Chapter Sixteen

Cameron

When I woke, it was nearing nine in the morning, and I was in a foul mood. I’d lost the rest of Sunday, which was just as well. My father would be at work by now. My brother no longer lived here, so I didn’t have worry about facing him. And my mother worked from home, but she was loving, supportive, and otherwise harmless. After I peed, showered, and brushed my teeth, I made my way downstairs. Despite killing as much time as possible, it was still only a little after ten in the morning. This was going to be a long day. With a sigh, I entered the kitchen and tried to figure out what I wanted.

“Coffee?” Mom asked while peeking out of the office. “I heard you come down the stairs. I’ve actually been listening for you since last night.”

“Sorry. I’m . . . not in the best mindset right now,” I mumbled as I dragged myself to the cupboard to pick a mug and pour myself a cup of the ridiculously strong blend my mother loved.

She sighed. “I know you aren’t, Cam. How could you be? Betrayed by your brother. Left by your girlfriend.”

“Yeah, I remember. No need for a replay, thanks,” I grumbled as I added my fifth heaping spoon of sugar to my drink.

Mom sat on the other side of the island. “You need something to eat. Too bad you missed out on the food last night. Sophie can really cook. I’ll need to get that buffalo chicken dip recipe.”

I smirked. “She’s an amazing cook. But you might have better luck if you reached out on your own. She’s still not speaking to me.”

“Have you tried yet today?” she asked as her eyes sparkled with mischief.

I frowned. “No. And what have you done?”

Averting her eyes, she murmured, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you might want to go on Facebook. Love you!” Then she hopped up from her seat and disappeared into the office while I stared numbly at my phone. A second later, she peeked out the door. “I’m here if you want to talk.”

I nodded but remained frozen. Finally I lifted the mug to my lips and took several sips, hoping the caffeine might lift the fog. With a deep breath, I opened the Facebook app on my phone and checked my notifications. Good news. My mother had tagged me in a post. Would I like to add it to my timeline? I rubbed my eyes. “I’m almost too afraid to look,” I muttered. I’d been tormented with terrible dreams all night. I didn’t have Sophie’s foresight and planning ability. Expecting to return to her cottage, I hadn’t packed my meds. Without her or my prescription, I’d had a particularly challenging night. Whenever I suffered through the nightmares, I was more exhausted than if I hadn’t slept at all, and I pretty much remained in a funk. Last night had been incredibly disturbing as I relived the deaths of so many of my brothers in arms, but as always, the death of Hawk hit me hardest of all.

I clicked on the tagged post to see what it was about, and my jaw dropped. Yesterday played out on the screen. My mother had recorded a video of my fight with P. J. and Katie in the backyard. Then she had tagged everyone in it: my brother, his college, Katie, the news station, me, Sophie, and her business, Simply Sophie. I watched it, every painful minute of it. When it had finished, I decided it was as bad as I remembered, as agonizing as I recalled. Yet it still filled me with hope. If Sophie saw it, she might just forgive me. She might see that I wasn’t the one who had hurt her all those years ago. Hell, everyone would know they hadn’t seen her boobs. That had to mean something. I smirked as I read through the comments.

People were calling for Katie to lose her job and for P. J. to be kicked out of school. Most of all, there were words of support for me and Sophie. I shook my head in wonder. Picking up my mug, I crept into the office. “I’m sorry for snapping at you yesterday, Mom,” I began quietly as I sank down on the sofa to the left of her desk.

“Oh, Cam, no need to be sorry.” She shook her head. “Thank you for not killing your brother.” She turned the monitor so I could see she had Facebook open. “Of course, now he’s going to wish he was dead. Serves him right.”

“Think he’ll get kicked out of school?” My brows rose in surprise.

She shrugged. “I don’t know, but after I showed your father, he lost his shit and announced Preston would be cut off. We’re not paying for his college.” She stared at me over the rim of her cup and took a sip of coffee before speaking again. “As for you, we have an untouched college fund waiting with your name on it. Plus, you have the GI Bill. Have you thought about your future?”

I sighed. I liked the way she talked with me. It didn’t have any of the earmarks of a lecture. It felt like she saw me as an adult, which was nice, since I didn’t feel like one at the moment. “I don’t know for sure. I can’t think past Sophie, which I know is incredibly pathetic, but it’s where I am at the moment.”

“Give it time. She may come around. She’d be crazy not to give you a chance with all that proof on the web.” My mother stood, rubbed my back, and murmured, “Think about it. I’m going to refill my coffee.” She started to leave the office, but I stopped her with a question.

“What if she just writes me off like she did all those years ago?” I stared at my mother expectantly.

Leaning against the doorframe, Mom shook her head. “I don’t think that’s possible. She loves you, Cam. And you love her. You can’t just snuff out those feelings in an instant. Be patient with her, but don’t let her go without a fight.” Then she nodded and started to leave the room, but paused. “Hey, while you’re trying to figure out what to do with your life, maybe you can try to figure out what to do with all those boxes while you’re at it.”

I rolled my eyes. “So you save every shred of paper from kindergarten until graduation, and I have to figure out what to do with it?”

“Yes.” Mom laughed.

“That seems fair.” I shook my head.

“Life isn’t fair, Cam. Sometimes the bad guy wins. Sometimes dark conquers the light. Sometimes we forget to chase after our dreams, and we let the ones we love get away.” She eyed me sternly. “You’re a marine. Fight for her.”

“You’re right.” I stood and wandered over to the stairs.

“Hey, Sophie is out there somewhere.” She jerked a thumb toward the front door.

“Yeah, but conquering my room feels easier than winning her heart right now.” I chuckled. “If you don’t hear from me by dinner, send reinforcements.”

My mother remained silent as I trudged up the steps to my bedroom. She didn’t have to say a word; the whiff of disappointment hung in the air between us. The problem, as far as I was concerned, hinged on the fact that we had moved past the “fix it with a phone call” stage, and we’d now planted ourselves firmly in “grand gesture” stage. Sadly, I’d never mastered even tiny gestures. Instead, I plopped on my floor and hoped some idea would magically come to me. The task felt incredibly daunting. Before I started, I needed to reach out to Sophie in the one tiny way she seemed to enjoy. This time, my inspiration came from William Shakespeare. The man knew what he was talking about.

Sophie

 

The course of true love never did run smooth. Shakespeare. I sighed. Cam hadn’t given up on me.

I stood slowly, feeling incredibly stiff after a long, rough sleep on the couch. I missed the comfort of having Cam surrounding me. I missed the weight of his arm on my back, the way he’d haul me closer and kiss me, even when he wasn’t conscious. I missed the sound of his breathing, the feel of his skin, and the joy I felt at the mere sight of him. How was I ever going to recover from being with him, from loving him?

I started across the room to the door when I realized my parents had brought in my duffel bag from the cargo bay, all my prepper supplies, and the bag from the McAllisters’ house I’d forgotten about yesterday. Grabbing the handles, I walked it out to the kitchen, hoping to spread the contents out on the table once I’d eaten.

“Morning,” my mother murmured while standing over the sink, washing vegetables. When she noticed my furrowed brow, she explained. “We have greenhouses now. Fresh fruits and vegetables all year.”

I nodded. “Me too.”

She looked taken aback. “I thought you hated this life.”

I chuckled. “I know why you think so, but mostly, I hated myself.” I blew out a breath. “It’s my fault you chose this life, my fault Dylan died.” I looked away, unable to face the sadness in her eyes.

“We don’t blame you, Soph. Dylan’s death is not on you, no matter how much he tried to blame you while he was alive.” Mom wiped her hand on the towel hung over her shoulder and came closer. “Is that why you left?”

“Part of it. And part of why I stayed away.” I looked at my feet. “There was so much pain here, being around both of you.”

She leaned back against the counter. “I hate that you feel this way. I hate that we’ve lost so much time.” Mom shook her head. “We can’t change the past, but I really want to have a future with you. Can we try to work on this, please?”

I offered a noncommittal shrug. “Sure.” Then I glanced at the counter. “Mind if I grab a muffin?”

“I baked them fresh this morning,” my mother announced. “Let me get you some hot tea. Is honey OK?”

I nodded. “Of course.” I selected a muffin from the plate on the counter and began to pick at it while I waited for the inquisition.

“So what brings you here? Your visit was a pleasant surprise.” Mom passed me a cup with a tea bag in it. Then she pushed the honey across the counter toward me.

“Bad day. Just needed some family, I guess.” I blew out a breath.

She watched me, sensing I wasn’t ready to share, and sighed. “I’ll let you be, Sophie. When you’re ready to talk to me, let me know.” Then my mother walked toward the door with a basket in hand. “I’m going to gather the eggs now.”

I nodded stiffly while I waited for the door to close. Finally I was alone. I set my phone on the table, added honey to my tea, and then placed it on the table too. After popping the last hunk of blueberry muffin in my mouth, I lifted the bag and dumped it unceremoniously on the table. I had to know how long Katie and I hadn’t been friends.

Even thinking about Katie made my stomach hurt. Losing her felt like having the rug pulled out from under me once more, and the foundation I’d built my life on seemed to be crumbling. This little investigation would either help me find my footing or finish me off, but it was a necessary risk. I inhaled deeply as I began reading everything, starting with the slew of notes she’d written to Cam on the pastel paper.

 

Dear Cam,

 

I know you’ve told me many times that you’re only interested in Sophie, but I’d like to offer myself up as a substitute. You’ll never have her because she’s gone. She won’t be coming back to this school, and you’ll probably never see her again, but you could have the next best thing: me!

 

Think about it,

 

Katie

 

Acid rose in my throat as I considered rushing to the bathroom, since my muffin seemed intent on making a second appearance. Instead, I swallowed hard a few times and took a few sips of my tea. This note was complete bullshit. She knew I liked him. And she obviously knew he liked me. I could feel my face grow warm from the rage burning inside me. Flipping the note over, I saw a short response from Cam. I was almost afraid to read it, since she was so determined to get what she wanted. What if she was one of the girls he’d slept with in high school? Still, I had to know. Taking a deep breath, I read his response.

 

Katie,

 

That’s a really nice offer. Have you considered dating P. J.? I know he’s not me, but he’s the next best thing since I only have eyes for one girl. Even if I might never see her again, I’m willing to hold out.

 

Thanks,

 

C. J.

 

I grinned. He turned her words on her. He seemed to be such a good guy, I didn’t know how he’d managed to get caught up in the texting mess. With a frown, I opened another letter, skimmed it, and discovered more of the same. By the time I was done, I’d read roughly a dozen versions of the same letter. They all ended with her getting turned down. The more I read, the more confused I grew.

I shoved her letter to Cam aside and opened a thin folder I’d found. Soon I realized this was her application for NYU. She’d kept photocopies of everything. The acceptance letter confused me. Apparently, they were completely unimpressed with her grades and school activities, but they looked past that to her business: Sophia Kate.

With a frown, I forced myself to finish reading, but so far, it sounded like she had built Sophia Kate from the ground up with no outside help. It was as if I hadn’t existed. I checked the links for the videos they cited as being so creative and well made that they’d tipped the scales in her favor. The videos were mine. All me. Ones I had done without her help or participation in any sense. Katie had used my work to get into college. I was positively fuming.

Already I felt so ill from the many emotions coursing through me, I considered packing everything else up. How much more could I read? I felt like I didn’t know Katie at all, like I’d never known her. My eyes stung as tears built up and threatened to spill over. With a deep breath, I opened a small stack of folded-over sheets of loose-leaf paper.

The handwriting was immediately recognizable as Dylan’s. The tears I’d tried valiantly to control now streamed down my cheeks. I sniffled and tried to wipe them away well enough so I could read what he’d written.

 

Sophie,

 

I know we haven’t been close for a long time. I’m sorry about that. I’ve been unhappy, and you were an easy target. I won’t be hurting you or anyone else ever again.

 

Happy birthday, kid. Stay out of the garage. I mean it.

 

Love,

 

Dylan

 

That did it. I ran to the sink and watched as my stomach contents splashed out into the disposal. I turned on the water and blew my nose on a piece of paper towel I grabbed from the holder on the counter. That bitch. She lied. She’d lied about everything. I’d been carrying this guilt around all these years. He didn’t even hate me. She’d made it up.

Furious, I finished rinsing the sink, then stormed over to the table to read the rest of the notes, only to discover more of the same. Dylan had written a loving apology to each of us, and Katie had robbed us of closure. I pushed them to the side. Somehow, I’d explain all of this to my parents. Somehow, I’d get them to forgive me. Maybe we could still heal from this and move forward. Maybe they wouldn’t have to stay so sad.

All these thoughts and emotions filled me. I longed to get them out, to share them with someone. Not Katie. Never Katie, ever again. If only I could share them with Cam. Then I remembered why we weren’t together, and my tears began to flow once more. I heard the door open, and my mother trekked inside, lugging a basket of eggs with her.

“The girls really produced today.” She began to prattle on happily about the chickens while I struggled to stop the steady flow running from my eyes and nose. At some point, she stopped speaking and wandered over to the table with a box of tissues. Mom set it beside me and began to rub my back. “How can I help, Sophie?”

I shook my head. “You can’t. No one can.”

“You’d be surprised. Will you talk to me?” She scanned the table with a frown and probably surmised this had been my breaking point. “What’s all this?” She started to reach for some of the notes Katie had written to Cam. I didn’t stop her. After she read a few, she frowned. “Who’s C. J.?”

I released an empty laugh. “Just this boy I had a crush on all through middle school.” I blew out a breath and tried to calm down.

“How come you never told me?” Her brow furrowed.

I licked my lips carefully before responding. “You had a lot on your plate.”

Mom sighed. “Dylan. Damn, I’m sorry, Soph.” She passed me a fresh tissue and then grabbed one for herself. “I tried. I tried to be everything for everyone. I’m just not that good.”

“Stop, Mom. You were great. I’m fine.” I turned to face her. “Believe it or not, I’m doing better than you can imagine. I have properties and investments and . . .”

My mother laid her hand on my shoulders. “But do you have anyone to love, Soph? That’s everything. I couldn’t have survived any of this without your father. I want you to have that kind of relationship.”

I wiped my eyes as memories of my time with Cam flashed through my mind. “I thought I did,” I whispered.

“That is why you came here,” Mom decided. “Can it be fixed?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not sure it should.”

“Did he cheat on you?” She stared at me evenly.

I shook my head and let out a chuckle. I couldn’t picture Cam ever being unfaithful. “Nah.”

“Did he betray you in some other way?” She frowned. “I’m not trying to pry, but if you love someone enough, Soph, almost anything can be fixed.”

I swallowed hard. “The text messages, all those years ago. He shared . . .”

Mom dabbed at her eyes. “I see.” She blew out a breath. “That was ten years ago. You were kids. You’re entitled to do dumb things and not have to pay for it the rest of your lives.”

“I guess.” I tilted my head.

“What’s he like now?” She took my hands in hers.

“He’s a former marine. He’s so sweet and noble.” I grinned. “He makes me feel safe and special. He helps me forget I’m scared.” My chin dropped. “I think I love him.”

Mom grinned. “You think, or you know?”

I giggled. “I thought I knew until yesterday.”

“Did you give him a chance to explain, or did you run, Sophie?” For the first time since we’d starting talking, she sounded like the mother I’d remembered growing up.

I chewed on my cheek. “Did I let him explain? Not so much.”

“Stop running, Sophie. Face your fears. Embrace the pain. Take a chance.” Her brow furrowed. “We’re always here for you, but not like this.”

Taking a deep breath, I murmured, “So I should talk to him?”

“At the very least.” She grinned. “And then if you still want to stay, we’ll be happy to have you. Either way, no more shutting us out, OK?”

I frowned. “There’s something else, something I just found.” I pushed Dylan’s notes toward her. “Katie hid them. I never knew,” I choked out. “I’m sorry.”

My mother nodded slowly before opening the top one. I watched as her eyes scanned the paper. She inhaled sharply and covered her mouth with her hand. After she’d read each one, she murmured, “Can I keep these to show to your father? He had to run some errands.”

I nodded. “Absolutely.” Then I took a deep breath. “So I’m leaving now, huh?”

“You should. You know this.” Mom laid a hand on my forearm. “I’ll always be here for you.”

Together, we stood and hugged. For the first time in a long time, the guilt was gone. The only thing I felt between us was love.