Mina
Nas and Sasha greeted us at the door, hoping to get some Lidiya love, but sadly, she’d fallen asleep in the car.
Mirella took her to her room to nap in peace, and Sasha hugged his brother, clapping him on the back tightly. “Everything okay?”
Lev sighed. “Yeah. I think so.”
Nas asked gently, “What happened?”
Lev looked down at me before turning to his brother and sister. “Irina swallowed a bunch of pills.” He huffed out a breath. “Left a note saying I’m sorry.”
Nas gasped softly and Sasha’s brow furrowed. “She killed herself?”
Lev nodded. “Yeah, the cops aren’t treating her death as suspicious, so I guess, yeah, she did.”
Sasha got down to the main point. “And Lidiya?”
Lev sighed tiredly. “She’s home for good.”
Nas smiled sadly at that. “I know you wanted her home, but I’m sure you didn’t want her to come home this way.” She wrapped her arms around Lev’s waist. “I’m sorry, Lev.”
He gave her a light squeeze. “Thanks.”
When Nas released him, Sasha squeezed his shoulder. “We got you. You need anything, you let us know.”
With their kind offer, they left, and taking Lev by the hand, I led him upstairs to our bedroom, locking the door behind us. I pulled Lev toward the bed and he took the hint, lying down. I curled into his side and waited.
He stroked my side a long while before he whispered, “I thought I killed her.”
I kissed his tee-covered chest and spoke softly, “You didn’t, sweetie.”
“I know,” he drew in an unsteady breath, “but I thought I did.”
I didn’t respond. He’d tortured himself enough over the passed twenty-four hours. It was haunting him that he could have been the cause of Irina’s death. He needed time to come to grips with the fact that he didn’t do anything wrong.
And I would be there, even in silence, if that was what he needed.
A week passed rather quickly.
Under the unforeseen circumstances, Sasha decided to close the club up until the following Thursday, re-opening next Friday, giving us all time with our little Lidi bear.
She had adjusted well, if the shrieking giggles were anything to go by. We all fought for her attention, but the place she seemed most comfortable was in Lev’s arms, just watching the world from way up high.
The change in Lev was incredible.
He was smiling more, laughing more, and not even just at Lidiya, at everyone. My sweet man was trying hard to be the daddy Lidiya deserved, but Lev was Lev. He was special that way, and one day, I knew Lidiya would see him for the man he was.
Bunches of flowers started to arrive at the house. Letters of condolences followed. Igor Alkaev politely asked Lev to attend Irina’s funeral, but Lev respectfully declined. He told the man, “I’m sorry for your loss, Igor, but let’s not pretend here. Irina made my life hell in any way she could. I’m sorry she’s dead, but I won’t be coming to her funeral. Neither will Lidiya.”
It was a sad moment, but I was proud of him.
Igor asked Lev if he and his wife would be able to see Lidiya on occasion, and Lev told him he would need to think about it. We spoke about it at length, and Lev called Igor back to tell him that if they wanted to see Lidiya, they would have to come to the house and do so under Lev’s supervision. The old man was offended at the offer and hung up on Lev.
Two hours later, his wife called back and accepted the offer.
We understood they were grieving, but after all the shit they pulled, they were lucky Lev was offering even that. Igor Alkaev did not deserve to see Lidiya, but we both understood they genuinely loved Lidiya, and she should not be punished because their families didn’t get along. The fact Lev was giving them an opportunity to see her at all was a miracle, in my opinion.
I walked into the living room, smiling wide at the sound of Lidiya’s wild laughter. I found her on the floor, kicking through her laughter, with Sasha noisily pretending to eat her belly. “Stop, Asha!” she cried through her mirth. “No mo! No mo!”
It was hilarious to see a man in a suit reduced to this.
Sasha lifted his head. “No more? Are you sure? Because I’m still hungry.”
Another peal of giggles. “No mo. No. Asha pay a me?” she asked as she stood up and ran to the corner, where I set up her tea set.
Sasha checked his watch. “Baby, I would love to play with you, but I need to go.” He walked over to her. “Come here.”
Lidiya was already holding her arms up. I watched from the door as Sasha lifted her and cuddled her tight, holding a hand at the back of her head tenderly. “I love you,” he told her quietly.
She pulled back, puckering her pouty lips. “Kiss?”
Sasha smiled, smacking a loud kiss to her lips before putting her down. “Bye, princess. Be good.”
She sat on the carpet, waving in that way an almost three-year old did, up and down and super floppy. I smiled at Sasha as he went past. He jerked his chin at me and let himself out.
I walked into the room and sat by Mirella. “How are you doing?” I asked quietly.
She let out a long sigh. “I’m doing okay.” She was clearly lying.
“You need a break,” I told her honestly. “You’re exhausted.”
She shook her head, but her mouth betrayed her by yawning. “I’m fine.”
I stood, pulling her up by her arm. “Go. Shoo. Get some sleep. And don’t you dare come down until tomorrow morning. You’re off duty.”
She smiled, blinking tiredly. “If you’re sure…”
“I’m sure,” I uttered, gently pushing her out the door. “Now scoot.”
Mirella shuffled down the hall to her room and closed the door behind her. It was nice having her around, but the poor woman needed a break every now and again. It was only natural that she was bound to succumb to fatigue.
Lidiya pulled on my hand, and smiling, I reached down to pick up my chubby bubby. “Hey, you,” I said, smacking a kiss to the plump cheek. “You want to play with me?”
“Pay a me, Eena.” She kicked her little legs, trying to get down. I chuckled and let her feet touch the ground. She ran to the tea set and I followed. She poured pretend tea and we ate pretend cookies, and she said the same thing she’d been saying for a whole week.
“Mama sweeping.”
It broke my heart every damn time. My expression sad, I repeated gently, “Yes, baby. Mama’s sleeping.”
How did you explain to a two-year-old that her mother was dead?
You didn’t. It was distressing enough as it was that she would be permanently separated from Irina, and regardless of how many times I had been told Irina was a bad mother, I was sure Lidiya didn’t see it that way. I liked to believe Lidiya loved her mother. Children were funny that way. When they gave an emotion, they gave it all. I wanted to believe that even Irina was not immune to her daughter’s love.
Lidiya soon got sick of playing and grabbed her blankie, throwing her thumb into her mouth. She approached me like it was no big deal to come on over and curl up on my lap, her legs dangling and her head resting on my chest.
I loved these moments, where it was just me and Lidi, where she gave that love so freely, almost as if she knew I needed it. I knew she wasn’t my daughter by blood, but she was the daughter of my heart.
Ten minutes passed, and the little angel was definitely asleep with all dangly limbs. I kissed her forehead and held her tight. I didn’t need any more than this.
I whispered into her hair, “I would have given anything to have a child like you, my Lidi. I’m glad you’re home.”
From behind me, in the open doorway, came, “You want children?”
Turning my head, I saw Lev standing there, a soft expression on seeing his two favorite girls. I smiled. “I love kids.” I quickly added, “I thought you were meant to be working, mister.”
He leaned his tall body against the wall. “I find myself distracted.”
I understood. Lev’s attempt to bury himself in Bleeding Hearts’ books was not working.
“Come here,” I told him.
He didn’t hesitate. I knew what he needed.
Once he was seated next to me on the sofa, I gently passed Lidiya over to him. The chubby little girl was hefted effortlessly onto Lev’s lap. She snuffled in her sleep, but quickly got comfortable on her father. He breathed a sigh of relief and pressed soft kisses into her hair.
He loved her so damn much. I found myself getting choked up over it.
Resting his cheek on her little head, he turned to me. “I make a good kid, if you’re interested,” he finished with a smile.
I chuckled and shook my head at his terrible joke. My smile wavered, as I knew it was time to bring up something I had been dreading. I’d been holding it in for a full week. It felt cheap to bring it up after Irina had died.
“Lev, sweetie,” I started, “I need to ask you something, and I need you to not get angry with me about it, okay?”
He frowned, rocking Lidiya. “Okay.”
My mouth dry, I tried to explain the quick way. “Alessio found the Petersons for me.” From the way his body stiffened, I had my answer. But I had to ask. “I need to know if you found them first. I need to know if you lied to me.”
Disappointment flooded me when he responded quietly, “I wasn’t ready for you to see them.” He went on, “I wasn’t ready for you to leave me.”
My eyes closing, I uttered a gentle, “I love you, Lev, but this…this was not about you.” My eyes prickled behind my closed lids. “I begged you to find them. You told me you would. Knowing I could have seen them over a month ago…it hurts.”
“I’m sorry,” he said in that robotic tone of his.
My eyes snapped open. “I don’t think you are.” I shook my head. “I think you’re sorry you got caught.” I stood and spoke gently, “I’m going to see them this week, and I’m taking Alessio with me. Don’t try to stop me.” I paused a moment. “I’m pissed at you, baby.” There was no heat in my saying that, only disappointment.
He blinked up at me, almost as if my quietly spoken statement shocked him. He repeated with more feeling, “I’m sorry, Mina.”
My voice flat, I walked out of the living room, muttering, “So am I.”
He found me lying on our bed an hour later, staring up at the ceiling.
My frustration was there, evident, but I wasn’t going to make Lev drown in it. That wasn’t my style. I forced a smile. “Hey. Where’s the princess?”
His eyes didn’t meet mine. “Nas stole her away.”
I checked the time on my phone. “She’s going to be hungry soon.”
“Yeah. Nas is keeping her for dinner. Ada made spaghetti.” He sighed, stepping into the room. “I need you to understand something about me.” I waited carefully. He opened his arms wide and stated, “I’m selfish.”
My brow bunched. “No, you’re not. You’re not selfish at all.”
His jaw tight, he sat on the edge of the bed and nodded. “I am. And I’m ruthless. When I want something, I will do whatever I can to get it.”
That didn’t sound like the Lev I knew. “You’re being dramatic.”
His warm eyes met mine. “I didn’t want you to see the Petersons for two reasons.” He held up a finger. “I wanted to punish Maggie Peterson in the knowledge that you were looking for her, but she couldn’t find you. I wanted the salty words she spoke to you the day you ran away to rot in her mouth like maggots. She hurt you. I wanted her to suffer the consequences of her actions that day.”
Whoa. That was kind of ruthless. I cleared my throat and asked, “And the second reason?”
He lowered his face and ground out, “The son, James, is recently divorced.”
I didn’t understand. “What does that mean?”
His expression fierce, he stated, “I wasn’t going to lose you to a man you once loved. It wasn’t going to happen.”
My irritation sparked at that. “Don’t you trust me?”
He pinned me with a knowing stare. “When Anika is around, is it me you don’t trust, or is it her?”
“Her,” I squawked in disbelief that he’d even ask me that. Then I realized he had made a point. “Okay,” I began, “I understand your stupid reasons for not wanting me to see them, however invalid they are. But,” I sighed, “things have changed. I’ve changed. I think I’ve made it clear that I love you. You. Not James.”
Lev reached up to unbutton the collar of his shirt. “You don’t know that seeing him wouldn’t bring up old feelings.”
“That’s true,” I admitted. “But those feelings you’re speaking of were that of a sixteen-year-old girl who was shocked that a guy would actually notice her, not a twenty-four-year-old woman.” I reached over to wrap my hand around his. “I don’t swoon at every guy who throws me an appreciative look, do I?”
He sighed, fighting to loosen his tie with his free hand, jerking it roughly. “You loved him.”
He was not wrong. I did love James. But that was an age ago.
That love had faded and made room for a bigger love. A mature love. A real love.
Taking his hand, I placed it in his lap as I worked on loosening his tie gently. I spoke softly, “I love you.” I undid the silken tie, draping it over his shoulders. “I want you.” Pulling on both sides of the silk, I drew him close and got right in his face. “Do you understand me?”
His hand came up to rest high on my waist and he huffed out a long breath. “I can’t lose you.”
I leaned forward just enough to capture his lips in a warm, loving kiss. “Do you trust me?”
There was no hesitation in his rough response. “Yes.”
I laid a hand against his stubbled cheek then threw his words back at him. “Then trust me.”
We spent the afternoon in bed, holding each other and kissing like a couple of sixteen-year-olds.
It was tame and exactly what we needed.
Any day spent with Lev was perfect.
Just perfect.