he and she wasn’t going to allow herself to believe differently.
“How’s Jenna doing?”
“She’s good, thanks. Almost back to her normal self.”
“And you?” His voice was low and intimate and stirred memories she didn’t want in her head.
“I’m good, too. We’ve moved in to the Sail Loft. The kitchen is great. The countertops are—” She gasped as he lifted his hand and gently removed her glasses. “What are you doing?” She snatched at them but he held them out of reach with one hand and cupped her face with the other.
He angled his head and studied her, his gaze searching. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Can I have my glasses back?”
“Not until you tell me why you’re upset.”
She was conscious of her reddened eyes and the flow of people who passed them. “Scott, please—we’re in a public place.”
“Then we’ll go somewhere less public. I’m parked across the street.” He slid her glasses back onto her nose and took her hand. “Come with me.”
“People will talk.”
“Yeah, they have a tendency to do that. Doesn’t mean you have to listen.” He tightened his grip on her hand and led her to his truck.
Too despondent to argue, she slid inside.
She’d be okay. This was a setback, that was all, and she’d become an expert on dealing with setbacks. Fall over, get up again. She hoped her thigh muscles were strong enough to take it.
She heard a panting sound behind her and turned her head to find Captain wagging his tail so hard it smacked against the back of the seat.
It was impossible not to smile. “Your dog is adorable.”
“Yeah, he’s a keeper.” Scott slid into the driver’s seat and pulled out of the parking space. “No one can resist him.”
And she’d never been able to resist Scott.
She shouldn’t have climbed into a car with him. That had been a mistake, but it was too late to do anything about it now.
No matter how bad she felt, she wasn’t about to throw herself from a moving vehicle.
She found a tissue and blew her nose. “I’m being stupid.”
“I doubt that.” He took the road out of town. “Start by telling me why you’re all dressed up in your smart London clothes.”
“I had a meeting at the bank.”
He frowned. “They made you cry?”
“I wasn’t crying.”
“You couldn’t see where you were going.”
“I had things on my mind, that’s all.”
He said nothing else until they reached the boatyard.
He parked the car and killed the engine. “Tell me what’s on your mind. I want to know.”
She remembered the first time she’d confided in him and the way he’d sat so still and attentive as he’d listened carefully to everything she’d said. No one had ever listened to her like that before. And she remembered the first time he’d kissed her. It had felt as if someone had lit a firework inside her. That feeling had burned up all her doubts, her hang-ups and her inhibitions.
She stared out over the water, watching people come and go. “It’s busy. I hadn’t realized the business had grown so much.”
“Tell me what happened at the bank.”
“They won’t give me a loan. Without the loan I can’t start my business, and it’s frustrating because I even have my first client ready and waiting. Do you know Miranda Hillyard? She wants me to work on her beach house.”
“I know the place. That would be a pretty big project.”
“Beyond my wildest dreams. Unfortunately the bank thought my dreams were a little too wild.”
Scott tapped his fingers on the wheel. “Did you tell them you had a potential client?”
“Yes, but I have no track record and no collateral. I don’t blame them really. I wouldn’t lend me money either. I’m as upset for the others as I am for myself. We’ve all contributed something and Mom was going to help me with the design elements. She’s excited about it. The last few months we’ve all had a common purpose. And the best thing is that it was doing something I’ve always wanted to do.” She tried to explain. “Ed was always the one who earned the money and I stayed home with Mack, but I’d reached the stage where I was ready to work and do something for myself. Finally I got the qualification I needed and it felt like a new phase. I’d already made plans to set up my own business back in London.”
“You always had a glossy magazine in your hand, usually covered in pen marks to show what you’d do differently.”
She was surprised. “You remember that?”
“I remember all of it.”
So did she.
“Ed died and the ‘new phase’ turned out to be something I hadn’t planned for. And then it seemed that maybe I might get to live out that dream after all. It almost makes it harder to handle this time because it was snatched away at the last minute.” She closed her eyes, embarrassed. “Sorry.”
“Why are you sorry? When life is hard sometimes all you have to keep you going is dreams, and yours have been crushed. You have a right to be disappointed and upset.”
That was how she felt. Crushed. First by the phone call from James and then by the meeting at the bank. “Life doesn’t turn out the way you plan, does it?”
“Rarely, but in this case it can. How much do you need?”
“Excuse me?”
“Money. How much?”
She’d run the numbers so many times, she knew the answer without looking. And then she realized he wasn’t asking the question out of interest. “I don’t want your money, Scott.”
“Why?”
“Because I need to do this by myself.”
“You want to make life as tough as possible, is that it? If you land with your face in a puddle of water be sure to inhale?”
“I can’t take your money. And you shouldn’t be offering. I’m a risk. If you don’t believe me, ask the bank.”
“The bank has boxes to tick. I don’t. You have a talent and skills that are going to be in demand. The way I see it I’d be making an investment.”
“Don’t talk to me about investments. It was Ed’s investment business that got me in this mess.” She pulled another tissue out of her bag and blew her nose. “I had a call yesterday from the executor of Ed’s estate. He’s a friend.”
“And?”
“It’s all finished. The bank has repossessed the house, the cars have been sent back to the lease hire companies and the furniture has been sold.” There were times when it felt surreal, as if it was happening to someone else. “It’s as if that life I had in London never existed.”
Scott covered her hand with his. “That’s tough.”
“I knew it was going to happen, so I don’t understand why that call made me feel so bad. I suppose it was a sharp reminder of reality.” She should probably pull her hand away, but she couldn’t bring herself to. “And a reminder that I was foolish. I trusted Ed. I should have looked more closely at the financial aspect of our lives.”
“It’s not foolish to trust someone you love, Laurie.”
“What did I do to make him think he couldn’t tell me? We were supposed to be a team.” She sniffed. “I can’t believe I’m discussing my marriage with you. Doesn’t it bother you, talking about Ed?”
There was a pause. “Honestly? It makes me want to break something.”
She gave a shocked laugh. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop.”
“Don’t. Whatever else we were, we were always friends. I hope we still are. You were telling me about your finances.”
“Things could be worse. James said we narrowly missed having to make the estate insolvent. We owned some artwork that did well at auction. Because of that, I have money coming to me. A sum total of £1,655. By the time I’ve paid Jenna back for the flights, I reckon Mack and I can treat ourselves to a small ice cream.”
Scott’s hand tightened on hers. “No wonder you’re upset.”
She gave a watery smile. “At least I’m not bankrupt, right? Still, it wasn’t enough to make the bank believe in me.”
“I have money, Laurie, and I believe in you.”
“Oh, Scott—” She felt as if someone was squeezing her heart. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t give me sympathy.”
“I’m not giving you sympathy. I’m giving you money. Or I’m trying to.”
She blew her nose again. “I can’t take your money, Scott. And you shouldn’t be offering.”
“How I spend it is my decision.”
“I’m looking out for you, that’s all. You’ll need every cent to fund yourself next time you decide to sail into the sunset.”
“You still believe I’m going to sail into the sunset?” There was an edge to his tone that hadn’t been there earlier.
“I know you, that’s all.”
“If that’s what you think, then you don’t know me.” He removed his hand from hers. “You see what you want to see. I hurt you, and you can’t see beyond that.”
She turned her head. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Sixteen years is a long time. People change. I’ve changed.”
“But you don’t want responsibility. You never have.”
There was a pause as he drew in a slow breath. “How do you think I have built up the capital to make an offer on The Captain’s House? You haven’t asked me where I got the money.”
“Capital?” She swallowed. “I assumed you were taking out a big loan. Is Charlie helping you? I’m sure he’s a generous boss.”
He rubbed his hand over his jaw and gave her an exasperated look. “Charlie’s not the boss, Laurie, I am.”
She stared at him. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m the boss. I own the business. Joshua sold it to me a long time ago.”
“You own it? But what about Charlie?”
“Charlie didn’t want the responsibility.”
“But neither do you!” She was confused. None of it made sense.
His jaw tightened. “You don’t know what I want. You haven’t asked me.”
“But if that’s true, why didn’t you say something before now?”
“I don’t know. I don’t find these things easy to talk about. I guess I was hoping you’d see it for yourself.”
She’d been blind. Self-absorbed. “You sailed round the world—”
“You left,” he said flatly. “It seemed like the best option at the time.”
She couldn’t breathe. “Are you saying you sailed round the world because of me?”
“Being here without you drove me crazy. And sailing was always what I did to escape from problems.” He gave a humorless smile. “Except that in this case I was the problem, so I took it right along with me. Maybe I should have thrown myself overboard.”
She didn’t laugh. How could she have gotten it so wrong? “So you came back?”
“Having no roots didn’t seem to work, so I thought I’d try something different. Living on the boat was my compromise. I slept at sea and worked on land. The only thing I knew was boats so I figured that was what I should do. Joshua let me use the boatyard, and I built a racing yacht. She was fast. Sold her to some guy from California with more money than sense. Then I built another one. When I wasn’t busy, I helped out at the boatyard. And then Joshua had his first stroke. Charlie spent most of his time with his mother or at the hospital. I took over the boatyard for him until he was back on his feet, but when he recovered enough to make the decision, he decided he was done with it. He asked me to take over.”
She was stunned. How could she not have known this? “The business is doing well?”
“Yes. We have workboats, trucks and a couple of hydraulic trailers. We have customers on the cape and the islands. It’s not easy finding and keeping skilled staff, but we’ve managed it. And living on the water, my outgoings have been low. So, I’ll say this again—let me give you the money. If it makes you feel better we can call it child support. You’ve raised our daughter for the last sixteen years with no help from me.”
Our daughter.
“She wasn’t your responsibility.”
“She should have been.” His tone was rough. “I had no trouble walking away from relationships, Lauren. It was something I was good at. I didn’t have any regrets either. Until I walked away from you.”
It felt as if there was a lump in her chest. “Scott—”
“I can’t fix what happened in the past, but I can fix this. Say yes, Laurie. You’re smart. Smart people know when to accept help.” He breathed deeply. “Take the money.”
“I—can’t. It doesn’t feel right.”
He swore under his breath. “You were mad at me for not stepping up, and I don’t blame you for that. But now I am stepping up and you won’t you let me. I should have done this years ago, I know that. That day on the beach when you told me you were pregnant I should have kissed you and put a ring on your finger the way he did. I should have been the one to give you that safety and security. I should have been there for you, but I wasn’t and I have to live with the knowledge that I messed up badly. And I paid the price for that decision, every time I thought of you with Ed. Laughing with Ed.” His voice thickened and his hand curled into a fist. “Sharing secrets with Ed. Sharing our daughter with Ed.” The way he said it made it sound as if he was chewing on ground glass. “I’ve learned to live with that, but what I can’t live with is the knowledge that you’re struggling now and you won’t let me help you.”
“You thought about me with Ed?”
“Every damn day.” He turned to her. “You think I sailed into the sunset and forgot about you? It didn’t matter where I was, you were still there with me along with the knowledge that I screwed up the most important decision of my life.”
She couldn’t breathe. “Scott—”
He reached out and slid his hand behind her head. “Nothing is going to erase the guilt I feel for not being there for you then, but at least let me do this for you now.” His voice was raw pain and she looked into his eyes, as rocked by emotion as he was.
Life with Ed had been simple and easy. If she’d had to find a word to describe their marriage she would have said content. There was none of the wild seesawing of feelings she experienced with Scott. None of the highs, but none of the lows either.
“I didn’t know,” she said. “I assumed—”
“You assumed I was the same person I was seventeen years ago, but I can tell you that screwing up the most important decision of your life does tend to shake a person up.”
“I loved you.” The words didn’t begin to describe the depth and intensity of her feelings.
He rested his forehead against hers. “I loved you, too. I loved you so much I didn’t know what to do with all those feelings.”
Her cheeks were wet with tears. “I kept hoping you’d wake up one morning and realize you’d make a great father. Better than most because you’d lived alongside so many examples of bad parenting. I kept watching the harbor, hoping to see your boat. Hoping you’d change your mind.”
There was a long silence.
She could hear him breathing and see the indecision in his eyes.
“Scott?”
He released her suddenly and leaned his head back against the seat. “I did, but by then it was too late. You were already with Ed.”
“What do you mean?”
“Two weeks after you told me you were pregnant, I came back. I intended to talk to you, to see if we could find a way to make it work, although I don’t know what the hell I thought would happen. Fatherhood isn’t exactly something you try on for size and if it doesn’t fit you get to give it back.”
“You came back, but you didn’t come and find me?”
“I did.” His voice was thick. “You were on the beach with Ed.”
She tried to remember, but those early days after Scott had left had been a blur. What had he seen? What had he thought? “Why didn’t you come and talk to me?”
“Because the two of you were holding hands and someone nearby said wasn’t it romantic because it had been such a whirlwind. By the time I’d worked out what I wanted, it was too late.”
She felt a rush of despair. She hadn’t been holding hands with Ed, as much as clinging. She’d been drowning, and he’d been the only solid thing within reach. “So you decided on the strength of that one glimpse not to even let me know you’d had a change of heart?”
“You’d already agreed to marry Ed. I assumed you were in love with him.”
“I was in love with you. How could you have thought that would change?”
He stared straight ahead. “I guess I got used to people leaving. Not wanting me. My birth mother, and all the foster families I lived with afterward. My whole life, all I saw was people changing their minds about me. I didn’t know what permanence was. I didn’t know what commitment was. I did know it was a hell of a lot easier to walk away than to stay. When I saw that you’d moved on, I guess in a way it was what I’d expected.”
She lifted her hand to her throat, finding it hard to breathe. He’d come back. He’d changed his mind. “I hadn’t moved on. I was right there.”
“With him. And that was a good decision. And the fact that you didn’t see me was probably for the best, too.” He put his hand on the wheel and gripped it tightly even though they weren’t going anywhere. “If you’d seen me that day, you might have walked away from Ed and that would have been the wrong thing to do.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because you needed security. You deserved that. You would have been giving up a sure thing for a bad risk.”
She saw the tension in his shoulders.
“You weren’t a bad risk. We could have—”
“No.” He pressed his fingers to his forehead and shook his head. “We’re not doing this. We will never know how that would have turned out and there’s no point in guessing. If I’d stayed, I might still have messed it up. Mack had stability. You gave her that. We’re going to accept that and move forward. I want to lend you money. I want you to take it.”
How could she say no? How could she possibly say no when there was so much emotion behind the gesture?
“I’ll take it.” She choked out the words. “Thank you.”
“There’s something else I want.”
Her heart kicked against her ribs. “Scott—”
“Not that.” His gaze dropped to her mouth. “At least, not yet. I want to be part of Mack’s life. I want to play a proper role. I want to share her with you. I want to be there for the bad bits and the good bits.”
She managed a laugh. “Are you sure? Be prepared to have your heart ripped open on a regular basis.”
A shadow crossed his face. “I’ve had practice.”
“We’ll have to talk to her about it—”
“Could we do that together?” He sounded unsure and she felt her heart break all over again.
Rejection was all he’d known.
“Whatever happened to sailing the world in your boat, relishing having no ties or responsibilities?”
“Some ties are good.”
Did he mean that? And would he still mean it in a week or a month?
Ignoring the questions in her head, she leaned in and wrapped her arms round him. “I didn’t know you came back. I can’t bear that you thought I rejected you.” She buried her face in his shoulder and he cursed softly.
“Don’t cry.” He cupped her face in his hands. “I hate it when you cry.”
“I can’t bear the thought of you torturing yourself imagining me with Ed.”
“I’m glad you had a good relationship. A good marriage. I mean that. I wanted only the best for you. It’s what you deserved. It’s what you still deserve.”
His generosity humbled her. “I loved him, but I loved you, too.”
“I know.” He brushed her tears away with his thumbs. “I wish this hadn’t happened to you.”
She’d wished that, too, but of course if it hadn’t happened she wouldn’t be here now, with Scott. She was so confused it hurt.
He lowered his head and kissed her. What began as a gentle, exploratory kiss soon turned hotter and more demanding. She lost awareness of her surroundings. There was only the thrum of blood in her ears and the heat of his mouth on hers. It was a kiss filled with regret, hope, love and promise.
Rocked by emotion, she wrapped her arms round his neck and wriggled closer.
They were so absorbed by each other neither of them heard the car door open.
Through a mist of head-spinning desire Lauren heard Mack’s voice, shrill and shocked.
“Mom? Scott?”
Startled, Lauren jumped away from Scott and turned to face her daughter.
How could she possibly be here? Why wasn’t she at school? How long had she and Scott been sitting in the car talking?
“You’re—” Mack choked out the word. “Ed just died, Mom. You loved Ed. How can you kiss another man? It’s disgusting. And you, too—” She glared at Scott. “You made me trust you. You made me like you! And the whole time you were using me as a way of getting back into my mom’s pants. I hate you. I truly hate you.” She turned away, stumbling over her bike and almost falling. It took two attempts but finally she climbed onto it and cycled away at a furious speed.
Lauren felt physically sick. Finally, after so many long difficult months, their relationship had reached a new place. And it had been a good place.
And now this.
Scott looked white and shaken. “She hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you,” Lauren said. A terrible weariness descended on her.
“You heard her. She said—”
“That’s a teenage thing.”
“Hating?”
“Using words like stones.”
“She said I was using her to get into your pants. What you and I have—that’s separate. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to like me. Not because of you, but because she’s my daughter.”
“I know. You need to not pay too much attention to what she said.”
“What? How?” There was a sheen of sweat on his brow. “That’s a terrible accusation and she is wrong.”
“Teenagers say that kind of thing sometimes. I hate you. No one loves me. I hate my life. She doesn’t hate you. That’s not what’s going on here.”
He ran his hand over his face. “How do you deal with it?”
“I lie awake at night anxious. Long after she has forgotten it, I’m still worrying about it.”
Scott shook his head in disbelief. “So what are we supposed to do? I need to tell her she’s wrong.”
“Let me talk to her first.” Lauren fastened her seat belt, her hands shaking. “Can you drive me home?”
“Shouldn’t we talk to her together?”
“Scott, she saw me kissing you. Talking to her together would be the worst thing we could do right now. She’s feeling vulnerable and isolated. She feels as if I’ve betrayed her. And Ed.”
His gaze met hers. “I was the one who kissed you.”
“That makes no difference.”
“What are you going to say to her? You can’t tell her there’s nothing between us, Laurie, because that wouldn’t be true.”
“She isn’t ready to deal with the idea of me diving into a new relationship. I’m not ready for it either!” What had she been thinking?
“This isn’t a new relationship. I’m her father, Lauren. It can hardly come as a surprise to her that we have feelings for each other.”
What were her feelings? She didn’t even know. “What we feel doesn’t matter. She isn’t going to be able to handle it.”
“Wait—” his voice sounded hoarse “—you’re saying you’re never going to have another relationship in case it upsets our daughter?”
“Eventually, maybe, one day—” she faltered. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying. I feel guilty and confused and right now like a seriously bad person. I can’t see you again, Scott. I mean, of course I’ll see you—this is a small island—but I can’t—we shouldn’t—not like this—”
Of all the things she’d thought about over the past six months, plunging into another relationship hadn’t even been on the list. But he was right of course. This relationship wasn’t new. Feelings had been stored deep, lain dormant, but they were still there. There was a deep, unshakable connection between them that was impossible to ignore.
She’d been worried she might fall in love with him again, but she realized now that she’d never fallen out of love.
She knew exactly what her feelings were and the reality filled her with despair.
He clearly felt the same way. “So that’s it? This is it?”
She was trembling.
“I guess it is.” She’d let him go once before and that had been hard. How much harder was it going to be this time? “It has to be.”