Chapter 21

Amanda

Lindsey skipped down the street dressed in a long, pink sundress, a tiara, and a sash that read “Bride” on the front of it. She was already toasted from the champagne in the limo. I smiled and chuckled watching her put her arms around her cousins and talk excitedly about marrying Jordan. I was jealous. I couldn’t help it. Every time I thought of the wedding, I thought of Nathan and the opportunity that I had missed out on. I was alone, pregnant, and brokenhearted, which I decided was one of the worst combinations that anyone could have ever come up with. The entire time I thought the universe was giving me signs, it was actually toying with me. But I had to stop thinking about it, I was at Lindsey’s bachelorette party.

It was only a week from the wedding, and since Jordan was going to his work bachelor party, or so he called it, we were out celebrating with Lindsey. Everyone around me was getting drunk, especially the bride, but I was sitting back not getting drunk. Nights like these were supposed to be a riot, drinking heavily and getting wild. Unfortunately, with the baby in my belly, I couldn’t indulge, which only made me realize how much my wild times were coming to an end. I hated to be selfish, but it was incredibly depressing knowing I was becoming a boring mother while everyone else lived their lives happily.

Once we were at the bar, Lindsey lifted her glass high and toasted to her upcoming wedding. Everyone in the place cheered, and I sat back in my chair, shaking my head and laughing. She deserved to let loose, especially after working since she was sixteen and going through the stressors of planning a monster wedding. I, on the other hand, was exhausted as always, and I could feel my pants getting tighter around my waist. I really hoped that my bridesmaid gown fit me comfortably. Otherwise, I was going to have to buy a shawl to cover up my baby bump, which would be just as telling as if I just sported the round belly I would eventually get. I was hoping, though, that it came sooner rather than later.

I looked down to find myself stirring my glass full of orange juice and soda. It was a habit I hadn’t broken, but it was okay. I was drinking that to keep the girls off my back anyway. I didn’t want people to know I wasn’t drinking. It would raise way too much suspicion, especially since I had known most of these girls my whole life, and they knew that out of all of us I was the biggest drinker.

“This is so much fun,” one of her cousins said, stumbling over. “Cheers!”

I held my glass in the air and tapped hers, smiling as I took a sip. It wasn’t very often that I was sober while everyone else was drunk, and I wondered if I acted that way when I was intoxicated. Maybe it was a good thing I was being forced to stop drinking. It would keep my embarrassment to a minimum. Lindsey climbed down off the chair and dragged herself over to me, making an exhausted face. She plopped down in the chair next to me and squeezed my leg.

“This is so much fun,” she said. “Thank you for putting it together.”

“Of course,” I said. “Sorry I can’t get wild with you.”

“Yeah, what are you drinking?”

“Orange juice and sprite,” I whispered.

“Nice touch,” she said, tapping her glass to mine.

“So, how are you feeling?” she asked. “I haven’t checked in with you at all tonight. I mean, are you starting to feel any better with your stomach and stuff? I’m not looking forward to this when Jordan wants to start a family.”

“Honestly, I still feel awful,” I said.

“Oh, no,” she pouted. “When is it all supposed to get better?”

“In eighteen years,” I said, laughing.

“That was a terrible, old person joke,” she said, bursting into giggles. “Don’t tell me you are becoming an old person already.”

“No,” I sighed. “Just a person lost in life, trying to make sense of it all. The doctor said I should start feeling better in my second trimester.”

“That’s not too far away,” she said. “Then we can start going for walks and getting you up and moving around. Hopefully by then, you will be feeling better. Otherwise, I am going to have a talk with that baby. It needs to give you a little reprieve.”

“It’s payback for all the stress I’ve put on it in recent weeks,” I said.

“Are you still throwing up?”

“God, yes,” I said. “The morning sickness, which is falsely named by the way, seems to be getting worse by the day. The medicine only works sometimes, and now, I am getting randomly sick all throughout the day. I am afraid to go to the grocery store because I’m too far away from the bathroom.”

“You could have stayed home tonight,” she said. “I would have understood.”

“It’s alright. My doctor told me to double up on my medicine tonight so I could make it through the night.” I laughed.

“Maybe getting up and doing some yoga or going for a walk will help,” she said. “Exercise is like the cure-all for me. When I am sick, I go running, even if I have to drag myself out of bed to do it. By the time I’m back and showered, I’ve sweated the sickness right out of me.”

“I don’t think that I can just sweat the baby right out of me,” I said, laughing. “Maybe when I am reaching my due date, but definitely not right now. The doctor has me on light duty until I reach my second trimester. He doesn’t want me doing anything strenuous.”

“We could get you one of those motorized buggies to ride around in.” She laughed.

“Don’t laugh,” I said. “I am pretty much exhausted from sun up to sun down. I might just take you up on the buggy. You can ride on the back and navigate.”

“That would be amazing.” She giggled. “We would terrorize this city, one mile per hour at a time.”

“My focus is completely shot,” I said. “I tried to read the other day and ended up having a day dream that turned into a real dream when I fell asleep at the kitchen table. I also put my keys in the freezer and my purse on the shelf in the pantry the other day. It took me forever to find my keys. I felt like such an idiot finding them nestled in with the peas.”

“My grandma used to do that, but she had dementia,” Lindsay said, giggling.

“I feel like it,” I said. “And don’t even talk about emotions. I am like the queen of emotions right now. I cry over everything, and when it’s worth crying over, I sob. Sometimes, I can’t even catch my breath, I get so upset. I sat in the kitchen earlier tonight, worried that people were going to find out I was pregnant by the guy that just dumped me, and I cried my eyes out. I feel like I am going insane sometimes.”

“That’s okay,” she said. “Crying is good for you. You never cried when we were growing up. You are getting all the backlogged tears out of your system.”

“I don’t think it works that way.” I laughed.

“You remember the time you fell out of the tree and broke your arm?” Lindsey asked. “You didn’t shed one tear. The EMS guy thought you were in shock.”

“He wrapped me in that heat blanket, and I was sweating like a pig.” I chuckled.

“You said, ‘Excuse me, sir, but I am frying like bacon over here,’” she said, laughing hysterically.

“God,” I said, laughing. “I miss being a kid. Life was so much simpler. Even my life. I didn’t have to worry about stupid boys or broken hearts. I just worried about getting you up and going for the day because you slept like a damn log.”

“I still do.” She giggled. “Snoring and all. If only my fans knew how hideous I was to sleep next to, none of them would want to have sex with me.”

“They still would.” I laughed.

“I’m sorry,” Lindsey said, laying her head on my shoulder. “I haven’t been there for you like I should be. You need me right now, and I am off in La La land, drinking, partying, and working.”

“And being a fiancée and planning a wedding,” I said. “I am the one that should be apologizing. I feel like I burnt out right before the finish line, leaving you to sweep up the pieces.”

“See, this is why I don’t deserve you as a friend,” she said.

“What are you talking about?”

“You are so selfless,” she replied. “You are going through hell right now, and all you can think about is being there for me because I’m getting married. All I can think about is how much I want to eat my wedding cake.”

“In your defense, that thing was amazing,” I said. “I totally have been dreaming about eating that thing, even when I feel like hell. At the wedding, I am going to steal an entire layer and take it in the back.”

“I’m such a terrible friend,” she said, starting to cry.

“No, you’re not,” I said. “You are the greatest friend. You protect me, barge into billionaire’s offices, and give them a piece of your mind, and you always give me the best advice ever.”

“But you’re pregnant and all alone,” she wailed. “You need me more than I need you.”

“I love you,” I said, feeling the hormones start to kick in. “We take turns needing each other.”

“And it’s your turn, and I’ve dropped the ball,” she said, wiping her tears. “I’ve dropped it right into a whirlwind of wedding plans, rubbing my happiness in your face while my sister demolishes your happy ending. I wish she was here right now. I’d kick her ass up and down the damn street.”

I laughed through my tears and sat back, putting my arm around Lindsey. She rested her head on my chest and cried, sipping her drink through sobs. We looked absolutely insane sitting in the middle of the bar, having complete emotional breakdowns. This girl meant the world to me, and I could never be mad or upset at her. I might find myself green from envy at times since she had the perfect life, at least from where I was sitting, but I could never dislike her.

Several people walked by, looking over at us like we were crazy. I grabbed a napkin off the table and handed it to Lindsey. She sat up and blotted her eyes, sniffling as she looked over at me.

“We need to pull it together,” I said. “People are staring at us.”

“Oh, fuck them.” She laughed. “They are just jealous because they don’t have you as their best friend.”

“You’re crying because you’re drunk.” I laughed. “And I’m crying because my hormones are attacking me like an army. We are a complete and total disaster.”

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t want to be a disaster with anyone but you,” she said.

“And Jordan,” I pointed out.

“No, I would give him up for my bestie any day,” she said, hugging me.

“For some reason, I think that’s a lie, but I am going to pretend that it’s the truth,” I said, giggling. “We will get our shit together one day.”

“Soon,” she said, pointing at me and clearing up her crying. “Right now, though, I have shots to take, and you have good thoughts to think.”

I nodded and watched her bounce off to the bar. She was such a mess, but I didn’t know how I would have survived all of this without her.