“Rachel, we really want you to be there,” my sister Paige moans. “I promised Dylan that you’d be there with me.” She grins.

Moaning, I toss the cushion from the sofa at her. “I don’t feel like going anywhere.” I send a glare her way.

“You’ve been quiet for a few days. Ever since Aunt Lily and Uncle Michael’s party.” She raises a brow in question, which I ignore.

“Rachel!” she demands.

Ever since the party my head and heart have been full of Alexander. I know I should move on with my life, but without him, it doesn’t seem like a life I want. I want to be with him and no one else.

Alexander is a few years older than me and works in the family business, McKenzie Holdings. He’s a trained architect and I’m proud of him and what he’s accomplished. I want the freedom to share all of that with him. To be able to walk into a room on his arm and let everyone know just how proud I am.

Except because of our family we try to live separate lives, which is much easier said than done. I’m coming to the end of my art history study program; my twin sister Paige will be finished too. Our two cousins, Dylan and Jaxon, also attend with us—all with different majors.

My cousin Dylan is on the college ice hockey team along with his best friend, Seth who Paige has trouble ignoring. Seth loves the attention from the ladies and that’s why Dylan always gets bent out of shape when Paige hovers and flirts back with Seth. Perhaps some light entertainment on my sisters’ behalf is what I need.

“Give me ten minutes to make myself look descent,” I say, shoving off of the sofa.

Paige pipes up happily, “You’re really coming?”

I smirk. “I think being around the hockey team will brighten my day.”

Ignoring her, I quickly dress in jeans and a long-sleeved hockey shirt with McKenzie on the back. I struggle and finally get my feet into my brown boots. Grabbing a sweatshirt from the chair in the corner of my room, I meet Paige at the door. “Ready.”

She rolls her eyes and I follow her out of the apartment while I chuckle to myself.

I do need this distraction and I need to make more of an effort. They’re my family and I love them, just not the way I love my cousin Alexander.

Paige wraps her arm around mine, a smile on her face. For twins we are so different; she’s a good two inches taller than me, she’s dark to my light brown hair. Our taste in clothes, food, and music is also different. But at the end of the day she’s my twin and my best friend. She’s well aware of where my heart lies even though we’ve never talked about it openly. Even with her encouragement over talking about Seth, I’ve stayed silent.

“Jaxon’s here.” Paige waves. “Oh, he’s brought a couple of friends.”

I groan when I notice Brad is one of them. He’s not as close to Jaxon as Tom, but Brad makes me a little bit uncomfortable because he always tries to get me alone. I don’t want to give him the wrong idea so sometimes I think I come across as a bitch. I’m not. I only want one man.

“Rachel, you came.” Jaxon gives me a tight hug, and whispers, “Brad hasn’t stopped talking about you.”

My heart sinks.

Jaxon frowns when he catches the dispassionate look on my face. I shake it off. “Forget it,” I mutter, pulling away.

“We need to go or we’ll be late.” Rachel grabs my hand and squeezes.

Sometimes I think she knows me better than anyone.

“I haven’t seen you around recently,” Brad comments, walking beside me.

Turning to look at him, I notice the gentle smile on his face. He’s a confident man, and a handsome one too. He’d make a good boyfriend for Paige instead of the womanizer, Seth, who she has her eyes on.

I answer Brad, “I’ve been tired since new year.” I shrug. “I’m fine now.”

“Good. I missed seeing your smile.” Brad coughs slightly and looks ahead, a slight blush to his cheeks.

Paige chuckles beside me.

Glancing at my sister, I shake my head discreetly.

We arrive late at the rink, but we quickly find seats and while we’re doing that, I watch the ice and notice Seth has seen us arrive. His eyes fix on Paige as Tom grabs her when she loses her balance. Next minute Seth gets shoved into the barrier and goes down.

“Paige.” I nod toward Seth.

It would appear that Paige’s attraction is returned a lot more than I thought. My gaze moves to Dylan as I finally drop down into a seat, and the way he looks between Paige and Seth isn’t good.

I know he wants to protect Paige because he knows exactly how his friend is. Personally, I think the only way is to let Paige and Seth get together and see where it takes them. Perhaps Paige is what he needs to stick with one particular girl. Of course Dylan doesn’t see it like that.

“Dresses,” Jaxon says.

Blinking, I give him my attention. “What did I miss?”

“That’s all he said.” Paige adds.

Jaxon continues, “Mom said to make sure you both have remembered to buy dresses for the wedding.”

“Wedding?” Brad questions.

“Our cousin, Charlotte is getting married soon.” I tell him and then look at Jaxon. “We have our dresses, shoes, and unmentionables.” I grin.

“I didn’t need details.” He shudders, laughing.

Brad says, “I don’t mind hearing about unmentionables,” while looking at me.

My blush deepens so I turn away and watch the game.

Seth and Dylan are supposed to be on the same team, but something seems to have snapped with Dylan. He keeps going after Seth, which gets them both benched.

Beside me Paige goes silent and when I turn to really look at her, I notice the tears hovering on her lashes. She quickly blinks them away.

I slip my hand over hers. “You want to leave?”

She nods.

“We’re leaving.” I notice Jaxon watching us, so I add, “Coach isn’t going to let Dylan back on the ice after he went after Seth.”

“I’ll call you,” Jaxon says, kissing me on the cheek.

Brad is disappointed that I’m leaving and I do feel bad, but I can’t help the way I feel.

Outside in the fresh air, I stare at my sister.

“Why can’t Dylan just leave it alone?” Paige moans. “I’m twenty-one, old enough to make my own decisions.” She starts walking so I follow as she continues ranting, “Dylan is best friends with Seth, and I’m coming between them. I hate that.” She stops and faces me. “Do you think I’m stupid for the way I feel about Seth? Do you think I should give up?”

Inwardly, I groan. “No I don’t think you’re stupid. I also don’t think you should give up. The guy is as into you as you are him. He saw you and got distracted.” I wince. “He took a hit and went down because he was focused on you.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll talk to Dylan because he’s being irrational.” I take my sisters hand. “Don’t let Dylan stop you from being with Seth if that’s what you both want.”

Paige watches me from the corner of her eye. “I wish I had the same advice for you,” she says sadly. “One day Rachel, you’ll find a man who you can’t live without, who can’t live without you. Someone who isn’t—”

Her words hit me like an arrow in the heart.

Instead of shouting about how much I love Alexander, I slip out of her hold and back away from her.

Paige gasps. “Rachel, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean … I don’t know what I meant.” She takes a step toward me.

“I’m already in love with a man I can’t live without.” I turn on a sob and run away.

Unfortunately my legs won’t carry me as far as I’d like and I come to a stop a few blocks over, panting, bent at the waist with my hands on my knees. I’m so out of shape.

I dry my face on the sleeve on my sweatshirt and lift my face up to the sky, breathing in the cold fresh air. Snow is in the air. With a heavy sigh, I turn and head to the apartment I share with Paige.

She’ll be there waiting for me and my outburst won’t be mentioned.

This is my life.