The guys have a show tomorrow night, but everything is a mess. Diesel has yet to return, Lily and Xander are fighting because of me, and I’m hiding out in the master bedroom. I let Sevyn convince me to come back to the bus, but now that I’m back, I don’t feel like I belong here anymore. Everything has changed. I don’t even know if there will be a band to write about now. I look over at Lily curled up in the chair next to the bed. Her face is mere inches from her history textbook, but I doubt she sees any of the words on the page. The sullen look on her face pains me because it’s all my fault. I need to fix this mess, and maybe I can begin with her. I walk over and take a seat on the ottoman before pulling her legs into my lap.
“I hate that you’re fighting with my brother,” I begin. The word brother is strained as it comes out. If it were up to him, I’m sure he’d no longer see us as family. “This is between him and me—”
“He’s being ridiculous. Well, I told him he was a jackass … Those were my exact words. When he returned and found out that you had left, he still refused to see reason. His disregard for your feelings and Diesel’s part in this infuriates me.” She slams the book onto her lap, knitting her eyebrows in frustration. “He yelled at me to stay out of it. He’s not willing to see how unreasonable he’s being. How can he look at you as some groupie who ruined his dreams? I barely know you, and I can see that you don’t give your heart easily.”
“You also know my history, Lily. He doesn’t. He has every right to be pissed at me. His words were more than a little harsh, but considering I may have just ruined any shot for those guys, I deserve it.”
“Nobody deserves that. The name-calling was totally uncalled for. Is this what our future holds? Is this the behavior he’ll resort to when I upset him? I’m rethinking even being on this bus.”
“No! Stay. Give things between you two time to simmer down and then find a way to talk. Don’t let our fight be your fight. He loves you and will need you more than ever to get through this band crisis.”
She doesn’t respond to my plea, but I can see her shoulders drop as the tension dissipates from her body.
“Where is he?” A loud familiar voice cuts through the silence on the other side of the door. It’s Desiree, and I don’t need to see her to know she’s fuming. Between the twin scandal unleashed on television, the fight, and Diesel’s disappearing act, I can’t say I’m at all surprised by her arrival.
“He hasn’t come back,” I hear Keyser speak up. “But we have a plan. Sevyn is going to perform with us tonight.”
I don’t realize I’ve gotten up and put my ear to the door until I feel Lily’s hand on my shoulder.
“Are you fucking insane? This is my ass on the line here. I went out on a limb for you guys with the label.”
“He’s just as talented as Diesel is. He can he even hit a few notes that Diesel can’t. It’s not a permanent solution … just one until we can sort this mess out,” Gable offers.
Xander has yet to weigh in on the conversation. I don’t even know if he’s still on the bus.
“I volunteered to help, ma’am. The media is slaughtering my brother and me over our plans to take over my father’s company. I think proceeding with the tour will show that we’re not as affected as some are hoping.”
Desiree mumbles something unintelligible.
“It’s not the best scenario, but it’s the best one we’ve got for now,” Gable insists.
“I need to hear him sing. I can’t put my reputation on the line for a subpar substitution because he and Diesel share a face. I’d rather cancel tonight’s show and deal with the fallout than jeopardize all that I’ve worked for.”
Silence falls on the other side of the bus once again. I’m waiting for Sevyn to show her what he’s got, but it’s in vain.
“This isn’t an audition, doll. I volunteered to help, but I’m not gonna jump through hoops to prove I’m worthy. You decide.”
“Gah. You’re definitely cocky like your brother … whatever. You better not make the guys look bad. You get one shot at this.”
“To the contrary—”
“Let’s find the nearest studio and get some practice in,” I hear Gable suggest, cutting Sevyn off. “We’re going to be better than good.”
“What’s wrong with a rehearsal on the bus?” Xander finally speaks up.
“Just think it’ll do us all some good to get off this bus for a while on neutral ground.”
Xander grumbles but doesn’t fight him on the idea. I pull my ear from the door and head to the bathroom for a shower. I don’t know if Lily plans to follow them out, but the farther Xander and I stay away from each other, the better.
I undress and step into the shower, letting the hot water massage away the tension in my muscles. My prune-like fingers remind me I’ve been under the now cool stream longer than I realized. Sure that everyone is gone by now, I wrap a towel around me and head back into the bedroom, but find Xander sitting in the chair Lily had occupied earlier. I try to head back to the bathroom, but he stops me with one word—literally.
“Stop.”
I freeze, but my back is to him. I refuse to see the hate in the depths of his eyes. His voice alone is telling.
“What’s up?” I ask coolly although I’m anything but.
“Look,” he begins. “The mess you’ve caused is unforgivable, but I’m not willing to throw away what I have with Lily on top of it all.” He lets out a frustrating breath before he continues. “She is threatening to leave the bus, saying she is disappointed with how I handled things with you—someone I love.”
“Give me a couple of days to find a place to go, and I’ll be out of your hair. I won’t go back to the dorms to try to stay with Brooke. It’s not allowed.”
“Absolutely not. You made your bed, and now you get to lay in it. If you leave, Lily will be right behind you. She only agreed to stay because another female was on the bus. You owe me at least that. Don’t fuck up my relationship too!”
“So I’m just supposed to stay on this bus, knowing you hate me?”
“I can be civil for Lily’s sake. And if Diesel comes back, I don’t give a shit what the two of you do. It’s no longer my problem. Just stay out of my way, capisce?”
“Fine,” I utter, but he is already walking out the door. He didn’t try to refute he hated me—he’s just willing to be civil—which just shows how weak that bond truly was. I pull my duffle bag off the floor to search for something to put on, willing these stupid tears not to fall for the hundredth time. I manage to slip on joggers and a T-shirt before Lily barges in. I climb into bed, not really wanting the company. I have to put my pretend face on, though, hoping she doesn’t see through my agony. Aside from my mom and Brooke, Xander was my family.
“Xander told me you guys worked things out,” Lily stated hopefully.
“Yeah. He apologized and agreed to let me live my life how I see fit. He just wants the best for me.” The lies that roll off my tongue so easily surprises even me. She eyes me suspiciously, looking for any indication I’m being less than honest.
“That’s good. I had hoped he’d come around.” She climbs onto the bed to sit a few feet from me. “Why the somebody kicked my puppy look then?”
“It’s Diesel. I don’t know what he and Sevyn talked about, but he’s somewhere out there all alone dealing with this on his own.” Okay, so this admission is partly true, at least.
“Oh, I know what you mean. I don’t know either, but I hope he comes back soon. And then from your conversation with Xander, it sounds like he’ll no longer be an obstacle for you two.”
“Yeah. That is if he’s even still interested in having anything with me. He made it sound like I was part of the problem.”
“Girl, have you forgotten that song he practically sang to you in front of everyone? Those kinds of feelings just don’t disappear easily. He’ll try to get back in your good graces when he returns. Just don’t make it too easy for him.” She giggles.
I could have pointed out how quickly my own brother—well, stepbrother—turned on me, but I let that disheartening fact slide.
“Are you joining the guys?”
“Meh. They already left. Xander had them stick around long enough to talk with you. That was a long shower. I had time to make a snack and eat it,” she points out, giggling.
So apparently the lies roll off his tongue equally as well. Everyone thinks he’s called a truce when he’s only demanded I stay on the bus to pretend we’re okay for the sake of his relationship. I don’t know this version of him at all. He’s always been the caring, attentive person I could count on, but now any trace of that guy is gone.
“Yeah, the hot water was a little too relaxing. I thought everyone had already left.”
“Figure I’d give them a break away from the estrogen. If they wanted to be around us, they could’ve rehearsed on the bus. That just means some girl time for us. I have some new release movies if you’re interested.”
I jump out of bed with more enthusiasm than I feel. “You pick a movie, and I’ll pop the popcorn.”
“Ooh, can you make Rice Krispies treats? I bought the marshmallows and Rice Krispies after Xander raved about how well you make them but haven’t got around to asking you.”
“Sure. It’s no secret recipe or anything special.” I laugh. “Just lots of butter.” Maybe a girls’ night is just what I need. Something to get lost in besides my own chaotic life.
Lily ends up picking Wonder Woman—not a super new release, but neither of us have seen it yet. I sit cross-legged on the floor with our snacks while she cues the movie.
“I see you bought Coke too. I forgot about the soda. Can’t get a sugar high without the soda,” she muses.
“Yeah, except that’s special soda.” She takes a sip, and her entire face scrunches.
“That’s strong as shit. What is it?”
“It’s my good friend Jack. We’re working on getting better acquainted, starting tonight.”
Lily takes another smaller sip this go-round. “Jack needs more Coke.”
“Here, you wuss,” I chide, passing her the Coke bottle. “I’m chasing mind-numbing effects here, so I need more Jack.” She pours a little of her drink into my cup, so she can dilute her own with more soda.
The movie begins, and I can already feel myself relaxing. I may have just found my solution to dealing with Xander. So what if it’s in the bottom of a liquor bottle? Moderation is key. I’m still holding out hope that our pretend truce can evolve into a real one. Until then, I will stay out of his way just as he’s asked.
A few times during the movie, my mind drifts to Diesel, but I don’t have a solution for him yet. Partly because I don’t know what to expect once he returns. Will he return? What’s going to happen with their father’s company? Will that crisis put more strain on the group? I don’t know anything. Lily gives me some comfort, but what happens when she’s back up Xander’s butt? For now, I’ll just focus on working on their story for my novel. I’m counting on Jack and my work to get me through this initial uncertainty at least.