I stare straight up, watching the shadows from the trees outside my window dance across the ceiling. As calm as everything else seems to be, my heart is racing, my stomach clenching in on itself.
I don’t know how many times I’ve checked the time, but once midnight rolls around, I’m determined to get a move on with my plan.
It took all day, and into the night before I came up with it. It’s pretty simple, really, but I’m still sorta terrified all the same. What I do know is that I’m not going to sit back anymore, not when I have the power to change things to be the way I want them.
Hopefully, all it will take to make them understand is some groveling. Literally. After what I said I know that I have to prove to the triplets that I mean business. Even if I have to beg them to forgive me.
The only way I can do that is to go to their rooms and show them just what I mean. A jolt runs up my spine as I change into the long t-shirt I sometimes sleep in and pull down my panties, throwing them in the laundry pile. I won’t need them if all goes as planned.
Fixing my hair, I make a final check in the mirror. I smile because for the first time in weeks I look alive; flushed cheeks and a sparkle in my eyes. If I wasn’t sure before, I know now that this is right. Just thinking about being with them has me feeling so happy. The feeling swells like a big balloon of warmth. I try not to think about what will happen if they turn me away because if I do, I don’t think I’d have the courage to go through with this.
It takes me a minute to finally conquer my silly nervousness, and twist my doorknob. It’s like it’s trying to tell on me, groaning as I move it. I slip out into the hallway and make a note to grab some of the WD-40 from Richard’s garage tomorrow before bed-time.
I quietly tiptoe down to the room furthest away from mine, Dylan’s, figuring I’ll just make my way back to my room one step-brother at a time. When I’m there I stand, trying to get my composure. I know that every second out here puts me at greater risk of being discovered by Rich or mom but I can’t just rush in there. A few deep, soothing breaths later and I’m ready. I take hold of the handle, turning it slowly. Through the crack I can see him lying on his bed, bathed in the dim light from his bedside lamp. He’s totally knocked out, flat on his back, and very naked under the little bit of sheet that’s slung over his hips.
Everything else is on full display for me. I tiptoe into the room and shut the door behind me as quietly as I can. He doesn’t stir. For a moment I’m frozen in place. The way he looks…it’s almost too much. My fingers ache to touch him as much as my heart longs to be in his arms. This is so risky, not only because we could get caught but also because I have no idea how he’s going to respond.
I start to get less certain of my plan.
My confidence starts to trickle away. I look down at my feet and stretch out my fingers.
Dylan stirs a little and I watch as he moves one of his legs and the sheet slips even further down. I swear that I swoon a little. The light hits him just right to showcase just how ripped Dylan is from all that basketball, working out, and swimming. I watch as he breathes slowly in and out. Even from here I can see his long eyelashes cast against his cheekbones, and the strong nose over top his perfectly pouty lips.
He is beautiful. I know that’s not a word that often gets used for a man, but he is.
With one arm thrown out to the side, he looks as though he’s already waiting for me,
I close my eyes for a second and imagine how warm his skin will be. I remember the scent of him from the jersey he pulled over my head in the library and all the times he’s brought me close to his body. I swallow hard.
Dylan is light and laughter, but underneath it he carries a little sadness that he tries hard to conceal. For all the times he’s held me and told me it was going to be alright, I want to make him believe that too. I want to hold him in my arms and stroke his face. I want to see his eyelids droop with pleasure and feel his body relax. I want to be there for him emotionally as well as physically.
Maybe he’ll understand when I explain it all.
My palms are clammy so I wipe them on my shirt, take another deep breath, and try to recompose myself. I’m not here to play what-ifs, and whatever might happen, I need to apologize for what I said.
Taking cautious steps toward his bed, I slip into it next to him, pushing the sheet back and sighing to myself as I take in the rest of his gorgeous form. Even asleep, Dylan is impressive in every way.
For seconds I wait to see if he’ll wake up.
Nothing.
He must be in a really deep sleep.
I hover my hand over his head, wanting to touch him but so scared too. This is it. This is my chance to find out if there is any hope of being all the things the triplets told me they wanted. I have to take it.
Running my hand over his shaved head, I marvel at how velvet and warm he is. Dylan starts to stir so I move down to his chest, dropping a soft kiss here and there. I can just make out when his eyes flutter open in a cute, sleepy kind of surprised way.
I put my finger up to his lips. “Shh.”
He looks at me as though he wants to say ‘what the fuck’, but I shake my head.
I need to be the one to do the talking here.
“I’m sorry, Dylan, for all the things I said and I…just…I want…” I trail off because how do I explain to him what I want without telling him how I feel. He reaches up and pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear, his eyes lingering on my lips. Every nerve seems to buzz to life. There’s a sleepy, laziness to the way he’s looking at me that’s so sexy I have to squeeze my legs together. “You know how I feel about you,” I say softly.
He shakes his head. “No, Milly. I don’t,” he whispers.
I trail one finger down his cheek, watching its progress, fascinated by how the softness of his skin at his temple turns course over his shaven face. I lean in and press a tiny soft kiss to the corner of his lips. Maybe I can show him what I mean, but Dylan draws back as though he’s waiting for me to speak.
I sign. He has every right to expect more than just an apology. He wants to know where my heads at, and if I can’t explain what I want and how I feel, how can I expect any of my stepbrothers to believe in me.
I close my eyes because I know it’ll be easier to speak this way, without seeing his reactions. Maybe I’ll be able to pretend he isn’t there. Maybe that’ll make it easier.
“I’ve pretended for a long time, Dylan. Pretended that I didn’t feel anything for you guys. Pretended that anything I did feel was all just physical rather than anything deeper. I’ve found a million reasons why being with you all is a terrible idea. I’ve pushed you all away and denied that there is anything there, but I’m miserable, D.”
At this point, Dylan takes hold of one of my hands and kisses my palm gently.
“This is all crazy,” I continue. “I know it is. I can’t see how any of it is going to work out, but my heart is with you and Dane and Drew. It has been from that first week when I moved in and we were all goofing around in the pool. I saw you all. How much you love each other and your dad. How willing you were to make me and mom feel at home. I saw the light in each of you and I wanted to rest in it.”
I feel a tear trickle from the corner of my eye and drip onto the pillow.
“But I’m scared, D. My heart is sore and I can’t take any more hurt.”
I open my eyes slowly because I’ve said it all. I’ve said everything I feel in my heart and I need to see him now to know what he’s thinking.
“Don’t you think we feel all that too?” he asks. “We’ve all been through difficult times and we know what we’re asking of you in crazy in the eyes of most people, but we want what we want and we feel what we feel and there is no pushing that away, Milly. No without us all being miserable.”
He kisses my palm again and I wrap my arms around his big body, resting my face on his warm chest.
“Can you forgive me?” I ask him
“For being scared?” he asks. “Of course.”
“For what I said.”
Dylan strokes his huge palm over my head. “Nothing to forgive, baby. It’s been hard waiting for you to realize what we’d be giving up, but it was the only way to make you see.”
“Is that what you were doing?” I ask, frowning.
“Sometimes you only see what you had when it’s gone,” he says softly.
“I know,” I say. “It’s been the hardest time, like all the light in my life had dimmed.
There’s a shifting under the sheet he has thrown over him, and he’s pulling me down, letting me lie on him as he cradles the back of my head. Instead of talking more, Dylan slides his free hand up my nightgown, resting it on the small of my back.
Our kiss goes from small and soft to longer, drawn out, and more frenzied. With each press of his lips and slide of his tongue I feel him talking to me, telling me how he feels and what he wants. I feel his cock stirring against my thigh, his hands grabbing my hips harder. I want to take my time with him, but with only so many hours in the night and two more stepbrothers to get to, and my own lust boiling just barely under my skin, it’s impossible.
I slip my hand between us and stroke his thickening cock, Dylan hissing under his breath.
“Is this what you want, Mills? Are you sure?” he asks, holding my hand firmly. “Because I don’t think I can take it if you change your mind again.” I can feel his breath hinging on whatever I’m about to say next, and see the hope in his eyes. Even though he’s physically so big and strong, he’s as vulnerable as I am.
I nod. “I’m sure, D.”
He must see the truth in my eyes because Dylan lets go of my hand and allows me to keep stroking him, his head hitting the pillow as I pull myself over on top of him. His hands slide up under my nightgown again, cupping my ass with a sigh. “Damn, Mills. Are you trying to drive me crazy slipping in here in just this flimsy thing and no panties?”
“That was kinda my plan. Make you so horny you wouldn’t be able to resist me.”
“Best. Plan. EVER,” he says, smiling against the hollow of my throat and running his fingers down the seam of my ass. God, that makes me shiver.
Dylan runs his hands up along my ribcage, holding me in place as he drops his mouth to my cleavage. It’s amazing how just a few minutes ago I was nervous he’d reject me and now I have him rolling his hips against mine, wanting to claim me all over again.
He slowly pulls the hem of my nightgown up and over my head, tossing it aside as he pulls us both upright with me sitting in his lap facing him. Picking me up easily, Dylan lays me back until I’m pinned underneath his enormous body, the outline of his muscles lit up by the lamp.
With another slow, tantalizing kiss, Dylan’s tongue sweeps into my mouth, tasting me. It’s delicious and I can’t help but gasp as he pulls away, kissing along my jawline.
I run one hand over his shaved head, loving the feeling of his hair’s texture and imagining it between my thighs, while I lace my fingers on my other hand with his.
Dylan’s mouth ghosts down my neck until I feel his warm breath on my breasts, giving me goosebumps up and down my body. He pins both of my arms down and looks at me with a devilish expression that sends a jolt right to pussy. I squeeze my thighs together tightly and throw my head back as Dylan’s tongue slowly circles my pointed nipple.
“Jumpy, are we?” he teases, doing it again, this time to my other nipple.
All I can do is remember to breathe as he licks and sucks on them, every caress making me more lightheaded.
It becomes crystal clear what Dylan has in mind when he trails his mouth down to my navel, spending a minute or two there, gripping my hips hard as he kisses my belly, nuzzling where I’m warm and soft.
I’m practically squirming the moment he releases my hips only to slowly push my legs apart, scooting down the bed until his face is only a few inches from where I’m aching. Lost in my own pleasure, it takes me a moment to catch up. “Wait!”
“Wait?” he pauses.
Taking in a deep breath, I quickly nod. “This is supposed to be me apologizing to you, right? I should be trying to make it up to you…those things I said…I shouldn’t have said any of it—”
When I try and sit up, Dylan pushes me back. “Milly, in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve accepted your apology. And then some. If you want to make it up to me, then please, please, let me lick your pussy,” he replies, his face somehow even closer to me. “It’s just waiting right there, so close… close enough for me to…”
I have to throw my arm over my mouth to keep from being too loud and waking anyone up. Dylan’s tongue gently strokes over my clit. It’s a touch as soft as a butterflies wing but I feel it in the roots of my hair. Fuck. I shiver again and he chuckles. “That’s it, girl,” he says softly, doing it all over again. He teases me and teases me, licking enough to arouse but not enough to make me come. My hips buck, my hands reach to press him into my pussy harder. It’s only when I’m frantic he penetrates me with his thick fingers, pumping them in and out of my pussy in a way that makes my toes curl. I’m a shaking mess, clawing at the sheets, writhing as he holds me down. I’m squirming in anticipation.
“Please…” I gasp.
“Please what?” he mumbles, his mouth still working where I’m pink and wet.
“Please let me come…”
He chuckles again and it sounds a little like he’s planning to make me wait. Then he sucks on my clit and I’m coming and and coming and coming, shoving my fist into my mouth to keep myself silent.
When I return to reality, Dylan is next to me, stroking my hair.
“I don’t care what you think you did wrong, Milly. You deserve this and so much more. Don’t forget that, all right?” Tears well up in my eyes at his sweet words. “But don’t get too cozy.”
I turn to look at him not really understanding what he’s getting at. “And why not? You got other plans or something?”
Dylan just chuckles again, untangling his hand from my hair and smoothing it down. “No. But as much as I’d like to be a selfish prick and keep you in my bed all night, I think it’s time for you to spread the word, so to speak.”
I follow where he’s pointing his finger—out the door. “Very sweet of you to share,” I mumble against his cheek, giving him one last slow kiss before sliding back out of his bed. I grab my nightshirt from the floor and pull it back on. Dylan’s standing next to me pulling on his boxers. “What are you doing?” I ask him.
“Coming with you, baby. Don’t think I’m gonna miss out on the fun.”