“I don’t suppose you want to hang out tonight?” I ask, hoping I don’t sound as desperate and hollow as I feel.
A grin flashes across Falon’s face and before I know it, she’s scheming up our plans for the evening. “And then we can hit up the Red Devil and find us some cute guys. It sucks that Jordan can’t come out, but he said he’s helping his sisters with something. Sounded lame to me, but whatever. Milly?” Waving her hand in front of my face, Falon looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Hello? Are you zoning out on me again, or what?”
As the phone buzzes in my pocket, I fight the urge to check it. “Sorry. All the reviewing in class for the exam must have melted my brain or something. Dinner then Red Devil sounds like a plan.”
After sharing a white pie at Zorno’s Pizzeria, Falon and I head across the street to the Red Devil, where the line is already starting to twist its way back around the block. My phone buzzes for the third time, but I don’t dare even look at the screen. I know it’s the triplets…probably wanting to know when we’re going to do it all again. I feel sick. I’m just the stupid girl who they’ve convinced to do things no one else was prepared to do and they think I’m going to keep doing it. They think we can be open about this.
They tried to make me feel special like I was the only one for them and there was no one else…and the things they did with me, well, I wanted them to feel private and special but now they don’t. They feel like cheap.
Frowning at the line to Red Devil, I follow Falon quickly across the street.
I just need some space to myself so I can think. Or maybe not think at all.
Luckily for us, it doesn’t take too long to get through the line, and by the time we make it inside, the place is already jam-packed. It always is on Mondays—Ladies Night—where women can get in for just one dollar, and our drinks are half-priced. Seeing a couple of open bar stools, I nudge Falon and point to them. Cheap drinks are just what the doctor ordered. Many, many cheap drinks, in fact.
The bass is thumping in my chest as I down my second vodka and cranberry, watching the small dance floor where people are writhing and winding all over the place.
“And then I told him he could fuck right off. I don’t care if we were together for two years, he’s not going to make me feel like shit for dumping him. I mean holy hell, the guy was living in his dad’s basement and selling drugs on the side! Ugh,” Falon groans, leaning her back against the bar top. “Why are guys such assholes, Milly? Is it just me? Do I have some neon sign hanging up on my head that says ‘Treat me like shit?’”
Not wanting to put my actual two-cents into it, I give her a sympathetic smile. “I thought you were done talking to Felix? You should definitely be done talking to him. Like you said, he’s a loser drug dealer who can’t even find his way out of a paper bag. You were way too good for him.”
The ghost of a smile tugs at her lips. “You’re right. I was too good for him. Did I ever show you his ex-girlfriend’s profile? Straight from the meth lab, no lie.” She raises her glass after taking a quick sip. “Here’s to finding a guy, no a man, who knows how to treat us ladies!” We clink glasses and both lean back, surveying the rest of the bar, recognizing some faces in the crowd from school.
I keep up pace with Falon, not wanting to think about anything real for the rest of the night if I can help it. Feeling the fourth drink really starting to kick my ass, I tug at her sleeve. “I gotta pee, you coming?”
“Nah, I’m good for now. Plus, I think that hottie in the black tank top over there is checking me out,” she whispers loudly, nudging her chin in the direction of one of the tables where sure enough, a younger-looking guy nods his head at us.
“All right, all right, I’ll be back,” I pout, scooping up my purse and pushing past the swarm of bodies to find my way to the bathroom. “Oh, thank god,” I mumble, glad to see an open stall for once.
Washing up afterward, I turn to grab a paper towel and accidentally run right into Charity Holmes and her best friend, Kelsey, two of our school’s top cheerleaders.
Kelsey’s re-applying her lipstick while Charity looks me up and down. Recognition spreads across her face and she points to me. “You’re the triplet’s little sister, aren’t you?”
Gritting my teeth into a smile I nod. “Yep. Their step-sister,” I say for added emphasis. “We had Psych 101 together last year.”
She nods as if she could care less, but leans in conspiratorially anyway. “What’s it like living with them? The 3Ds, I mean.”
I want to cringe—I hate their shared nickname and the fact that Charity’s unknowingly making it that much harder for me to dismiss them at the moment. “It’s okay I guess,” I reply, throwing away the paper towel.
Kelsey caps her lipstick and nudges Charity, watching me through the mirror. “I can’t even imagine. I mean, those guys? So fucking hot! I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands to myself.”
My face flushes a deep pink in the mirror. “Well, they’re just family to me.”
Charity squeals. “Just family!?” She tilts her head back, closing her eyes with a grin. “But how can you resist them when they’re walking around in nothing but their boxers? Those abs…those…” She wiggles her eyebrows and I blanche.
“And they have dimples! I love dimples,” Kelsey sighs.
My blood feels boiling hot—the last thing I want to do is get involved in this kind of conversation after what happened last night. “They’re my stepbrothers…I don’t think of them like that.” The lies taste bitter in my mouth.
“Sucks for you. No offense, of course,” Charity says, both girls shrugging and continuing to go on about the list of my stepbrother’s finer features, while I head back out of the bathroom, determined to down my next drink in a hurry. The less I remember of this night, hell, this week, the better.
The music turns to something more somber with less base, and I finally feel like I can breathe as the crowd thins out around the edges of the room. I cut between everyone, and skirt around the bar to the other side before I stop short.
Falon’s sitting in the same spot but she’s not alone. Dane, Drew, and Dylan are all standing around her, deep in conversation with her. Fuck me. My little bubble of privacy is popped. On one hand, I’m pissed that I have to deal with them tonight when all I wanted to do was get away. On the other hand, though, I can’t be mad at anyone but myself, after all, I was the one who agreed to come to Red Devil. Even though I wasn’t expecting to see them, it’s the campus bar so it’s not exactly an exclusive remote hangout or anything.
I could hide and wait them out, but something tells me they’ll wait as long as necessary. I can’t just skulk around in the bathroom, either.
Pushing past Dane, I pull on Falon’s arm, completely ignoring the three of them. “C’mon, let’s get out of here. We can find somewhere else to go.”
“What? Why…?” Falon questions me, but I raise my brows at her, hoping she gets the point.
Drew angles his way in even closer, somehow managing to put himself between the two of us, his hand firmly wrapped around my upper arm as he pulls me aside. Even though I try and fight to break free, nothing works.
“What the hell, Mills? What are you doing? Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? Ignoring our calls…staggering around here reeking of booze?”
I wrench my arm free finally, glaring at him. Who the hell does he think he is, my goddamn babysitter? “Why do you even care? This is my life and I can do whatever the fuck I want!” I seethe, lowering my voice so only he can hear me, I add, “Just because of what happened doesn’t mean you three get to decide where I go and what I do. I don’t fucking think so.”
It’s like a switch is turned on inside of Drew, and his eyes flash at me, his head tilting to the side. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? That’s not what I was trying to say at all—why the hell are you acting like this all of the sudden? What’s going on with you now, Milly? You’re giving me whiplash!”
Watching Dane and Dylan edging closer to us, I glance over at Falon who looks utterly confused at what’s going on. Everything builds up inside of me…what we did, how I felt, the lies they probably told me just to have me in the first place, and now they want to pretend to be my knights in shining armor? It all feels too real, too similar.
This is just like my dad all over again. Men like him, like them…sex is the only priority they have. They always seem to put their dicks before their women’s hearts, and then the women have to pick up the pieces left all alone afterward. My mom’s tear-stained face flashes in my mind and I clench my fists at my side. I won’t let it happen to me.
“Just leave me the fuck alone!” I shout, the thoughts blowing up in my head as I storm passed all of them not giving a damn that others are around me watching with interest. The neon red exit sign looms ahead over the front door to the bar, and I’m just about there when I look over my shoulder and see Drew, Dane, and Dylan all following me.
I pick up the pace, desperate to get out into the night air before someone else tries to make a grab at me and tell me how to live my life. Quickly, I shove open the door and walk around the corner back to where the parking lot is. A handful of people are standing around chatting, ignoring me as I stalk passed, but the guys aren’t far behind, and with their longer legs and my crappy shoes I just had to wear this morning, I don’t get very far before they’ve caught up with me.
“Milly! Where are you going to go? You don’t have a car and you’re drunk! Just let us take you home.” Dane shouts, one of the first time he’s ever raised his voice at me, but I could hardly care less at this point.
The ground feels wobbly under my feet, my vision just barely blurred around the edges. “I’m not a goddamn idiot! I know what that means—let us take you home! You guys are just looking for sex and I’m not going to do it again,” I slur, waving my hand in the air for emphasis.
Dane’s eyes go wide and he slowly looks over at the people standing around, Dylan and Drew doing the same. It hits me these aren’t just some random people. I see the logo on one guy’s shirt—they go to school with us.
I’ve just outed myself in front of a load of students, and by the way that they’re snickering, a couple of the girls’ mouths opened wide in shock, they definitely heard what I said.
I’m now the girl who fucked her three stepbrothers, and I’m never going to live it down.
I’ve never felt like crawling up under a rock more in my life than in this moment.
Shoved up against the door and as far away from Drew as I can get, I’m slowly dying on the inside. Getting away from the crowd was my priority so suddenly riding in the back of Richard’s car with my stepbrothers didn’t seem like such a hideous option.
I bring my hand up over my face, wishing I could sink into the seat itself. What the hell did I do? Letting my temper get to me like that, mouthing off and shouting in front of all those people from school. Being humiliated is one thing, but bringing humiliation on yourself is something else. I’ve never done anything like this before, and it’s clear that everything that’s happened between me and my stepbrothers has me acting out of character.
Without the radio on, the four of us ride in silence on the way home. Out of the corner of my eye, Drew has got his arms crossed, a muscle in his cheek twitching. He’s mad as hell — there’s no denying it – and I really don’t even see why. It shouldn’t be that big a deal to them. After all, everyone knows what they’re like. I’m the one who’s gonna be the talk of the college by tomorrow. I’m the one whose reputation is going to be shredded beyond repair. It’s the double standard between men and women that it’s impossible to escape. They will just be seen as macho heroes for all the other guys on campus to look up to. I’m sure there’ll be some serious back slapping going on in the locker room. Being able to fuck your step-sister, hell, who knows how many points that’s worth in the guy’s handbook?
Not me though. All those girls who lust after them will hate me. I’ll be an easy target and that just makes me feel sick. How long before those rumors get back to our parents? They’re involved with the college through the boy’s team stuff.
I can just imagine the football team now, all of them sitting around in the locker room, speculating on all the ways the triplets fucked me, laughing at how easy I must be. They’ll probably try and take a crack at me next, coming up with some crude name to call me for just the guys. I shudder at the thought of it.
Even still, none of them say a word to me and when we pull up to the driveway, I’m itching to get inside and lock myself away from them. Hopefully, they’ll really leave me alone this time.
Swinging my purse over my shoulder I’m the first to unlock the door, tucking the keys back into my purse and leaving the door open for the rest of them. I march up the steps, to hell with anything else.
Someone slams the door shut down stairs as I make my way up, and that’s when I hear someone else’s footsteps coming up behind me, not rushing, but definitely following me. I grit my teeth as I get to my bedroom door, ready to shut it on whoever’s trying to come after me.
But Drew’s not having it, placing his hand on the door before I can shut it, making it completely impossible for me to move it. Dammit, here we go again.
They hover around me until I’m so absolutely tired of the silence that I have to say something to kill it. “What do you think you’re doing?” I ask him.
All three of them seem to arch their eyebrows at me at the same time. Drew tilts his head to the side. “You think you can go acting like that, the way you did back there, and we’re just going to keep quiet about it?”
Without waiting for a response, all three of them walk past me into my room. Half of me feels violated, treated like some sort of child that they can boss around however they want, the other half of me can’t help but feel a little anxious. Something about the way they move, the way Drew turns on me and narrows his gaze at me. Yep, I’m definitely in trouble.
I stand there, awkwardly, wondering what they expect me to say. I ball my fists, the deeply rooted urge to defend myself bubbling away inside, but as much as I hate it, another part of me feels like I need to apologize to them. I might be feeling wounded at the thought that they’ve treated me the same as all the other girls they’ve been with before, but my feelings for them haven’t really changed. Facing up to them and telling them the whole truth about how I feel is scary. I don’t think that I’m that brave.
Fumbling for the right words to say, I open my mouth but am quickly silenced as Drew stalks up to me, backing me up against the closet door. His gaze is intense, fire burning inside his eyes as he leans in closely, Dane and Dylan coming up on either side of him.
“You’ve got us all wrong, Mills. We know what everyone says about us, and I won’t lie, we were total dogs to girls in the past, but that isn’t what this is, between us. It’s about a hell of a lot more than all that. You’re special to us, Mills,” he whispers in my ear. It’s everything I need to hear and this close, his breath sends chills down my neck and spine.
Trying to get myself together, I meet his gaze. “How do I know that?”
Dylan’s hand skims up my waist, while Drew cups my cheek.
“Isn’t it enough for us to say it?”
I shake my head. My dad was full of flowery words of love and devotion, then he left without a backward glance. Words are cheap.
“How can we prove it to you?” Dane asks softly. He finds my hand, entwining my fingers with his. I don’t know how to answer him. Proof can sometimes be immediate. When mom found the emails from Dad’s girlfriend, that was immediate and irrefutable evidence of his affair, but proving feelings and intentions, well that can’t be done so quickly. That kind of proof takes time. It takes commitment from everyone involved. It’s risky.
“It’s not that easy,” I reply. It’s not what they want to hear but I don’t know what else to say. They need to understand that there is no band aid for the worry I have in my heart.
“You sure about that, Mills?” Dylan whispers against my ear. “Because I think I can show you.”
It’s back to sex again.
“It’s not that easy,” I repeat.
“We only want you, Mills,” Dane says softly.
He engulfs my hesitated reply with a kiss. I try to turn my head but he holds my chin and presses the softest kisses to my mouth. I feel my resolve slipping because this does feel like more. It feels sweet and kind and all the things that I hoped I’d one-day find. Hands slip up my shirt, unbuttoning my pants, stroking my skin. Someone presses my hand against a very hard cock.
“See what you do to us,” Drew murmurs.
I melt into them all until I don’t know where one of us ends and the others begin. I’ve lost control of the situation. I’ve lost control of myself.
And so it happens again that my stepbrothers share me and I give myself to them, knowing that by tomorrow, everything that we’re doing together is going to be common knowledge.