CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Lindsey
“OH MY GOD! You got shot in the leg and blown up? What kind of dumbass are you? Aren’t you supposed to be specially trained?” I was losing my flipping mind. I was standing in the doorway of the house that I shared with Ice and yelling at him while his teammates watched on. He looked like he was about to fall over any second and I knew I should move, but I was pissed. More pissed than when my house blew up. And I couldn’t even tell you why. “Would you mind stepping the fuck aside so I can come in?” He looked tired. His face was bruised and scratched up, and the lines of his face were pulled tight with pain. I stepped aside and watched as he moved into the living room on his crutches. Each step looked painful for him. He made for the couch, but Chris rushed over and grabbed his arm. “Nope. You heard what the doc said. Bedrest. You need your leg up.” “I can put it up on the fucking table,” Ice grumbled. “Yeah, or you could just go lay in your fucking bed since you look like you’re about to pass out.” “Do we need to stay here and make sure he follows doctor’s orders?” Jules asked. “No, I’ll make sure he gets the rest he needs. Is there anything specific I’m supposed to do?” “Here’s the list.” Jules handed me instructions for cleaning his wound and things to look out for. My eyes grew wide as I read over the list. When to call the doctor: If the pain gets worse after taking medication. You have bleeding that will not stop after ten minutes of gentle, direct pressure. Increased drainage from the wound. Drainage becomes thick, tan, green, or yellow, or smells bad. Your temperature is above 100 degrees Farenheit for more than four hours. Red streaks appear that lead away from the wound.
I clutched a hand around my stomach and covered my mouth with the other hand. I didn’t do so well with blood, but pus and…drainage? I didn’t know if I really could handle this. “You doing okay? You look a little green,” Jules said. “Sure. Just…I don’t do so well with blood and…other things that are gross.” “Soooo, you’re saying that you can’t handle this?” “No, I can. It’ll be fine. I can do this.” “You’re sure?” I nodded, even though the thought of changing his dressings made me want to vomit. I couldn’t ask Jules or Chris to stay here just because I would get queasy. “Alright,” Chris said as he walked back into the room. “If you’ve got this under control, we’re going to head out.” “Sure. Totally. It’ll be fine.” “Right,” Jules nodded. “Call us if you need us.” They walked out the door and I took a deep, calming breath to steel my nerves before I went to see what I had to deal with exactly. John and I didn’t get along on the best of days, so I wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with me trying to take care of him. I went to the bedroom to see him lying down with his eyes closed. His leg was propped up on some pillows and he was wearing only a pair of shorts. I could see lacerations all over his upper body and a few on his legs. He had one big bandage over his right thigh where I was assuming he was shot. I shook my head, unable to wrap my brain around how this man, the same man that made me want him so badly and strangle him at the same time, could be lying in this bed injured. He slept for most of the morning while I chewed on my fingernails in the other room. I didn’t want to wake him and I didn’t want him to see me staring at him. I knew he would see right through me. He would see that I felt so much more for him than what we agreed to. He wasn’t just someone I was sleeping with. He was someone that irritated me to the point of hate, but also love. I didn’t understand it myself and there was no way I could ever tell him. He tolerated me because the sex was good between us. But that’s all it would ever be. After making some lunch, I took it back to his room, following the guidelines of what he should eat. He was just waking up and grimaced when he sat up in bed. “How are you feeling?” “This is nothing,” he shrugged off my concern. “Nothing? You have a hole in your leg. Your chest looks like someone took a bunch of knives to it and your face is hardly recognizable.” He waved me off like it was no big deal. “I’ve had worse. This is just a few scratches.” “And the bullet hole?” “You should have seen the one I got when I was in the military. That was a hole.” “How can you be so flip about this? You were almost killed!” “It’s my job,” he said tersely. “When is it enough? How many times do you almost have to be killed before you stop?” “Look, this was a close call, but I’m fine. It doesn’t happen very often.” “It doesn’t have to happen often. Once is enough.” “Why do you even care?” he snapped at me. I couldn’t answer him. I couldn’t even look at him. I was so close to tears and I just couldn’t deal with any of this now. I ran out of the room and slammed the tray on the counter in the kitchen. Dishes flew across the counter and scattered in the sink with a clank. I leaned against the counter, trying to get myself under control when two arms wrapped around me and pulled me in close. A damn burst inside me and the tears started falling as his lips brushed against my neck. He slowly turned me around until my face was buried in his chest. I could feel the stitches from his cuts brushing against my cheek. Still, I couldn’t pull back from him. He was alive, but I had almost lost him. I’d never really had him though, which made this so much worse. “Hey,” he said quietly as his hands ran over my back. “I’m fine. I promise.” “But you were shot and you look like you were in a knife fight,” I sniffled. “I know. This is my job. Sometimes shit happens, but I swear, I’m fine.” He lifted my chin so that I had to look at him. His blue eyes pierced my soul, begging for something. He slowly moved in, brushing his lips to mine and slipping his tongue in my mouth. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I took what he was offering, my breath hitching when I realized that I might finally have what I wanted. He groaned slightly and I pulled back, seeing that he was grimacing slightly. “I think I need to sit back down. Come with me?” he asked. I took his hand as he slowly limped back to the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. When he laid down, he pulled me into his chest, running his hand up and down my arm. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” “I’m not used to this. I don’t know how to deal with this part of your life.” He was quiet for a minute and then he cleared his throat, like he wanted to say something. “I had a girlfriend once. It was a long time ago. I met her when I was on leave and I fell hard for her. We did pretty good for a few years, but they were hard on her. She didn’t like me being away so much and she wanted to me to quit. I just wasn’t ready.” He sighed heavily and his grip tightened on me. “I’m not sure that’s true. Maybe I just wasn’t willing to give up my life for her. I loved what I was doing and I didn’t want someone telling me that I had to stop doing it.” “That’s why you get so pissed at me,” I surmised. “I don’t actually get pissed at you,” he chuckled. “It’s more that you called me out on my bullshit right from the start. You didn’t want me and that never happens. It was a bit of a blow to my ego. But I wanted you more than anything, and when you came to stay here and you started worming your way into my life, I just got pissed at you so I didn’t get sucked in. I didn’t want to fall for another woman.” I didn’t know what to say. I held my breath, afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would say something to send him running for the hills. “I don’t know what this is between us, but I don’t hate you and I like fucking you.” I rolled my eyes, glad that I had kept my mouth shut. “That sounds like high praise coming from you,” I said after a minute. “It’s all I can give you right now. I’ve been alone for a long time. This is just going to take me some time to adjust.” “I’m not going anywhere.” We laid in silence for a long time, neither of us wanting to say anything more. When his breathing evened out and I was sure he was asleep, I elevated his leg and covered him with a blanket. Walking into the other room, I stared out the window and tried to decide if I could live with what he was offering. Technically, he wasn’t offering anything. He didn’t hate me, though. At least I now knew that much. Something was happening between us. I just didn’t know if it was enough to make him want more, or if I should walk away before my heart got broken.
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“What happened out there?” I asked as we laid in bed later that night. “I don’t know. Someone was there waiting. The guard on duty was asleep, so it could have been that someone snuck in or it could have been an inside job. Doesn’t really matter anymore. Our job was just to keep him safe at his event. He has his own security that took over when we got back.” His hand ran in lazy lines up and down my arm, soothing the anger and fear I felt. Still, I needed to know what actually happened. I knew he didn’t want to talk about it, but I needed to know. I needed to hear it so I knew what I was in for if I stuck around. Even if John and I weren’t together, I was falling for John and if I stayed in this town, I would hear about what was going on with him. “How did you get hurt?” “The SUV blew up. I was next to it. I heard this click and I just turned and ran, but I was still too close. I was thrown and skidded across the pavement.” “Is that what this huge bruise on your chest is from?” I ran my fingertips over the dark bruise, wanting to kiss it and make it better. “No, I got shot in the vest. That fucker was aiming for Chris and Chris didn’t see him. I stepped in front of him.” “And this is what happened?” I almost screeched out. “It’s better than the alternative. Yeah, it fucking hurt, but I’d be dead right now if I hadn’t been wearing my vest.” “Is this supposed to be making me feel better?” He craned his neck away from me so he could look into my eyes. “I’m just being honest with you. You said you wanted to know. This is my life.” I nodded. “And the bullet hole?” “Don’t know. I didn’t feel it.” I was quiet for a minute as I mulled over all that information. One thing stood out to me though. “You said you stepped in front of Chris. Is that something you do regularly?” “We all have each other’s backs. There’s not a single guy on the team I wouldn’t have done the same for.” “But…you could die,” I said quietly. “I don’t understand how you could just step in front of him and give your life in place of his.” “It’s not something I even think about. He’s one of my best friends. I would do anything for him and that includes giving my life. I couldn’t just stand by and watch him get shot. Besides, he’s more than a friend. He’s closer to me than any of my family.” “I’d like to think that I would do the same for someone I cared about, but honestly, I don’t really have anyone.” His hand tightened on my arm in a calming gesture. It felt so good in his arms and that was dangerous, because right now, I was picturing what it would be like if he were coming home to me all the time. I was wondering what it would be like to be loved by someone so much that they would die for you. “You have me,” he said quietly. I didn’t want to tell him that what he was giving me wasn’t enough. I knew the score with him. I was grateful for what he was willing to give me, even if when I walked away, it would be with a shattered heart.
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John bit down on my nipple as he took it in his mouth, but I shoved at his shoulder. “John, can we do something else?” “There’s nothing to do but fuck.” “My vagina can’t take anymore right now. Give a girl a break.” “Fine,” he groaned as he rolled off me. I hadn’t had this much sex in…well, ever. I just couldn’t take any more from him right now. Not only that, but he was hurt and I didn’t want him to overdo it. “Can’t we just talk or something?” “Why do women always want to talk?” “Because, it’s really silly, but it helps you to get to know a person. And since we’re fucking all the time, I was thinking it might be nice to actually know something about you.” “You do know something about me,” he said as he rolled onto his elbow and propped his head in his hand. “You know that I was in the military and I work for Reed Security. You know that I can make you come better than any man you’ve had before me. And you know my name is John. Most women just get the name Ice.” “Wow. I feel so special,” I said sarcastically. “What can I say? Normally, I don’t stick around. This is new to me.” “I’m just saying that we’re living together for the time being. It would be nice to have an actual conversation with you.” He groaned and rolled to his back. “Fine, what do you want to know?” “Let’s see. I’ll have to make this a really hard question since I finally got you to agree to talk.” I tapped my chin in thought as I stared up at the ceiling. He looked so irritated that I thought I’d draw it out just so I could see him squirm. It was obvious he didn’t like to talk. “Why does everyone call you Ice? Is it really because you look like Val Kilmer?” “Mostly.” God, it was like pulling teeth. I motioned for him to continue. “It’s not that hard, John. You tell someone something about you and then, oh my God, they actually know a little about you. Isn’t that terrible?” I said in mock outrage. He rolled his eyes at me and made a dramatic sigh. “Yes, they call me Ice partly because I look like Val Kilmer, but also because when I do a job, I’m ice cold. No feelings involved.” “Is that the way it was with me? It seems that if you were really ice cold, you would have left me behind.” “That was different. I don’t let innocent people get hurt. It’s more about…how I perform the job. My decisions are made based on the best possible outcome for who I’m protecting and I don’t care if that person doesn’t like my methods. I do what I need to in order to ensure that the job goes smoothly.” “So, when you took me, it had nothing to do with wanting to keep me safe and everything to do with making sure I wasn’t a liability.” “Partly. I’m not going to lie to you, if we had left you behind, they would have tortured you for information.” I cringed at the thought, but was also sad that my instant attraction to him wasn’t returned. I had made him think that I didn’t find him sexy and charming, but really, I was just protecting myself. After all, he was just passing through. “That wasn’t a chance I was willing to take. But I’m also not a complete bastard. You were an innocent bystander and you didn’t deserve to have men come after you for something that had nothing to do with you.” I nodded in understanding and studied his face for something more, but there was no sign of any other emotions there. “My turn. What really happened with your parents?” “Oh, right to the hard questions,” I grinned. “Well, my parents did die when I was little. I don’t really remember them. I was raised by my grandma and she was absolutely wonderful. I have no complaints.” “Do you have any other family?” “I don’t know. I think I do, but my grandma never tried to put me in contact with them. I don’t know, maybe they were distant relatives. What about you?” It wasn’t something I particularly wanted to talk about. Telling someone that I was all alone in the world, had no family, and no friends made me look sad and pathetic. It also made me look needy. I didn’t want him to sleep with me out of pity. Besides, I always chose to think of myself as lucky for having my grandma love me and take care of me for so long. Not everyone had that. I realized that John was just staring at me as I stared back at him. He hadn’t answered my question yet. “John?” He shook his head as if he was trying clear his thoughts and looked down. “Family, uh. Let’s see. My parents are divorced. They don’t really speak to each other and they live on opposite sides of the country so they don’t have to risk ever bumping into each other. I have one brother and two sisters. All married.” “Wow. That was very…succinct.” “Succinct?” “Yes. You know, you make it very difficult for someone to get to know you. Why is it that you can talk to your friends, but you can’t talk to me?” “I know them.” “You know me.” “I’ve known them for longer.” I sighed and snuggled deeper under the blanket. “Let’s try this one more time. Why did you join the military?” “I wanted to kill someone.” “I’m serious,” I grinned, giving him a shove. “So am I. I was an angry kid. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and I was pissed that my dad moved across the country. I started doing shit around town that was bordering on illegal and my mom couldn’t handle it.” “So, you joined the military?” “So, my mom suggested that I should join and work out some of my frustrations.” “Did it work?” “I don’t know that I let out my frustrations. More like, I got my ass kicked and I learned that there were bigger problems in the world.” “What would you have done if you hadn’t gone into the military?” “I don’t know.” “Come on. Don’t clam up on me now. What was something you always wanted to do?” When he groaned, I sighed and rolled to my back. “Fine. Don’t tell me. Just one last question and I’ll leave you alone.” “Do we have to?” I shot him a look that I wasn’t messing around. “Make it quick.” “Do you consider me a friend?” I didn’t mean for it to come out so quietly and I didn’t mean for it to sound so desperate. I had really just been curious, but all this talk about family was leaving me feeling vulnerable. I wanted so desperately to feel like I at least had one friend in this world. Even if John and I would never be more than what we were, I liked knowing that if I really needed someone, he would be there. And I knew he would because that was the kind of guy he was. John wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in close. “Yeah, I do.” Something inside me broke, making me finally feel the sadness that had been building up inside me the last year. I wouldn’t let John see how much his admission meant to me. He seemed to sense my distress though, because he rolled me over and slid between my legs, kissing me and rubbing his cock against me. “John, stop. You’re hurt.” “There’s nothing wrong with my cock,” he mumbled against my throat as he kissed and licked the delicate skin. “Hey, we can wait. I don’t want to hurt you,” I said as I pushed against his chest, careful of the deeper cuts. “You’re not going to hurt me.” His erection prodded against my belly, but even in my lust filled haze, I didn’t miss how his breath hitched when he bumped his leg. “Stop,” I said forcefully. Sighing, he rolled to his back, his erection standing tall and hard. It was like a beacon calling me home. I wanted him. There was no denying that, but I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting him. I straddled his hips, slowly sinking down on his erection, careful not to bump his leg. “You’re not going to do a thing,” I said as I slowly rose up and then sank down again. “I’m going to make you feel good.” I slowly rode him, clenching my body around his. His breath huffed out in short pants and his fists gripped at my hips. His hands skimmed up my body until they gripped my breasts roughly, pinching my nipples almost painfully. I groaned as my head fell back and the sensations washed over me. “Come on, princess. Fuck me harder. Come all over my cock,” he grumbled. My heart sped as I rode him faster and harder, pushing him to the edge until he held my hips down as he thrust up hard into my pussy. He pulled me down, kissed me hard, and then tucked me into his side. “I need to wash up,” I said sleepily. “I like you filled with my cum. Stay,” he whispered. I let my eyes slide closed and sighed contently as his fingers glided over my back. He lulled me to sleep into a peaceful, dreamy state. “I can’t get enough of you,” I thought I heard him say as I slipped off.