Chapter Four
Bree
All I could think about was the dust on my dashboard. I hadn't washed my little used car since I bought it. Why bother when I didn't have a garage? But I at least tried to keep it tidy inside. I vowed to wipe the dashboard clean the next time we stopped for gas.
Not that Nathan noticed. He had told me repeatedly that he would be fine hitchhiking. He said he might do odd jobs around town to earn the money for a bus ticket. Not that I didn't like the idea of him sticking around for a while, but I waved away all his excuses and other ideas. I wanted an adventure, and he had somewhere he needed to be.
We headed south toward the Kansas/Oklahoma border, and I had the strongest urge to just keep driving until I could see the ocean. A wild thought told me that after I dropped Nathan at the Coronado base, I could keep going to California.
The only problem with that plan was I knew all too well how reality would find me anywhere. Soon the weight would settle back on top of me. It was only when I was with Nathan that I felt light and free.
"Are you sure you don't mind missing work?" Nathan asked again. "Don't they need you at the diner?"
I snorted, unable to stop the unladylike sound. "They wouldn't need me at all if Janice ever did any work. I mean, I appreciate the job, but it's not like I'm staking my career on the Kansas Cookery."
"So, you'll still have a job when you get back to town?" Nathan asked.
I scrunched up my nose at the thought of returning so soon. "Yeah, it's fine. I told them I had a family emergency and I wasn't sure how long I'd be gone."
Nathan finally seemed to notice my eagerness for the open road. "Have you taken any time off since you started working at the diner?"
"Not even half a day. It's not like it's paid leave when you work at a place like that," I said.
"Well, that's one perk the Navy gives us, I guess." Nathan tried but could not stretch out his long legs in my small, economy car.
"I don't know why I haven't taken any time," I confessed. "I have enough money stashed away. There was just never anything good to do, you know?"
Nathan nodded. "I know how you feel. Sometimes when I'm on leave, all I can think about is when I'll get the chance to suit up and get into the cockpit again."
"So, is that why you joined the SEALs?" I asked, glad the conversation was finally veering toward my mysterious passenger.
He leaned his head back against the head rest and smiled for a moment. "Those missions. A concrete goal. It was the only work I was really cut out for. My father expected it and I didn’t want to disappoint.”
I couldn't imagine the imposing father who would have raised someone as strong and confident as Nathan, but I could imagine Nathan defying him toe-to-toe. "I’m surprised you didn’t go into the Army."
Nathan sat up again with a grin. "Honestly, I went into the Navy because I wanted to help people, be able to reach the people who really needed us. Pissing off my father was just an added bonus."
"That's how I felt about nursing," I confessed. "I always had this knack of seeing people who were hurting and I wanted to be able to help them. I used to fantasize about being able to walk down the street, see someone in pain, and know exactly what to do to help them."
"Not animals?" Nathan asked, nodding at a herd of cows. "Don't most little kids start out thinking they'll be veterinarians?"
"I suppose," I said, "but I, uh, saw this really horrible car accident on the news when I was young. I just wanted to jump into the television, pull those people from the wreckage, and be able to stop them from dying. Or at least ease their pain."
I bit my lip and pushed back the wave of sorrow I knew was coming. Every time I talked about my parents' fatal car accident, I couldn't quite admit it had happened to my family. As if holding it at arm’s length would make it any less painful.
Then it felt like a smooth spiral I had fallen down too many times before: my parents' death, the overwhelming desire to become a nurse, and the heavy realization that I had to quit college to take care of my sister.
My hands jerked on the steering wheel, thinking of my sister, but Nathan didn't notice.
He had pulled out the photograph of the young girl. "At least ease their pain," he murmured, echoing what I’d said.
"You think she needs your help?" I asked.
Nathan looked at me then out the windshield. "Why else would I have this? And, look at her, if this photograph doesn't show someone who needs help, then I have no idea what need looks like."
"Maybe you already helped her," I pointed out. "I mean, you don't remember, so why not think positive?"
"I know that's not true." Nathan shook his head and pressed a fist to his chest. "I feel in here that it’s not right. She needs help and either I failed her or I've forgotten what I was trying to do for her."
I pulled the car over to the side of the road. There wasn't much traffic, so as soon as I turned off the engine and pulled out the keys we were enveloped in quiet. Nathan turned to me, wondering if something was wrong, and I caught his closest hand in my mine.
"So, all you know for certain is that you are bound to this little girl somehow. Either you want to help her or you already were but got detoured." I put my other hand on top of his. "And now you can't stop thinking about her because you can feel she is unfinished business."
"And that doesn't sound crazy to you?" Nathan asked.
I shook my head. "It sounds like fate. No matter what you do, you know that you should be helping her."
"What I should be doing is returning to Coronado. I know they've noticed my disappearance and something like that is not taken lightly by my squadron commander." Nathan pulled his hand free from mine and rubbed his palms nervously up and down his thighs.
"But once you get back on base, you'll have to forget about the little girl. You won't be able to get leave again to go find her." I picked up the car keys and fidgeted with them.
Nathan ran both hands through his hair. "I could be in a world of hurt. They're not going to listen to my memory-lapse story. They're going to say I went AWOL. I'm looking at a court martial. The least my commander will do is revoke my flight time."
"So, why go back?" I asked.
He balled his fingers into fists. "I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. There are doctors and psychiatrists on base who might be able to help me retrieve my memory. They might be the only ones who can help. But they are also the ones who don't have to listen to a word I say. I broke the rules; now I have to pay."
I shook my head. "What about the clinic in Topeka? Can't they attest to you waking up with no memory of the missing time? Won't your commander listen to that?"
"Maybe, maybe not," Nathan said. "Either way, I'm on my own."
I laid on the horn and made Nathan jump in his seat. "Excuse me? What am I, some taxi driver?"
Nathan smiled. "Listen, Bree, I appreciate all this, but I don't want you to get tangled up in all my craziness."
"I could use a little more crazy in my life," I said. "The craziest it gets around the diner is all-you-can-eat mozzarella sticks. So, say what you want but you are not on your own."
"You're with me?" Nathan asked. "You want to be with me?"
I kissed him. One second, he was looking at me like I was the crazy one and the next I was leaned across the console. At first, I just pressed my lips to his, trying to gauge his response. He didn't pull away, so I eased deeper into the kiss.
Then Nathan started to kiss me back. His hands drifted up to my shoulders, and he pulled me insistently closer. I had one thigh on the console, almost tipping entirely into his lap, when we both broke loose for a breath.
He met my eyes, and I couldn't move. I wanted to go forward, get closer to him, and feel another wave of hot excitement. Nathan's gaze dropped to my lips, then down to my breasts, and I knew he wanted the same.
I waited, feeling his gaze like a warm caress. When he finally trailed up my neck and back to my face, I kissed him again.
"What if I want to be with you?" I whispered against his lips.
"What if I don't want to go back to the base?" Nathan replied.
The questions hung unanswered as our lips explored. My breath came in heavy bursts, met with equal hot pants from Nathan. Flashes from the previous night’s near-consummation sizzled across my mind, and I wondered if there was room for me to slide into his lap.
Nathan seemed to have the same idea. His hand slipped down from my shoulder and paused on my side. His thumb moved forward, teasing across the swell of my breast, and I arched into the tingling touch.
"So maybe we're both crazy." Nathan's voice was ragged against my lips.
"Depends on where we're going," I said.
Nathan pulled back, breaking the trance of the kiss. He studied my face for a long time before he nodded. Then he let go of me and settled back into his car seat.
There was nothing I could do but return to the driver's seat and put the key in the ignition. I fired up the engine and turned the car around.
Good thing I gave work an open-ended excuse because it looked like I was going to be gone a lot longer than a week.