Chapter Fourteen

PAIGE

––––––––

I woke up slowly. I could feel a warm body against my back and a slightly heavy arm around my hips pulling me tight against that body. I could also feel something poking into my thigh and smiled sleepily as I pushed back into it.

I heard Jay groan behind me and his hand moved from my hip to my stomach as he pulled me against his morning wood.

It was at that moment I realized he was touching bare skin. My bare skin.

“Oh god.” I stiffened, trying to pull away from him.

“Paige, sweetheart.” He held me tighter and pressed his lips against my shoulder. “It’s okay. I’ve seen it.”

I was frozen. My mind was going a million miles a second trying to piece together last night. I remembered laying on my bed, Jules coming in, then Jay. We talked, then took a shower together. Fuck. I’d let him undress me. How could I be so careless?

“Baby, please relax.” He kissed my shoulder again and waited as I forced my body to calm down. He hadn’t run screaming last night and his hand was still gently pressed against my scar. He obviously wasn’t disgusted with me.

After a moment he rolled me over onto my back and leaned up on his elbow as he looked down at me with understanding in his eyes.

“Tell me a secret,” he said softly.

“That guy I told you about...”

“It’s okay, Paige. You can tell me everything.”

“He got me pregnant.” I pulled in a shaky breath and tried to calm the adrenaline coursing through my body. There were only two people who knew the entire story. Alex had lived it with me, and Jules had coaxed it out of me when she’d walked in on me changing one day.

“Go on.” He lay back down next to me, pulling me up against his chest as he rubbed my back. I was grateful I didn’t have to look into his eyes as I told him what I’d been through.

“I don’t know if I was in denial or if I really didn’t see the signs, but I was almost four months along before I realized I needed to take a test.”

“It’s okay,” he said soothingly as he massaged the base of my scalp.

“I didn’t tell anyone other than Alex until I couldn’t hide it anymore. I didn’t really start showing until I was five months, and by the time I hit six there was no way I could blame it on weight gain or stress eating.

“I told my parents and they flipped out. They were so angry, not just that I was pregnant at sixteen, but because it was so late along. To this day I’m not sure if they were mad I hid it for a month, or that it was too late to ‘take care of it’, as I heard them discussing one night when they thought I couldn’t hear them.

“I told Tanner, the father, and he freaked out. He said there was no way it could be his, that I had to have been fucking around on him. But the dates matched to just before he broke up with me, and he knew damn well there wasn’t anyone else. His dad is a lawyer and he had Tanner sign away his parental rights. My parents agreed and because we were both underage he walked away and I was still pregnant.”

“I can’t believe he would walk away from you like that.”

“I was just a lay. He didn’t care about me. All he saw was his life being ruined and his parents were no better than mine.”

“So I’m assuming you don’t have a little one at home,” he prompted gently when I paused.

For some reason telling Jay wasn’t as hard as I’d thought it would be. I didn’t know if it was how he was holding me, being so understanding, or just him.

“I gave her up for adoption.”

“Her?”

“Yeah. I had a little girl.” I bit my lip and hugged him a bit tighter. “My parents threatened to disown me. They said if I kept her I could leave and never look back. I was terrified. I was sixteen, almost seventeen and there was no way I could look after a baby by myself, especially homeless. So, I got in touch with an agency and I started meeting parents.

“The first couple I met with were perfect. I clicked with them as soon as they walked into the room. When I talked with them I could see how in love they were and how desperately they wanted a baby. They had a great life, they were financially stable and were really down to earth.”

“And you picked them?”

“I did. I met with four other sets of parents but I didn’t feel that same pull. They were a gay couple, and I don’t mean this in a bad way, but I knew how wanted she was and how much they’d love her.”

“Because there’s no way they could have their own?”

“Yeah, is that terrible of me to think that?”

“Not at all.” He kissed my temple and put his cheek on the top of my head. “Other than surrogacy there’s really no other way for a gay couple to have kids, so you knew they really wanted to be parents if they were going through an adoption.”

“Exactly what I was thinking, and they were really wonderful people.”

“Were?”

“One of the conditions of the adoption was that it be closed. They offered to make it open so I could get letters and updates, even visits, but I couldn’t handle that. I asked for photos just after birth and then on her first birthday, but no return address and no contact after that. The thought of seeing her, learning about her when I couldn’t be part of her life was too hard, and I’m not her mom. I gave birth to her but she’s their daughter.”

“That had to be so hard.”

“It was, but I know I did the right thing.”

“I imagine the birth wasn’t easy. My mom had the same scar from Jax and I. Apparently we both tried to be born first and they had to do a C-section on her. I’m older, by the way. I started life a winner.”

I giggled in spite of myself. Jay always knew how to make me feel better.

“No, it wasn’t. It started out fine, but after almost two hours of pushing her heartrate dropped so suddenly they had to do an emergency one. When they pulled her out she wasn’t breathing—” My voice cracked and Jay gave me an encouraging squeeze. “There was a problem with the placenta and it caused trouble for both of us.”

“What do you mean?”

“It tore, which is why she was in distress, and I started hemorrhaging. They stopped the bleeding and got her breathing again, but I had to go to recovery after and...”

“Paige?”

“My parents were legally allowed to make medical decisions for me because I was underage, and with the adoption going on they...they...” I pulled in a deep breath and forced the words out, desperately trying to hold in my tears. “They signed the baby over to her new parents while I was recovering. I never got a chance to hold her or say goodbye, she was just gone.”

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

“I know I did the right thing, and while I regret getting pregnant I don’t regret giving her up. I just wish I’d had some form of closure, just one minute to tell her I loved her and was doing this to give her a better life. I just wanted to see my baby, but by the time I was awake and coherent she was gone.”

“I’m so sorry.” He held me even closer and I breathed in his comforting and familiar scent. “I’m so sorry you had to go through any of that. But why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I never tell anyone. I’m ashamed and embarrassed.”

“By how it looks?”

“Yes, but also by how stupid I was.”

“Paige?”

“I was a teen mom, even if it was only in theory. I was supposed to be an honor student, top of my class, but I was dumb enough to let some jock with a great smile go without a condom because I didn’t want to drive him away. It was my fault.”

“It was his fault for not wearing one. It was his fault for walking away and leaving you to do everything. He’s the reason you had to go through this. You had a part in it but most of the blame is on him for being a dickwad.”

“Dickwad?” I laughed against his chest. “I haven’t heard that one in a long time.”

“Well, an ass of that calibre deserves one of the classics.”

“Thank you for being so understanding.”

“Paige.” He pulled far enough away from me so he could look into my eyes. “You never have to thank me for accepting you the way you are. Your past, your scar, it’s all brought you to me, made you the incredible woman I fell in love with. Every part of you is beautiful.”

“You...you love me?”

I couldn’t believe it. Jay loved me?

“Yes, I love you. I loved you before you told me, and I love you even more now that you’ve trusted me.”

I felt like I was floating and falling at the same time. Jay loved me. The man I was in love with loved me too. Even knowing what he did, seeing all of me the way he had, he loved me.

“I love you too,” I said, a smile breaking out on my face. “I love you so much.”

“Me too, baby.” He bent his head and gave me a long, deep kiss that made my head spin and almost took my breath away.

“Oh, Jay.” I sighed as his lips left mine and trailed down my neck and then over my collarbone. When his kisses trailed over my breast and paused I bit my lip in anticipation.

The moment his wet mouth closed over my nipple I cried out, arching into him. As he licked and teased me, his other hand moved up and he gently tweaked and toyed with the other one, and I thought I was going to burst.

“God, Jay.” I ran my fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face so I could watch him as he teased me. Almost as though he could sense me looking at him, he opened his eyes and the look in them was so tender and sweet, but also filled with passion and lust.

He released my nipple and continued to trail kisses down my body. My first instinct was to move away from him so his lips wouldn’t touch my loose skin, but I took a deep breath and stayed where I was.

His kisses rained down on the one part of my body I was usually so ashamed of, but the gentleness and tenderness he was showing me put me at ease. I didn’t even flinch as he ran the tip of his tongue over my scar as he moved even lower on my body, and when he was settled between my legs I wasn’t embarrassed or scared anymore.

Jay accepted my body the way it was, scarred and different, and he loved me. It was time I start doing the same, and realize that there was nothing to be ashamed of. I’d been through something hard and I’d come out the other end a stronger person. I might have a permanent reminder of it, but that didn’t mean I had to let it control me. It was time to let it go.

“Oh, god!” I gasped as he ran his tongue up my slit, teasing me, before slipping two fingers inside me so he could stroke my G-spot as his tongue moved back up to my clit.

“Oh god. Jay.”

My hands fisted in his hair as he swirled his tongue over me. There was no teasing or toying today. At that moment it was as though he was trying to give me the most amount of pleasure possible, to help me reach my orgasm and feel that incredible burst of ecstasy. It was amazing.

“Yes...god yes, baby. Just like that!”

My legs were shaking, my breaths were coming out in panting gasps and I was right there on the edge of release. I just needed another few seconds and I’d hit it.

“God!” I cried out, my body bucking as my muscles contracted.

Jay moved up my body, playing over me as he reached down to place himself at my opening. I was still feeling the residual pleasure from my orgasm as he pushed into me, and when he was fully sheathed in my channel another jolt of pleasure shot through me.

“I love you, Paige,” he said softly, staring down at me as he held himself inside my body.

“I love you too, Jay.”

He bent to give me a soft kiss as he began to move. This time there was no urgency or desperate need. Every stroke felt incredible and sent a wave of pleasure through me, but it was his face I was focused on.

His forehead was pressed against mine, his lips parted and his eyes open as he looked down at me.

Jay and I’d had a lot of sex, but this was the first time we were making love. It wasn’t about the physical pleasure, it was about the emotional connection, and I’d never felt so loved and cherished than I did at that moment.

“I’m getting close,” he warned me. “Are you?”

“Almost.” I gasped, nodding slightly.

“Come with me, baby. I want to feel you.”

“Yes, I’m almost there!”

I felt his cock pulse slightly and that movement was enough to send me over the edge. We came together, a mess of sweaty limbs and quiet cries, and when it was over he leaned over me so he could hold me tight.

I don’t know how long we stayed that way, but by the time he pulled away his cock was soft, the cool air in the room had given me a chill, and I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my chest.

“So, I think we might have moved past the whole fuck buddies thing.” He pulled away so he could look down at me, his eyes twinkling as a smile tugged at his lips.

“Yeah, I’d say we passed that a long time ago.” I grinned and tucked his hair behind his ears so I could see every inch of his gorgeous face.

“I guess we can call each other boyfriend and girlfriend now, right?”

“Yes, I think those titles are much better.”

“Good.” He gave me a quick kiss and flopped over onto his side, pulling me with him so I could cuddle up against him. “You know you’re going to have to meet my parents.”

“I figured as much.”

“Up for taking a day trip during spring break? We can ask Matt and Avery to come too.”

“Sounds good. Oh, I’m going to have a houseguest for the summer.”

“Oh yeah? Who?”

“Alex. He needs to get away from my parents for a bit so I invited him to stay with me.”

“I look forward to meeting him, and seeing him all the time.”

“All the time?”

“Well, he’s your brother and I’m your boyfriend, it only makes sense we team up against you.”

“Oh no.” I laughed and looked up at him. “Not happening.”

“Sorry, it’s the brother code. We have to annoy the shit out of our siblings. It’s in the code, can’t be changed.”

“Is that so?”

“That’s so.” He nodded gravely. “So I guess we’re going to have to figure out a way where we can all spend the summer together.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say I’m hoping Jax can survive living on his own, or having us for roommates.”

“Oh, so I’m just going to move in with you because you said so?”

“No, you’re going to move in with me because I love you so damn much I don’t want to spend any more time apart than is absolutely necessary.”

“I can get behind that.”

“I hope your brother is a deep sleeper, Jules too. You know you’re kind of a screamer, right?” He winked and I just shook my head.

“I only scream because you make everything feel so good. The day I stop screaming is the day your skills have disappeared.”

He laughed and kissed the tip of my nose before reaching out to take my hand in his. “Then I’ll make it my personal life’s mission to make sure you scream all the damn time.”

“I am one lucky lady.”

“And I’m the luckiest bastard out there.”

He pulled my hand so it was resting on his hardening cock. It would seem he was almost ready to go again.

“How about you lay back, let me suck you until you have to beg me to stop because you’re so close, and you can make me scream all you want.”

“Deal.” He grinned and then gasped as I slowly started stroking him.

After a moment I slid under the sheet and settled between his legs. His dick was standing at attention and begging to be sucked, and I licked my lips as I lowered my mouth to him.

“Fuck, you’re good at that.”

I couldn’t answer on account of having his dick in my mouth. Instead I hummed my appreciation and smiled around his cock as he cried out.

It was true my parents had cut me off and I was most likely going to lose my scholarship and have to take extra classes to switch majors, but none of that mattered.

All I cared about was Jay and how he made me feel. There would be plenty of time to freak out over all of that later. We both had things we needed to let go of, but I knew we’d always be there for each other and we’d get through it together.

I might not be living the perfect life and I certainly wasn’t immune to messy situations, but I was luckiest damn girl in the world to have found Jay. I found a man who could love all of me, and someone I loved more than I ever thought possible.

Nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy, except being with Jay. Being with him was natural and felt so right. And while we weren’t perfect people, we were perfect together.