Chapter 7
The next morning when I woke up, naked, in Abraham’s arms, I decided it was my favorite way to start the day.
“Mmm, morning, baby,” Abraham’s deep voice rumbled through his chest and under my skin.
He pulled me closer and dug his face into the crook of my neck. I wiggled further into his arms and sighed. “Morning.”
His rough stubble chaffed my skin while his soft lips trailed up and down my neck. The contrast between the two did crazy things to my insides. A shuddering breath left my chest as his teeth scraped along my skin.
“I could get used to this,” he mumbled, breath hot against my neck.
I smiled sleepily until reality washed over me like a cold bucket of water.
It was Saturday already.
I was due in court Monday morning.
This bliss I was experiencing with Abraham had an expiration date.
He pulled his lips away from my skin and turned me over, so I was facing him. “What’s wrong?”
One side of my mouth curled into a rueful smile. “How do you always do that?”
His lips twitched. “Do what?”
I looked up into his blue gaze, so open and honest, I knew he’d tell me every secret he’d ever kept if I asked him. If I wanted, I could sink beneath all the layers he had and rifle through any thought I wanted. He was an open book, and I was a leather-bound journal with a lock on the front.
I shook my head. “How do you always know when something’s wrong?”
His lips stretched into a wide grin, and he rolled over onto his back, pulling me with him until I was draped across his firm chest. “I’m good at reading people. Especially you.”
I frowned into his chest. Was I that transparent? Were all my secrets and truths laid bare for him to see? There was far too much stacked up in my closet, if he were to see even one skeleton, the whole pile of crap I kept hidden could come crashing down.
“You’re worried now.”
I chuckled softly. “You’re good.”
He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “I read you so well because I watch you. I watch the way your body moves, the way it reacts to things. I watch your face, the way your brows get these two little lines between them when you’re thinking really hard, or the way your lips twist to the side when you think someone is lying to you. But my favorite is the way your eyes brighten right before you get sassy with me.”
I leaned up to give him a narrow-eyed look that he just smiled at. “You think you’re so smart, don’t you?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m still learning.”
I rolled my eyes and laid back down on his chest. “Seems to me like you’ve got it all figured out,” I grumped.
He laughed, his broad chest quaking beneath my cheek. “No, El. I’ve got a long way to go with you.”
I felt just slightly mollified at that. He laughed again and pulled until I was eye to eye with him. His big, warm palm brushed my messy hair away from my face as his blue eyes captured mine.
“You’ve got a deep well inside you, El. I know there’s a lot you keep hidden. Or protected. And I know I’ve got a lot more work to do before I can reach those places, but I’m working at it every day.”
I felt the truth of his words. There was a lot I kept hidden, and there was no doubt in my mind Abraham McCoy would eventually dig deep enough to uncover it all.
The thought sent shivers racing down my spine.
If he knew what I hid, nothing would ever be the same again. He wouldn’t–couldn’t look at me the same way if he found out. There would be no going back for us.
My heart ached at the thought of losing him.
So, I dug that well in me a little deeper and fortified it as best I could. Maybe one day, I’d be strong enough to give him all my truths. Maybe I could be like him and live my life like an open book, but today wasn’t that day.
“And there she goes,” he whispered.
I looked up to catch his sad eyes. “Huh?”
He pressed his lips to the tip of my nose. “You’re closing up shop. I can see it in those pretty brown eyes of yours. You’re guarding something.”
My entire body stiffened at his words.
He sighed and kissed my forehead. “It’s okay, El. I’m not diggin’ today. You can keep your secrets for now.”
For now.
I knew he was giving me some time to come clean on my own. To figure out my mess and let him in. What he didn’t know was I couldn’t risk it.
I could lose my friends.
I could lose my pack.
I could lose him.
No confession was worth that. And as nice as it might feel to get it all off my chest for the first time in my life, I couldn’t take the chance.
I wouldn’t take the chance.
“Come on, let’s go get some breakfast.”
I smiled, glad to have the topic changed. If I had it my way, all those secrets I kept hidden and locked down would stay that way forever.
We arrived for breakfast to a typically crowded room. Large men shuffled around other large men, filling plates and cups and finding seats. It was a comforting chaos. I lived alone and spent so much of my time that way that being in an environment like this was almost shocking. The stranger thing though, was I was getting used to the constant noise and movement.
I found myself drawing comfort in the swell of voices and laughter, the incessant clinking of silverware against plates, and the homey smell of a full breakfast.
My one-bedroom apartment in Raleigh was looking lonelier than ever.
“Hey, Elizabeth!”
I looked up to find the doctor’s mate standing there smiling at me. “Hi, Doreen. How are you?”
“I’m great. Congratulations on your shift,” she said as she took a seat across the large table from me.
Abraham cut in, “I asked Doreen if she’d teach you some meditation techniques this afternoon.”
I frowned. “Why?”
Abraham cleared his throat. “I thought it could help you to control your wolf better.”
My face heated, and Doreen spoke up. “Meditation is a great skill to have and it might help when you’re feeling out of control. Believe me, I wish someone would have showed me some of this stuff when I first went through the change. Could have saved a lot of money on all the clothes I ruined that year.”
I cracked a smile. “I’m in. When did you want to start?”
Doreen grinned widely, her perfect teeth gleaming. “I’m free for the next hour. I thought we could head down to the lake when you’re done with breakfast.”
“Sounds good, I’ll meet you there when I’m done.”
When she was out of earshot, I glanced at Abraham through narrowed eyes until he had the decency to look sheepish. He reached up to scratch the back of his head. “I was going to tell you.”
I rolled my eyes and turned back to my eggs that were getting cold. “When?”
He shrugged. “Today.”
“That’s convenient. Were you going to tell me on the way there?”
“El–”
I shot him another look, and he snapped his mouth closed. “I get a say in what I do, Abraham. That’s how this works or it’s not gonna.”
He swallowed once, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I wasn’t trying to do anything behind your back, El. I just talked to her last night and didn’t have a chance to mention it to you.”
I stabbed a chunk of scrambled egg with more force than was necessary. “Next time, you talk to me first.”
He sighed and ran a hand through his thick, dark hair. “I can do that.”
The anger was still at a low simmer in my bloodstream, but I worked to get past it. I needed to remember that he was an alpha. He was used to making decisions and having them followed by his pack. It wasn’t that he was trying to be overbearing, it just sort of came with the job.
At least that’s what I was telling myself.
I finished breakfast quietly and kissed Abraham goodbye when I was done. He had pack business to attend to, and I had a meditation class, apparently.
I slid open the back door and stepped out onto the patio. From its raised position over the backyard, I could clearly see to the lake, and out on the end of the long dock, sat a dark-haired, olive-skinned woman I recognized as Doreen.
“Elizabeth.”
I whipped around to find Clyde, leaning against the wall, with an unlit cigarette between his lips.
I pasted a fake smile on my face. “Hi, Clyde. How are you?”
He pushed off from the wall and pulled the cigarette from his mouth. “Just enjoying the view. What are you doing alone again?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m meeting Doreen on the dock. I’ll still be in sight of the lodge. I don’t think I need a babysitter for that.”
Clyde took a step closer, his hazel eyes hard. “We don’t know who this guy is. It could be anybody. It’s not safe for you to be alone.”
I sighed with irritation. What was with these overbearing werewolf men? What could possibly happen to me in the backyard in the middle of the day?
“You can watch me walk to the dock if it’ll make you feel better.”
He nodded. “Fine.”
I gave him a parting wave and walked down the stairs and across the backyard. I could feel Clyde’s eyes on me the whole time.
“Hey, Elizabeth! Come have a seat,” Doreen called when I reached her.
She had two yoga mats laid out side by side on the wooden dock. I took a seat and crossed my legs next to her, but my eyes were captivated by the sight in front of me.
I wondered when I’d stop being shocked by the beauty this new vision revealed. The large lake was as serene as it was teeming with life and movement. From the fish and turtles in the water, to the birds flying and chirping overhead, even to the insects buzzing around. Everything had a sound and a feel, and a smell and it would be easy for it to overwhelm me.
Doreen placed a warm hand on my arm, and I turned to face her. “Did you hear anything I just said?”
I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. I must have tuned out.”
“I know it’s a lot. There are sights and sounds and smells that are all fighting for your attention right now. I get it. But, I’m here to help you focus. To help you ground yourself and not let the wolf overwhelm you again.”
“I’d like that. I’m really not feeling like myself at all. I’m usually a pacifist. I’ve never been in a fight in my life. Now I’ve almost been in two in as many days.”
Doreen squeezed my arm. “This is all natural. You’re completely normal.”
I laughed lightly. “I wouldn’t call turning into a giant wolf normal, Doreen.”
She laughed and shook her head, giving my arm one more squeeze before pulling away. “I know none of it’s normal for you, but for us, trust me, it is.”
“Okay, so this is all to be expected. But you’re supposed to help me contain it, right? I don’t have months to get this under control. I need to have this wolf stuff locked down before I go back to work on Monday.”
“I’m going to show you some calming techniques that you can use when you feel yourself slipping out of control.” She sat up straight and turned to face the lake. “First, sit up and place your palms on your knees.”
I did as she asked.
“Now, close your eyes and take a deep, deep breath. So deep that your shoulders reach your ears.” I inhaled, the taste of the fresh water and pine coating my tongue. “When you release that breath, I want you to make sure your spine is straight, and your shoulders are level.”
Doreen’s voice was low and soft and almost hypnotic as she explained the next part. “Every breath you take after this, I want you to count. So, inhale, one, exhale, two, inhale, three, etcetera. Got that?”
I nodded and took a deep breath, counting quietly in my head as I did so.
“Don’t make your breaths too large or two small, just breathe the way you normally would. As you’re counting, try to erase everything else from your mind and just concentrate on the numbers.”
In, one.
Out, two.
In, three.
Out, four.
Doreen remained silent for a long time after that while I worked on clearing my mind and counting my breaths. Her soft hand on my arm a little while later almost made me jump.
I opened my eyes to find her kind brown gaze on me. “What did you think?”
“Seems easy enough.”
Doreen laughed. “Sure, it’s easy now with no outside stressors. The real trick will be doing it when you’re feeling out of control, and your wolf is close to the surface.”
She was right.
It was one thing to calm myself while sitting on a serene lake on a beautiful spring day, but it was another to do it while under stress.
Even thinking of Peyton’s annoying high-pitched voice had my wolf stirring beneath the surface.
“You need to stifle that,” Doreen warned.
I turned to look at her. “What?”
“I can see you getting worked up. You need to get that under control if you want to go back to work.”
“I have to go back to work. That’s not an option.”
Doreen turned to face me. “Elizabeth, can you go back to work if there’s even the slightest chance you’ll shift under stress?”
My stomach sank.
“No,” I whispered.
I couldn’t
That would be a disaster.
The terrible ramifications sped through my mind like a bad movie that only got harder to watch.
Doreen reached out and placed another comforting hand on my arm. “That’s what this technique is for. And why this is so important.”
Suddenly, my life back in Raleigh seemed further away and less attainable than ever. How was I going to juggle being a werewolf with being a senior associate at my law firm? How was it going to be the first time a client stressed me out, or I got frustrated in the courtroom?
I shuddered just thinking of the consequences of shifting in front of a judge and jury.
That couldn’t happen.
I needed to get this wolf stuff under control ASAP if I had any chance of returning to my old life.