V
Things settled down after our talk with Leon, and so far telling Dylan the truth hadn’t come back on me in any way. I counted down the days until I was able to visit X again, but otherwise life continued as normal.
“Where are you going?” asked Nickie as I grabbed my purse.
“I have an appointment at the doctor’s office at eleven.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just a routine OB check.”
“Can I come?”
I smiled. “Of course. I’d love to have you there.” I should have thought to invite her along. She rarely left the house lately, and I was worried about her. Every time we left the house, something bad happened. She no longer felt safe in this world, and I understood that, though it broke my heart. So much wrong had been done to her, and sometimes I struggled to remember she was eighteen. There were moments when I thought her to be a small child again, and other times when I imagined her to be far older than her years.
“Great. Just give me five, okay?”
She took the stairs two at a time and vanished into her bedroom. I waited until she reappeared, her hair tied back and a dab of lip gloss on her mouth. It was the first time I’d seen her make an effort with her appearance, too. I used to hate how high maintenance she was, but her recent lack of self-grooming had worried me.
We left the house and took the car to drive to the office. I was always cautious now when I left the property, one part of me looking out for any signs that our father was near. As I drove, I constantly checked in the rearview mirror, making sure we weren’t being followed. Perhaps I was paranoid, but with everything that had happened, I figured I had good reason to be.
The OB’s office was in a separate building adjoining the hospital via a glass corridor. We didn’t have to wait long to be called in. I gave the usual samples, and then went to lie down on the bed.
“So, how have you been feeling?” the doctor asked me.
“Not too bad. A little tired. Hungry all the time. But otherwise okay.”
“Excellent. Well, let’s take a look.”
I lay back on the bed, my stomach now making me a silhouette of hills and mountains. The doctor placed cool gel onto my bump, and then used the Doppler to locate the heartbeat. Nicole and I exchanged a smile as the room was filled with the hollow, rapid clip-clops of my baby’s heartbeat.
“Everything’s okay?” I asked the doctor, still nervous that all the stress I’d been through might have affected the baby somehow.
“Yes,” she said with a smile. “Everything looks great.”
I exhaled a sigh of relief.
“It makes it all so real, doesn’t it?” Nicole said, and then, to my surprise and dismay, burst into tears.
I exchanged a glance with the doctor, who quickly wiped the gel off my tummy and pulled down my shirt. “I’ll give you a few minutes,” she said, and left the room.
“Nickie, what is it? What’s wrong?”
I managed to haul my ever-expanding frame upright and pulled my sister to sit down next to me on the bed.
She wiped at her face with her hand. “I don’t want this baby to have the sort of life we’ve had.”
“Neither do I, Nickie. That’s why we’re going to get away from here as soon as X gets out.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s not going to happen.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I can see it already. Even if our father never turns up, you’re going to end up sliding into his shoes. You suit this life, Vee. You thrive on it. How are you ever going to be able to let go?”
“I can, and I will,” I said, taking her hand and looking into her eyes. “I’m only doing this now to get X out. Once he’s free, and the baby is born, I won’t have time for anything else.”
“And what about me?” she said, her voice quiet.
Her question surprised me. “What do you mean?”
“What do I do when the baby is born, and you and X are playing happy families?”
“You’re our family, too, Nickie. You’ll be the baby’s aunt, and you’ll always be my sister. None of that is going to change.”
“You promise?”
“Of course, I promise. After everything we’ve been through, did you really think I was going to just abandon you because I had other people in my life, too? Love isn’t finite, Nickie. There’s plenty to go around.”
We hugged each other hard and the baby kicked between us.
“See,” I laughed. “Bump agrees, too.”
All this time, I’d thought Nicole’s silences and that she’d shut herself away was purely because she’d been worried about our father and mourning Mateo, when in fact she’d been concerned about what was going to happen to her after the baby was born.
I made a promise to myself that I’d make sure Nickie wouldn’t feel pushed out once the baby was here. Even if X was free, I’d always make sure my sister knew there was a place for her in my life, no matter how old we both got.
She was the only real family I had.