The silence between us is deafening. My heart is shattered into a million pieces before us, and as much as I want him to pick them up and put me back together, I know he can’t. I was broken long before Lucas came back into my life and know only I can put myself back together.
I wish I was stronger than this. The tears are flowing like a faucet, and because I’m an all-in kind of crier, I have a minute, ninety seconds top, before my nose starts running and the hiccups kick in. I need to get him out of here before I lose all decorum.
“I think we should just be friends. We’re good as friends.”
Lucas doesn’t respond. Instead, he stares at me with pursed lips and a tense jaw. He’s intimidating sitting here next to me and as much as I’ve missed him, missed being near him these last few weeks, I need him to leave.
“So,” I begin with gusto and a forced smile, “thank you for dinner, it was delicious. I’ll wash your containers and get those to you next week.” Rising from the couch, I turn to face him and for a brief second I think I see a small smile appear, but that can’t be. This is not a happy conversation. At least, for me it isn’t.
Oh my goodness. What if I had all these feelings and this entire time he was planning on friend-zoning me? That would just take the fucking cake. Cake. I’m totally going to the store and buying a big fat cake as soon as he leaves. Last night was booze, tonight is carbs and sugar.
My mind drifts to the various cakes I can purchase: carrot, red velvet, double chocolate fudge. Or I could buy a dozen cup—
“Eep!” I shout as I fly through the air and land on Lucas’s lap.
“No.”
Drawing back, I look at him confused. “No?”
“No. I do not accept this decision.”
“Well, it’s not your decision to make. Please let me up.”
“No.”
“Stop saying that.”
“No,” he says a third time but this time with a grin. Bastard. His smile is ovary-ping instigating.
“Do not smile at me, Lucas DeCosta. Yes. I am a mess, Luke. I knew I wasn’t ready to get into something. For fuck’s sake, I’m supposed to be married to another man right now.”
“No.”
“Jesus! Stop saying no.”
I half expect him to respond with another ‘no’ but instead, he does the one thing that is sure to shut me up. The one thing that is the opposite of no and is absolutely the last thing he should do.
He kisses me.
With one hand on my thigh and the other buried in my hair, he tugs me to him. This kiss isn’t sweet or slow. It’s hard and fast. His lips are strong on mine, his grip is strong, and when he plunges his tongue in my mouth without warning, I fucking love it.
Zing.
Zang.
Electricity.
It.
Every stroke of his tongue sends a bolt of desire between my legs. His hand glides up my thigh as my hand tugs on his hair. When he reaches the waistband of my pants, he hesitates before slipping his hand up my back, gliding across my bare skin to the clasp of my bra.
I’m in the moment, I don’t think twice before shifting myself to straddle his lap, never breaking our kiss. With a leg on either side of his thighs, I lift myself up and nestle into his lap. The sounds that come from him as I do the move again send my mind spinning.
Memories of the last time we were in this position hit me like a cold shower, but I don’t give in. Instead, I lean back, remove my glasses, and tug my tank top over my head. In only my red lacy bra and leggings, I draw my bottom lip into my mouth waiting for Lucas to react. I know how this bra makes my breasts look. The red is the perfect shade and the lace is sexy but still tasteful.
I watch as Lucas glides his hands up my sides, stopping when his thumbs reach the underside of my breasts. The action sends a shiver up my spine. When his eyes lift, he stops at my lips before landing on my eyes. His look is full of fire and passion. Dirty thoughts evident in the way they twinkle, but it’s the smirk on his face that sends my heart racing. Whatever he’s thinking, I want it.
Leaning forward, I capture his lips with mine. Slow at first, I convey everything I feel. Every emotion that is contrary to the speech I gave minutes ago. Lucas kisses me back. I could kiss this man, and nothing else, and be satisfied.
I’m stunned when he stands, my legs wrapped around his waist, and deepens the kiss as he walks around the table and down the hall to my room. Never breaking our kiss, he walks through the threshold and kicks the door closed before walking to the bed.
This scenario has played out in more than one of my fantasies. In each, Lucas slowly places me on the bed. He hovers over me and kisses me into the mattress tenderly. His hands roam my body until I beg him to make love to me.
That was a fantasy. The reality is so much more. Lucas lays me down on the bed at an angle and kneels between my legs. Hovering over my body, resting his body weight on his elbows, he kisses me hard and fast before moving his lips to my ear and then my neck. Slow lingering kisses, licks, and nips on my shoulder have me squirming beneath him. It’s too much and not enough all at once.
His hand tugs at the strap of my bra as his mouth trails the movement. When he tugs the cup of the bra down exposing my nipple, I watch as he lowers to the erect bud, flicking it with his tongue. Licking, sucking . . . worshipping. I can already feel an orgasm building and lift my hips for more friction.
Our hands are everywhere on each other. His on my ass, lifting. Mine in his hair, tugging. Needing more of him, I lower my hands to the hem of his shirt and tug it up until he leans back and grips it from behind his head and tugs it off. Lifting up, I unclasp my bra and toss it to the side.
“Fucking hell, Whit. You’re so goddamn beautiful.”
Embarrassed, I turn my head to the side. Every woman wants to hear those words from the man they love, from the man they want to make love to them. It’s so much more coming from Lucas.
“Don’t turn away from me, look at me.”
Turning my head to face him, I can’t stop the tears that pool in my eyes.
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. It isn’t because you’re naked before me,” he says, and I raise a brow. I’m topless not naked. “Oh, we’re getting naked.” I smile a little because even now, in this most intimate moment, he makes me want, no need, to smile.
“Your beauty is more than physical. It’s here, here in your heart,” he says, placing a hand on my chest. “It’s in the way you love with everything you are and then some. God, Whitney you have no idea how amazing you are. How much you mean to me.”
“Show me,” I whisper my permission.
Without hesitation, Lucas scoots off the bed and grips my pants at my hips and tugs. His eyes widen when he realizes I’m not wearing panties. I shrug in response, which only makes the look on his face darken with desire.
Once my pants are off and I’m completely naked, I lean up on my elbows to watch him stand and undo his belt after reaching into his wallet to pull out a small square packet. Tossing the packet on the bed, he drops his shorts. When his shorts hit the floor, I allow myself a moment to enjoy him in all his glory. Standing before me in a pair of fitted black boxer briefs is pure perfection. Lucas DeCosta is an Adonis. This may be the only time I see him like this, and I want the visual engrained in my memory for life.
His briefs rest just below the all-important muscles forming a “V” at his waist and are barely able to contain him. My eyes slowly skim his body one ab at a time, up his eight pack before stopping to appreciate his broad chest. But nothing compares to the hunger and desire in his eyes.
Like a lion ready to pounce, Lucas licks his lips and slowly climbs back to the bed. Only, this time instead of placing his lips to mine, he places kisses on my inner thighs. A slight nip has me squirming. I know where he’s headed, and the desire I feel is evident. He places feather-light kisses along my skin before giving all of his attention to my most sensitive part and making love to me with his mouth. His licks are cautious and slow. My skin is on fire, burning for him. The build of my orgasm is quick, my hips rising to meet each thrust of his tongue.
Gripping the comforter, I give in to the ecstasy as my orgasm overwhelms me. Lucas is relentless as he rides it out with me. While I catch my breath, I try to lift my arm to reach him, but it feels like a thousand pound weight. When I hear the telltale sounds of the condom wrapper opening, I open one eye to catch him watching me. Never feeling sexier, more desired, I lift my hands to my breasts, begging with my eyes for him to touch me.
My reward is his mouth on mine, tasting myself on his tongue; desire once again pooling inside, I grip his hips to pull him to me. Not wasting anymore time, he slowly guides himself inside me. It’s been a long time, and I tense a little at the discomfort. Noticing my reaction, Lucas stops moving and kisses me gently. I rotate my hips a little, and he continues to fill me until he’s all the way in.
Holding his weight off me with one arm, the other rises, his hand brushing wayward hairs from my face and looks me in the eye. Never breaking our eye contact, he begins to thrust and rotating his hips. Each movement hits me in just the right spot, and I feel another orgasm building.
Moaning and begging, I hand over the rest of my heart to this man as a mind-blowing and life-altering orgasm hits me and I whisper, “Lucas.”
His response is the last thing I expected to hear. “I love you.”