Jason

The first thing I thought about was Zayn. It was after six, so I knew he wouldn’t be at the church, or I hoped he wouldn’t be. I pulled out my phone and took it to the bathroom where I called him. He answered on the second ring.

“Hey, where are you?”

“Fuck, that was rough last night. I was so tired I barely slept.”

“Where are you?” I asked again, hoping I didn’t wake my sisters or Josh.

“I’m at the park, that one with the fountain.”

“I’ll be there with food in about twenty minutes.”

I got dressed fast and headed into the kitchen where I ran into my dad. He was on the phone with someone and I listened to his side of the conversation, praying no one had found out about the church.

“We need to clean out that attic,” Dad said.

Cereal sounded good. Somehow, I needed to sneak out enough food for Zayn. Dad poured a cup of coffee and parked himself in a chair at the end of the table. I cringed. He needed to leave before Mom got up. If he waited ten more minutes, I wouldn’t be able to grab Zayn any food. Sure, I could go buy him something, but I had only just gone back to work and there wasn’t any way I could cover him forever.

“I don’t think that’s wise,” Dad said. “Well, I’ll tell you what we should do, we just need to get a few people up there to help. They’re church members, and they can come out one weekend to make things right.” Dad stood, the chair screeching on the tile floor. “Now you listen here, we’re going to get this fixed even if we have to twist a few arms.”

It bugged me a little that Dad hadn’t said anything about me being gay. Heck, he wasn’t even acknowledging me at all this morning. He was on the phone, and maybe that had made the situation awkward. Really, I should be thankful. I needed to meet Zayn with some food before work, and if he’d taken this moment to talk, I wouldn’t have had time.

I cooked an egg and tossed two pieces of bread into the toaster. While that was heating, I grabbed stuff to make another sandwich and threw it together. I flipped the egg, breaking the yoke. I grabbed two apples, a banana, some chips, a package of crackers, and a cinnamon roll from my parents’ private stash.

The sound of someone stirring upstairs made my heart speed up. I put together Zayn’s egg sandwich and took off, racing out the sliding glass door. I’d parked my bike in the backyard the night before so I could make a fast getaway. I didn’t care if my parents realized I’d taken their food, none of that mattered. Zayn meant too much. If Mom or Dad got angry I’d eaten a cinnamon roll, they could try to punish me, but I’d deny that I’d taken the treat. I wasn’t above lying to help Zayn.

When I saw him sitting at a table under the gazebo, my heart sped up. I wanted to abandon my bike and race to him, instead I slowed to a stop and put the kickstand down as I stepped off the bike.

Zayn looked up and our gazes met. His lips spread wide in a grin that made my heart flip. So much weird stuff happened inside when he was near. He changed everything for me. Life wasn’t the same.

Zayn ducked his head, his smile spreading wider as I approached. He glanced up, and I noticed he looked tired.

“Hey.” Zayn’s voice was the best thing I’d heard all morning.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” Zayn nodded then shook his head. “That storm, it was rough.”

“How was sleeping in the church?”

Zayn’s body shook, and he shrugged. “It wasn’t bad.”

“You’re lying.”

Zayn rolled his eyes and grabbed the bag from my hand. He stepped away and sat on the tabletop, not on the bench of the picnic table. “What did you bring for me to eat?”

“Nothing until you tell me the truth.” I reached for the bag, but he moved his hand away from mine. That meant I was stretching over him, our bodies close. I took a deep breath, taking in his scent. He felt good against me.

My face was only inches from his when I glanced up. Our gazes met and held. Sadness bled from him, taking away some of my joy. I closed the distance and brushed my lips over his. This was supposed to be a quick kiss, but my lips lingered, and I didn’t want to pull away.

When we did finally part, we both cleared our throats. I wanted to pull him close again, but I leaned back and nodded to the food.

“There’s an egg sandwich that may not be cold yet. I also brought more food, something to get you through to this evening. I have to go to work soon. But I’ll come back here this afternoon. I’ll bring more food.”

Zayn unwrapped the foil on the egg sandwich and took a bite. He moaned, and that made me want to lean in again and kiss him. I liked having my lips on him. He was sweet and special, and I wanted more.

He ate, and I watched, my thoughts spinning to places I’d never even contemplated, like a future where we were really together and enjoying breakfast in our own place. Then it all came crashing down on me as I realized it would be years before I was out of school.

Zayn had eaten half the sandwich when he glanced up. He paused chewing and lowered the sandwich.

“What’s that look for?”

I pushed away my misgivings and tried to give him a brilliant smile. I think I failed.

Zayn put down his sandwich and took my hands. “I’m here.”

“I know. I’m glad about that.”

“We can make it. Heck, sleeping inside the church wasn’t that bad.”

“But it wasn’t great.” I knew it. Something had happened that had made him upset, I saw it in his eyes earlier.

Zayn took another bite of food, his gaze straying away from mine. We were mostly alone at the park. There were a few joggers, but they weren’t paying any attention to us. No moms were here with their toddlers in tow. The place was virtually empty, so I leaned in and brushed my lips over his. His cheeks grew dark.

“Was it the storm?” I asked.

He nodded and took another bite of the sandwich. “That and memories.”

“What memories?”

Zayn ate more, chewing slowly. “Well, I’ve never had anyone, not really. I mean my mom was physically in the same house, but she doesn’t count.”

Zayn took another bite, and though I wanted to say something, I felt that if I spoke, he’d never get back to the point he was trying to make. Another jogger ran past, this one with one of those big-wheeled, fancy strollers and a kid inside.

“At the camp, once we really started talking, I felt like I had someone. Then last night, it was so lonely.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know there would be a storm rolling through.”

Zayn shot me a smile and shrugged. “I know. It wasn’t bad.”

“You can tell me if it was. I won’t say anything to anyone else.”

The last of the sandwich disappeared into Zayn’s mouth, and he shot me a grin that melted my heart. He swallowed then leaned in, quickly brushing his lips over mine. “You’re a good person. I’m not sure I’m good enough for you.”

“Trust me, I’m not that good, and you’re the only person I want.”

Zayn pulled out a bottle of juice from the bag. “Do you think we can make it?” Zayn rolled his eyes. “Sorry, I’m getting too serious.”

I reached out and put my hand on his arm. “Zayn, it’s okay to get serious.” My heart felt like it was in my throat. He was homeless, and panic had begun to set in. Sure, he had a place to sleep for now, but how long could it last?

“I’ll be fine,” Zayn said.

Laughter floated over the field, and I glanced up, seeing a group of people moving to the tennis courts nearby. I looked back to Zayn and squeezed his arm.

“I’m not like everyone else. I’m not here for the fun, or the drinks, or the smokes, I’m here for you. I get that you’re afraid. Hell, I’m scared too. I don’t know what will happen, but I can guarantee you this, I won’t leave you.”

Zayn didn’t smile or shrug or even roll his eyes. He stared at me, and I saw moisture fill his eyes. Though there were a lot more people at the park than when I’d first shown up, I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss.

“I promise, I won’t leave.” Of course my timing wasn’t great because I had to get a move on and head to work. Zayn said he would be fine while I was at the store. I had a long shift and wasn’t getting off until four today. I needed the money if I was going to help Zayn long term. I told him I would bring something for him to eat tonight. We kissed, and I took off, jumping on my bike and racing home where I changed quickly. Mom hadn’t noticed that I didn’t do my chores. I knew not doing what she asked would get me in trouble, so I made a plan to get them done after I took food to Zayn this afternoon.

The store wasn’t too busy, and I ended up cleaning the stockroom. I bought a sandwich and some chips from the store’s deli before heading out to meet Zayn. I had no clue what he’d done all day, but I missed him. He was at the park reading a book. I surprised him when I plopped down next to him.

“Hey, what’cha you reading?”

Zayn chuckled and bumped my shoulder. “It’s weird. There’s this box over there where people drop off books. I found one, and it’s just weird.”

“I have food.”

“Good, because I’m hungry.”

I handed him the bag and looked at the book he’d been thumbing through. It was a strange psychology thing talking about movements and how the world flowed around us. I didn’t understand what I’d read.

Zayn took a few bites of the sandwich, chewing like he was starving. He swallowed then shot me a smile. “This is good.”

“What did you do today?”

“I found this guy who is renovating a house not too far from here. I offered to help him. He had me carry stuff from his truck up to the second floor. I made twenty bucks.”

“That’s great.”

“It’s not much. I didn’t buy any food, just ate what you had in the bag for me. Thanks for the sandwich, I’m starving.”

“Will he need help tomorrow?”

“No clue, but I can’t count on it.” Zayn took a few more bites of the sandwich before wrapping it up and putting it back in the bag. “I’m saving it for later.”

“Okay.” I was worried about him. A family of six walked past, all of them sipping on Frappuccinos. In my head. I calculated how much money they’d spent, and Zayn’s situation seemed even more desperate. He had nowhere to live. No one to take care of him. No money coming in, and we were two years away from graduation. How the heck would we survive?

“I’m going to be fine tonight. It’s not perfect, but it’s somewhere to sleep.”

I nodded, but a sick feeling took over. What if he wasn’t fine? What if it all went to hell? Could we count on the church long term? I didn’t want to tell him my fears.

“Walk with me.” Saying goodbye was too hard. As we strolled closer to my house, my fear grew. I was nervous as a scared cat. I didn’t want my mom to see us. When we were about two blocks from my house, I said goodbye. It was tough, and I wanted to go back and find him, but my parents would expect me to be home.

We both fell into a pattern, me waking early and gathering food then taking it to him. He said he liked sleeping at the church, but I didn’t believe him. We didn’t have any more storms, but Mom got pissed that I hadn’t been keeping up with my chores. Two weeks after Zayn showed up, I didn’t have to work, but my mom made me stay at home and clean out the garage. I was outside cleaning the tools when my dad pulled up. He didn’t see me, and I don’t know if he would have changed what he said if he had.

“I swear, Bill, I found a blanket on the couch. Are kids having sex there? Maybe someone is having an affair. I think I need to go up there tonight and see if I can catch the person.”

My heart raced. Zayn probably thought he was safe. God, I needed to warn him. I thought about racing off to my room and calling Zayn, but I stayed put, wishing I could hear the other end of the conversation.

“Fine, we’ll just change the locks and be careful with the key. Maybe we need cameras.”

Hell, what would Zayn do if my dad got cameras? This was falling apart fast. I strained to hear the rest of my dad’s conversation, but he was gone, maybe inside or around the front of the house. If Zayn got caught, who knows what would happen.

I finished quickly in the garage, hoping my mom didn’t have an issue with the work I’d done. I cleaned up outside then entered through the slider at the back. My mom must have heard me and called out.

“Jason, you need to mow before you leave.”

I wanted to tell her to go to hell, instead I stifled my groan and headed into the kitchen. “Josh mowed last night.”

“Don’t talk back, young man.”

I wondered if my mom knew how ridiculous she sounded. Her anger had grown, but she had no reason to be angry. She was being ridiculous. There wasn’t any way to win the argument with her. If she grounded me, Zayn would suffer.

Dad stepped into the house and Mom went to the front room, their conversation muted. I raced upstairs and dialed Zayn, praying he picked up. He didn’t answer. I needed to find him and fast, but I had no clue where he was. I headed down, trying to sneak out, but Mom caught me before I could leave.

“Since the yard has been mowed, you can wash both vehicles. Best get to it because your father is going back to work.”

I gave her a tight smile and nodded. “Yes, ma’am.” I wanted to rant and rave, but that wouldn’t solve anything. I knew my parents well enough to know when to give in. It was obvious Mom wanted me to pay for whatever imagined infraction I’d committed. Washing my dad’s car was easy. But my mom’s van, holy cow, it sucked.

I finished a little after three and raced upstairs and called Zayn again. He still didn’t answer. I showered and changed into clean clothes. I was on my way out when Mom stopped me in the hall. She had yet another task for me to do. I was ready to tell her no when I realized it wouldn’t ever stop. She would keep making me do stuff. I dusted the top of the cabinets in the kitchen and cleaned the garbage pails.

Once done with the tasks, I found myself alone. It was almost four thirty. I raced back to my room, dug my phone out from between the mattress and box springs and pocketed it. I took off to the park, pedaling fast. Once there, I looked around for Zayn but didn’t see him. I whipped out my phone and dialed. He didn’t answer. My heart was racing. I wanted to throw up.

An hour passed then two. If I couldn’t reach him where would he sleep tonight? I had no choice but to go home. When I was a block from the house, Mom drove past and stopped. Her lips were down in a frown.

“Jason, where have you been?” Mom’s harsh voice rose with each word.

“I was just out on my bike.”

“Well, get home now. You have more chores.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I hadn’t found Zayn. I feared what would happen if my dad found him. I’d call again later.

“And don’t you ever take off like that again,” Mom said before I pedaled away.

I nodded before riding my bike to the back yard. This sucked. I guessed I would spend the next two years paying for standing up to my parents.