Chapter 16
Nathan
It was Saturday night, and I was out at the bar with John. He had been trying to keep me busy, get me out of my house, and move me forward, but I wasn’t really having it. I went out for the booze and to keep him off my back for a little while. I used to love going to that pub, with the music, the women, and the vibe it gave out, but as I sat there with my shot of whiskey, I looked around me in disgust.
All of those people were there for a purpose, to find love, whether it was forever or for just one night. They should wake up and realize that love was something we created to feel better about our lives. Love was just another way that we could inflict suffering and hurt onto ourselves, having the guise of emotion to blame our heartbreaks on when it all fell apart. And it always fell apart in the end.
The bartender walked up, and I took the shot, nodding at him to fill me up again. He paused for a moment, and I nodded to the car parked out front, letting him know I wasn’t driving. He wiped his hands and poured me another, looking at me with pity as he walked away. I wasn’t even trying to hide how miserable I was—or how drunk I was, for that matter—and I was pretty wasted. I had told John that I got to the pub just before him, but the truth was, I had been there and two other places that day. I started it all with a couple of glasses of wine at my house and moved over to the hard stuff by the time I reached the first bar. It seemed like the only thing I could do to stop feeling all of the things that were running through my head. I wanted to drink Amanda out of my system, but no matter how many shots I took, she was still there, smiling down at me.
“Hey,” a soft voice said next to me. “You mind if I sit down?”
“It’s a free country,” I said, not looking up.
“I’m Misty,” she said as I turned and looked up her long, sexy legs. “I saw you over here, and I thought I would come say hi.”
My eyes trailed up her waist and settled on her big, fake, bouncy tits. She was the kind of girl I would normally jump all over as a one-night stand. I knew she was looking for a husband, but I wasn’t looking for anything but the bottom of a bottle of whiskey. I took my shot and threw her a fake smile before turning back and watching the bartender fill my glass again.
“Misty, you are very fucking hot,” I said, slurring a bit. “But go away. I’m not interested.”
“Jesus,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “Fucking drunk.”
I scoffed and toasted to the air before sipping my drink. I sat there thinking about how much I wanted to talk to Amanda. My mind was distracted slightly as John walked over and slapped his hand on my shoulder. I loved John for saving me, but I hated him for saving me at the same time. Maybe I would be better off just living in a dream, married to some girl that wanted my money but pretended that she wanted me. It seemed that was the only way I wasn’t going to be alone.
“Hey, buddy,” he said. “How’s it going?”
“Perfect,” I replied, holding up my shot.
“Why did you chase that pretty little thing away?”
“I’m not in the mood,” I said. “I don’t want some fake-tittied bitch trying to take me home.”
“Why not? It doesn’t seem like too bad of a deal to me.” He laughed.
“It’s pointless,” I grumbled. “You wouldn’t understand anyway.”
“It’s the married chick, isn’t it?” John asked, sitting down in the chair next to me. “You are still hung up on that girl. Dude, this is starting to get really unhealthy. It didn’t work. She played you. You have to pick your shit up and keep going. You are letting her get you down so far, you can’t even see out of your empty shot glass.”
“Well then, I better fill it back up,” I said. “If I’m going to be blind, I better do it with a whole lot of alcohol in my system.”
“I don’t understand,” John said, shaking his head. “You weren’t like this with your ex.”
“She wasn’t Amanda,” I said.
“She might as well have been,” he scoffed. “She roped you in just like this girl did, and the whole time was planning to use you for everything you had. You deserve better than that, man. I just can’t wrap my head around why you are so hung up on this girl.”
“Well, I am,” I said. “And I don’t know what to say to you to make you understand it any better. I’m sorry that you have never met a woman that did to you what she did to me, before the revelation. I wish that I could take what was in my head and give it to you. Trust me. I don’t want to feel like this, but I can’t help it. It hits me when I first wake up in the morning, all through the day, and stays with me until I fall asleep at night.”
“You mean pass out drunk at night.” John chuckled. “You are going to drink your liver away, man. You are rolling through this pile of shit that life has handed to you. You need to get up, shower off, and grab yourself by the balls. This is not like you at all, and if you want to keep going in life, you have to do something to fix yourself.”
“I loved her,” I said, turning to him. “Like really loved her. I loved her the first moment I saw her. I loved her hair, her smell, her laugh, the way she moved her hips, and everything else about her. I loved her flaws and thought they made her that more human. It was the one time I have ever felt completely comfortable being myself, finding someone that accepted everything about me without ever batting an eyelash.”
“Of course, she did,” he said. “She wanted your billions.”
“What’s so bad about using my money to open a clinic?”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked. “It’s bad because she was exchanging her pussy for money. She was no better than some Hollywood Boulevard hooker, only they are way cheaper, and they don’t lie to your motherfucking face.”
“She’s a lying, fucking gold digger like every other woman on this planet,” I mumbled. “I didn’t even see it coming, either. I am such a moron.”
“You are not the first man to have this happen to him,” John said, sipping his beer. “And you won’t be the last. The most important thing is that you get your mind straight and not let it happen to you ever again. Let some other poor schmuck get played. You focus on the prize, and get out there, play the game, and eventually, you will meet a woman that loves you for you and not because you have billions in the bank account.”
“Yeah, right,” I scoffed. “That will always be a selling point for women. The stability life brings when you marry someone for money. It’s like it’s fucking bred into these broads to find a man and check his account balance first. I just don’t fucking get it. What happened to the romance of it all? I’m done with women, the whole lot of them. They can go find some other asshole to schmooze. I’ll never trust another woman as long as I live.”
“You said that before, and look where you are now.” He chuckled. “What you need is a nice, sweet, little chick to suck your cock. You need to fuck some girl until you collapse, and then wake up the next day, hit the gym, and get back to normal. That first fuck after a break up is always the cure. You know that. There are a ton of women in this bar tonight that would take you home and ride you until the sun came up. This is why I brought you here, man. Take advantage of the plethora of ass that is constantly throwing itself at you. Don’t be a fucking pussy.”
“No, man,” I said, shaking my head and swaying in my chair. “I’m telling you, I don’t want anything to do with any of them ever again. They are nothing but trouble, and they are distractions that I don’t need in my life. Fucking look at me. I’m sitting here drunk as fuck, wallowing in self-pity, and all because of a fucking girl.”
“She really did have you hooked,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ve wondered what kind of magic pussy she had this entire time.”
“A fucking super magical pussy,” I slurred. “It was so tight and so perfect. But fuck her. She ruined me for all the other women. I am throwing in the towel. I don’t want to live like this ever again, and the only way to ensure that is to stay the hell away from all of them.”
“You are being stupid.” John laughed. “You’re fucking thirty-one years old. You’re handsome, rich, and have a great personality. Well, at least when you aren’t balls deep in whiskey. You could get all the women you want with just a flash of the debonair smile of yours. You aren’t done with women forever. Just for now. Besides, what would you do to pass the time without hunting down a girl or two with me?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe read a book, take a trip, or do anything else than being posted up at this shithole, staring out over this sea of idiots.”
“Man, calm down,” John said, ducking his head slightly.
“No, fuck you,” I slurred, standing up from my chair and almost knocking it over. “You ruined everything with your fucking Sherlock Holmes complex. I don’t want any of these stupid bitches. I want Amanda. She broke my fucking heart, dude.”
“Alright,” John said, putting his hand on my chest. “Calm down, bro. Everyone is staring at you.”
“I don’t give a shit about them,” I said, looking up at the faces staring over at me. “Fuck you guys. I’m out of here.”
I threw a couple of hundreds down on the bar to make sure the bartender was taken care of and stuck my wallet back in my pocket. I shook my head at John as I slammed my last shot and wobbled toward the door, putting my hand up and catching myself on the doorframe. The bouncer caught me under the arm and helped me outside.
“You need a cab, Mr. Robertson?” he asked.
“No,” I said, patting the large man on the chest. “That’s my car right there.”
I got in the car, and the driver peered at me through the rearview mirror. I told him to take me home and pressed my forehead against the cool glass. The world was spinning around me, and all I could hear was Amanda’s voice giggling in the background. When we pulled up at the house, the driver helped me up on the curb, and I told him I could take it from there. I got to the front door and leaned over the railing, hurling the contents of my stomach into the bushes.
The house was quiet and empty, and I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I just needed to pass out and start over again the next day. I reached my bed and fell face first into the pillow, still wearing my clothes. I was done for.