CHAPTER NINETEEN
Ice and Lindsey
ICE
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on here?” I was standing in the doorway of the bedroom at Lindsey’s house where she was painting and laughing with plaid Al. She turned and looked at me, a sexy smile on her face that had me irrationally jealous. He better not have put that smile on her face. “Hey, John. You’re off early today.” “Yeah, I came by to help, but I see you already have help.” “Uh, Jake’s been helping me out for the past week.” “And you’re just now telling me?” I asked angrily. Her smile fell and she glanced back at Jake before taking a few steps toward me. “It’s not exactly like I’ve seen you, John. You’ve been working a lot.” “So, if I’m out of town, are you going to screw around on me because I wasn’t there to talk about it with you?” There’s this look that I had seen on my friends' wives faces. It was a look that said that they’d better shut the fuck up or they were going to be murdered in their sleep. That was the look Lindsey was giving me right now. She stomped over to me, grabbing my hand and dragging me out of the room. “What the hell is wrong with you?” “What’s wrong with me? You’ve got Al Borland in there, doing shit that I should be doing.” “But you aren’t doing that stuff. You’re back at work.” “What the fuck do you want me to do? Stop working so I can fix up your house? See, this is what I was worried about. I knew you were going to have a problem with me doing my job.” “Do you even hear yourself? You’re back at work and you’re mad at me for hiring someone to help me.” “Because you didn’t discuss it with me. You just went and replaced me without even discussing it with me. You didn’t even bother to ask if I would be able to help you anymore before you went and called the plaid wonder to help you out.” “I would have asked you, but for the past two weeks, you’ve been working all day and by the time you get home, you’re exhausted and go right to sleep.” “So, now you have a problem with the hours I’m working?” She rolled her eyes as she screeched out some ungodly sound. “Do you even hear yourself? I have to get my business up and running. You’re not around, which I haven’t said anything about, but you seem to think I have a problem with. I don’t, by the way. But I have to get my shit done too and I can’t wait around for you to have the time to talk to me. So, I did what I had to do because that’s the type of person I am. I don’t rely on other people to give up their time to do shit that I need done. I had a problem and I solved it. If you can’t understand that, then…well, I don’t know, but go away and let me do my work!” She stomped away, leaving me staring after her and replaying what happened in my head. That didn’t go how I thought it would. I thought she would apologize for bringing in the lumberjack and tell me I was all she needed. But that didn’t happen. She actually was pissed at me. I didn’t know what to do, so I went home. I waited around until ten o’clock when she finally walked in the door. I wasn’t sure how to feel about any of this. I wanted to yell at her and kiss her all at the same time. “Don’t start with me,” she said as soon as she saw me. “I understand that you want to be the one to come to the rescue and help me. I understand that you want to be the only one I need. I also understand that you don’t like me working with Jake. Now, I need you to understand that this has nothing to do with me being angry that you’re not around, or me thinking you’re not giving me what I need. I have a business to get up and running and I needed help. You have a job to do and so do I. I made a decision and I went with it. If you’re not happy about that, you just need to get over it. I’m not trying to stick it to you in any way and I’m not looking for another man. I just did what I had to do.” “So, what you’re saying is that I overreacted,” I said calmly. “You did, but I’ll cut you some slack this time. Just don’t do it again. And stop calling Jake, Al. He doesn’t look a thing like Al.” “I can’t help it. Who wears plaid all the time?”
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“So, what’s our story?” Lindsey was freaking the fuck out. We were on our way to Sebastian’s house. He was having us all over before we really got back to work full time. We had taken a few jobs, but a lot of the guys had taken time off to be with their women. “What do you mean?” “I mean, I don’t want to go in there and not know what to say to them. Do I say that we’re together or do you want to keep it quiet?” I grabbed her hand in mine and squeezed. “Princess, pretty much all the guys know that I’m in love with you. Hell, they were the ones to point it out. There’s no use lying about it now.” “So, I just say that we’re together.” “Yeah.” “What if I start getting questions about our future?” “Are you asking for them or for you?” I eyed her as we drove down the road. “Maybe both.” “I know I love you. I know that it doesn’t freak me out to think of you having little ice cubes.” “Did…did you just refer to our future children as ice cubes?” “Shit,” I hissed. “It’s those fuckers I work with. I swear, they all fall for a woman and become sappy mother fuckers. It’s rubbing off on me.” “So, does that mean that you think about children?” “With you? It doesn’t scare me. I’m not sure I’m ready for them right this minute, but yeah, I could see us having a few running around someday.” I couldn’t see her, but I could feel her smiling on the other side of my truck. I liked that she was just as happy about this revelation as I was. We pulled into Sebastian’s drive and went to the front door. Maggie yanked the door open, pulling Lindsey inside and rushing off with her. Lindsey looked back at me as she was pulled away. I wandered into the kitchen where Sebastian stood with Gabe and Chance. Nobody else was here yet. “Hey, what’s with Maggie? She practically dragged Lindsey from the room.” “She’s a little pissed at me.” “What’d you do this time?” Gabe asked. “Caitlin has this Buzz Lightyear action doll that makes all kind of noises. Swear to God, it looks exactly like the one from the movie.” “What movie?” I asked. “Toy Story.” He shook his head at me like I was a fucking idiot. “Sorry, I don’t have kids. I don’t watch that shit,” I said. “You will someday. Even the Iceman will be taken down one day.” “I can guarantee that when I have kids, I’m not going to be watching that shit or talking like an idiot to my baby. My kids will be strong and manly. None of this wimpy baby shit.” “Sure,” Sebastian grinned. “We’ll see what happens.” “You will,” I assured him. “So, anyway, what happened with the doll?” “She keeps leaving the fucking thing laying around the house. I keep stepping on it in the middle of the night. So, last night, I got up to take a piss and I stepped on the fucking thing and almost broke my neck. She left it right at the top of the stairs. I got pissed and I took the fucking thing downstairs and cut the fucker into little pieces.” “You cut it?” Chance asked. “Like, hacked it to little bits?” “Damn straight. That thing isn’t just some cheap piece of plastic. It cracks me up because Caitlin can break the fucking wings in two seconds, but I go to destroy the damn thing and it takes pliers and a fucking hammer.” “You have some serious issues if you’re chopping up little kids' toys,” Gabe pointed out. “You step on the fucking thing every fucking night and see how you feel after a week.” “So, Maggie found out?” I asked. “No,” Sebastian shook his head. “She can’t find it. She keeps asking me where it is because it’s Caitlin’s favorite toy.” “You destroyed your kid’s favorite toy?” “Hey, I was fucking pissed. It was the middle of the night. I wasn’t thinking clearly, but I don’t regret it for a minute. That toy is out of my life and I’m a happy man.” “And you don’t think she knows it was you?” Gabe laughed. “Oh, I know she knows it was me, but she doesn’t have any fucking proof and she never will. I took that thing to the fucking dumpster at work. She’s never gonna find it.”
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Lindsey
“Can we slow down? Why are you dragging me like there’s a fire?” “There’s about to be a fire. I’m so pissed right now.” “Why?” I asked as she dragged me down the hall and into her bedroom. Maggie slammed the door shut behind her and paced the room. “I’m so angry!” “I’m sensing that. Do you want to tell me why you’re so angry?” “Sebastian. Ugh! That man makes me so angry.” I nodded, completely understanding what she was saying. Sometimes there didn’t even have to be a specific reason. Sometimes men just pissed you off with their very existence. “He broke her toy, and not just any toy. Her favorite toy. And then he lied to me about it!” “Um, Sebastian broke Caitlin’s toy?” “Yes.” “Why would he do that?” She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Because Caitlin keeps leaving it out and he steps on it.” “Did you ask him why he did it?” “Yeah and you know what he said? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Freckles. I haven’t seen it since yesterday.” “Is it possible that he really doesn’t know where it is?” “Not a chance. See, I followed him to work and watched as he threw a broken Buzz Lightyear in the dumpster. I dug out all the pieces.” “What are you going to do?” An evil grin lit her face. I was seeing a side to Maggie that I had yet to see. “I’m going to do what any sane woman would do.” “You’re going to show him the evidence and shove it in his face?” “No, I’m going to leave little pieces of Buzz’s body all over the house for him to find. Maybe an arm on his pillow. A leg by his razor.” “That’s sick and twisted. And completely brilliant.” “Hey, I have to get my fun somewhere,” she laughed. The bedroom door opened and Claire and Lucy walked through. “So, what are we doing in here?” Lucy asked. “All the wine is in the kitchen.” “So are the men,” Maggie snapped. “Ah, one of those days,” Claire said. “I completely understand. Just last week, I was trying to get Derek to try my new sex swing out, but he said that he just wanted regular sex. Can you believe that? Regular. Sex. I told him if he didn’t want to be adventurous with me, then he wasn’t getting any.” “You’re withholding sex because he just wants to have sex?” I asked in confusion. “I just don’t want things to get stale,” she sighed. “We’ve always had this great sexual chemistry and we’ve always been willing to try new things together. But ever since the attack on Reed Security, he’s all about just enjoying each other. Ugh. I’m so sick of enjoying him. I want my fantasies back.” “Tell me about it. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is always good with Sebastian, but I want to shake things up a bit.” “I can’t help you. Hunter still takes me whenever, wherever. Any surface we can do it, we do it,” Lucy said. They all looked to me, but I just stared back at them. “Don’t look at me. John and I are still new. I haven’t experienced anything but phenomenal sex with him.” “Is this the way it’s going to be from now on?” Claire asked. “I always thought that Derek and I would always have our fantasies.” “Just wait until you have kids. All imagination goes out the window,” Maggie snorted. “Wouldn’t you have to be more imaginative?” Lucy asked. “You would think, but Sebastian always chooses the wrong time to have sex. Like, Caitlin’s taking a nap. That would be a good time, but he waits until she’s going to wake up to decide to maul me. Or, he comes home late at night and wants to pounce on me. All I can think is, Caitlin’s going to be up at 5:30 in the morning and I need to go to bed so I can get some sleep. Especially since now sex goes on for two hours at a time. Can’t we just have sex at a normal time? I’m not twenty-five anymore. I need sleep!” “I definitely agree with you there,” I said. “Things are great with John, but men decide they need sex at the weirdest times. It’s not that I need a schedule, but I would like to be able to go through my morning routine without him taking me against the sink. Then I have to shower again and redo my hair and makeup. What am I going to do when I have the bed and breakfast up and running again? Tell the guests that breakfast is late because my boyfriend had to screw me?” “So, this isn’t just fucking anymore. You guys are actually an item?” Maggie said hopefully. “It’s definitely more than fucking. He told me he loved me.” The girls all squealed in excitement. “But this was after he was a total asshole to me because he didn’t know how to tell me.” “Jerk,” Lucy sneered. “Men are such idiots,” Maggie agreed. “Derek moved way too fast. He was ready to move me in with him and was already talking marriage before we had been together a few months.” “How would they feel if we turned the tables on them?” Maggie wondered. “Maybe we need to give them a taste of their own medicine. You know, find them at the most inopportune times and have our way with them.” “I’m thinking that would backfire,” I said warily. “No, she’s right. They’ll love it at first, but then it’ll get old and they’ll get the hint,” Claire said excitedly. “So, that’s the plan, ladies. We’re going to drive our men crazy with sex!” Maggie cheered.
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Ice
“Get ready for some horny women, fellas,” I said as I walked into the kitchen. “Did you talk to Lindsey about this weekend?” Gabe asked. I shook my head. “Didn’t get the chance. The girls were all in your bedroom,” I nodded to Sebastian. “Talking about how we always want sex at the most inopportune times. Their solution is to start having sex with us when it would be inconvenient for us.” “Wait, they think that giving more sex is going to be a turn off?” Hunter snorted. “It’s woman logic. It never makes any fucking sense,” Sebastian said. “Maggie thinks that I’ve been being all sensual with her when we fuck because of what happened with her. Really, I’ve just made it my mission in life to see how many orgasms I can drag out of her at any given time. The more she fights me, the more I give.” “You’re basically fucking her into submission,” Derek said. “I know what your game is. You think that if you wear her out, she’ll be too tired to go out and get in trouble” “If it works,” Sebastian shrugged. “Just make sure that when she comes after you, you put up a good fight. If she doesn’t think it’s an inconvenience, she’s gonna stop.” “I don’t get it,” Hunter laughed. “Why do women think they can manipulate us? We’re basic creatures. Food, sex, and work. Those are the basic things we need in life.” “So, wait a minute,” I interjected. “You all know when your women are manipulating you?” “Yeah, man. It’s pretty clear. They’re baiting you. They want you to give them an honest answer so they can fucking yell at you,” Derek laughed. “Hey, I’m new to this whole thing. Instead of laughing at me, why don’t you just give me some tips.” “Alright, so, here’s one that I learned right away,” Sebastian said. “The question does this make me look fat? What would your answer be?” “I would look at her and then tell her that she looked beautiful.” “Nope.” Sebastian shook his head. “You never look. You pretend to look, but if you actually look, you end up actually looking to see if it makes her look fat. It’ll be written all over your face. You glance at her, but look past her. It’s like a bright light. You never look directly at it. Pretend to look and then tell her she’s never looked better.” “Okay, what else?” “Alright, I’ve got one,” Hunter chimed in. “You know how they always want to talk about their feelings?” “No.” “You will and let me tell you, those conversations can go on forever. And the whole time, you’re thinking, damn, I’m gonna miss the game. So, when she starts talking, you just gotta grin and bear it. Really listen to what she’s saying and then tell her exactly what she wants to hear. Even if you don’t agree.” “Like what? I need an example.” Hunter smacked Derek on the arm. “Show him.” “Alright.” Derek rubbed his hands together and cracked his neck in preparation. This was some serious shit. “So, the game is on. You’re on a commercial break and she says she wants to talk.” He cleared his throat and turned to Hunter. “Hunter,” Derek said using Lucy’s voice. “I feel like you never have time for me anymore. You’re always at work and then you just want sex when you come home. I need to know that I mean more to you than just a pussy.” Hunter nodded. “And this is how you respond. Baby, I’m so sorry. I know I’ve been working crazy hours. I don’t mean to make you feel like I only want your body. I love you so much and I just want to be close to you. I’ll try harder to find other ways to show you. Then, you show her that you want to spend quality time with her by wrapping your arm around her while you’re watching the game. Every time an exciting play comes on, squeeze her shoulder. She’ll think that you’re hugging her, but you’re actually just trying not to smack her because she’s stifling you.” “So, basically you lie to her,” I said. “No,” Hunter waved me off. “I mean, do you actually agree that you haven’t been spending enough time with her? Of course not. You have shit to do at work and when you come home, you want to get off and go to sleep. You need that release. But there’s no fucking way you can say something like that to her if you ever want to get laid again. You tell her what she wants to hear so you can get back to the game.” Gabe snorted. “You guys think you’re so fucking smart. I’ve got a good one for you. It’s her time of the month. She’s on a rampage, bitching about everything from the dirty dishes to the small trail of dirt that you brought in the house. What do you do about that?” “I got this one,” Chance said. “My wife was a fucking lunatic when she was on her rag.” “What’d you do?” I asked. “I reenlisted and got the hell out of there,” he said with a funny look on his face. “And you wonder why you’re single,” Hunter snorted. “What you do is just take it one crazy rant at a time. If she’s upset about the dishes not being loaded, never ever try and do it for her. She’s just gonna yell at you that if you couldn’t do it the first time, you definitely won’t do it right the second time. Just stay away. Apologize for being an idiot and give her a chocolate bar.” “What if I don’t have a chocolate bar?” Sebastian laughed. “Amateur. You have to keep a stock pile of that shit in your truck. Keep track of when she’s supposed to get her little friend. If it’s around that time, either call her on your way home to get the lay of the land or just keep it in your pocket. You fuck up, you just pull it out and tell her you stopped on the way home because you were thinking of her. Just make sure it’s something she likes or you’re just gonna hear about how you don’t pay attention to her.” “Alright, I got one for you,” I smiled, thinking I was finally going to get the answers I had been looking for. “You go to bed and you like your space, right?” The guys nodded. “Now, I don’t mind holding her in my arms, but when those fucking cold feet touch my skin, that’s it. I’m fucking done. She doesn’t get it though. She wants me to warm her feet up, and I’m like, put some fucking socks on!” The guys all just stared at me. Derek shook his head. “That’s your woman, asshole. If she’s cold, you fucking warm her up. What the hell is wrong with you?” “But,” I stuttered. “What about all that shit about pretending to listen to her and pretending that she’s right? Why is this different?” “Because, asshole, women can be irrational, but you’re her man,” Sebastian said. “Man the fuck up and warm up her feet.” Sebastian, Derek, and Hunter all walked out the kitchen, shaking their heads at me in disappointment. Gabe and Chance hung back, grinning at me. “I’m with you,” Gabe said. “I don’t do cold feet and I don’t placate my woman. She’s gonna hear my opinion and it’s just tough shit if she doesn’t like it.” “You don’t have a woman,” I pointed out. He shrugged. “I also don’t have to deal with cold feet, pretending to be listening, or any of the other shit those guys just said.”