“Can I help you, ma’am?”
I glance up at the whiteboard acting as a menu. “Two hot dogs with ketchup and one order of nachos, extra cheese, and a Coke.”
The kid behind the counter nods, twisting around to the high school girls beside him to fill the order.
When I have my order and I’m trying to think about how to carry it over there, Austin finds me on the other side of the concession stands. I see him coming, and I know what it’s about. I saw him talking to Ridge, and I can only imagine how that conversation went.
Two men filled with testosterone and arrogance. . . yeah, probably went about as well as two silverback gorillas caged in together.
Grabbing the hot dogs and nachos the boys wanted, I have half a mind to smash them in Austin’s face.
He jabs his finger at the field. More importantly, Ridge. “What’s going on with you and him?”
Like it’s any of his business, but I answer with, “Nothing.” And then lick ketchup off my finger seductively like I’m not fazed by him anymore. ’Cause guess what? I’m not. Fuck him. But. . . what I really want to say to Austin is something along the lines of: Ridge kissed me, and if we hadn’t been in the presence of children nearby, I probably would have let him fuck me against a wall the other night, but no, nothing’s going on.
Austin breathes in slowly and deeply, adjusting his hat on his head. “Bullshit. He wants you.”
I laugh, don’t you? It’s amusing to think he’s pulling this card. “And I always thought you would.”
His face grows serious, hardens, and for the first time in months, I see emotion, a flicker in his eyes. He cares. He fucking cares now. “You kicked me out.”
And we’re back to the continuous circle of who did what and you blame me while I blame you. It gets us nowhere, and I’m tired of having this conversation with him constantly. “What do you want? Why are you here?”
“It’s my night with the boys.”
Noticing the sun is no longer in my eyes, I raise my sunglasses. My eyes catch Austin’s. “Are you actually going to take them?”
I think back to Saturday afternoon and the fight the boys witnessed. Grady will go with him but Cash, I’m pretty sure he’d rather endure a chick flick with me than go with his father for a night.
Austin chews on his lip, pulling it in and then letting go. His attention shifts to something behind me, and I follow it, finding Ridge kneeling to talk to Cash and then high-fives him.
We’re about fifty feet away, but then Ridge’s dark eyes find mine, eyes that won’t leave me alone, eyes that make my head throb and my heart beat a million miles an hour. I blink heavily, fighting the urge to close my eyes and escape the hold he has on me.
Austin leans in, his chest meeting my back. “Are you going back to his place?”
Look at that, he’s jealous? It takes another man being interested in me for him to finally care? What a bunch of bullshit.
I take my elbow and jab him in the gut with it. “None of your business.”
And then I walk away, leaving him coughing, and it feels so fucking good.
Practice ends and Austin’s keeping his distance, his glare intent on me as I approach Ridge near the bleachers. I hand the hot dogs to the boys who are taking off their helmets.
“I’m starving!” Grady announces, practically inhaling the hot dog as he sits in the grass.
Cash, on the other hand, he takes the hot dog but looks the direction of his dad, and then me. “Do I have to go with him tonight?”
Crap. What do you do when they don’t want to go with their dad? It’s not like I want to force them, but the parenting plan says he has them.
I’m at a loss when Ridge helps me out. “Dude, eat the hot dog before I steal it.”
He pretends to grab it from him and then grins when Cash slaps his hand. “No way. This is mine.”
I laugh, dipping my fingers in the nacho cheese and sucking it off my finger like I did near Austin. Honesty here? I have no idea why I do that. Actually, I’m lying. I do, the cheese is fucking hot, and I accidentally had some on my finger. The licking while looking at Ridge. . . planned.
He watches, too, with rapt attention and lifts his eyes to meet mine. “Are you going to share those nachos or keep them all to yourself?”
“I uh. . . actually got them for you. Thought you’d be hungry.”
It’s the truth. I know he doesn’t eat much these days. Grady had me pack Twinkies for him this week saying something about him never eating.
I hand him the tray.
Our fingers brush, my heart skips, my stomach tightens.
He grins, knowing the response and the action touches his eyes. “Thanks.”
I wait for the boys to be busy eating their hot dogs and smearing ketchup on each other—essentially occupied—to lean on Ridge’s shoulder, but careful not to touch him. “Did you talk to Austin?”
Ridge’s jaw tightens as he’s chewing. He waits until he’s done chewing, before he says, “No, not really.”
“Oh, he just made it seem like he had a conversation with you.”
Shrugging, he tosses the now empty container in a nearby garbage can. “I wouldn’t call that a conversation.”
“What was it?”
Another shrug. “Nothing.”
He’s closer now, our chests brushing and the kiss we shared heats my cheeks. The situation I’m in stings my eyes.
“Was it so easy for you to let me go?” I whisper, swallowing thickly, and lashes meet and tangle as my lids briefly close. I can’t believe I asked him that.
He turns his focus to Austin in the distance, waiting by his Jeep. “Is this what you want?” he wonders, instead of answering my question.
My lips part, a shaky exhale lost to the wind. “You mean me and you?”
I’m waiting for his reply, but he’s taking too long, and I notice Austin’s patience has run out and he’s approaching.
He studies my face, licks his lips as he searches for whatever it is he wants to say. And then he finds it. “I’m asking you what you want, Aly. Because I’m pretty sure you haven’t been asked what you want in years.”
I don’t get a chance to answer him. Austin’s standing near the boys, motioning for them to get up. “You guys ready?”
Grady uses his arm to wipe ketchup from his face, standing near Austin. “I am.”
Cash doesn’t have the same reaction. He crosses his arms and moves closer to Ridge. “I’m not going.”
After the other day, I don’t want to let them go with him, but I also don’t have a lot of choice in the matter. A parenting plan issued by the court says I have to allow him visitation. Sure, I think he’s unstable, but a judge might see it a different way.
I do know there’s only so many times he can let the boys down before they won’t take the disappointment anymore.
Ridge’s stare meets mine. Look at him. He wants to say so much to Austin he’s literally clenching his jaw to keep from saying anything.
Austin drops to his knees near Cash, but doesn’t touch him. “I’m sorry, bud. I didn’t mean to react that way the other day.”
Ridge walks away without a word, his retreat stiff and forced.
Austin’s honesty with them results in a pause, my denial to let them go with him dissolving on my tongue. Cash doesn’t budge, his brow furrowed, body tense.
My heart cracks inside as I watch the man who created these precious boys with me, filling their entire heart with a promise I hope he keeps.
Cash stares at him for the longest moment, silence suspended in the night. He glances at me. “Do I have to?”
I blink and force breath into my lungs. My throat constricts, and my eyes begin to fill. “You should go with your dad tonight. You haven’t seen him in a while.”
Cash swallows, his eyes flit to Ridge in the distance, then back to Austin. He doesn’t say anything to his father, but he nods.
I hate the part that comes next, but I know it has to happen. Austin leaves with my children, and for a night, I don’t get to tuck them in. I don’t get the last I love you of the night, the warmth of their bodies as they hug me goodnight and tell me to dream good thoughts or the ability to check on them.
He gets it, and he doesn’t understand the significance of it.