After blowing up the last two balloons, I grab a beer and take a seat under the Mulberry. Being around Jenni and the mixed feelings I’m getting are stirrin’ up memories of my childhood and the love I always saw shining in my father’s eyes when he looked at my mother. I fucking hate that I would even think of these two women in the same thought since Jenni is nothing like her. She’s a breath of fresh air. Since the day she first stepped foot on Fury dirt, she’s had a mouth on her and a fire no man will ever be able to extinguish.
They’d be stupid to even try.
Jenni is deserving of so much more than my mother ever was, and knowing that scares the shit out of me. Love does stupid shit to people. It does things that I want no part of. My father loved my mother, a woman who wasn’t worthy of that love. He loved her so much that he killed for her—no, not for her. Because of her. He killed the man who supplied my mother with heroin, the drug that she chose over us, again and again. She would rather be high and unfeeling then sober and living. I’m not sure what happened to her that made her think that getting high was a better option than actually caring for her family.
My father was stupid and in love, and he thought by ridding my mother of her connection it would bring her back to him, to us. He didn’t think she would just find someone else to supply her. See, love made him stupid.
Love is fickle. It’s full of unpredictability and inconsistency. You can be in love with a person one minute and hate them in the next. In one breath, you’d lay down your own life for theirs, but in the next, you’d be pulling the trigger, ending them. I don’t want to be weak. I don’t want another person to have so much influence over my life that I’m no longer in control. I’ve given up too much to allow that to happen.
Closing my eyes, my mind drifts back to the night they came for my father. The night my life changed for good. I was only twelve…
“You have the right to remain silent. The things you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney…”
I watch as the two cops come into my house and place handcuffs on my father. His face is like a stone. No emotions. No expression. My mother’s screams come from behind me, but my gaze remains on my father. He hangs his head as they click the cold metal around his wrists. I stay transfixed as the officers lead him from the room, ripping away the last remaining shred of my childhood.
The sound of my mother’s voice breaks through my thoughts. “Tylan, you’re the man of the house now.” She sniffs, “You hear me, boy?”
I don’t answer. I don’t look at her. I only stare at the closed door in front of me.
“Tylan! I’m talking to you!”
I finally turn towards her. Her face is blotchy red, but it isn’t because she’s crying. They’re sores, years of drug use evident on her skin. Her greasy hair hangs limp, and three of her front teeth are missing.
“W-What?”
“I said you’re the man of the house now.”
I roll my head on my shoulders, easing the tension and taking a long swig of beer. My past, the memories of my parents always leave me with a sour taste in my mouth. Shaking my head, I pull myself back to the present and reach into the cooler to grab another beer.
“Man of the house,” I mutter quietly, twisting off the cap. Later that night I’d realized my house, my room, would never feel safe to me again. That night, one of my mother’s friends came into my room to show me what my mother meant when she said I was the man of the house. I was responsible for getting what my mother wanted. Since my father’s hard-earned money was no longer available to pay for the poison that my mother needed, I paid for it the only way I could.
With my innocence.
After that night, I truly learned how much of a vile person my mother was. I was raped and sodomized by a man who became a fixture in my mother’s life for years to come. I was repeatedly used in order for my mother to get her fix. I should have run away. That night, after I bled from my ass for the first time, I should have left. But my thoughts came to my sister. Betsy was only eight years old, and it was up to me to try to block her from the darkness our mother brought into our lives. No matter the hatred I had for my mother, my love for my sister outweighed it. It’s because of that love that I stayed and allowed myself to live the horror that was my life.
I hear Jenni cooing, and the sound breaks me from my trip down memory lane or more like skid row. “Thank fuck,” I tell myself, thankful for the reprieve. I watch from the corner of the yard as Jenni fawns over Savannah holding the baby. Jenni smiles down at the sleeping child. Dipping her nose into the crook of Grace’s neck, taking in the unique smell of a baby.
I feel a nudge on my lower calf and look down to see Goober poking his face into the leg of my jeans. He’s a black and white hairball that Jenni insists on calling a dog. He’s more of a rat, but he’s pretty good, I guess, for a small dog. I know I give her a lot of shit for having such a pansy ass dog, but I like him. I’ll never tell her that, though.
“What’s up little man?” I ask as I bend over to pick him up. He licks my face. “No licking my face, dude. Not when that tongue touches your ass.”
I push his face away so he can’t lick me again, and scratch behind his ear as he rasps out his normal pant. Poor guy has a smashed face so sometimes he has a hard time breathing. I’m not gonna lie, the first time I heard him have one of his attacks my heart actually dropped. I was ready to rush this little fucker to the all-night emergency vet, just to make sure he was all right. Jenni, although looked concerned, said it was normal when he got excited…
“Don’t tell your mama, but I brought you something.” I hold out a small rib bone. I’ve heard that pork ribs aren’t good for animals since they’re easier to break, so when I saw Cut cueing up some beef ribs, I knew it’ll be perfect for the little man.
The little fur ball’s tail is wagging so hard that his entire ass is swinging from side to side, his pink tongue hanging out of his mouth as he pants. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was actually smiling. Dropping the bone to the floor, he jumps at it.
“What are you doing here?”
Jenni comes out from the hallway, donning a tank top with the letters WWJD, and some crazy ass leggings. I know the initials stand for ‘What would Jenni Do’ a little inside joke between her and Savannah. If you ask me, Jenni would be doing me, morning noon, and night. When a chuckle leaves my lips, her eyes cut to mine. She’s not amused that I’m here, but that’s all right. Her hair’s wet as she rubs the towel through it, and her face is free of makeup. No other woman has ever looked sexier to me. For years, I’ve gotten off on bitches with their red lips and dark eyes. But now, after spending the past month with Jenni walking around here, fresh faced, all those other chicks are nothing but painted up whores.
“Nothing.” Looking down, little man has the bone between his two front paws while he gnaws on the bone.
“Son of a nutcracker, what did you give him?” She bends down and takes the bone from little man’s mouth. “He can’t have this!” She points the bone at me. “I don’t allow him to have human food, Tylan. He’ll start to beg.”
When she stands with the bone in her hand, it happens. The wheezing starts. Panting, and wheezing. Looking down, I see the fluff ball frozen in place. His chest heaves, eyes bugged out more than normal.
Jenni bends down, petting him as she coos, “Oh, baby, settle down.”
My stomach drops. Fuck, I hope I didn’t do this. “What’s wrong?”
“He can’t breathe,” she says as she continues to pet and rub his throat. “It’s normal for this breed. His nose and stuff. It happens sometimes when he gets excited.”
“Then give him the fucking bone back, and he’ll settle down.”
“I don’t need to give him the bone. He’ll calm down in a minute.”
“Fuck that.” Squatting, I rip the bone from her grip and place it back at the dog’s paw. His breathing starts to even out, and his tail begins to wag as he chomps down on the bone. “See.” I stand back up.
“You’re unbelievable. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you actually like my dog.”
“Hey, I may be a heartless bastard, but I’m not fucking cruel.”
She stands, taking a step towards me. When I feel her hands on my chest, my stomach drops. She raises herself to her toes and brushes a kiss up on my cheek. “That’s where you’re wrong, Tylan,” she whispers into my ear. “There is a heart under that mass of muscle.”
She drops from her toes and turns away. Looking over her shoulder, she says, “I’ll just let you boys have your time. I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your bromance and all.”
With a quick wink, she leaves me with the dog, and with a fucking lump in my throat.
Taking my eyes from the little man, they land on Jenni who’s currently talking to Cruise. The hackles rise on the back of my neck as I clench my jaw.
I’m not sure about the new guys. Tiny seems fine, but a little too squirrely for my taste. He’s a little man, who suffers from small man syndrome, and I honestly don’t know how he can control his bike because of his size. But he wears his cut with pride, so there really isn’t anything for me to complain about.
I get the same feeling from Cruise that I did when Bubba was strung up on smack. I can’t trust the fucker. There’s this air about him, like his shit don’t stink. I wasn’t on board with bringing him into the fold, but I’m not gonna go against my Prez. I trust Cut with my life, and there aren’t a lot of guys I can say that about.
Jenni’s arms stay crossed across her stomach which is something I don’t like because all she’s doing is pushing her tits closer together, giving Cruise a better view. This is what I’m talking about. She’s completely fucking clueless when it comes to men. She doesn’t realize that she’s like a lamb surrounded by fucking wolves. She sees all of us as friends, family even, but there are some of us who wouldn’t need more than two seconds to rip those barely there shorts off her fine ass and slide tongue first right into her fucking pussy—me being one of those guys. It’s fucked up, but it’s fucking nature at its finest.
I watch as he puts his hand on her shoulder. Her eyes flick to me then back to Cruise as she nods. He smirks at her actions and then takes a step forward, whispering something in her ear before continuing on his way. Her shoulders drop as she relaxes. I watch as she takes a few moments to herself, before taking a deep breath as she turns her body in my direction. The smile that’s pointed at me, isn’t real, it barely reaches her eyes and I know right then that Cruise’s proximity bothers her. She tries to hide her discomfort by putting a little bit more swing to her hips to distract me from the little exchange I just witnessed.
I wonder if she’s attempting to play it off for her benefit or for mine.