It’s been two months since we laid Bubba to rest. Two months since my father died. Two months of grieving, of guilt, of anger. I’ve been through a shit ton of emotions, and through it all, Jenni has been by my side. Giving me space when I need it and never giving up on me when we both know she should.
She’s my fucking everything.
That woman has more strength in the palm of her hand than I’ll ever contain in my entire six foot three body. She has a heart of gold and the soul of a saint putting up with me and my lip.
I fucking love her.
When I went to the prison the day after I got the phone call about my father, she was by my side. Jenni held my hand and gave me the strength I needed. I will never be weak with her by my side.
The kids took the news as expected. They cried. Roxy asked why, and Ryder said he didn’t get his chance. I knew he thought he’d have more time with my father, just as I did, but in life, we aren’t guaranteed anything.
When the guards handed me a cardboard box of everything my father held dear, I promised myself that I would open it. But as the days passed, the excuses continued to flow from my mouth like the lies I knew they would be. I knew if I opened that box, I would be seeing the end of my father, and I wasn’t ready to accept that.
Until today.
While the kids play with their new puppies, Jenni works in the yard, making sure Roxy’s flowers stay beautiful. Lifting the lid off the box, my eyes find her. The sight of her gives me the push I need to do this.
On top lays a Bible. The leather is worn, the gold of the lettering faded. I remember seeing this around the house when I was a kid. My father was never a boisterous religious man, but he believed. He would read through it on the days he seemed to struggle. I don’t see how he was able to take it with him, which only means one thing. My mother must have sent it.
Opening the Bible, I feel as though I’m trespassing into my father’s life. Within the thin parchment of The Bible is a folded piece of paper stuck in the section of Exodus. A passage is highlighted: Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not.” (Exodus 20:20)
I unfold the paper, my heart drops as I see my name written out in his handwriting.
Tylan,
There are so many things that I still haven’t been able to tell you. So many more times I want to say how much I love you. How proud I am of you, and how much your struggle of life has turned you into the man I visualized you to be.
Parenting is hard, Son. It’s the hardest job any of us will have, but it’s also the most rewarding. When you were younger, when you first came to visit, I only saw a shadow of the boy that I’d left all those years ago. You were broken, and rightfully so. There was no light in your eyes. No spunk in your step. At the young age of eighteen, you had already given up on life. I blame myself for that. I blame myself for not thinking of the future, for not considering the repercussions of my actions that night that I killed that man. I was only thinking with my heart and not with my mind, and I’m sorry for that.
When you found your place in the MC, the light started to shine again, but only sometimes. I knew you were still struggling with the man you were trying to be. I knew those demons had such a grasp on you that you never thought you’d break free. But you did, Son. You broke free from them, from what your mother put you through. You did it, and it was only you.
The first time you came to visit me after Jenni came into your life was when I finally saw your light. It wasn’t just in your eyes—no, you were glowing in happiness. The way you spoke of her, the way you allowed yourself to see the possibility of a future, spoke volumes to me. I knew she was going to be the one to erase any doubts about your life that you had. She was the one.
The moment you told me of the threat you felt for your family, my family, I knew what I needed to do. I knew that I needed to make sure that you had the peace you deserved. That you had those kids and Jenni – just as it was meant to be. I hope my last act as your father has given you that peace. Your family will never be threatened again. You will only have the happiness that you deserve. I can promise you that.
I may not have been present throughout your life like I should have. But I hope you will always keep my memory alive because, Tylan, you were always my most precious gift and I’ll never stop loving you.
Dad.
Tears hit the paper before I realize that I’m crying. I haven’t cried since I was a child. Not even through all the losses I’ve endured as an adult. I haven’t shed one fucking tear.
Now it all makes sense.
The last time I spoke to Maggie, we were discussing the adoption and how it was final. Rob Masters had an accident in prison and was dead. It was great news to me. I didn’t think much about it at the time. But after reading this letter, I now know what my father did. What he did for me, for Roxy and Ryder, pushes me over the edge.
“Hey.” I hear her voice before the back-door slamming, causing my head to snap up. “Tylan? Are you okay?” She walks over to me, placing her hands on my chest. Searching my face, she waits for me to say something.
“Yeah, baby, I’m good. So fucking good.”
“You sure?” I nod, which makes her smile. “Okay. I love you,” she tells me before lifting up on her toes, placing her lips to mine.
“I love you too, Sugar Tits. I fucking love you too.”
Hawk:
Devil’s Fury Three – Coming soon.