Chapter 19

Amanda

There were only two weeks left until the wedding, and luckily, Lindsey had made sure that all of her modeling contracts ended by that point. We were running around all over the place, trying to tie up the last-minute errands that needed to be done. We met with the DJ to okay the playlist, the band, to talk about what they would be playing, and the violinist that would be playing the music when she walked down the aisle. I showed Lindsey the table setting that I had picked out for her, and we went over to the venue just to take one last walk around the room, envisioning what it would look like during her reception. I was exhausted, walking two steps behind her at all times. I could remember a time where I left her in the dust, but with my body going nuts over this pregnancy, I felt like I could take a nap every five seconds.

When we were done at the venue, we hopped in the back of the town car and sat back, both of us propping up our feet. We still had to go to Jordan’s parents’ house and talk about the rehearsal dinner over a late lunch, but for that moment, we were both sprawled out in the car. Lindsey looked stressed, and I hated that I couldn’t do more to help her. At least we both knew that in two weeks, this would all be done, and she would be enjoying being a new wife, jetting off to their honeymoon. Jordan had bought the honeymoon as a surprise, and it made me think about how Nathan loved to do things to surprise me. My heart still hurt every time I thought about him.

“You know I went to see Nathan,” Lindsey said, watching my face across the car.

“You did? What did he say?”

“He wouldn’t listen to me,” she said. “I got so angry and frustrated with him, I was pretty sure he almost threw me out. I left before it got to that point, though. I figured it wouldn’t look good on Jordan if his future wife assaulted his boss.”

“Oh, God,” I said. “He must have been pissed.”

“He is the most stubborn man I have ever met,” she said. “It was obvious that he was miserable without you. It looked like he hadn’t slept in years. He was shut in his office, his beard half grown out, and his tie halfway undone.”

“I would have thought he’d be partying by now,” I said with a pout. “You know how guys are when they go through a break up. They find the first girl they can screw and use it to get over the girl that broke their heart. I can’t believe that he won’t even listen to reason. He knows about Sarah. I told him what she did in the past.”

“Yeah, well, this thing has him so screwed up in his head that he can’t think straight,” she said. “He accused me of being in on some sort of scheme to steal his money. I was kind of offended since I have my own nice bank account, but I let it go, knowing he was just hurt. On top of that, the place smelled like booze, and I’m pretty sure that he was drunk.”

“Drunk? In the middle of the day at his office?”

“There was a big bottle of whiskey behind him on the bar, and he smelled like alcohol,” she said, shrugging. “Of course, it could have been a binger from the night before. Jordan told me that he has been drinking a lot. Apparently, he got into it with John in a pub one night, screaming at the whole bar before stumbling out to his car. He said that John hasn’t seen him out ever since then, but he still comes into work looking like hell and smelling like a frat boy every day, so they are assuming that he is drinking at home.”

“John should be there for him,” I said angrily. “If they think he is doing this to himself, then why doesn’t John stop him? He cared enough to ruin his relationship with me but not enough to stop him from ruining himself.”

I was really worried about Nathan. I knew that if he was drinking every day and looking like that in the office, then he was really struggling. He didn’t really have anyone he could talk to, and from the sound of it, he didn’t want to talk to his best friend, John. I tried not to be upset with John. He was coerced by that bitch, and he was only trying to protect his best friend. Still, he should be playing clean-up crew and getting Nathan back on his feet.

“Have you talked to Sarah?”

“Hell no,” Lindsey said. “That bitch can kiss my ass. We may be sisters, but that is not an obligation to play nice. I will treat her like any other crazy bitch that tries to pull some shit like what she did.”

“Do you think she will try to show up to the wedding, even though you told her not to?”

“She might try, but none of us will ever know about it,” she said. “I told my parents everything that she did, right after I punched her. I wanted them to know what happened before she got in there and told her little lies. We all know she was sick as a child, and that made my parents coddle the hell out of her, but it’s time she started facing the backlash for the things she does. My parents don’t want to talk to her either, so they hired security to stand out front and intercept her if she tries to come in.”

“Wow, that is intense,” I said with a smirk. “I’m sorry that she is doing all of these things. I know it must be hard on you and your parents. I know that I didn’t do anything to make her feel this way toward me, but I can’t help but feel slightly responsible for everything that is happening. I should have just left you out of the loop until after the wedding. Then, when you were back and relaxed, I could have told you.”

“Are you nuts?” she asked. “Then I would have been completely oblivious to the deviance of my sister. What if she tried to sleep with Jordan or something? I would end up killing her, and you know that I would never survive in prison. I would end up being someone’s pet and doing everyone’s makeup. Just thinking about eating instant mashed potatoes every day keeps me on the straight and narrow.”

“You are so dumb.” I laughed, feeling how good it felt to really laugh again. “Do you think that Nathan will come to the wedding?”

“I don’t know,” Lindsey said, shrugging her shoulders. “I did take the liberty of moving his seat away from yours, just in case. That way, you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable, and he wouldn’t get drunk and say something mean to you.”

“Thanks.” I sighed. “I really wish it could be different. Even if he still hated me, I wish he wasn’t so angry at me. I didn’t do it, but in his mind, I am a lying, cheating gold digger. It breaks my heart into pieces to think that he thinks so poorly of me.”

“I know, sweetie,” Lindsey said, leaning forward. “But you have got to put that behind you. You have to take a step back and remember that you have something big going on in your life. All of this stress and anxiety is not good for you, or for that baby. I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe it’s time that you thought about moving on. We could make a new plan for you for the future and get you excited about being a mom—because I know I’m excited to be an aunt—and start refreshing your life a little.”

“Maybe when you get back from your honeymoon, we can sit down and do all of that,” I said with a smile.

“Good,” she replied, looking out as we pulled up to Jordan’s parents’ house. “You ready?”

“Sure,” I said with a smile.

After lunch, we finished up all the other little things we had to do and met Jordan for dinner. I sat there quietly, watching the two of them laugh and talk about their days. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be that happy and that in love. When dinner was over, they dropped me at my place, both of them giving me big hugs before I went inside. I dropped my bag inside the front door and dragged my tired body up the stairs. Quietly, I undressed, laying out my clothes for the next day’s events and crawling into bed. I pulled the covers up over me and laid my head on the pillow, allowing my body to fully relax. With that relaxation came the breaking of the dam, spilling tears out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I pulled my hands up to my face and sobbed, really letting out all of the pent-up heartbreak that I had kept inside through the whole day.

I was so upset, and I couldn’t even take a deep breath in to calm myself. The vision of Nathan torturing himself, drinking himself to the point of passing out, waking up and doing it all over again, haunted me. He was doing that because he thought I had done something terrible. I knew it wasn’t my fault, I knew that I was innocent, but it didn’t make it any easier on me. I felt guilty for making him feel that way, for not fighting harder to make him see the truth. Sarah had ruined everything in my life, and I felt like I was replaying events from the past all over again. I had something that was so wonderful and so exciting, and she ripped it right out of my hands. What she didn’t realize was that while she was getting the satisfaction of hurting me, she was hurting two other people in the background.

Nathan was distraught, unable to move past what had happened. She had completely ruined him and put all the blame on my shoulders. He would never get over this betrayal, and he would never have the joy of knowing his child. He would push the rest of us away for as long as we lived. I was sure of it. My child, growing strong in my belly, would come into a world full of love, but missing its father, something I could never replace. She had destroyed three people’s lives, and she had no remorse for it.

My tears came faster and faster, and I sat up in bed trying to catch my breath. The hormones from my pregnancy were not making any of this any easier on me. I knew they were driving the stake even farther into my heart. Lindsey was right, though. I needed to find peace in my own life. I needed to stay calm and to move past all of this because I was now responsible for another human being’s life. It was not good for me to get that upset about anything, and I knew that it was causing the baby all kinds of stress.

I reached over and grabbed the water off the night stand and took a sip, my breath shuddering in my throat. I swallowed hard and leaned back against the headboard, closing my eyes. There was nothing I could do about what was happening, and I needed to get it together if I ever wanted to feel normal again.