“Pull the car over, you fucking bitch.”

Gripping the steering wheel so tight my fingers turned white, I could barely move as his voiced echoes in my ear, just a hair’s breath away. Closing my eyes as the waves of nausea take over, I forced my free hand to cross my stomach as I convulsed, dry heaving the empty contents of my stomach.

Finally the sound of car horns in the distance began to teleport me back to the here and now. Shaking my head to clear away the thoughts that came flooding back out of nowhere, I looked toward the passenger seat, expecting to see him there watching me like he used to in that intimidating way he had that always grated on my nerves.

No one’s there. No one is ever there, yet his voice is as clear as the day is long.

“Go away” is all I could say in a whisper in the otherwise-empty vehicle.

As the light turned red again, the horns behind me were blaring, understandably angry that we’d missed that green light.

Gee, sorry! I say in my head, with a wave of my hand out the window. I felt as though I would forever be haunted with these flashbacks from another time, when my life was so consumed by his darkness.

Seven years wasn’t long enough to forget the terror he’d instilled in me. It had been seven years since I’d left my husband, Randall, with the intension to never see him again as long as I lived. Seven years of therapy and counseling and quests to find the person I was, only to realize that she is the person I am now. Seven years to realize that the pieces of a shattered life were worth living, no matter how much fear I felt along the way.

My family saved me that day. The day I stopped by mom’s house for a reprieve, only to be whisked away to the freedom I never thought I would have again. Papers were drawn up by the lawyers, so I just had to sign on the dotted line. There were proceedings I didn’t have to attend because of restraining orders filed with judges. I would never have to face the man that made my life a living hell for so long. My family, always ultra-supportive in their nature, moved everyone clear across the country, changing our last names in the process.

I felt a sense of freedom when I thought of the life I now lived. I felt love for the family I had, yet I still felt a sense of dread for the future ahead. It was a dread that came from always looking over my shoulder, wondering if or when he would ever find me. Find us. I was free now, sure, but for how long? How long would this reprieve last? How long before he returned to take back what he felt was rightfully his?

Now that I was free of the shackles of a tremulous marriage born out of my hasty decision to wed, I wanted to find real love. I wanted to be truly free. I was free, damn it! But like a tsunami that rushes wildly across the shores, my inner turmoil wreaked havoc on my notions of the future.

So I repeated the following words over and over like a mantra.

I am free. I am free.

Maybe someday I would actually believe it.

Finally the light turned green again, and this time I didn’t hesitate to move through the intersection. As vehicles passed me, I found myself smiling at the fact that he was not here. He was gone, and in that moment, I decided that it was time to let it go of him for good.

 

***

 

The curtains danced from the breeze that made its way through the open window of my bedroom. My home was fabulous, with all the features I adored. There was a large kitchen with an island that took up the size of a buffet table. Brand-new stainless-steel appliances gleamed with so many options that I had yet to figure out how they all worked, even after three years of owning them.

The living room was just off the kitchen in an open-floor concept of my own creation. I wanted to feel like I was part of the conversation no matter where I was in the house. Not only were the living room and kitchen attached and open, but so was the outside recreation area, with a wall full of sliding doors that separated the interior from the exterior. It accentuated the view of the mountains that surrounded us, but it also gave me the ability to see, hear, and smell what my family was doing when they came over.

Having the ability to feel part of everything was something my counselor said would be critical to my ability to take some semblance of control of my life. What this all meant was that while I used to feel helpless, now I didn’t. Gold star for me in the mental health scorecard!

I loved where we live now. Though I missed my friends from my old town, I’d found new friends here. Even though they didn’t know much about my past, they sure were protective enough to let it go and never ask about it.

I guessed breaking down one too many times because of the strangest things would do that to people.

I hadn’t noticed any men since we came to this town and settled into our routine, either. I guess you could say the idea of marriage had forever been tainted for me, but I really had no desire to try again anytime soon.

I was still watching the wind pick up the curtain from the bottom of the window. It rose toward the ceiling, only to cascade down again in waves. It was hypnotizing—not only in the dance—but also to realize that this was my life, and I loved everything about it.

For the first time in months, the nightmares hadn’t woken me. The tears didn’t fall as I slept, and the sheets were not tangled around me, constricting my movements. Instead, the sheet laid on top of the bed, and I was just next to it. With a smile, I took this all as a good sign of things to come.

Looks like that little talk had worked. Now let it go.

A text pinged off my phone on the nightstand. Not wanting to break the bubble, I luxuriated in the moment and decided to let it go. I continued to watch the show playing across my window instead.

Ping.

Expelling a breath, I groaned in frustration, knowing deep down that it wasn’t going to stop, but I just didn’t want to be drawn in quite yet.

Ping.

Placing my arm over my eyes, I wallowed in what was left of my tranquility.

Ping.

Seriously, I was trying to be tranquil here, people!

Ping.

Oh, my God! Couldn’t I sleep in and enjoy my morning?

I finally snapped as I grabbed the phone off the nightstand and stuffed it under my pillow.

There!

Ping. Ping. Ping.

The pillow only seemed to muffle the sounds; it didn’t stop them completely. I just found them a more annoying version of what they’d used to be.

“FINE!”

Removing the phone from under my pillow, I turned, tossing my legs off the side of the bed. Since this required me to get up, I decided I might as well face my fate. The tranquil morning I had relished was now history.

Ping.

“Oh. My. God!”

As though the person on the other end could see and hear me, I screamed at the screen, willing it to finally stop bothering me. Which of course it didn’t. It just continued mocking me with the pinging that went on non-stop for what seemed like hours, only to find it’s actually four text messages. Turns out the continuous pinging was a result of me not addressing them in the first place.

 

Mom: Darling, are you up yet?

Mom: This is your mother. I need you to get up and help me.

Mom: Are you up now?

Mom: Well, as soon as you get up, I need you to stop by my place and grab the boxes on the porch. Bring them by the church so I can put them with the rest of the donations.

 

For this I had to leave my tranquility?

 

Ping.

 

Mom: Honey, sorry to bother you while you’re apparently sleeping in, but I can’t leave here to grab the boxes since people are already coming to drop off items.

 

Sometimes she was creepy when she did that, but okay, that answered that question. Eager to make the pinging stop, I quickly responded with a “no problem, be in there in about an hour” message. Then I headed off to shower and get ready for the day.

 

***

 

The song on the radio was rather solemn, and I found myself slipping back into memories I’d rather have forgotten when I realized I was once again at the stoplight I missed before. Crap. It dawned on me that I needed to think of something else and change this blasted song before it triggered another flashback that I so didn’t need at the moment.

Turning the station, I found a tune I loved and began dancing in my seat. Anything to keep myself busy so the flashback didn’t happen. As if I could control it. Sometimes I could, and sometimes no matter what I did, I just couldn’t seem to stop it from happening.

As I looked to my left, I found eyes watching me. Not haunting or angry in any way, just straight-out amused. With a broad smile on his chiseled features, I realized instantly who was staring back at me. It was none other than Zackary Collins, the mayor.

“Shit!” I screamed, and stopped what I was doing, which of course made him chuckle.

But then the light turned green and I gunned it across the road toward the church. Without looking back or even seeing how fast I was going, I slammed on the brakes, making the wheels lock up in that way that made my body slam against the seat beat.

“Ooffff!”

The air rushed from my lungs as the belt crushed into me. Turning the wheel, I found a spot right away and parked my truck close enough to the doors to bring the boxes inside. I was thankful that I didn’t have to explain myself to the one person that made me react so foolishly whenever I was in his presence.

“There you are!” my mom said as she crossed the room toward me, taking one of the boxes off the pile in my hands.

“You wouldn’t believe what just happened.”

I was unable to continue, then I noticed that my mom’s attention was drawn toward the door.

And then the one thing that could possibly make this day get any worse walked through it.

“Hi, Zack! You here to help us collect donations?”

Crap!

Closing my eyes, I felt my cheeks turn the brightest shade of red.

“Of course. I’m here to help.” he said with an exuberance that made me want to throttle him. “Can’t let an opportunity like this pass me by.”

Then he walked past me, not even glancing my way. He just headed toward my mom to shake her hand.

I may just have been overreacting to this being an unbearable day, I thought to myself. He didn’t bring up the stoplight encounter at all, and he didn’t seem to be interested in speaking to me in the slightest. Expelling my pent-up breath, I didn’t even realize I was holding it until I turned to walk toward the stage.

“I just saw your daughter at the stoplight, and I can’t believe we just ended up at the same place.”

So much for not saying anything. At least he didn’t mention my little dance of embarrassment to her. Thank God for small favors.

As the town mayor, Zackary Collins was younger than most people would expect an elected official to be at the ripe old age of thirty-two. Though unheard of in most parts, Zackary’s family had been part of the town since its founding over a hundred years ago. They were still active participants, to boot, and Zackary had grown up caring for this town and all its dealings, making it his business to push through platforms that benefited the community at large.

It seemed inevitable that Zackary would end up mayor at some point. His natural ability to ensure that parks be built instead of parking lots made him a popular guy. He also managed to get the streets repaired when it looked as though all hopes of the state doing it were lost. All of this made him a natural candidate for mayor. It seemed to come as a complete surprise to Zack, however, when he went to cast his vote at the last election, and only then realized that his name was on it.

Now in his second term in office after a rather successful first term, he’d been doing well despite the awkward transition. Zackary, as he insisted the townspeople call him, seemed to love every minute of his job, and he resonated his happiness to everyone he came into contact with throughout the day.

Suddenly noticing the flinch in my reaction regarding the incident at the light, Zack abruptly ceased his story. He shot a glance in my direction as his lip creased up into the semblance of a sideways smile.

I wanted to find the nearest dark corner to hide in, but that would only draw more attention to myself. As he left my mother, who is completely charmed by him, I was curious if he would say anything directly to me.

When his body brushed against mine, I knew the answer. Maybe he was just trying to mess with me? When he brushed past me a second time, I began falling back from the contact, even though it wasn’t so much as a slight brush against my skin.

I end up tripping on the box next to my feet, sending the box in my arms flying into the air. As my ass hit the floor, rather hard, mind you, I huffed out a groan when the box came down on my arm, slicing into my skin as it pitched forward against my leg. Though it wasn’t too heavy, it did land in an awkward angle, which made me cry out in pain.

“Oh crap! Are you alright?”

His eyes flew to mine as he reached down to me on the floor.

“Ow.”

“I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“What’s your fault?”

Mom, ever the protector, rushed up just as he was trying to explain his actions.

“I brushed against her when I passed to get to the stage, but apparently being the big oaf that I am, I must have brushed a bit too hard, and she fell. I’m so sorry. Let me help you up.”

He extended his hand to help me up, and I gladly took it so I could escape all the eyes around the room now fixated on me. As I stood, though, the direction of my eyes fixated on my arm—or rather, the copious amounts of blood pouring out of it.

“Is that blood?”

It’s all I managed to get out before my world turned to darkness and I hit the ground on my way to oblivion.

 

***

 

What seemed like a bad dream—though not a complete nightmare—stayed with me when I awoke sometime later. The light was bright against my eyes, and the room seemed smaller than I remembered it being for my bedroom. Curious as to where I was, I opened one eye at a time, only to find someone hovering over me.

“Sweet Jesus!” I gasped, and clutched the sheet to my chest, as though that slim barrier of protection would thwart any would-be assailant.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Hands stilled my movements as I swallowed back the scream that wanted to escape my lips. Unable to recognize the voice right away, I blinked away the haze to look up into the most gorgeous blue eyes I had ever seen. It wasn’t only the color that had me captivated; it was also the concern in them that had me transfixed. Concern for what, though? I had no idea. Just the idea of that concern for me stole my breath.

“You fainted. I brought you in… Then they fixed your arm…”

Distraught over my reaction to his hovering, he rambled on and on for what seemed like several minutes before I realized it was Zack. It seemed as if my bad dream wasn’t a dream but real-life nightmare that I couldn’t wake from.

Oh, crap!

Caught in my internal reflection of what lay before me, the thought of what I must look like to this man had me unwillingly brushing my hands over my hair.

But he just continued to ramble on in an attempt to explain the whole situation to me.

I felt at ease in his presence. Here I was just barely conscious as the most beautiful man I had even seen in my life attempted to rationalize his actions to me. How did I even handle this? Should I call him Zackary? I mean, Mayor Collins?

Shit! Why couldn’t I focus?

“…gave you something for the pain.”

Well, that explained the focus thing, at least.

I held my hand up to try and get some control over my body’s reaction to him, only to clench my arm from the pain the stretch of skin caused. I gasped before he once again tried to calm me down.

“Easy. The stitches will be tight for a while.”

“Stitches?” What stitches?

“The box cut your arm pretty badly.”

He smiled in that bad boy kind of way that he obviously knew had all the woman in town willing to do anything for him.

When I just kept staring at him, he continued trying to reassure me. “Like I was saying, when you got up after you fell, you saw the blood drip to the floor and it caused you to faint. Thank God I was there to catch you, otherwise we could be here for something more than just stitches.”

“Seriously? You caught me when I fainted from the sight of my own blood?”

His eyes sheepishly glanced away from me as he responded, “yes”. It’s the softest voice I think I’ve ever heard, just a hair’s breadth higher than a whisper.

I was lost in the thought that I was in his arms, and didn’t even know it. It occurred to me, for the first time in a very long time, that I wanted to be back in a man’s arms. Shocked at this realization, I scooted back into the hospital bed, putting some much-needed distance between us, only to realize that wasn’t possible.

“Thank you” was all I could think to say after several minutes of silence that seemed to echo around the tiny enclosed space.

He met my gaze with a smile that lit up his face, and I instantly found myself lost in the here and now.

“You’re welcome.”

Leaving the bed to stand opposite me, he tried to busy himself with the never-ending messages that came every few seconds on his phone.

“What happened, exactly? I know you were trying to explain it, but I wasn’t in the frame of mind to listen.”

I lifted myself off the bed to sit up fully as Zack placed the phone back in his pocket, giving me his undivided attention. Even though it was a small space, his presence in the room was miniscule in comparison to the heat that radiated between us, drawing us closer together.

Not wanting to examine that much further, I focused on finding out what had happened. Questions ran through my mind. How had I ended up here with Zack? Where was my mother? And most of all, why was this man so concerned about my welfare?

My head was foggy from whatever they had given me, but it still swam with all these questions. There was also so much more that didn’t make any sense to me, but I was determined to figure out what in the world was going on, despite the mental fog that wouldn’t seem to lift.

Taking a deep breath, Zack tilted his head and watched me squirm under his perusal. Then he closed the space between us by sitting on the chair next to my bed.

Clearly more composed, he took a moment to watch me, probably to gauge my reaction to the situation thus far. Seemingly satisfied with my demeanor, he smiled.

“I brushed against you, causing you to take a step back, only to have you trip on a box. When you began to fall, the box in your hands flew into the air, and on the landing it cut your arm when it fell over to the side. I’m so sorry again for all of this. I obviously didn’t realize my own strength.”

Eyeing him, I realized that he was a complete idiot and klutz, just like me. Sympathy bloomed in my heart as his eyes pleaded for me to understand and forgive him. Shaking my head, I leaned forward to face him.

“No, it’s my fault. You just grazed me, and I lost my balance. I was just startled by the contact, I think. That’s all.”

“I’m just glad that you’re okay. I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Then something dawned on me.

“Wait, did you just say next time?”

He was staring at me with that haunting look of his that I was starting to realize was his flirtatious side.

“Caught that, huh?”

“It’s funny that this is the way we’ve finally found a chance to talk. I’ve been trying for what seems like years to get your attention, and all it took was me pushing you to the ground. When I saw you next to me at the stoplight, I thought fate had finally stepped in and granted my wish. I wanted to talk to you so badly, but when I saw your little dance, I just couldn’t get the words out. When you realized I was watching, you rushed away so fast I couldn’t think about anything other than getting another chance to talk to you. Oh, before I forget, we do need to discuss how fast you were going in your haste to get away from me. You could’ve hurt someone!”

I completely ignored his scolding, deciding to focus on the rest of what he’d said.

“You wanted to talk to me? Why?”

Dumbfounded, he blinked hard, but then regained his composure quickly, with a smile that lit up his whole face.

“Why wouldn’t I want to speak to you? When a beautiful, intelligent woman comes into town inserting herself in the community with such grace and compassion, I make it a point to get to know her better.”

“So, you do this all the time?”

Disappointment rapidly spread through my body, extinguishing all the confidence I’d felt over the last few minutes of our interlude.

“What? No!”

“It’s okay, I understand. And don’t worry, I can take care of myself from here.”

“Wait! You have this all wrong.”

“No, I’m pretty sure you just explained everything pretty clearly.”

“Apparently I haven’t if you think I’d do this for anyone other than you.”

“I get it. Don’t worry. I’m fine on my own.”

“I can see that, but I’m worried about you.”

Getting up from the bed, I retrieved my clothes and began putting on my pants—rather haphazardly as I nearly toppled forward, almost smacking my head against the chair.

“Take it easy! Let me help you with that.”

His hand suddenly came to my rescue as his body shielded me from the landing on the floor, yet again.

“I can do it myself, thank you very much.”

“Too bad.”

“What did you say?”

“I know your accident didn’t affect your hearing. I said, ‘too bad’!”

“I’m helping you.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am!”

“Stop it.”

I shooed his hand away from my shirt, trying to free it from the tight grip his fingers had on it.

“Give me the shirt.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Sir…”

“Get OUT!”

We both shouted it in unison as the security detail outside the room made his way inside to respond to the commotion. At our heated response, he promptly closed the door on his way out, only to stand in front of it, ensuring no one else entered.

“Stop it! Give me my shirt.”

“No! You need help, and I’m helping you, you stubborn woman.”

“I’m not your charity case, you don’t need to help me!”

“Charity case? Are you kidding me? Why in the world would you be my charity case?”

“You feel bad, and you’re just trying to make up for everything that happened.”

“Seriously, are you kidding me?”

I stopped speaking at the sound of his sharp tone, taking a step back instinctively. His harsh reaction to my words had me frozen in my tracks. Then all coherent thoughts were gone as my world slipped back into my previous nightmare.

I could feel myself pale at his tone. Tears threatened to fall, rimming my eyes, but they didn’t. My face stayed impassive, as though locked in a trance, with all the color completely drained. The hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention, waiting for what would happen next.

“Holy shit! Are you going to faint again?”

Unaware of my previous history, Zack panicked as I instantly changed into someone he had never seen before.

I just stared straight ahead, not wanting to see the look in his eyes. I didn’t want to find something in them that I had once seen in another man.

Just blink and try not to breathe, I told myself over and over again. It was like a mantra. I tried not to draw any more attention to myself. My sense of self-preservation kicked into overdrive as I just stood in front of him, not moving, not speaking, not doing anything at all.

“Jesus, Katie! Snap out of it! You’re seriously scaring the crap out of me.”

Without saying another word, Zack looked me over again quickly and cautiously took one step toward me. Realizing I wasn’t going to scream, he closed the distance between us and enveloped me into his arms.

Then he sat us both down on the chair. Cooing his apologies, he began to rock me back and forth for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually I molded into his body without being aware that I was even doing it. My labored breaths slowly began to turn into full expulsions of air, and my stiff body relaxed into the chest of a man I barely knew. Well, that wasn’t completely true. Over the years, at various parties and gatherings, we’d become more than acquaintances. Not friends, mind you, but two people who had things in common and seemed to run into one another on a regular basis.

His sudden kiss on the top of my head surprised me out of my thoughts, and I stiffened.

“Shush. It’s okay, I promise. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

The air left my lungs in a whoosh that caused my breasts to brush against his arm. He was holding me to him as though I was the most cherished person in his world.

“You are. You just don’t know it yet.”

Finding my bravery, I turned my head to look at him. “I am, what?”

“Cherished.”

That one word from his lips turned the world as I knew it upside down.

“I didn’t mean… You can’t mean that… We only…”

“I do mean it.”

“But I barely know you!”

“Yes, you do. You know me very well.”

“That’s not true.”

“Why isn’t it true? You think when I see someone upset, I gather just anyone into my arms and try to make things right her world?”

“No! Yes? I mean… I don’t know!”

“Katie, come on. It’s me. We know each other well enough by now that you should know that I only want you.”

“How could I possibly know that?”

I tried to free myself from his grasp to get some distance, but he just held on tighter, not allowing me to break contact.

“Katie, it’s past time we hash this all out.”

“Hash what out?”

Zack simply lifted his brow and tilted his head in a move I recognized as his “serious” look.

“First, you totally misunderstood me, and I want to make this as clear as possible. Are you listening?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. I would listen to his every word, but his haughty tone made my lips purse in anger.

“Katie, I want to be with you. I want to go out with you to all our community events. I want to get to know you better. I want to date you, and no one else. I want to cherish the shit out of you, if you’d just let me.”

I laughed at his words, even as tears fell down my cheek.

He brushed them away with his thumbs and lips, kissing a path to my neck.

“Come on, Katie. Surely you had to know?”

“What?”

Breathless, I gasped out the question.

“You had to know that I want to be with you. All those functions, all those chance encounters? You had to have some idea that I wanted to spend time with you.”

“How would I know that? I just thought we liked the same things!”

“Come on! It was so obvious!”

“No, it wasn’t. Not to me.”

“Well maybe not to you then, but to everyone else it was!”

“Who? Who was it obvious to?”

“Your mother knew.”

Astounded, I just blinked at him.

“You seriously didn’t know?”

I shook my head from side to side.

“I seriously had no idea.”

His laugh shook his whole body, and mine as well, since I was still clutched against his chest.

“Well, that explains a lot, doesn’t it?”

“I’m sorry, Zack.”

“Sorry?” He’s clearly puzzled by my reaction. “For what?”

“I didn’t know.”

“Oh, thank God! I thought you were going say you weren’t interested!”

Was I interested in the most handsome, sweetest man alive?

Um, yes!

“I just said that out loud, didn’t I?”

Smiling with a twinkle in his eyes, he just hugged me tighter.

“Don’t worry, as long as I’m the only one listening to what goes on in that head of yours, we won’t have any problems.”

“Did I mention that ‘funny’ is also on my list of attractive qualities in a man?”

“Not that I heard.”

“Well, it is, and you are. Funny, that is.”

“Good to know. So are we done here? Can we go now? I want to spend some time with my new girlfriend. She needs some more tender loving care, mind you.”

“She does, huh?”

“Yep.”

At that moment, my stomach decided let out the most unladylike growl I’d ever heard. Embarrassment shot through me as I returned the hug he had been giving me.

Girlfriend!

“Yep, girlfriend. Now, it sounds like my girlfriend needs food right away, before that thing in her belly escapes.”

I nearly peed myself laughing as he slowly got us both up from the chair.

“Can I help you dress now?”

“Well, as your girlfriend, I certainly don’t mind if you help.”

“Good, because I’m dying to get out of here. My stomach may not be talking as loud as yours, but it’s still complaining, just the same.”

I couldn’t remember a time when I’d laughed so much with a man. His sense of humor had helped ease all the fears I’d had in such a short period of time, too.

“Stop thinking and finish dressing. We’re both starving, and I won’t let you hold us up any longer.”

Even his demands were endearing. From anyone else, they probably would have seemed slightly intimidating. I knew he was teasing me now, but I hadn’t realized it when we were arguing. He’d just been trying to make me listen to him. Deciding to blame it all on the pain meds, I finished getting dressed.

Then Zack handed me my coat, kissing me with so much abandon that I instantly felt my body come alive.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

I cupped the back of his head, holding him in place as he kissed me again. This time his tongue lightly caressed my lower lips, drawing a gasp of surprise from me that allowed him access into my mouth. It seemed to be his plan all along as he dipped me backward, tonguing me with all the pent-up lust he’d stored up for just this moment. Getting his fill, he finally righted me and let me go, but only when he was sure that I wouldn’t fall over again.

All I could do was nod at him in a dazed kind of way.

“That’s better. Are you ready?”

I nodded again. It seemed to be my only form of communication at the moment, which caused him to laugh as he took my hand into his, leading me out of the room.

“Mr. Collins? Ms. Shephard?”

The security detail was bewildered when he saw us holding hands, seemingly unsure of how to proceed.

“Ms. Shephard will be coming with us. Consider her my girlfriend from now on, gentlemen.”

We walked along the corridor of the emergency room toward the waiting car just outside the doors. Both of the security men appeared unsurprised at his words, and they followed just behind us, intently watching for any signs of danger.