Jason

Thanksgiving bled into Christmas. Zayn seemed happy. He’d revealed that he’d never felt he had a family until he moved in with Mrs. Johnson. He and Dave had come to a truce. My family was slowly coming apart at the seams. Dad wasn’t dealing very well with life. Maybe he felt guilty about hiding me being gay from mom. She was angry and had been taking her anger out on everyone.

Josh was finishing fire fighter school, and Dianna was doing well in school, which made mom angry. I didn’t get her at all. I had no idea why she wanted Josh and Dianna to fail.

Zayn and I agreed to get each other small gifts, so we didn’t spend too much. A small part of me wanted to do something big, but the T-shirt I’d bought Zayn was from a band I knew he liked. I’d also made a playlist for him filled with songs that made me think of him.

We exchanged gifts the day after Christmas. It was a special time, and I loved the sweatshirt he’d bought me. But it was more than just the gifts, it was being able to spend time with him. We hung out as much as possible during the break. My mom kept me busy for as long as she could, but I woke early, did a bunch of chores, and she couldn’t find more to keep me busy.

When we went back to school, Zayn was happier than I’d ever seen him. Every day was wonderful. Our routine didn’t change much, but we found a way to kiss every morning. Mom was still angry, and Dad was still ignoring me. I was planning out my summer, excited that I’d be eighteen soon. Mrs. Johnson had agreed to allow me into the management training program. I didn’t aspire to be a store manager, but I thought it would help with school costs if I went to college.

It was a week before school was out, and the temperature was already way up there. I was mowing lawns for five neighbors, trying to earn as much money as possible. I’d saved almost three thousand dollars. I knew that wasn’t enough to live on, but it was a start. Zayn rode past on his bike and turned around, stopping out front of the house I was mowing. I let the mower stop, the engine going quiet as soon as I let go of the safety bar.

“Hey. Do you want to go swimming later?” Zayn asked.

I warmed at the suggestion. “Sure. Where would we go?”

“The city pool is open.”

I groaned. “I might get a boner watching you frolic in the water.”

His cheeks turned pink, and he laughed. “At least the water will be cold. That might help.”

I laughed and took a step towards him but stopped. “Damn, I’m having a hard time staying away from you.”

“Soon you won’t have to.”

“You realize we still have a year left in school. It’s going to seem like forever.”

Zayn cracked a huge smile. “Well, about that, I graduate early.”

Fear pulsed through me. “What?”

“I graduate in December. I talked to my guidance counselor today. I have the credits.”

“What does that mean?”

His lips spread wide in a huge smile. “Well, I’m not sure, but I’ll try the community college. Actually, next fall I’m enrolled in two college classes. I’ll get credit for them while I’m working on my final credits for high school.”

“You won’t forget about me.”

He shook his head and reached out, taking my hand. “Never. I know it seems like we have a long time, but, babe, it’s only a few short months.”

I was staring into his eyes, not paying attention to anything around us when a car screeched to a stop. My head whipped up. It was my mom. I heated, and I knew my face was red. Maybe I could say it was the heat, but I knew she wouldn’t buy that excuse.

“What is going on?” Her words were crisp, her lips down in a frown.

“I was talking to Zayn. He’s in a few of my classes.”

“Get home now.” She spit her words out like they tasted bad.

“I’m still mowing Mr. Zenkowski’s lawn.”

She huffed, her anger evident. “Finish it and come home.”

I nodded as she drove away. My head spun. What would she do?

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Zayn said. “I knew I shouldn’t come over here to talk to you.”

I couldn’t let him take the blame. “It’s okay. Really.”

“No. What if she figures out we’re dating?”

“You are in a few of my classes, so I’m not lying.”

He shook his head. “No, I’m not.”

“Well, you do have a few of the same teachers as I do. We both have Mr. Henson, and you have Mrs. Willis for history.”

“I don’t like this,” Zayn said.

“I’ll fix it.”

Zayn didn’t look convinced. I could tell he wanted to kiss me because I wanted to kiss him. It wasn’t happening, not here. We were too close to my house, and my mom would position herself so she could see me. I’d done this before, and I knew how it worked.

Mowing the lawn didn’t take long, and when I finished, I wished I could head to the pool to spend time with Zayn. Instead, I was walking home, praying I got to shower so I could cool off.

The questions hit before I even entered the house. “Who was that? Why were you talking to him? Why weren’t you wearing your shirt? What are you doing? Why are you embarrassing us so much?”

No matter what I said, she would twist it. When I’d been younger, I may have tried to please her, but now I knew I’d never be able to. There was no reason to try explaining things until she stopped yelling at me. Her face was red, and her hair wild. What was she even trying to accomplish. If I wasn’t gay, her yelling would only make me want to leave more. Since I was gay, I just wanted this to stop so I could lie to her and move on to the next lie. She would never accept me.

“Listen, Mom, Zayn has the same teachers I do. We have finals. He was asking questions about what I thought would be on the tests.” My voice stayed calm as I spoke.

“Then why was your face red? Why were you looking at him the way you were?”

The urge to roll my eyes almost won over my good senses. Somehow, I squelched the action. “I wasn’t looking at him in any certain way. We were laughing. And I was mowing the lawn. It’s hot out there. I think maybe my face was red because of the heat.”

She wasn’t buying it. I could see it in her eyes. She knew something was up between me and Zayn. For almost a year I’d kept his existence a secret. Neither of my parents had known when I’d said I was out with friends I’d been with Zayn. Now Mom knew he existed.

“I’m going to shower, and then I have to study.”

“Not with that boy,” she spit out.

I wasn’t going to tell her I’d study with whoever I wanted. She didn’t need to know I’d go to every length necessary to see Zayn. I’d lied so much this last year, stolen the key for my dad’s church, allowed Zayn to sleep there, snuck out a few times, lied about working so I could see Zayn, and hid a cell phone so I could talk to him on days I couldn’t meet him. My parents had pushed me too far, and I was willing to go the distance to see my boyfriend.

After a quick shower, I dressed in shorts and a T-shirt. I pulled out my phone to make a call when there was a knock on my door. I hid the phone, making sure my mom couldn’t see it before I opened my door.

“You’re grounded.” My mom said the words with finality.

“Why?”

She sputtered. “Don’t talk back at me.”

“I’m not talking back. I want to know why.”

She waved her hands at me, her face turning red. “You’re lying.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She pointed her finger at my face, her lips turning down in a frown. “You’re the most difficult child I’ve ever known.”

My anger grew with each word, but I wasn’t going to blow up at her. I’d keep my love for Zayn secret. If she didn’t know about him, she couldn’t bully me. I knew her well enough to know she’d force Dad to take me to another camp. Sure, they were supposed to be illegal, but they were operating in the south like nothing had happened.

Mom’s face went red, and her eyes bugged out as she waited for me to react. Responding to her statement would only cause more problems. They’d lost my allegiance when they’d decided Dianna wasn’t important enough to allow her to choose who she married. They didn’t want what was best for us, they wanted to use us.

My eighteenth birthday wasn’t too far away. After that, I could move out. Sure, it would be difficult, but with Zayn, we could make it.

“Do you want to lose your privileges to work? I’ll call Mrs. Johnson and tell her you can’t work. I did it before.”

I sighed, realizing she was just going to keep pushing until she got a reaction. “I’m not quitting my job this summer.”

I hated this back and forth with her. Why was she being so unreasonable? What was up with her?

We both heard the garage door opening. It was either Dad or Josh. Josh had earned enough money working at the fire department to buy a very old truck. He was thinking about moving out in the next week, and I’d have this room to myself unless Mom and Dad did something stupid.

Mom’s eyes narrowed, and her nose crinkled. “We’re not done yet.”

I shut my door and moved to the bed, pulling out my phone. I dialed Zayn, praying he picked up. He didn’t. I left a message, hoping I could talk to him before school on Monday.

Somehow Dad got Mom calmed down enough there seemed to be a truce. Tensions were high, and it felt like we were walking on eggshells, but I survived one day, then two. Zayn was worried, but I didn’t feel like it was really bad, like send me to camp bad again.

Josh and Dianna were also worried about me. For some reason Mom’s mood swings weren’t bothering me as much as they probably should. What Mrs. Johnson had said about when we were eighteen we could date whoever we wanted had given me freedom. Sure I was grounded, but it was temporary. She couldn’t keep me from living my life, not any longer. I’d tasted freedom and happiness, and I would never go back.

We made it through our tests, Lori graduated, and I was working about thirty-five hours at the store. I wasn’t sure what Lori would do with her life, but right now, I was too busy thinking about mine.

This year my mom didn’t stop by to tell Mrs. Johnson I couldn’t work. The difference between last year and this year were huge. I had a boyfriend, and Dianna wasn’t being forced into marriage. She was almost finished with her school. Zayn had decided to take a class at the local college during the summer. He’d received financial aid to pay for school, which took a load off his mind.

Every day after he got out of school, before he headed to work, he would stop by for a sandwich. Mrs. Johnson always hugged him like a son. It was weird seeing Zayn have such a good relationship with my boss.

At the end of June on a hot Friday night, I was closing the store, and Zayn showed up to see me. My heart expanded when I spied him. He really was the best-looking guy in the world. This year would be tough. We were both ready to move in together, but neither of us could afford it.

After the store closed, while I was helping the assistant manager put up the cash, he stood outside waiting for me to come out. I could see him through the glass, and my heart squeezed every time I caught a glimpse of him. He was the perfect man for me. I wanted acceptance but knew I wouldn’t get it from my parents, instead I asked Josh to meet him. Of course my older brother wanted to meet Zayn, so we’d planned to go to his new apartment on Sunday.

After the assistant manager and I finished with our tasks and made sure the doors were all locked, I headed out to meet Zayn. I texted him, telling him I was coming out the back door. When I stepped around the corner, he was there. I melted against him, wanting to get even closer.

“I missed you today,” Zayn whispered in my ear.

“I missed you too.”

“What do you want to do for your birthday? We could head up to Atlanta for the weekend, you know, stay in a hotel. Just the two of us.”

I rocked my hips against his and groaned as the pressure sent electricity through my body. “That would be so good.”

“I want to take you there.”

“Where, Atlanta? I’ve been there. It’s okay, heck anything is better than here.”

He laughed and squeezed me closer. “No, silly, to heaven. You know, we could just stay here and celebrate in a hotel.”

I was slowly coming unglued. Fire lit down my spine to my toes. I tilted my head back and moaned as he kissed my neck.

“Fuck, I can’t believe we haven’t had sex yet. I want to taste every part of your body. I need to touch you.”

“Zayn, not here.”

“I know. I just want you so much. I want your hands on me. Your tongue all over me.”

“I need you.” The words came out as a moan while I grew harder.

“You are so delicious.”

Someone turned into the parking lot, and car lights splashed across the building, illuminating us. I gulped in a breath, knowing we had to stop. I put my hand on Zayn’s chest and applied pressure. He groaned but stood up and backed away.

“Sorry. I know this isn’t the place.”

“No, it isn’t. I need to get home. My mom will come looking for me.”

“One day soon, Jason Wooten, you’ll be Jason Anderson, and you won’t have to fear someone coming to find you. You’ll be able to kiss me and hold me all night long.”

His words made my heart twist. I reached out, pulling him closer. “Jason Anderson, I like the sound of it.”

He nibbled on my ear, and I gasped. Another car pulled into the parking lot, and we both sobered. When Zayn backed away, I missed his touch almost immediately. I wanted to feel him, to experience his body pressed up against mine.

“You should go home,” Zayn said.

“I know. I just don’t want to.”

“I’ll see you at Josh’s place.”

“Five on Sunday.”

“Yes, five Sunday. He said he’s cooking dinner, so come hungry.”

Zayn laughed and took another step back. “Hey, when you’re in your bed tonight, remember I love you.”

“You too. Because I do love you.”

It was torture going home. Even though they’d been unreasonable, they were still my parents, and I had feelings for them that twisted through my soul when I thought about having to stand up to them. How long would those good feelings last if they continued to act like this?

At home, my mom started in on me, her voice quiet. Question after question was spit out. Then she said she drove to the store to look for me. Fear blasted hot as the desert sun, going from head to toe. She’d been in one of the cars that had splashed their lights on me and Zayn. We’d almost gotten caught. She could have seen me holding Zayn like a lover. What would she have done? She hated gay people.

My dad came in, his brows bunched. “What is wrong?”

“He’s lying,” Mom said.

Dad looked at me then Mom. “What is he lying about?”

“I know he’s doing something behind my back. He’s guilty. You can see it written all over his face.”

I couldn’t let them know about Zayn. My future was with him. I’d known it from the day we met. I was Zayn’s, and he was mine. We would end up married. We may adopt, or we’d not. Our lives would be complete because of each other. Yes, it was an oversimplification of romance, but I wasn’t going to bow to the pressure of this world. I would have a very romantic relationship with Zayn. We’d gone through so much together, and we deserved happiness.

“What do you think he’s lying about?” dad asked.

“You’ve both been lying ever since you got back from camp last summer. You’ve both been keeping something from me, and I don’t like it. I will not allow this perversion to exist under our roof.”

“Just calm down,” my dad said.

Of course that made my mom blow up even more. She wasn’t going to do calm. Any reasonable reaction had been lost when my dad told her to calm down. He yelled, and then she yelled right back. Since they were busy lighting into each other, I snuck down the hall and away from my parents. The girls cracked open their door and waved me in. Dianna, Lori, and Brianna were sitting on one bed, and Tom and Matt were on the other.

“What is going on?” Lori asked.

I shook my head. “They’re arguing.”

“Duh,” Lori said.

I huffed out a breath and met Dianna’s gaze. “We have to tell her,” I said. “Heck, we need to tell them everything.”

She nodded. “This has been brewing for a long—”

Something crashed down the hall, and we all froze. It sounded like Mom had tossed a glass against the wall.

“It’s been going for a while.” Dianna continued. “Last year Mom and Dad wanted me to marry some guy from our church. I didn’t even like him. I wasn’t going to marry him.”

“Aren’t you supposed to do what Mom and Dad say?” Brianna asked.

Dianna shrugged. “Not when it’s something so important that will affect the rest of your life.”

Brianna scrunched up her nose. “But Mom has been telling me I have to marry the guy they choose for me. That if I go against her choice, I’ll be in sin.”

Anger burned inside, and I shook my head. “No, that’s not right.”

“What are they mad at you for?” Brianna asked. “Did they want you to marry someone?”

“Kind of. But they’re mad at me because I’m gay,” I said.

Matt and Tom shrugged. Lori rolled her eyes. It was only Brianna who was having issues.

“I don’t get it. Why would you sin?” Her words made us all freeze.

“Brianna, he’s not sinning,” Dianna said. “This is who he is, and God accepts him.”

Brianna’s face scrunched up. “But Mom said being gay was wrong.”

I’d been so wrapped up in my life I hadn’t really paid attention to what Mom was saying to my younger siblings. This had to stop. We had to put an end to her manipulations. I thought I’d done something good when I’d gone up against her about Dianna, but now she was trying to get to Brianna. I guess she thought Lori was a lost cause.

I turned to Lori and lifted my hands. “How did you escape being married off?”

“I don’t know. I told her I would throw a huge fit. Also, I don’t think too many guys want to marry me.”

I pulled Lori up off the bed and into a hug. “Of course they do. Just give it time. And I’m glad she didn’t force you into a rotten marriage.”

“I stopped listening to her,” Lori said.

“She’s weird,” Tom added.

“I have to say something to her.” I turned to leave the room, and Dianna jumped up, grabbing my arm.

“What are you going to do?” Dianna asked, her eyes were wide with fright.

My gaze drifted over my siblings. “This has to stop. She’ll ruin their lives.”

“Mom isn’t going to quit manipulating us just because you tell her to,” Dianna spit out.

I threw up my hands. “What else can I do? She is hell-bent on ruining our lives, just like last year. Heck, she might have some secret plan for Lori that she’s not telling anyone. Could you imagine her setting Brianna up with some old guy?”

Brianna scrunched up her nose. “They wouldn’t do that, would they?”

Dianna nodded. “Yes, they would. They really were setting me up so I had no choice. I didn’t like the guy at all. He was creepy, and he wanted to have sex with me.”

“Ewww,” both Tom and Matt said.

“That’s gross,” Lori said.

Brianna leaned in close to Lori and whispered. “What is sex exactly? I don’t get it at all.”

Lori’s face turned red, and Dianna moved to sit next to her. “It’s when a man sticks his penis in a woman.”

“Gross,” Tom and Matt sounded off.

“No one else is going to tell you this stuff,” Dianna snapped at the two of them.

“Just stop.” Matt made a face, and Dianna shook her head.

“Fine, but go talk to Josh. He’ll tell you what you need to know. And Brianna, I’ll talk to you about it when you want to know.”

“Is that what Mom and Dad do when I hear them moaning?” Brianna’s question made us all shiver. I kind of wanted to throw up and a part of me wanted to tell Brianna to take my room; that I’d sleep on the couch.

“I can’t listen to this.” Matt stood up, and so did Tom.

“Listen, guys, you can’t say anything to mom yet,” Dianna said.

“So we’re lying to Mom now?” Matt asked.

I shouldn’t have told them I was gay. Making them lie to Mom and Dad was wrong. My stomach grew tight as fear settled. Soon, I’d have to say something to Mom about me being gay.

“Before you go, I want you all to know there is nothing wrong with being gay. Mom and Dad will try to tell you it’s wrong, but it’s not. You don’t have to fear for me. God and I are square about me being gay.” I said the words with much more bravado than I felt.

“How are you sure?” Brianna asked.

I shrugged. “I just am. When I pray, God isn’t blocking me.”

Brianna shook her head. “When I pray, it’s just empty space. Everyone says you’ll hear God, but I don’t.”

Dianna put her hand on Brianna’s arm. “He doesn’t really speak.”

Brianna threw up her hands and huffed out a breath. “Then why do they say I’ll hear God?”

“It’s more a feeling of what you think you hear,” Dianna said.

“That’s stupid. So Mom and Dad telling me what to do because God told them is just them making stuff up because they don’t want to admit they just want me to obey them?” Brianna said.

“Possibly,” Dianna said.

Brianna huffed out a breath and crossed her arms over her chest. “That sucks. This is the dumbest thing ever. So God doesn’t speak out loud?”

Dianna pulled her into a hug. “No, sweetie, I’m sorry it doesn’t work that way.”

“So dumb,” Brianna muttered.

We all nodded. Tom sat back down. “I tell Mom I hear God, but I don’t. I just don’t want to disappoint her.”

I understood what they were saying. “When I was your age, I did the same thing. I didn’t want to disappoint Mom, so I told her I heard God.”

“So you never did?” Matt asked.

I shrugged. “I just knew right from wrong and decided that my ability to figure out what was right and what was wrong was hearing from God.”

Lori shook her head. “This is totally new information. You know, before last year, Mom always talked about how you were the best of us. She would tell us all you were the one we should be like. Then you messed up and got sent away.”

“He didn’t mess up,” Dianna interrupted. “He saved me from a terrible fate of marrying that jerk.”

“Fine, you saved Dianna. Our family is screwed up. I don’t like it.” Lori threw up her hands and huffed.

I had to stop the madness. “I’m going to tell Mom.”

“No,” Dianna said.

“I can’t let the rest of you live your life thinking you have to ruin everything because Mom and Dad can’t figure out how to be human.”

“Don’t,” Dianna said.

There wasn’t a way out of this. No way I could live my life like this any longer. “I have to. She’s out of control, and she needs to see that she’s wrong.”

“She won’t see anything. She didn’t see anything wrong with pawning me off on some old fart, and she won’t change her mind,” Dianna said.

I didn’t know what to do. “How can I allow her to continue doing this to us?”

“You won’t change anything,” Dianna hugged me again, her hold nearly desperate. “Please, don’t.”

“What can we do to help Lori and Brianna if we don’t say something? And who knows what she has planned for Matt and Tom.”

“She doesn’t have anything planned for us,” Matt said.

I turned to him and shook my head. “You don’t know that. She could.”

Dianna shook her head. “Don’t do it. Don’t say anything to her. She’s just going to cause problems.”

Trapped in this web of manipulations and lies was choking me. I had to find a way to get out and the only path I saw was telling Mom the truth. “I have to do something. I can’t keep lying. I can’t allow her to think she’s doing some great service for God when she’s screwing up our lives.”

“This isn’t the way, Jason,” Dianna said.

He threw up his hands. “What is the way?”

“I don’t know, but telling Mom you’re gay—”

“What?” Mom yelled. “You’re gay?”

My heart sank. I felt like I might throw up. She must have come upstairs so quietly we hadn’t heard. How long had she been standing there listening to us? No one moved, not even Matt or Tom.

“Get out!” Mom yelled.

Dianna shoved me behind her. I tried to get around, but she stood in my way. “Dad knows,” Dianna said.

That didn’t help. Mom spun around and yelled at Dad. This was exactly how I didn’t want her finding out. She wasn’t supposed to hear I was gay from my sister like this. It was out of control, and we were racing downhill. Mom’s volume rose as she railed.

I turned to my brothers and pointed at them. “You two stay in here with the girls. I’ll call Josh.”

“I want to talk to him,” Matt said.

“He’ll probably come over.” I headed to my room and pulled out my phone from under my pillow. I called Josh and listened as Mom yelled at Dad.

“Hey, brother,” Josh said.

“They found out I’m gay.”

“Shit. Be there as soon as I can.”

I hung up and shoved the phone under my pillow, hiding the phone from Mom. Obviously, she couldn’t handle the truth.

Dianna was taking too much shit from her, and I couldn’t allow my sister to get kicked out, or worse, be forced to marry some idiot.

“Dianna, you don’t need to stand up for me,” I said as I moved between her and my parents.

“But they were—”

I held up my hand and cut her off. “I don’t care what they do to me. Mom, I’m gay. People will think what they think, but I’m still me. You’re ruining your life and our lives by being so hateful. You think I haven’t noticed how mean you’ve been? I know exactly what you’re trying to do, but I’m done hiding. I’m done trying to pretend like you can just do whatever you want and have no consequences.”

“How dare you talk to me this way,” Mom spit back.

I didn’t raise my voice, instead I stayed as calm as possible. “No, how dare you try to ruin my life? How dare you try to force the girls to marry some disgusting pervert? How dare you try to force Josh to go to a college he didn’t want to go to? How dare you?”

I heard the door close below. Josh was here. His feet pounded on the stairs, and then he was with us, his eyes taking in all of us.

“Jason, pack a bag,” Josh said.

I spun to face him. “What?”

“It’s only a one-bedroom, but I won’t allow Mom or Dad to bully you any longer.”

Mom sputtered and clutched her throat. We were defying her. Our childhood had been spent following orders, doing exactly what they told us to do so one day she could force us to live how she wanted us to live. But that wouldn’t work now. We were free, and we wouldn’t bow to her pressure.

“I can’t leave the rest of the kids here to have to deal with them on their own,” I said.

“And I can’t allow you to stay here and be bullied. Eventually you and Zayn will move in together—”

“Over my dead body,” Mom yelled.

Josh narrowed his gaze. “This is what I’m talking about. She’s out of control. I can’t support everyone on my salary yet, but I’ll be able to move into a house in a year or so. The girls can come live with us if they need to.”

“Hey, what about us?” Matt said.

“Mom isn’t trying to sell you off to the highest bidder,” Lori snapped.

“She’s not doing that to you, yet,” Matt threw back.

“But she did to Dianna,” Lori spit back.

Everything was getting out of hand. My brothers and sisters were staging an all-out revolt, yelling about how our parents were being jerks. This would all go bad soon. If they didn’t stop bitching at each other, Mom and Dad would freak out and lay down the hammer. It would end up worse than it ever had been.

“Hey,” I yelled. Everyone stopped talking. All eyes were on me, their mouths open like barn doors. A feeling of power coiled through me, but I wasn’t going to use it to harm. Instead, I was going to help everyone, at least I hoped I would. “This started with me, and I’m not going to allow you all to take the heat. I’m the one Mom and Dad hate. They can take their anger out on me. Matt, Tom, Lori, and Brianna, stop arguing.”

I turned to face my mom and saw tears fill her eyes. She didn’t look like herself at all. I was going to ask her what was wrong when she spun around and raced off to her room, slamming the door.

Dad opened his mouth but closed it before he spoke. What more could he say? He’d known I was gay and hadn’t done anything. We weren’t a family. We were hostages waiting to break free. Josh had escaped, and Dianna was working on her escape plan. I had something to hope for, and Lori wasn’t playing their game. All they had left was Matt, Tom, and Brianna, and all three knew Mom and Dad were out to manipulate them and wreck their lives. Maybe I’d been too harsh with Mom, but she was being unreasonable. The picture my dad painted of our family to the church was all smoke and mirrors.

Josh grabbed my arm. “Get a bag and let’s go. You can sleep on the couch.”

“I’m sorry, guys,” I said to the gang. Each one came up to hug me, tears in their eyes. Our parents had failed us so many times with their inability to accept us. We weren’t their minions any longer, and that had to have stung, but I couldn’t live my life for them, I had to be me.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving us,” Matt whined.

“You can always come visit.” I hugged him tighter and then kissed the top of his head.

“Mom probably won’t allow us to talk to you,” Tom said.

“We’ll figure it out.” I wouldn’t abandon my little brothers and sister. “If I have to do something drastic, we’ll do it.”

“What would you do?” Brianna said.

“Yes, Jason, what would you do?” My dad’s voice was strained as he spoke.

I met his gaze. “I won’t allow you to ruin their lives. You’ll allow me to stay in contact with them. If you don’t, I’ll go to the authorities. I’ll make sure they know you were planning on selling off Dianna. You have issues. You can’t keep doing this stuff.”

I could see the anger swirling around my dad’s eyes. He didn’t want to hear no. He thought I’d bend easy, but I wasn’t a pushover. I’d fought for Dianna last year, and him sending me to that camp made it obvious I’d need to keep fighting.

Dad turned around and headed to his bedroom, but the door was locked. He had to knock, and even that didn’t get Mom to unlock the door. He headed to the other end of the house, not making eye contact with any of us as he passed.

“Brianna, get your things and move into my room,” I said.

“I’d rather share with Lori,” Brianna said.

“I’ll take your room,” Dianna said. “And Jason, I’ll look after them. I’ll be strong, I promise. I may not know everything, but I’ll fight hard for our brothers.”

I smiled at my siblings. They were fighters when cornered. “I believe you. And guys, remember you have to fight for your future. I’ll be around. Anytime you want to talk. Mom and Dad may be our parents, but they don’t own your future.”

I headed into my room and packed a bag. Josh followed Dianna in, and both of them seemed worried.

“Hey, you going to be okay?” Dianna asked.

“Sure. I mean I knew this was coming. I was just hoping it would take a little longer.”

Josh nodded. “At least you have a place to go.”

“True. I’m not homeless like Zayn was.”

“Wait, what?” Dianna asked.

I plopped down on the bed. I hadn’t told them. It seemed so long ago, and now it didn’t matter. “His grandmother kicked him out. He was homeless for a while. I helped him as much as I could.”

“We could have helped,” Josh said.

“It was last summer. Mrs. Johnson took him in.”

Dianna held up her hand. “Wait, is that why Mr. Johnson left? Mom has been gossiping about her since Christmas. She’s been telling people Mrs. Johnson was a bad woman and stuff.”

“Well, don’t be like Mom. That’s all I can say about it,” I said.

“I had no clue. I wish I could have helped,” Josh said.

“You did. You two just didn’t know it. There were times you were blamed for eating too much food, but it was really me slipping stuff to Zayn.”

“I wish you would have told us,” Dianna said. “We could have helped you get more food.”

“Thank you. It all worked out.” I had enough clothes, and Dianna promised to finish packing my things in the morning since she didn’t have classes on Saturday. I thought about calling Zayn, but he needed to sleep. I needed to head to bed soon because it was late, and I’d been up a long time. I hugged Lori who’d wandered into my room which would now be Brianna’s room.

“I’ll see you all around, and we can discuss what you want to do with your life,” I hugged Lori again and she hugged me back. It was hard walking away because my brothers and sisters were still here, but it was also easy. I had no future here as long as my parents were acting this way.

“I’ll miss you, little bro. Tell Zayn I said hi,” Lori said.

I nodded and followed Josh out to his old car. I paused before getting in. “I need my bike.”

Josh helped me load the bike into the bed of the truck, and we took off, leaving our childhood home behind. Mom and Dad hadn’t even come out to say goodbye. Sadness hit, and I guess Josh could tell. He reached out and patted my knee.

“It’ll be fine.”

I nodded, watching the dark houses roll by. “I have enough money to pay for food.”

“Don’t worry about it too much. I’m making a decent living. I saved like you do, and I think I can buy a foreclosed three-bedroom soon. When that happens, I can move anyone in with me who needs a space to live.”

I was amazed he’d thought this far ahead. “Well, Zayn and I might need a room at one point. We’ll pay rent too.”

At the next light, Josh shot me a huge grin. “I’d love to have you two live with me. And I’m really looking forward to seeing him.”

I chuckled, thinking about how awkward it would be. Heck, we hadn’t even had sex, but I wanted to. If we lived with Josh, we’d have to plan sex for when he wasn’t there. “Um, thanks.”

What would living with Zayn be like? If we lived together, we’d be sleeping in the same bed. My body heated, and I tried to hide my excitement from Josh. It was nearly impossible.

Josh didn’t live far from our parents’ house, and we were at his place in minutes. Josh cut the engine but didn’t open his door. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m really good.”

“Okay, then let’s get your stuff. This is a rough neighborhood. Your bike can be locked up on the patio. We’ll figure out something else if that isn’t working. The couch isn’t perfect. I’ve slept on it a few times when I was too tired to get my lazy ass up and go to bed.”

I laughed as I got out of the car. “I bet it’s nice being out of the house.”

Josh stepped out and pulled my bike out of the truck. “It’s good to be out of there, but I miss having everyone around. I mean I still talk to Dianna a lot. We meet for lunch twice a week, and she comes over for dinner at least once a week, but I miss seeing the rest of you.”

“She comes over here for dinner? Why didn’t I know this?”

“We didn’t want Mom and Dad getting involved. They aren’t happy I moved out, but they would be livid if they knew I introduced Dianna to a guy I work with. He’s nice, twenty-three, but it’s not creepy. He was over here, and she stopped by. They got to talking and found out they like some of the same music.”

I stared at him, shock pulsing through me. “Dianna has a boyfriend?”

Josh shook his head. “No, he’s not a boyfriend. Right now, they’re just friends.”

“She’s not dating him?”

“Not yet. He asked me if he should go ask Dad if he could date her, and I told him everything about what happened. He was furious. Said he wouldn’t be very nice if he met him now. He hasn’t told Dianna he knows about it though.”

Josh keyed open the door to his place, and I stepped inside. There weren’t many decorations, but it was better than having to live at home where my mom would berate me just for existing.

“Hey, thanks for taking me in. I swear I’ll try to be as small of a strain on you as possible.”

“You’re my brother. This is what I’m here for.”

“Well, I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here.”

“Me either, little brother.” Josh stepped into another room which I guessed was the bedroom and returned with a blanket, a sheet, and a pillow. “Here you go. I need to head to bed because I’m working in the morning. I’ll be out here early. Sorry if I wake you. I’ll try to be quiet. The bathroom is accessible from the bedroom and the hall. There is a little closet out here. I only have a coat and a sweatshirt in there. I don’t have any extra hangers, but maybe you could stop by Wal-Mart and pick some up. Then you could hang up your clothes.”

“Wow, that would be great.”

“We’ll figure this out, Jason. I won’t leave you to fend for yourself. I’ve got your back.”

My heart filled with love for my brother. We should have been closer, but I was glad I was getting a chance to really know him now. “Thank you.”

I opened my bag and stared at the clothes inside, wondering if this is what my life had come to. Just a collection of a few clothes and nothing else much. After Josh finished in the bathroom, he came out and headed to the kitchen where he pulled out a glass for water before he turned to face me.

“You know, you may feel like you’ve screwed up. I can see the sadness in your eyes, but you haven’t messed anything up at all. You probably saved this family. It may seem terrible right now, but you’re a good man. Stay true to your values, and you’ll go far.”

“Do I have values?” Was I doing the right thing? How could I ever know?

Josh shook his head slowly, a smile spreading across his lips. “Jason, you have stronger values than anyone I know.”

I shrugged as sadness hit. “I just want life to be easier.”

“It’ll get better. Trust me, it really does get better. I know it’s trite to say that, but it’s the truth. I gotta turn in. Here’s an extra key. Lock up when you leave. I’ll be gone overnight. Don’t have your boyfriend over.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry. We’re not at that point yet.”

“Good. Before you get to that point, all three of us need to sit down and have a talk.”

My face heated. “Oh God, go to bed.”

He chuckled and took off, heading to his bedroom. I used the restroom and brushed my teeth. Sleep took a while as I grew used to the bed and the sounds of the area. In the morning, I’d call Zayn. I’d need to save my money for minutes, so I’d have to have him meet me somewhere.

I woke a little when Josh left for work and rolled over so I could go back to sleep. I didn’t really wake until close to nine when my phone rang. I answered, clearing my throat before speaking.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hey, it’s me. Want to get together?”

“Yeah. Let’s meet at Freedom Park. I need to grab something to eat, and I’ll be there in about thirty minutes.”

Zayn paused for a second. “Okay. That’s a new park for us.”

He didn’t want to answer any questions, not yet. “Yeah, thirty minutes. Love you, bye.”

“Love you.”

I hung up and stretched, working out the kinks. Zayn would probably be angry once he heard what happened. It was weird. We were both basically in the same place just because we were gay. Well, and Zayn had been smoking weed at home. His mom had blown a gasket about that, but his grandmother had kicked him out because he’d been jerking off. I chuckled, thinking his infraction compared to what he could have been doing was tiny. His grandmother had overreacted and hadn’t even tried to contact him again.

As I made a sandwich, I decided I should pick up some food later. I’d be eating, and Josh had only bought food for himself so we’d run out earlier. Getting my bike outside meant I had to leave my sandwich on the counter to run the bike out. Then I had to come back in to grab my sandwich and the key to Josh’s apartment before I headed out for good. I checked the door twice, making sure it was locked.

Josh had said his neighborhood wasn’t good, but it really wasn’t terrible. Only after I finished my sandwich did I hop on my bike and ride the rest of the way to the park. Zayn stepped out of the shadows when I rode up, the smile on his face warmed me. The park was really just a bunch of baseball fields and some tennis courts. There was a playground, but it wasn’t the main focus. The city had bought up lots as they came open which meant the park stretched a far way off the main road.

“Hop on your bike and let’s ride to the back,” Zayn said.

“Sure.” I followed behind him, wondering how he’d take my parents kicking me out. We settled on the benches under a metal awning. The wind blew, which was the only reason it wasn’t too hot.

“Class is killing me,” Zayn said.

Before, I’d been okay with being kicked out, but now, sitting with Zayn beside me, the tears flowed. His arms came around me, his hug tight. After a moment, he kissed the side of my head.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

I hugged him tighter, balling his shirt in my fists. He rubbed circles between my shoulder blades and held me. I couldn’t believe I was crying. Maybe I felt comfortable enough with him to show how I really felt.

He pulled back, his brows raised, the question clear on his face. “What’s up?”

I swallowed before I spoke. “They know.”

Zayn froze. “Who knows?”

“Mom and Dad. They kicked me out.”

“Oh God. Where did you sleep? Not on the streets because if you say on the streets, I’ll-I’ll—I don’t know what I’ll do. You should have come to my place.”

I shook my head and tried to smile. “No, I’m fine. I stayed with Josh.”

His response took a few seconds as his lips screwed up. “Okay, I guess. Is that where you’ll live?”

I nodded and buried my face against his neck, breathing in deep as I cried. Zayn held me, stroking my arm and my hair, kissing my cheek and my forehead. Then his lips found their way to mine. It started sweet, but soon we were all tongues and hands, searching for something more.

A noise pulled us out of the kiss. We both blinked as a siren drew closer. He was the first to jump back. In the distance, we could see a fire truck racing past on the main road. No one was around, and we were safe.

I laughed as relief spilled over me. He turned to face me, his brows bunched. He reached up and cupped my cheek. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“You know, I’m still hurt from being kicked out. I don’t talk about it all the time, but late at night while I’m in my bed alone, staring into the darkness, it hurts.”

My heart must have cracked because pain filled it. My arms were around him again. “I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugged. “It really wouldn’t make a difference.”

I pushed him to arm’s length. “It would to me.”

“You’ve made life better. You aren’t the problem. My mom and grandma are.”

“What are we going to do?”

His lips quirked up. “Together, we can do anything. I’m taking classes this summer, and I graduate in December. I’ll get some kind of job, and we’ll live together.”

“It’s expensive to get an apartment.”

“Then we’ll work hard and spend little. We’ll make it.” He looked so sure of everything he said.

I drew in a ragged breath and glanced away. His fingers on my chin drew me back.

“What is it?”

“Um, so if we live together, we’ll be um, sleeping together, right?”

He smiled so big his teeth flashed. “Oh yeah. And I like to sleep in the nude.”

I laughed as my body heated. “I’ve never seen you naked.”

His lips stretched even wider and he waggled his eyebrows. “And I’ve never seen you without your clothes, but I want to.”

I had to glance away. “Oh God.”

“That’s probably what you’ll say when I kiss you all over.”

I fanned my face as heat exploded through me. “Whoa, that’s intense. I can’t ride my bike with a boner, dude.”

Zayn threw back his head and laughed. When he sobered, his arms came around me again. “Soon, lover boy, soon. For now, we should probably go do something other than sit here. I mean we could get busy, but I don’t think you want this place to be our first time.”

I blew out a breath and stood. Zayn stared at my crotch and licked his lips. Desire for his touch was almost too much, but then I heard a car. “That’s not helping. Besides, someone is driving in the parking lot.”

Zayn shrugged. “Sorry. You’re just right there in my face.”

“Get up. Let’s head to the store. I need to check my hours for the week. When are you working?”

“Tomorrow. I need to read and study for class.” Zayn moved out from under the awning, and I followed.

“That’s cool. I’ll help you study. So why is your work being so cool with everything?”

Zayn glanced back at me, his expression sad. “They found out my grandma kicked me out. Then they went to Mom, which it still is a little weird calling her that, and she talked to them. It went over really well. I was a little shocked when they told me they talked to her. It’s still weird everything that happened.”

“I get that it’s weird to call her mom but think about how she’s been with you.”

“Yeah. She even left her husband, but I guess that wasn’t only for me. She’d suspected Dave was gay for a while, but she didn’t want to confront him.”

“How’s that going with her and her husband?” We grabbed our bikes and walked beside each other up the road that connected to the parking lot. We were a long way back from the main road, and no one was around. Zayn reached out and took my hand.

“I hate that they broke up. But from what Dave has mentioned here and there, the guy was a jerk. She’s better off without him.”

“So are they getting divorced?”

He nodded, and I sighed. “That’s sad. But I guess it’s actually a good thing in the long run.”

“I don’t want to be the type of person who ever throws you away.”

We both stopped walking. I turned to face him. “I’ve heard so many times that I’m not mature enough to know what I want, but that’s not true. I know exactly what I want.”

Zayn lifted his brows, and I chuckled. We leaned in and kissed each other quickly, but neither of us moved away. It was getting more difficult to keep my hands off him. One day soon we’d have time and a place. I couldn’t wait.

I cleared my throat. “Let’s head to the store. I need to get some food for the apartment.” I took a step back, and Zayn wiped his hand over his face before shaking his head.

“You tempt me so much, Jason.”

I stole a glance at him thinking he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. I was lucky to have found him. I may not know much about love, but I knew enough to understand I loved him.