I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Telling Whitney these songs bring memories only opens the door for me to insert my foot again. What’s next? Maybe tell her I’ve done nothing but think of her non-stop since I saw her at the club? That having her with me for days solidified what I’ve known since I was fifteen? Whitney Wheeler is beautiful, smart, funny, quirky, and everything a man could want in a woman.
Then I fucked it up and kissed her. I knew she wasn’t ready. I knew it before I asked her to dance. I was playing with fire but couldn’t help myself. Spending those days with her driving and talking, reconnecting and getting to know one another as adults and not teenagers, was more than I could have imagined.
Honestly, I never imagined seeing her again, let alone giving her a lap dance in front of a few hundred screaming women. But that’s what happened, and my life has been turned upside down ever since. I was being honest when I invited her on the trip with me. I wanted to be a good friend and help her escape from the shitty hand life had dealt her. Well, that her loser ex-fiancé handed her.
Moron.
Without much thought of the consequences, I kissed her. On the small makeshift dance floor of an old speakeasy, I held the woman of my dreams in my arms, and it was more than my horny teenage self could have ever imagined.
Then she ran.
For months I wanted to reach out to her but didn’t. No texts and no calls. Nothing. I understood it then, and I understand it now. She’s been through a lot these past few months and although I thought she was amazing when we were in Portland, this newer—stronger—version of her is so much more.
Whitney is stronger because of what she’s been through, and it shows in every way. Her hair is more carefree, her lips are brighter, and her skin glows. Her smile has always been her best asset aside from her huge heart. Tonight, when she laughed her smile was addictive. I want nothing more than to put it on her face every day.
The one thing that hasn’t changed since that night in Portland is the fear I see in her eyes. She’s afraid to care, to take a risk, to find love again. Maybe for the first time. There’s no way that Trenton idiot could have loved her if he was willing to be so careless with her heart.
Sitting here, in front of her apartment building, I have two choices. I can tell Whitney Wheeler I fell in love with her the first time during sophomore science and for the second time in a hotel room with two puppies over mediocre takeout, or I can offer her friendship and hope she catches up to my feelings.
I go with the latter.
“Yeah, memories of a fun trip with my friend. I’ve missed you these last few months, Whit.” Her smile falters a little, but she recovers quickly. Maybe bringing her up to speed will be easier than I expected.
“We just had breakfast together after my poor texting skills.”
“Ah yes, the tequila event. I thought you made me promise never to speak of it again?”
“You didn’t speak of it. Way to keep your word.”
Smiling, I say, “Maybe we can make this a regular thing? Hanging out.”
“I’d like that,” she replies with a small smile. God, I want to kiss her. Looks like tonight will be another edition of “Luke slaps his salami while thinking of Whitney Wheeler.”
“Thank you for the ride, Lucas. I’ll talk to you later.” I don’t reply while she opens her door. Friends let friends open their own doors, even if it’s driving me crazy to not be a gentleman. Hopping out of my truck, I run around to the other side as she closes the door.
“How come you never call me Luke?” I ask as her brows knit in confusion. “You always call me Lucas.”
“That is your name, is it not?” she asks while scrunching her nose. Fuck, she’s adorable.
“It is but everyone calls me Luke,” I comment while she takes a few steps toward the steps to her building. Leaning against my truck, I watch as she contemplates a response.
“That’s the thing, Lucas; I’m not like everyone else,” she says with a wink before turning toward her building, leaving me standing with my mouth open and her perfect ass on display as she walks away. Yep, it’s another Luke and his salami night.
I wait for Whitney to make it inside before getting in my truck and driving away. That girl is going to be the death of me. She has no idea how she affects me, how she’s always affected me.
The drive to my house isn’t too far and when I pull up in front, Jonah’s and Carmen’s cars are both in the driveway, parked side by side. Eventually, I’m going to wear out my welcome here, but until then I’ll continue to be grateful for their hospitality and friendship.
After the last time I walked in and caught them fucking on the couch, I always make a lot of noise when enter the front door. You can never be too careful with those two. Clearing my throat, jiggling my keys, and loudly closing the door, I hope that’s enough of a warning for them. Carmen’s laughter from the living room confirms they’ve heard my grand entrance and hopefully, Jonah has at least covered his junk this time.
“We’re decent, don’t worry,” Carmen shouts my way.
Mocking their decency, I cover my eyes before stepping into the living room. Peeking through my eyes I see the pillow headed straight for my head and duck.
“Don’t mock us, fucker.”
“Jonah, be nice to Luke. He was out with his girl and is still home by nine. How’d it go?”
Carmen is my biggest supporter in the quest to make Whitney mine. Well, other than Jessi. I swear, those two meeting is either going to be the greatest thing to happen to me or the reason for my demise. Heaven help us all when Whit is added to the mix. The thought of Whitney here with my friends morphs to a smile and earns me a squeal from Carmen.
“Oh my gosh! It went good, yeah? Honey look at his face. Of course it went well.”
I sit on the chair across from where Jonah and Carmen are cuddled on the couch. I rarely spend time in this room because I’m either studying in my room, at school, or at work. Glancing at the television, I note they’ve paused one of Jonah’s fishing shows for this little powwow.
“It’s the same ugly mug we see every day, babe. Relax.”
Smacking Jonah across the chest, Carmen repositions herself so she’s kneeling on the couch facing me. “Tell me about it. Jessi said she wasn’t going to tell her you were coming. Was she surprised?”
“I think we both were. I had no idea she didn’t know I was coming. Regardless, we had a good time. I had a few beers, we shared some appetizers, and she drank one too many vodkas so I drove her home.”
“Did you kiss her?” Carmen asks excitedly.
“Uh, no. I told you I’m trying to be her friend right now. This isn’t some chick flick. We aren’t going to have some pivotal moment with cheesy music in the background.”
“Don’t be such a pessimist, Luke. Friends kiss. I kissed Jonah when we were just friends.”
“Baby, we were never just friends.”
Looking at Jonah confused, Carmen pats his leg patronizingly before saying, “You tell yourself whatever you need, baby.”
Sniggering, I rise from the chair and stretch my hands over my head. I have at least three hours of studying before I can call it a night.
“I’m going to let you guys get back to this riveting television; I have to study.”
“Whatever, dude. Deep sea fishing is the shit. These guys don’t fuck around.”
Laughing, I walk from the living room, waving my hand over my head. Dropping my keys on my dresser, I pull my shirt from my head as my phone rings. Pulling it from my pocket, I see it isn’t a regular call but a video call from Whitney. Her profile picture is a spitting llama and not her pretty face which is a shame. Sliding my finger across the accept icon, I watch as her face fills the screen.
“Are you naked?”
Laughing, I answer, “No. I was just about to be though. Want to hold while I do that?”
I shouldn’t flirt with her, but it’s like I can’t help myself. She’s cute as hell with her face free of her makeup, hair piled on top of her head and an oversized sweatshirt hanging off her bare shoulder. Her giggles are uninhibited, and I realize she’s still a little tipsy when she hiccups.
“Shit, I have the hiccups. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. What’s going on? Miss me already?”
“Yeah. I mean noooo. Don’t confuse me, Lucas.”
“Sorry. Hold on, I’m going to put you down but you’ll face the ceiling while I change, okay?” Instead of waiting for a response, I set the phone down on my dresser. “You can still talk while you look at the ceiling,” I tell her while I pull off my jeans and slide on a pair of pajama pants.
“It’s weird talking to a white ceiling. Why are ceilings always white? I used to watch one of those design shows and they would sometimes put wood beams on the ceiling but never paint it a different color. Is that weird?” Yep, she’s still a little buzzed. Retrieving the phone, I settle on top of my bed with my back against the headboard before responding.
“I think if you painted the ceiling it would make the room seem smaller or something. I’m sure we could google the answer if you really want to know.”
“Maybe I will. I thought you were putting clothes on.”
“Uh, no. I was changing my pants. I have like three hours of studying to do tonight.”
Whitney’s face falls a little before she speaks. “Oh . . . I should let you go, I’m sorry to bother you.”
“You could never bother me. I live the glamorous life of a med student, Whit. It’s studying my ass off for a few years before residency. Then it’ll be years of me being a senior resident and an attending’s bitch.”
“Will it be worth it?”
“Being someone’s bitch?” She nods. “Yeah, it will be. This is all I’ve ever wanted.”
“I’m proud of you, Lucas. You followed your dream, and one day you’ll be a doctor. Not everyone can say they pursued their dream and succeeded.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Whit. I could still blow this. I have many years to go but yeah, it feels pretty good most days. You didn’t call me to talk about med school. What’s up?”
“Well, umm . . .” Her face scrunches, and she tugs on her bottom lip with her teeth in obvious distress. “Since you got me drunk tonight, I don’t have a car tomorrow and wondered if you could maybe give me a ride to my car. I asked Jessi, but she has an early study session.”
“Babe, I’m pretty sure you got yourself drunk.” Sticking her tongue out in response makes me laugh before I continue. “That’s all? The way you were abusing your lip I figured it was something crazy like you needed a kidney.”
“Shut up. I should take an Uber. Never mind.”
“I’m teasing. Lighten up, Whit. Of course, I’ll take you. Want to grab breakfast before? I don’t have class until ten.”
A smile replaces the lip mutilation, and my heart fills with a little confidence, knowing I’m the reason for her smile. “I’d love breakfast. Thanks, Luke.”
“Hey, you called me ‘Luke’.”
“I’m testing it out. Feels weird.”
“It’ll grow on you, I promise. See you in the morning, Whit.”
“Night, Luke.”
“Night.”