“No!”

I just couldn’t think with so many people around. How could anyone figure out what they wanted to do with their life with so many people chattering away?

“So, you said no? To Zack?”

My mom, darling woman that she was, thought it was best that we talk at the café instead of her house. Why? I was pretty sure it was some form of torture. Right now, I couldn’t imagine where her head seemed to be. Other than her tuna sandwich, that was.

“What?!”

I was exasperated that she had the audacity to question me at a time like this.

“Zack!”

“What about him?”

“You said no to him when he popped the question?”

Her face was doing that weird thing it did whenever one of her kids tuned her out. Eyebrows bunched, cheeks bright red, and her lips pressed in such a way that it appeared as if she didn’t have any. Was it a mother thing? Did they all do this at some point? I had seen my sisters do this with their kids, but figured it was just brought on with years of practice.

“Hello! Earth to Katie!”

Her hands were waving so close to my face that I thought she was about to collide with my nose.

“Jesus, MOM! What the heck are you doing?”

I was nearly screaming at the top of my lungs when I realized how close her hands were waving in front of my face.

“Sorry, but you just zoned out on me. I thought we came to lunch to discuss whatever it is going on with the two of you, but now it appears that my talking has sent you into a tranced or zombie state.”

“Ha-ha. You’re real funny.”

I took a bite of my turkey salad sandwich, wishing it was a greasy cheeseburger instead, but I couldn’t afford the calories on top of everything else, so turkey it would be for the unforeseeable future.

“Maybe I should find another table to sit at. Who knows, maybe a stranger would enjoy my company more.”

“Getting on my nerves now, Mother.”

“Right back at ya, dear.”

She ripped a piece off her sandwich, emphasizing her exasperation at my indifference to her dramatics.

“Start from the beginning, and tell me what happened.”

We had been over this all morning, but somehow my explanation didn’t seem to be getting through.

Then the tears began to fall, again. I was so sick of crying, but it seemed to be all I could do these days. My mom was too focused on her sandwich to notice my turmoil at first.

I couldn’t do this anymore. I just couldn’t do any of it.

“Oh, God, honey, I’m so sorry.”

It took me a moment before I looked up through my blurry eyes to see her face. She looked profoundly concerned. Her expression was similar to what I imagined the other patrons at the café were displaying seeing a woman break down over her turkey salad sandwich. Total embarrassment washed over me at the thought.

“Mom, I can’t do this.”

“I can see that, honey. I’ll get the check.”

It wasn’t exactly what I’d meant when I said I couldn’t do this, but I would take the win and get out the door while I still had some semblance of self-control. Our sandwiches were forgotten as we headed back to my mom’s house down the block. Walking was soothing for the soul, she’d told me when we had left her place earlier. Now I wished we had a vehicle where I could hide myself away. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.

Once we finally made it back to the house I was a complete wreck, a shell of the strong woman I’d trained myself to be over the years since leaving Randall. Randall. What I ever saw in that man baffled me now. How could I have not seen the person he really was? Why had I been so naïve, so blind to his true nature?

“If you keep beating yourself up over Randall, you’ll never be able to be truly happy again.”

It was like she could see into my head. Just like Zack. A smile formed from deep in my heart, a place I once I thought would be sad forever. I could feel the warmth spread through my insides. I basked in the comforting feeling, wrapping myself with love and happiness just at the thought of him. My Zack.

Oh, God… Zack. What had I done?

“Shit!”

I jumped out of my chair, realizing for the first time that I simply couldn’t live without him. How could I be so stupid? Zack wasn’t Randall. They were polar opposites in every way! Zack was warm and loving, kind and dependable, and the best version of myself came out when I was with him. He showed me love, and not just telling me how he loved me. He made me feel it with every fiber of his being.

Oh, God! He had asked me to marry him and I… What? I had just done nothing! When he had proposed to me yesterday, I had completely gone blank, so caught up in the possibility that the nightmares from my past could happen all over again. Well, no more! I wanted to be free, and I wanted to be loved. More than anything, though, I wanted to love someone who actually deserved my love.

“I gotta go, Mom.”

“What? Where?”

“I can’t explain. Talk later?”

“Of course, honey. Just be careful.”

We were all on edge, knowing Randall knew exactly where we were, but none of us wanted to leave this place. My family had chosen how I left when I did all those years ago, but this time it looked like I was the one that had decided where we’d end up.

I loved Meadow Pines for its rich heritage and family values, which brought out the best in everyone in the community, including my family. I chose to be friends with Zack for his generosity and kindheartedness. My relationship with him had transformed into something remarkable: us being together. We had courted without even realizing it, and had begun dating when he’d initiated the invitation to spend more time together. I chose to keep seeing him even though my emotional rough patches were a big concern for me. Could I now let those rough patches allow me to walk away from the most wonderful man I had ever known? No, I couldn’t. So, once again, I chose to stay. I also chose to say yes. Yes, I would marry Zack—if he would still have me, that was.

Running toward my car, fuzzy as to how to make this work, I just knew that once I found Zack, we would figure it all out…together. I would probably never live that last part down, but it seemed as though all that talking about doing things together had sunk in, because I now realized exactly what he’d meant. Sure, my epiphany had come a little later than he’d hoped, but I truly got it now.

Deciding to forget the car, I ran all the way to the courthouse and past security toward the third-floor offices, not even bothering to take the elevators, since that would only slow me down. Or make me stop to consider what I was doing. Right now, I was just desperate to find him and tell him how much I couldn’t live without him.

“Whoa, young lady where’s the fire?”

I barely heard the gentleman speak before I brushed past him toward the third door on the left. Pushing the double doors open, I found Zack sitting behind his desk, with his head in his hands. At the sound of my footsteps echoed throughout the small space, he picked his head up and looked at me in surprise.

“Katie.”

“Wait! Let me talk.”

I stopped just inside the room, turning and closing the doors as people began to make their way into the hallway to see what all the noise was about.

“Katie, I…”

I held up my hands as I came around to stand before him, halting his words. I was hopeful that since he seemed ready to let me talk, I still had a chance to fix things.

“I’m so sorry, Zack.”

I placed my hand on his shoulder when he started to stand, pushing him back into his seat. He was strong, but I was determined. I knew I had to confess some mighty big secrets that no one knew about, not even my family, but I had finally figured out what Zack had been telling me for weeks now, and I wanted him to be the first one to know about them.

“When I saw you yesterday, I was completely shut down, closed off from any thoughts other than the dark ones eating me up inside.”

Leaning against the desk in front of him, Zack kept his hands on the armrests as he listened to every word I was saying. It was quite empowering to be heard by someone with such clear focus. It was almost uncanny the way he just listened. I was not just anyone to him, and I could see that in his eyes and the set of his determinedly straightened spine. He was so focused on me that I sometimes almost felt the need to look anywhere but into his eyes.

“I didn’t comprehend fully what you told me yesterday. Maybe I wasn’t ready to listen—to you or anyone else. I just needed some time to think.”

“Think about what, baby?”

“Please don’t interrupt me. I know you mean well, but I need to get this all out, and if you interrupt me, I may just lose my nerve.”

Taking a deep breath that causes my chest to expand, I let the air out slowly as I regained my nerve and sorted through my feelings.

“You scare the shit out of me.”

It wasn’t exactly delivered with the finesse I had planned, but the message still came across loud and clear.

“I’m so sorry, Katie. I never meant to push…”

“But you did! You did push me. I don’t know if I was ready to be pushed like that, or if I should have been pushed like that, but you are just so pushy!”

By the way he was running his fingers through his hair and fidgeting in his seat, he seemed to be taking this rather awkwardly.

“You’re stubborn and determined. You’re also very brash and short at times.”

“Look, I know it seems that way…”

“Let me finish! Please. I love you, Zackary Collins. I love every pushy little thing about you.”

His eyes met mine, and I tried to show him all the love I had for him with a single, powerful look. I was determined to make him feel the same amount of love he had given to me during our short time together.

“You love me? Still?”

“Oh, Zack. Of course I do!”

It was as though he couldn’t help himself as he took my hand into his and pulled me onto his lap. He was holding on for dear life. He stroked my back in tiny circles as he nuzzled my neck.

I was so caught up in what he was doing that I almost forgot my purpose for storming into his office in the first place. Abruptly, I pulled back to look into his eyes. I was shocked by the pain I saw in them, as well as the moisture gathering at the bottom of them. He looked so sad. It just about broke my heart, but I needed to do this. I needed to explain everything to him so we could truly be together.

“Oh, Zack, we need to talk.”

“Whenever a woman says that, it’s usually not a good sign.”

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

He released me from his hold, and I was immediately troubled by the discomfort I felt without his support.

“Zack, please, I just need to say this.”

“Look, Katie, I know I pushed you, but I just couldn’t help it.”

“I know, but this between us is everything I was afraid to have, and then some.”

“What?”

He leaned back in his chair, more miffed than anything.

“Zack, I’ve done this all wrong. I ran when I should have stayed to talk about it. It’s just…”

“Just what, honey?”

There he was, my overprotective man. Even though he was so worried that I was leaving him, he was more concerned about me than himself. I couldn’t let him think for a second that I was going anywhere, and it occurred to me that that’s exactly what I had been doing.

“It’s just that when I tell you everything, you may not want me anymore.”

At this, he pushed the chair back with such force that it hit the wall behind him. The thunderous look in his eyes gave me pause. I started to take a step away, but the desk blocked my escape. I was trapped between it and him. Panic began to build in me as his expression transformed into anger—anger clearly directed at me. All my instincts taking over, I dropped to the floor, bursting into tears. When he approached me, it wasn’t Zack I saw, but Randall. All the fight I had in me to explain what happened is gone, replaced with the shell of the person I once was in Randall’s clutches.

“Fuck! Katie, honey, look at me. I would never, ever hurt you. It’s me, Zack. Look at me, please.”

I wanted to see Zack, but I was stuck in this hopeless place. I was waiting for the beating I knew would come once he caught me.

“Okay, Katie, I’m going to come to you instead. We can figure this out—together.”

As his feet came into view, I trembled more violently. I was waiting for something to happen. I couldn’t help myself. The trembling used to provoke Randall more than my tears ever could. He seemed to get annoyed with it and take it out on me, in as many painful ways as possible, but I could never get it to stop.

“I’m going to keep talking to you until you realize it’s me, baby. I know you’re in there, but you’re stuck, so I’m going to come to you. Maybe I should have always come to you instead of giving you distance. Together means we work things out, and I thought once you had some time and distance, you’d calm down enough so we could discuss whatever was going on. Now, however, I think that was my mistake. You needed me to wrap my arms around you and make you stay, to help deal with whatever was happening in that moment—together.”

His soothing voice began to draw my attention away from my inner turmoil. His calm demeanor was beginning to soothe my nerves, causing the trembling to ease.

“Just listen to my voice, baby. It’s me, and I’m right here for you. No more running, no more distance. Just you and me together to face things as they come. That’s where I messed up. I pushed you, but I let you down when you ran. I see that now. I see how you gave me the signal just before you ran, something that could help us get through this together, but I never took the cues. I’m sorry I let you down. I won’t ever again.”

His voice was like a balm that calmed me from the inside out. Tingles ran down my arms as he began to touch them, light at first, but much more prominent as he traveled up and down, over and over.

“I’m here. I’m right here in front of you for when you’re ready for me to catch you. I will always catch you. You know that, right?”

He continued to run his hands up and down my arms. It was so hypnotic that I didn’t want it to stop.

“I love you, honey, so please come back to me so we can fix this—together.”

It took that last together to clinch it for me. When my eyes met his, I saw it—the love he had for me. All my fears washed away in that instant.

“Oh, Zack,” I whispered as I propelled myself toward his outstretched arms. This time I didn’t cry like I always did. This time I found the strength I never knew existed inside me to tell him everything I came to say.

“I was never going to leave you, Zack. I love you so much. I just want to tell you everything.”

He held me so close that I could feel his body stiffen at my words. I had never told him all the gory details. I had just kept that to myself, but when I thought about it, that wasn’t how together worked. It would work only when we both knew everything, so I needed to tell him everything.

“I think you’re right. I don’t want to know these things, but we are together, so I need to. But not here. Let’s go back to my place.”

“No, Zack.”

“No? You don’t want to go back to my place?”

“No. Zack. Let’s go home. Back to our place.”

His expression was priceless when he realized that I had just agreed to move in with him.

“Home. Our home.” He thought about that for a moment with the biggest smile on his face as he rubbed his chin with his one hand. “Yeah, I like that. I like it very much.”

“I kinda thought you might. I’m so sorry, Zack.”

“Oh, my God! If you say sorry one more time…”

His open-ended threat didn’t scare me like it once had. This time I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but we would deal with the rest over time. Right now, however, we really needed to talk about my triggers and what caused them.

“Let’s go home.”

Our hands connected as he interlaced his fingers with mine. He tucked me firmly under his chin as we headed out the door. Security was right there to greet us as we left the building. They led us to the car, opening the door so we could step inside. I noticed not one but three security personal proceeding us. It was unusual, but with everything going on, I didn’t question it. Maybe Zack had some things going on that warranted the larger presence. I’d have to talk to him about it later.

When we arrived, his lips touched the back of my hand as we made our way to the house.

“I love you so much, Katie.”

“I love you too, Zack. That has never been the issue. You know that, right?”

“I do know that, honey. Let’s talk once we get inside. I want you all to myself before we have this conversation.”

“Yes, let’s wait until we get inside.”

Thankfully we didn’t have to wait long, since the courthouse was only a few miles from his place. As we approached the house, a sudden unsettling feeling crept up my spine, but I dismissed it as wariness about our upcoming conversation. The hairs on my neck rose, however, as we exited the vehicle. My attention was immediately drawn to the forest across the street. Was someone out there watching us? It was probably just some wildlife.

I knew Randall was out there somewhere, but it had been months since there had been any sightings or reports of him being nearby. Heck, only Zack had been the one to see him during that isolated encounter that led to them talking business. Aside from that, Randall seemed to have gone back to his hole, far from here. Hopefully that would be the only time we had to deal with him.

“Would you like some water?”

I hadn’t even realized we’d made it to the kitchen, I was so caught up in the nervous reaction I was having.

“Yes, please. Though since this is now my place, too, maybe I should offer you some instead?”

“Oh, yes, water would be lovely. Thank you.”

He chuckled as he played along.

“Cute, honey. Real cute.”

“Hey, if my roommate wants to offer me a glass of water in our house, who am I to turn it down?”

“Roommate, huh?”

He laughed as I wrapped my arms around him. That was the great thing about Zack: he got me. Even when we’ve had a horrible day, we could always laugh at the little things that happened along the way, and then we would both feel immediately better.

“Better.”

How did he keep doing that?

“Like I said, it’s written across your face for me to see.”

“Just you, though right? No one else, because otherwise I’d have a really hard time dealing with society at large.”

He laughs.

“Yeah, baby, just me. And maybe your mom. No one else seems to know you well enough, and that will never change.”

He drawled out the last bit as he kissed my neck. Close was never close enough when we were together like this.

“Zack, wait. We still need to talk.”

I wanted him so much, but then we would never discuss what we needed to, and I really had to get this out of me—now.

“Sorry, baby, couldn’t help myself. You’re just so mouthwatering.”

He pulled back and turned to get us some glasses. I was barely able to keep standing when we parted, so I grabbed ahold of the island counter to keep myself upright.

“I’ve told you how Randall and I met and married, but it’s what happened after that I’ve never discussed with you. Or anyone, for that matter.”

“Anyone?”

That got his attention as he abandoned the glasses.

“Anyone,” I repeated for emphasis, shaking my head vehemently.

He needed to know that this was only for him. Not even Justin knew these details, and he had treated me when we first decided to go into hiding together.

He stared at me for a moment, taking it all in.

“Maybe we need something much stronger than water.”

Dumping the ice cubes into the sink, he retreated to the wine cooler and took out a Merlot. Without asking if I’d like a glass, he poured me one anyway, taking my hand as we made our way to the living room. The intimacy of the bedroom would have been ideal, but I figured he’d rather not associate a place where we make love with the nightmares I was about to tell him. In a way, I appreciated his thoughtfulness. I wouldn’t have wanted to taint our personal space with what I was about to say, either.

“Take all the time you need.”

He sipped his wine, trying to prepare for what came next.

With a nod, I looked back at the life I had abandoned and the man that had changed me forever.

“You know that it was the last year of college for me. I was waitressing at a local pub to make ends meet. I can remember the smells of the establishment, first and foremost, with the stench of alcohol being the strongest, as well as the various dishes of food we served. The pub smelled welcoming and inviting most of the time. There were times, though, when it was suffocating being surrounded by so many people drinking, laughing, and stuffing their faces. Businessmen often frequented the establishment as a way of unwinding after long business meetings. That’s how I met Randall. He was no frequent patron, but after we first met, he became one.”

Taking a sip of the Merlot, I needed the liquid courage to continue this conversation.

Zack was seated next to me, just watching my face, listening and bracing himself for when it would turn ugly.

“You have to understand, I was so naïve and sheltered at the time. My expenses were limited to college and work. I didn’t realize men actually prowled for women like me. I thought domestic abuse was something that happened over time, when people were together for so long that they just ended up hating each other.”

“You don’t have to defend yourself to me, baby. You did nothing wrong.”

“But I did.”

I twitched involuntarily, and my wine nearly sloshed out of the glass, so I placed it onto the coffee table in front of us, embarrassed.

“Don’t. Just don’t. I need to know what happened, but I do not need you beating yourself up over it.”

His comfort was what I needed. His support. Was this what it was like to be together with someone that loved you? Someone showing you unconditional support, not just when you thought you needed it? If that was the case, I had to say that I quite liked it.

“Again, stop beating yourself up when you tell me this, because I have to say I don’t stand for anyone saying bad things about my woman—even if it is my woman saying them.”

I chuckled and breathed in deep, exhaling slowly so I continue my story.

“Randall would come into the pub on Fridays to see me. It became so routine that I actually looked forward to his visits. We’d discuss my classes, my work, and my family.”

My brows suddenly bunched together as I recalled that he’d never really discussed himself with me.

“What is it?”

“I just realized that we never discussed his life much. It was always about me, what I was doing, who I was doing it all with. Nothing really about his life. Why would he do that?”

As I took a sip of wine, I thought that he wanted to tell me, but didn’t quite know how. Maybe he was worried about how I’d react.

“Most predators do that when they want their prey to think they are interested in them. I’ve seen this happen a lot in politics. Stroking egos to figure out how best to get their opponents on their side. They’re trying to find the weaknesses.”

“Is that what he did? With me?”

“I don’t want to upset you more than you already are, honey.”

“Just tell me.”

I didn’t want to scream at him, but he was really frustrating the shit out of me right then. If I figured this out, maybe I wouldn’t be the one that was so naïve. I wouldn’t be the one that fell for his charms because I was his prey, and nothing I did would have made any difference so long as I was his target.

“Zack, please, this would really help me understand that I couldn’t, and didn’t, do anything that would have mattered much in those early days. I beat myself up all the time. Maybe if I didn’t talk with him when he visited the pub. Maybe if I just left him alone and walked the other way. Maybe…”

“Honey, when someone like that wants you, there is little you could do to stop them from getting you. He was and is a predator. He would have done anything to get you right where he wanted you.”

Years of therapy, analysis, and reflection couldn’t do what Zack did for me in just a few moments. Maybe I wasn’t ready to listen before. Who knew? Who cared? It wasn’t me. That was the main takeaway. I wasn’t the one who had brought this on myself. I had just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when I came across his path. Wow. As that sunk in, I realized that I had no one else to blame in all of this but him.

“You okay?”

Zack’s concern for me gave me the strength and focus to continue.

“Yes. For the first time in a long time, I am okay. I’ve finally realized that there was nothing I could have done differently.”

“No, baby, there wasn’t.”

Obviously, there were many scenarios that would have made the situation change for the better in the long run. Heck, if I had just found someone else to fall in love with I could have avoided a ton of pain and suffering. But then I wouldn’t have been here with Zack. I wouldn’t have been wrapped in his arms, and I wouldn’t have found this place. In some ways, I was grateful for how things had ended up. It was the journey that had got us here.

We looked into each other’s eyes, searching for something I knew now was acceptance. Acceptance of the situation or each other, I wasn’t sure, but I needed to see reflected back through his eyes the love and concern I felt when I looked at him.

“He began to frequent the place more during my shifts. Come to think of it, I realize now that he probably got ahold of my schedule somehow, because the girls would tell me he only came by when I was there. If I wasn’t there, he would leave.”

“See, baby? He was a predator.”

He didn’t need to say any more than that. I got it now.

“Whenever I saw him, I would be surprised at first, but then happy that he came in just for me.”

Now I was uncomfortable at the thought of telling the man I love how I fell in love with another man.

“There are parts of this story I don’t have to tell you.”

“I know, but I think it will help you if you do tell me everything you can.”

The pain was plain on his face, but I knew he was right. I needed to continue this so we could finally move on with our life together.

“We would talk about the day. Discuss how I wanted to be an assistant to help powerful people achieve greatness. He would give me pointers on how to exist in the corporate world, where those people that I wanted to work with existed. I was in awe of that life and anyone that had insight into that world astonished me. You could say he hooked me in with that life I wanted to be a part of in so many ways.

“It was a few weeks later when he asked me to dinner. I was so shocked that he would ask me. Me! I as just a waitress who was so outside that world he lived in. I couldn’t refuse, even if I had wanted to. And I didn’t want to. Back then, I wanted any insight I could get into that life. Oh, God, I gave him the opening that led to all this, didn’t I?”

Zack just shrugged and sipped his wine. It was like playing emotional hopscotch with bombs. One wrong step, and something could explode right in your face.

“Baby, just tell the story as though you’re witnessing it, instead of experiencing it firsthand. I think that may help you understand what happened more than reliving it all over again.”

“That makes sense. Okay, I can do that.”

I took a breath as I moved away from his warmth. I needed the distance to recount these horrors, but at the same time, I needed him close enough to feel his security and strength.

“Our first date was at this restaurant downtown, at a place called Redours. It was so expensive and exclusive, and I couldn’t believe he was taking me there. He must have made the reservations weeks in advance, because whenever I would call for a reservation myself, it was always fully booked. I was so enamored with how far he would go to impress me that I found myself barely able to talk throughout the meal, which come to think of it, that was probably why we sat in silence for so long. He didn’t discuss his personal life much with me, I remember that. I also remember how weird it seemed at the time, but I dismissed it as him wanting to get to know me.”

“It’s alright, baby. Just continue with your story.”

“We dated like that for about two months, and then he popped the question. I was so shocked that I nearly choked on my coffee. He proposed one night after we finished our meal at that same restaurant from our first date. Once I was able to breathe again, I said yes. I was so in love with the idea of him loving me that I didn’t think to say no. I felt like the center of his world, and I loved it. I was so close to my dreams of being a high-powered assistant, so close to living in that world that it seemed to fit, having someone that was already in that world be my husband.”

Zack fidgeted in his seat, repositioning himself as he turned to look at me.

“You and I are nothing like this. You know that, right?”

I needed to make sure he knew this, and that he didn’t see any similarities with our relationship.

“Are you crazy? Of course we are nothing like this!”

“Okay, then why are you fidgeting so much?” I questioned him. I couldn’t figure out why he was so on edge all of a sudden.

“I’m fidgeting because I just wish I was there to protect you from this happening.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. I can’t help the fidgeting. I just always want to protect you.”

I launched myself into his arms and pulled him as close as possible into my body. I loved this man so much that I couldn’t believe I’d ever fallen for a man like Randall when someone like Zack had been out there waiting for me.

“I love you so much, Katie.”

“I love you too, Zack, just as much.”

“I believe we need to finish this story.”

“Oh, yeah.”

I pulled back and sat on the other cushion, just an arm’s reach away from him. I hoped that the additional space would somehow make it easier during the more intimate parts of the story. I found that if we were not so close physically, then I could talk more easily about what happened without the worry of it becoming uncomfortable.

“After we became engaged, I brought him home to meet my mother.”

“Oh, gosh. If I know your mother, she probably saw right through him.”

“How did you know?”

“Let’s just say I know your mother.”

He laughed and rolled his eyes, waving for me to continue with the story.

“Of course she saw right through everything, but you know how she is. She spent the entire night trying to be polite, which didn’t work out that well.”

I was taken back at how little I paid attention to her reactions to Randall back then. From where I sat, it had seemed normal for there to be some sort of disconnect between the two of them, but after seeing the way she and Zack mingled together, I realized now that that disconnect was a red flag, a warning of things to come.

“After that night, Randall made extra efforts to get my mother on his side. No matter the situation, he found ways to try and prove his worth to her. She never accepted anything he tried to dish out to her, though. I found it odd how hard he tried to convince her, but he just said he was determined to get her to like him, no matter what. We set a date for the following week.”

“Why the rush?”

Zack looked perplexed, but quickly recovered after a few moments. 

“Never mind.”

“What? Never mind what?”

“It’s just…”

“Now you have to tell me.”

“I figure he probably convinced you it was the best idea, considering your schooling and everything going on with his job.”

“Yes, that’s it exactly, but how did you know?”

“I’m figuring this guy out the more you tell me. Remember, with politics comes the understanding of how to read people through their actions. This Randall guy is a real piece of work. He convinces you to trust him by talking about you instead of him. He tries to work your mom, but she’s too wise to his charms, so he uses the best arsenal at his disposal to convince you to rush into marriage before your family interferes and convinces you to wait.”

I was completely and utterly shocked at how well he had figured Randall out in such a short amount of time. It made me wonder what was wrong with me that I had no idea what he was until well after the wedding.

“Oh, Katie, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

My tears fell uncontrollably anyway.

“What is wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you.”

“How is it that you figured all this out in such a short amount of time, and it took me almost two years?”

“First off, honey, I did meet Randall. Remember? Second, I’m a politician, so it’s my job to get to the bottom of situations quickly, as well as the people bringing them to me. I’ve had a lot of training throughout my life. I grew up with people like this, so I can usually spot them a mile away.”

“What does that make me, then?”

“You, my dear, were very young and very vulnerable when he got his hooks into you. I bet nothing your mother would have said would have convinced you otherwise.”

“Exactly.”

“It’s alright to be upset about the past and what he put you through, but it’s not okay to beat yourself up over it. He preyed on you. He conned you, pure and simple. Even the smartest people in the world get conned, honey.”

Zack astounded me. With just a few hours of talking, he had nailed who Randall was and got me to understand that none of it was my fault. This had happened to me, not because of me. That was such a huge relief right there.

“What happened after the wedding?”

Zack pulled me out of my introspection and nodded for me to continue.

“After our ‘wedding’ in the town hall, Randall had an office party where he was going to introduce me to all his friends from work. We figured the best thing for me to do was meet him at the party, instead of him getting out of work early just to come pick me up.”

“Real charmer, that one.”

I grinned back at his snide remark. If only he knew.

“I thought that since we didn’t get a honeymoon, I would book a room for us to enjoy after the party. We wouldn’t want to drive, anyway, so this was an excellent opportunity to show off my assistant skills so he could see how valuable I’d be as his wife. I mingled at the party and enjoyed myself, introducing myself as Randall’s bride. I really loved the reactions I was getting from the senior partners, who told me how lucky he was to have such a well-educated young woman by his side.”

“When I was talking with Randall’s boss, I felt an arm wrap around my waist. It was the first time he had ever showed a real display of public affection toward me, and it made me feel so giddy inside. Once Randall’s boss excused himself, Randall came real close for a hug and what I thought would be a kiss—only it wasn’t a kiss. It was a threat whispered into my ear instead. When he tightened his arm around my midsection, I let out a yelp in surprise, causing those around us to look over.”

“There were other threats, too, but I’m not going to go into too much detail. I don’t want to completely melt down and stop telling you the story, but I will say that the threats and assault didn’t stop there. He was furious with me for making the reservation, angry with me for mingling with his coworkers, and even more incensed at the outfit I wore. He called me names in nasty whispers that only I could hear. He had no intention of letting anyone at the party believe anything other than the façade that we were a happy couple just married.

“By the end of the night, I had no intention of a ‘honeymoon’ or to even continue on with the marriage, but Randall refused to release my arm until we made it to the room upstairs from the party. He was so enraged by then that he just threw me into the room once he opened the door. I landed hard on the desk that sat just on the other side of the door, bruising my chest before I even fell to the ground. I cried out when he yanked me up by the hair, and screamed when he ripped my dress off me. He beat me with his belt until I was bleeding. That’s when the phone rang from the hotel lobby. Someone was calling about the screams from the room. I tried to crawl away from him, but he grabbed me by the ankles and pulled me toward him with his index finger against his lip to let me know to be quiet. I just shook as he talked with the concierge. He played it off as a movie that was too loud, and agreed to turn it down. He apologized for the noise and promised there wouldn’t be any more disturbances.”

“How did he intend to live up to that promise?”

“I really don’t want to say.”

Tears spilled onto my lap as I recalled exactly how he lived up to that promise. I had no intention of telling Zack those horrors. The thunderous look on his face now had me worried about whether I should continue at all.

It was hard to tell someone you loved about the burdens of your past, especially when those burdens were so damaging to so many people. I wanted him to understand, but I was also desperate for him not to look at me as a victim. I was a survivor.

“You’re stronger than you realize.”

I didn’t acknowledge his words. I didn’t see myself that way at all, so for him to say it was not something I wanted to hear when I was feeling so rare and vulnerable.

“Do you want to continue?”

“Do you want me to continue?”

“I know how hard this is for you, and I don’t want to push you, but we need to talk about this so we can fix it together.”

“I know, and that’s why I’ll continue. For you, and only for you. After this, though, I’m done. I’m done talking about it. I’m done reliving it, other than the flashbacks I have no control over.”

“Those will fade in time, honey.”

“I don’t know if they will. I just know it’s all I can do to deal with them in the present. Worrying about what may happen in the future is futile to me right now. I need to live day by day to survive.”

“You’re not alone anymore, and we will deal with it together.”

I wasn’t sure if I was reassured or extremely troubled by that. What if, after a while of dealing with it, he became so annoyed by it all that he left me?

“That won’t happen, you know.”

“What won’t?”

“Me leaving because of what you are going through.”

“How do you know, though? How could you possibly be so sure about something that may never stop happening to me…to us?”

I was getting increasingly upset that he was taking this so easily. I’d lived with the carnage every day, in one way or another, and he believed that this wasn’t a big deal? Getting up from the couch, I walked to the kitchen to refill my wine. Maybe I also needed some time apart to contemplate what he’d said. After a few moments—drink in hand—I made my way back to the living room, fuming. Nope, I definitely wasn’t overreacting, and he wasn’t reacting enough!

“Look, Katie…”

I snapped.

“No, you look! I have no idea what you think I go through, but I must say it’s no cakewalk, honey. How dare you make light of my situation. I can’t believe you, you son of a bitch!”

“Katie, wait! Give me a moment…”

“Give you a what? A moment? Why? So you can reflect on all the stupid shit you just said to me? How dare you!”

I was so mad I could spit nails.

“Now hold on for one minute!”

He snapped and I was so shocked he yelled. I’d never thought he had it in him.

“I’m having a hard-enough time listening to everything you went through without pulling you into my arms and never letting you out of my sight for the rest of our lives, so for you to think I don’t get what you’re going through… Fuck!”

“Katie, don’t you get it? I understand what you are going through. I may not have experienced it myself, but I understand just from what I’ve seen you go through the last few years. I’ve been close enough to witness it firsthand, so for you to tell me I don’t get what you’re going through or to imply that I wouldn’t be able to take this on with you pisses me right the fuck off!”

Breathing rapidly as though he just ran a marathon, Zack combed his fingers through his hair as he pondered what to say next.

“And another thing! I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. When the fuck are you going to get it through that stubborn head of yours?”

We were both breathing hard when we finally looked at each another from opposite sides of the room. I was stunned when he walked up to me without saying a word and grabbed me, pulling me against his chest. Then he kissed me senseless. I became lost in his lips. They were firm yet yielding to my tongue. I slid it across his bottom lip and he opened his inviting mouth for me to enter. I wanted to climb into his welcoming arms, a place where I knew I would be safe from all the harm that could ever come to me. I loved how he pulled me into the kiss as our tongues tangled together.

I was so lost in desire that I didn’t realize he was pulling us onto the couch until the cushion hit my ass and my legs made contact. Then his hands slid below my shirt as mine slid under his jeans. He hissed as my hands firmly took hold of his ass, feeling as his muscles pulled together from my touch. I wanted him more than my next breath, but I heard him say in the back of my mind that we needed to table this passion session until we’d finished our conversation. He must have been thinking the same thing, because he pulled away suddenly, still panting, with hooded eyes watching my every move under his body. Resting his head against mine, we smiled as though we’d been caught by our parents making out on the sofa.

“Please continue with your story.”

He struggled to say it as we moved to the cushions on the far ends of the couch. My body wanted to continue what we had started, but I knew he was right: we needed to finish this discussion so we could take our relationship in a positive direction, without the hindrance of past burdens pulling us apart.

“Where was I?”

I needed to regain my strength for this discussion and make sure we were on the same page.

“He beat you in the motel room.”

“Suite.”

“What?”

“It was a suite.”

“Does it matter? Christ! He hurt you! I don’t give a shit if it was a regular room or a suite. He hurt my girl, and I could kill him for it.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t continue.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”

He just sat still for a moment, not realizing what he’d said until after he’d said it.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No, I have to know this for us, but I can want not to hear it. Do you know what I mean?”

I did know what he meant. I didn’t want to hear this story, either, and I was the one who’d lived through it.

“I know exactly what you mean. Should I continue, though? I don’t want you more traumatized than you already are.”

He seemed taken aback about my concern for his well-being.

“This happened to you, and you’re worried about me?”

“Well, frankly, yes.”

“Honey, I’m more worried about you reliving it than me dealing with whatever happened to you. The past we can deal with. The future is what makes us hopeful that the past won’t repeat itself. Does that make sense?”

It did to me. Zack was completely embracing our future while I coped with my past. It was comforting to know that the future and past were nowhere near alike. It gave me the strength to tell the rest of my story.

“I can handle it, hopefully. Besides, together we can deal with anything, right?’

“That’s right. Together.”

I moved to sit closer to him for the strength he gave me when we were together. It was how I knew that I could continue recalling of the horrors of my past.

“After the phone call, Randall just left, and I was so relieved to be free of him. I could barely move the pain was so intense, but I somehow made my way to the bathroom, where I was able to clean myself up. I secured the room with the bolts on the one side of the door because I discovered that he’d left with both sets of keys. I was terrified he’s come back to finish what he’d started. After a few hours, he didn’t return, and I fell asleep on my stomach with cool towels on my wounds. The night dragged on as I tried to sleep, but I would be woken by the pain until about three in the morning. That was when I phoned Justin for some help.”

“I bet your brother wanted to kill him when he found out what happened.”

“Oh, yeah. I couldn’t avoid telling him, because I needed his help so I could get some rest. I was so tired from the pain that I could barely stand it. The thought of moving to go to the hospital was not an option, so calling him was the next best thing. When he got there, though, and I explained what had happened, he was pissed as hell, threatening to call the cops. I had to sidetrack him to get him to give me the pain meds before he did, though, so I could relax enough before they got to the hotel room. Suite. Whatever it was.”

“Did the cops come?”

“No.”

“No? What the fuck do you mean, no?”

With his brows pulled together, you could almost see the steam leaving his ears when he asked the question.

“Randall knew the cops, and he paid them off. I didn’t know it at the time, but this wasn’t the first time he’d beat a woman to the point of calling the police.”

“Sweetheart, you should really just call the cops whenever it starts.”

“Yes, I get that now, and I did then, but when we found out I was on my own and that I was married to a monster, Justin decided that we needed to come up with a plan so as to not get me killed in the process.”

“You thought it would come to that?”

“Justin thought it would. I wasn’t so sure, but he had seen this so many times from working at the hospital that he figured we had already made the mistake of contacting the police that were in Randall’s pocket, so now we only had a few options left available to us.”

“What happened next?”

“Justin had to leave before Randall returned.”

“Jesus, he just left you there alone?”

“What choice did we have? At the time, there wasn’t anything I could do to get out of the situation without pulling my family into my mess, and we didn’t have a plan that would be safe enough to get me out. Though, when I think about it now I wonder if Justin realized that it would take as long as it did before he was able to get me out.”

“I’m sure he wasn’t thinking it would take long at all, otherwise I’m sure he would have taken you with him right then.”

“He thought that since the cops had found out what had happened, Randall would be more concerned with them watching him than he would be with hurting me. I didn’t realize then that he would have different ways of getting what he wanted.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when Randall returned to the room that night, he brought flowers, crying his apologies to me and trying to make it sound as though I’d brought it on myself.”

At this, Zack jumped from the couch, pulsating with an anger that throbbed from the vein in his neck. I just watched as he paced the room, waiting to hear the next part of the story.

“I didn’t believe him for a moment. No way would he not try to hurt me again, so I decided that when he gave me a chance to flee, I would, in a heartbeat. I didn’t realize what he was up to until I tried to escape a few days later, though.”

Standing, I walked the length of the room to the fireplace. Sitting was no longer an option as I recounted my horrors.

“We left the hotel to go back to Randall’s place. I had moved all my belongings there several days before the wedding, and was just going to unpack after the party, so everything I owned was still in boxes just inside the garage of the house. I never really got a chance to go inside until we came back to the house from the hotel. It was a real shock when we stepped inside and I found children living there.”

“What the fuck? Children? Not just a kid, but more than a few? Whose kids were they, anyway? And were they abused, too?”

“Randall had never told me that he’d had a few wives before me. And somehow, the kids were all under his sole custody.”

“No fuckin’ way!”

“Yep. He was able to gain undisputed sole custody from his wives shortly after the divorce proceedings. And no, the kids were never harmed, as far as I know.”

“So, you were what? Their new mommy?”

“Ah, no.”

Randall had never let me get that close to any of them.

“No? What were you, then?”

“You know, I don’t really know. I just know that I was the maid, tutor, and babysitter, but never really the mother figure of the family.”

“Wow, that’s fucked up.”

“No shit.”

“When I found out about the kids, I realized even more that I was stuck. In the beginning, I thought he had married me to be the mother for his kids, but that soon changed. But I’m getting ahead of myself. When we entered the house, I was immediately escorted into the far bedroom, secluded on the other side of the house. The master suite, he called it, but it was more like the torture room that was so remote that no one could hear my screams.”

“Oh, God, Katie.”

“He closed the door behind me and pushed me against it before he stripped me bare. I cried out in pain when my clothes brushed against my wounds, and he just laughed as he continued removing them. He really got off on the pain and suffering he put me through.”

“Katie, please stop. I can’t hear any more of this. I’m sure I get where this is going, and I know I need to hear this, but I just can’t do this anymore right now. I can’t listen to the story of someone torturing you.”

“Zack, it’s okay. I won’t go into any more detail, but I do need to finish this once and for all.”

“God, Katie, I’m so sorry you had to endure all of this.”

“Me, too, but I’m grateful I survived the experience, and that I have you now.”

“I’m grateful to have you now, too.”

As his chin rested on top of my head, I felt the tremor run through him as he took in my words. I was sure they were echoing over and over, as if he, too, was living through my nightmare.

“I stayed for the children at first, but when I realized he had no intention of them getting attached to me, I planned ways to escape. When I first ran and he caught me, the punishment was so severe that I broke several bones and had bruised ribs, even nearly puncturing a lung. When those healed and I tried to run again, he caught me just as I was about to clear the state line. I figured out then that he had someone watching me. And I forgot to mention that he knew about the hotel room before I mentioned it to him because he had someone watching my every move. Turns out he had several security people watching me for my so-called protection.”

“Some protection.”

“That’s for sure.”

“What about Justin?”

“Well, after the hotel room incident, he got together with my mom. I had no idea. The two of them planned an elaborate escape with legal precedence and everything for a quick divorce. They just had to have me to turn the plan into action.”

“That’s when you arrived at the house that day?”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot you knew about that. Well, that makes it so much easier to finish the story. My sisters and other brothers didn’t mention anything when I spoke with them occasionally. I found out later that my mom had given them talking points for when they talked with me, since the phone was most likely bugged.”

“How did you manage to get to your mom’s that day? How long were you with Randall before you escaped?”

“I made it to my mom’s because Randall gave me some freedom during the day when the kids were at school, so I could grocery shop or get myself prepped for him.”

“I don’t even want to know what that means.”

“No, you really don’t. Once I was able to plan enough time to see my mom without having to worry about getting all my chores done, I found that almost two years had passed. In the meantime, Randall had made me quit school and my job, and had removed my friends from the equation. The day I was able to run he beat me so badly I thought I wouldn’t live to see freedom again.”

“Shush.”

Zack rocked me as I cried into his chest, his pain just as evident as my own. We stayed like this for what seemed like hours.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Thank you for telling me about something so horrific that has happened to you. I understand now what we need to do together.”

Puzzled, I looked up at him, but I saw nothing that would give away his thoughts. I wished I could do that thing he did with me by knowing everything I was thinking.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“It’s nothing terrible, don’t worry. It’s just that after all this time, it appears that Randall may not be done with you yet.”

“Oh, God, you think so, too?”

“Too? Why? Who else thinks so?”

“Justin.”

“Ah, I knew we got along for a reason.”

“Mom is not entirely convinced.”

“Then I’ll convince her, for your sake.”

“You’re scaring me.”

I didn’t want to think about what Randall might do to me when he found me or got me alone. I just wanted to forget he existed at all, and move on with my life.

“He’s going to come for you.”

“Oh, God, no.”

I whispered it because I just didn’t want to deal with the implications of Zack being right.

“He already made it clear that he knows where you are. Now it’s just a matter of time before he makes his move.”

“Why can’t he leave me alone?”

“Because you escaped. Because he wants to make you suffer for leaving. Because he’s a sick bastard that wants to destroy his prey once and for all.”

“How do you know all this?”

“It’s obvious to me. He’s just like a politician.”

 

***

 

What had I done? If Randall was just like a politician, and Zack was a politician, then I was so screwed being there with him. I felt the walls closing in around me, and it scared the shit out of me. I reminded myself that Zack was nothing like Randall. It was a mantra I played over and over in my head. Zack loved me, but the nagging doubts entered my mind all the same. I had thought that about Randall in the beginning, too, hadn’t I? What if Zack was just saying the things I wanted to hear, just like Randall did when we first started dating?

Zack was sleeping next to me, but it wasn’t him I envisioned when I looked over. It was Randall, and all the warmth and love Zack had always showed me simply eviscerated, leaving in its wake the pain I once lived through.

“I can hear you thinking from here, and I know it’s not good.”

Zack sat up, turning on the side table light. After my revelation, we’d ended up together in bed with all our previous days’ clothes on, just holding one another.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I replied coolly, hoping he’d let it go and let me ponder my life choices.

“Nothing, huh? Well, how about you share that nothing with me so we can fix it together?”

“I’m not sure you want to know.”

“Of course I want to know. Why wouldn’t I want to know what’s causing you to be so restless? If it affects you, it affects me, too. Remember?”

He may have been a politician, but he was nothing like the ones he’d described to me last night, the ones that compared so well with Randall. If only I could know what to do. If only I could find a way to end this relentless confusion.

He watched me debate.

“I could watch you internalize everything all night, or you could just spill, and we could both figure out a way of fixing it together.”

His calm tone made me calm.

“Okay, but you’re not going to like what I have to say.”

“Try me.”

“If Randall acted so much like a politician…”

I took a breath, hoping he would understand before I had to verbalize it to him and lose any faith in us he may have had.

“You’re worried cause I’m a politician, too.”

He left my side to move to the other side of the bed.

I was so scared that I began to shake. Not like I once had, whenever Randall tormented me, but with the worry that he would realize that I was actually comparing him to a monster. I didn’t want him to leave me.

“Okay, I thought when I made that comment that you might take it the wrong way, but still I hoped you wouldn’t lump me into the mix. Though I’m a politician, I’m not like the rest. From my family’s presence and social standing, how I approach the job is different compared to most that take office these days. My family has a vested interest in this town, and has ever since its founding over a hundred years ago. My politics are basically to keep the best interest of the town in mind at all times. I see myself as a member of this town, not someone who is just looking to gain power. You should know all this about me, though.”

He leaned against me, worn out, resting his forehead against mine.

“Randall is the type of politician who’s constantly looking to gain power. He thrives on it. Possessing power and fear seem to be his key political platforms. Even though he doesn’t hold an office, he sure holds power over those around him. Do you see the difference I am trying to make? He will do anything to keep his power and force his agenda.”

“I know, but I just…”

A solitary tear ran down my cheek at the thought of this man before me being compared to the monster that was Randall Kirkland—even though I was the one making the comparison.

“You have nothing to fear from me.” He kissed first my bottom lip, then the top one, emphasizing his point. “I want to make you feel how happy you make me. I want to share our lives and bring the greatest joy possible to the woman I love. I want to worship every inch of your body and tell you every day how happy you make me. I need to do those things with you. Not because of you. Do you understand?”

I did. I understood what he meant because it was exactly how I felt whenever we were together. I felt as though we could conquer anything so long as we did it together.

“I do understand, Zack. I understand completely.”

“So, can we go to bed now? It’s late, and I have an early meeting in the morning that I couldn’t put off until next week.”

“Okay.”

He watched me as I took a shirt from his dresser and removed my clothes to prepare for bed.

“I’m okay with you giving me that show every night for the rest of our lives.”

“Really?”

I swayed my hips as his brows shot to his forehead. When I made to remove the covers to get under them, he stopped me by pulling my hand toward him, causing me to be pulled onto the bed and his awaiting chest. Still clothed, he tried to shift to a more comfortable position with me on top of him in nothing but his T-shirt.

“Hey! I thought you wanted to sleep?”

“That was when you were fully clothed. My thoughts have changed.”

“Since when?”

“As of a few moments ago, when I saw your ass showing just beneath my shirt.”

“Oh, really? So what are your plans now?”

“I’m good to forgo the sleep previously discussed to show my woman how much I love and worship her.”

He wiggled his brows, making me laugh. Then he groaned when his pants obviously became unbelievably tight.

“Get up.”

“That didn’t take long. The worshipping over already?”

I rolled onto the other side of the bed so he could get up to remove his clothes, but he balked at my indignation.

“Ha-ha. I’ll show you how long my worshipping takes.”

“Promises, promises.”

With that, he stripped himself bare.