Chapter Nine

Sophie

After I spoke my truth, I shut down, waiting for his response. I suppose I half expected him to call it a night, to maybe give me a peck on the cheek, a pat on the head, and disappear down those basement steps where he’d be safe from me until morning, or longer, since I can’t even imagine what it would take for me to go down there into that dark, terrifying abyss.

“You know, a phobia is supposed to be a deep, irrational fear of something that causes you to avoid the stimulus. I don’t think it’s irrational to fear the dark, especially when you’re alone in it. I don’t think it’s strange to fear death when you’ve had a death hit too close to home, like with your brother. Being afraid of snakes and spiders isn’t exactly out of the ordinary either.” Cam shrugged.

“But the love thing?” I sighed and waited for him to talk me out of it, or question my sanity.

“Lots of people are scared of love for so many logical reasons,” he began quietly.

I chuckled. “Finally I’m logical. Never been accused of that before.”

Cam grinned. “The thing about love . . . when you truly love someone, you open yourself to the biggest hurt ever. You give them a piece of you no one else has ever had, or could ever have. It’s absolutely terrifying to think about losing them, losing that piece of yourself. It’s crippling trying to imagine recovering from that kind of loss.”

The way he rubbed at his chest while he spoke had me thinking. “Have you ever been through this? Have you ever loved and lost, so to speak?” Then I bit my cheek because I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to hear about him ever having feelings for anyone because I realized . . . I wanted him to feel for me, since somehow, I already felt for him.

Cam reached out and took my hand in his. He studied my fingers, laced his through mine, and rubbed my skin with his thumb. I found a considerable amount of comfort in this gesture, all while waiting for him to respond to my questions. “There has only been one girl for me—ever,” he murmured quietly. “I blew it when we were younger. I swore if I ever found her again, I’d never make the same mistake. Now, I’m here, with you, and the past no longer matters. I want to live in the now and plan a future . . . with you.”

Inhaling sharply, my eyes widened. “How can you know? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Sometimes in life, everything falls into place. I believe this is one of those times.” Cam’s head tilted, and he grinned at me. “If you’re honest with yourself, I think you’d believe this too. Look at you.” He shook his head.

I frowned. “What about me?” I tried to pull my hand out of his grasp, but he held on tightly.

“Wait. If you want your hand back after I speak, it’s all yours, but give a guy a chance.” He winked, and I melted inside.

“Fine.” I huffed.

“That’s my girl.” He chuckled.

Though I knew he didn’t really mean anything by it, being his girl felt pretty awesome. I bit my lip to hide a smile, then recovered. “Go on. Before I change my mind,” I grumbled.

“Last night, when we met, you would rather have died than left your condo.” He reached out and caressed my cheek with his free hand. “Today, you’ve been all over. You drove out here. You went to the grocery store. You talked to a guy about a phone. Hell, you survived Liz.” He chuckled.

My brow furrowed. “How’d you know about Liz? Her name?”

He swallowed hard. “She was at the car when I arrived. We argued . . .” His voice trailed off. “Can you focus on the important part here? You are doing awesome!”

He was right. “You make me more confident,” I admitted quietly. “You make me believe I can accomplish anything.” I stood up and started toward the kitchen while yanking my hand from his grasp.

Cam whipped around on the sofa and stared after me. “Hey! Where are you going?”

“This has been quite the day. I’m going to the kitchen to accomplish finishing the open bottle of wine. There’s one glass left.” I grinned. “You coming?”

He laughed. “Well, you can handle the wine, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to wanting more pie. Can I tempt you?” He waggled his brows at me.

“I’m not sure.” I poured my drink, then took a long sip, closing my eyes as I enjoyed the warmth flowing through me. When I opened them again, there was a fork with a hunk of apple and crumb topping waving in my face.

“Please, take a bite. It will make me so happy,” Cam pleaded.

“That’s all it takes to make you happy? Fine.” I opened my mouth and let him feed me. When I had chewed and swallowed, I nodded. “Quite tasty.”

Cam stared down at me for a second, fixated on my lips. My brow furrowed in confusion, but before I could ask anything, he’d swooped in for a kiss. The air was knocked out of my lungs, and I swear my heart stopped momentarily. As a twenty-three-year-old loser who’d never kissed anyone, I needed more guidance.

My lids lowered, and soon his arms were around me. New emotions assaulted me. While I found them to be comprised of equal parts excitement and fear, being held by Cam made them manageable. His tongue teased my lips until I gave in and opened. Next thing I knew, I was finally, truly having my first kiss. A few tears leaked out of my eyes.

Immediately, Cam drew back. “Too much?” he asked as he wiped them away.

“Just enough.” I shrugged. “I’m just . . .”

“First kiss?” he guessed with a furrowed brow. Before I could finish nodding, he had pulled me against his chest. “I could hold you all night if you want.”

“Um . . .”

“Too soon?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Maybe a bit.” I laughed as he released me.

I finished my wine, never taking my eyes off his face. He finished his pie the same way. “Now what?” I asked before covering my yawn with my hand.

Cam glanced at the clock. “It’s already eleven. Bed. I promised I’d tuck you in.”

I stiffened. “I don’t sleep in beds, remember? I’ll be on the couch.”

With a grin, Cam murmured, “Then I’ll tuck you into the couch. Go get ready. If you want, I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”

Inhaling deeply, I nodded. “I’d really like that. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” The way his gorgeous green eyes sparkled when he spoke to me had my stomach in knots.

With a sigh, I started to walk into the bedroom to find some clothes to change into, but Cam called out to me.

“Hey, Soph?”

I froze and slowly turned to face him.

“Thank you for letting me hold you.”

I glanced back in time to see his hands stuffed in his pockets. The way he bit his lip made me think he might be a bit nervous too.

There was so much I wanted to tell him. I could feel myself changing thanks to him. I had managed the better part of a day without being so incapacitated I had to curl up on the sofa. This was new and wonderful. I wanted to explain all this to him, I really did, only when I opened my mouth, all I managed to utter was, “Oh, Cam.” Then I sighed happily and disappeared into my room.

I quickly found a pair of booty shorts and a matching tank in my pajama drawer. I changed and grabbed a robe. Holding it to my chest, I knew I should slip it on, but I also wanted him to see me like this. He had already made me feel brave. Now I wanted to feel sexy. So I dropped the robe on my bed and sashayed out to the great room, only stopping when I reached the couch. Cam was sitting in the corner, like he had previously.

I wandered over to the giant ottoman in the center and lifted the top, revealing an array of pillows and blankets. Behind me, he released a low whistle. “I know. A lot of stuff.”

“Actually, I was responding to the little pajamas.” He groaned. “How am I supposed to sleep downstairs knowing you’re wearing that?” he teased.

My cheeks turned pink, which was strange, since this reaction was what I was going for when I picked them out. “Still want to tuck me in?”

Cam nodded. “I wouldn’t back out on that opportunity.” He stood and let me place my pillow and grab a full-size blanket. Once I settled in, he lay beside me, facing me. After gently brushing my hair out of my face, he asked, “Are you comfortable?”

I bit my lip and shook my head. “I have no idea how people sleep like this.”

He grinned. “What if we try a new position?” He lifted me up, slid behind me, and pressed his front to my back. “Spooning. You might like this better.”

His arm under the pillow soon found my hand, and he laced his fingers through mine. Then the arm around my waist found my other hand and did the same. It felt like this giant circle of . . . warmth and caring.

“This . . . I could get used to,” I murmured before yawning again.

“Good. I’d really like that,” Cam admitted quietly.

With so much warmth and wine, I must’ve fallen asleep. I say that because something roused me. Was it an animal? I sat up and realized I was alone. My heart beat a little faster as I listened a moment longer until I heard thrashing and calling out. The voice sounded completely pained. A second later, I realized the voice was Cam’s.

I slowly stood in the semidark room and made my way to the top of the stairs. I sat on the top step and listened to him while agonizing over how to help. He needed me. And I needed to comfort him. “Cam?” I called out, hoping he’d hear me, wake up, and come to me. I tried a couple more times, but he was apparently too deep in the throes of his nightmare to hear my voice.

I took a deep breath and flattened myself to the wall while gripping the handrail. “I can do this,” I whimpered. “I have to do this for Cam.”

Step by step, I made my way down the stairs. It probably took ten minutes, but I found myself on the cold cement floor. Then I rushed to his bedside. Even in his sleep, he provided immense peace.

Worrying over him made me forget some of my phobias. I sat on the bed, curled up beside him. I struggled to completely release my fears in order to soothe his. What had he said to me earlier that had calmed me so? I rocked beside him, afraid to wake him and possibly embarrass him, but soon I was more concerned about him suffering alone. I’d done that. I still did that. I swallowed hard as his words came back to me. Laying a hand on his cheek, I whispered, “I’m here, Cam. Hush. It’ll be OK.” Gradually he stopped thrashing about. I caressed his skin, wiped his brow, and murmured, “I’ll just hold you as long as you want, as long as you need. I’ve got you.”

Cameron

 

Her words echoed in my mind. I wanted to wake up, but I knew the nightmare had to play out before this could happen. Suddenly I was in that building all over again. Above us were the Navy SEALs. They’d beaten us to the roof. We were one floor down.

For now, the night was quiet. Hawk, Jefferson, and I were chatting in low voices. As often happened, we were talking about home . . . going home, making it home, what we had waiting for us at home. We were so close to the end of this tour, it was pretty much all we could think about.

Together, we’d survived boot camp at Parris Island. When I’d been moved to infantry despite my protests, we’d been in the same platoon again at Lejeune. We were among the few survivors after our patrol ended up in a series of gunfights while we tried to clear the roads of IEDs. I’d been a little distracted. They both had someone to go back to, while I held on to my dream of finding Sophie and reconnecting with her someday. In my flak jacket, I kept a laminated picture of her, but I never took it out when anyone was around because it was now six years old, and a twenty-year-old guy gawking at a fourteen-year-old girl would seem creepy.

Hawk seemed to know what I was thinking. “Don’t worry, Everett. You’ll find her. Before you know it, we’ll be raising our families together.” He clapped me on the back.

“You have a considerable head start. At the rate things are going, your little girl will be babysitting my kids.” I chuckled.

“It’s not a race, man. Hell, everyone who finds love and is strong enough and smart enough to hold on to it wins.” He grinned.

“So two out of three of us are already winners.” Jefferson laughed. “Loser gets the back window.” He jerked his head to the opening in the wall roughly ten feet away. “We’ll cover this one.”

Without hesitation, I stood and made my way to the spot he’d indicated. Once there, I could hear the voices from the SEALs above me. They were frustrated as they tried to respond to the chatter on the radio.

“Those goddamn soldiers,” one grumbled. “We can barely get them to engage during combat, and now they want to get all trigger happy with us.”

I frowned as I tried to figure out what they meant. Then their voices grew more frantic. “Cease fire! Don’t shoot. It’s SEALs and marines, dammit!”

Glancing to the front window where my buddies stood, I saw the flash in the distance. “Down!” I shouted at them as I raced to their aid.

Already the SEALs were flying down the stairs. “Move!” they ordered.

But it was too late. The TOW missile burst through the wall and detonated, taking the top floor with it. As we scampered out of the building, covered in debris and taking on fire from what seemed like all sides, I realized Hawk was missing. The SEALs were on the radio, screaming for a cease fire, while I dove back through the door. My buddy had a family to return to, and I would do everything in my power to ensure he made it.

Coughing, I made my way through the smoke and rubble. Partway up the steps, I found Hawk. He’d been hit. Though he’d done his best to make it to the ground floor, he was too wounded. I hefted him over my shoulder, and together we made it out into the alley.

The second the SEALs saw us, they were radioing for help. “Send medical transport now.” They shared our location, and soon the gunfire and artillery stopped.

I laid Hawk on the ground. When he began coughing up blood, my heart sank. Moaning in pain, he gripped my forearm. “Tell her I love her,” he managed to whisper. “And tell my baby girl how much her daddy wanted to come home to her.”

Tears burned my eyes. “You tell her. We’re getting you out of here.” I’d dropped my pack and found my medical supplies, hoping if I could just stop the bleeding, he’d stand a chance. I could feel Jefferson and the SEALs staring at me. I knew they were convinced it was a hopeless cause, but I’d spent the better part of three and a half years with him. I’d been his best man when he and Marley had married. I had been at his baby’s christening eight months before. We were weeks from American soil.

“It’s all right, brother,” he grunted out. “It’s my time to go.”

“No, it’s not. You’re not going anywhere. I’ve got you.” I pressed a cotton pad over the gaping wound in his abdomen. It was soaked with blood almost instantly. Still, I refused to give up. I could hear the sound of transport coming to retrieve him. “Hang in there. I’ve got you, Hawk.”

Before they arrived, he bled out. And I was drenched in his blood. The worst part was watching him die, knowing it could’ve been prevented, knowing it was senseless and careless, knowing it was friendly fire and not the enemy. There was a lesson in this. It was my defining moment. Everything changed in an instant. My body shook from pent-up rage, from hurt and a sorrow so deep, no one but another marine could ever understand. In my dream, I stood alone in a barren landscape, and I wanted to like it that way, but something nagged at me.

“I’m just going to hold you, Cam. I’ve got you,” Sophie whispered into my ear.