I made my way down to the basement to the lab that she conned me out of. I could already smell that she was up to some shit before I reached the door and as soon as I got there, there was no room for doubt.

“Mengele the fu…I mean what are you up to little girl?”

“Nothing daddy.” Nothing my ass! There were fumes coming out the beaker she was fucking around with.

The pothead decided to give her a complete chemistry set and now I sleep with one eye open. The little shit scares me more than the fucks in the desert.

The scary thing is that she didn’t even flinch at getting caught, just carried on with her shit like it was normal. I’d bet anything that whatever the fuck she was up to was nowhere near anything resembling normalcy.

“I told you about lying to me?” She has this way of looking at me that makes me want to give her-her way in everything. She was doing that shit now.

“I’m not lying daddy promise. Daddy can you get me some PVC?” That sounded innocent enough, but I’m not trusting that shit.

I’m waiting for the day she asks for a doll or something more benign than the shit she usually asks for.

“What are you gonna use it for?” I folded my arms and waited for whatever was gonna come out of her mouth. Damn kid can twist the truth better than a politician.

“Stuff.” What the fuck? I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose where a headache was just getting started. It only takes two minutes in her presence for that shit to happen.

“I’m not getting it unless you tell me what it’s for.” She studied me like she was the adult and I the pain in the ass kid. I forced myself not to swallow and not to look away.

“Hmm, I’ll just have to ask somebody else then.” She started humming as she went back to her concoction. Shit, I have to put out a bulletin to everybody in the family. Fuck I forgot.

Now she has a network of people she’d hoodwinked into buying her innocent act. She’d worked the SEALs and their women when we were together.

Now she talks to them on the computer with the Face whatever the fuck and the phone every other day it seems. And Mancini swears she’s gonna work for him some day. I’m fucked!

“You still haven’t told me what it is that you’re doing here. If you burn down my house it’s gonna be your little butt.” She drank the shit she was making and ran her tongue along her upper lip with a grin.

I grabbed that shit and sniffed it while eyeing her crazy ass. I don’t know what the hell she had in there, but I’m sure the people at Sprite hadn’t intended their product to do that shit.

“Let’s go it’s movie night.” At least once a week Kat, and I along with the kids watch a show together. I’ve seen more brainless shit in the last couple years than I care to remember.

The others were already gathered in the theatre room slash den with popcorn and enough candy to rot their damn teeth. “It’s your turn to pick the movie Catalina what did you choose?”

“SAW one through six.” She ran and jumped in her seat while the other kids groaned. I just looked at her while in my head I ran through all the facilities in the country that could do something with her before she ended up on the FBI’s most wanted list.

“Kat…” That one held up her hand as she stuffed her face with popcorn. “Mengele we’re not watching that. I thought I got rid of that crap.” I’ma sue the fucking credit card company for letting her order that shit. “Watch Cinderella or some shi…”

“That’s boring daddy, that’s for babies.” Why the fuck me? The others didn’t say anything because the last time they complained about her movie of choice, I lit into them for ganging up on my baby. Fuck did I know she was into this shit?

Now they were looking at me like this shit was my fault. I looked at Kat’s pregnant ass and my soul groaned. If even one of the triplets she was carrying turned out like this one, I’m not gonna make it. No fucking way.

Halfway through the first one the rest of the family was traumatized, myself included because, sick shit. But my little angel was glued to the screen, eyes wide like she was taking notes as she ate her popcorn one kernel at a time.

Lucky for us she fell asleep about three quarters of the way in and there was a quiet celebration from the others who wanted to watch the A-Team. They think those guys are like their new uncles. Boys!

By nine o’clock everyone was dragging ass. Yes, that’s what time most people in this burg hit the sack because there ain’t shit to do.

Unless you’re a teenager out tipping cows or some fuck, all illegal shit. Besides, when you’re a father of six, one of them a despot in training, your ass gets tired fast.

Before you know it it’ll be fuck this shit o’clock and the circus begins again. Kat was getting up to her whiny shit, moving from side to side like she was trying to find comfort.

“What’s the matter? I’m trying to sleep here.

Between your runs back and forth and your damn kids I’m assed out.” She rubbed her tummy and gave me a pitiful look.

“I don’t know. The girls are really active tonight.” Of course. I rolled to my side and put my lips to her whale of a stomach. I know the little shits can hear me.

“Hey, you in there, pipe down so your mother can go to sleep and I can get some damn rest.” Little shits aren’t even here yet and they’re already starting shit.

“Colton, who told you not to sleep? Nobody’s keeping you up.” Snark!

“How can I go to sleep when you’re so uncomfortable?”

“Then put a sock in it and stop annoying me.” Her brats must’ve made her lose her damn mind. I reached over to the night stand and got my little notebook and pen.

“What’s that, what’re you doing now?”

“You know damn good and well what this is. It’s your book of infractions. I’ve been keeping track of all the shit you’ve done in the last nine months.”

“Let me see. The little shits should be born in another month or so, then you’ll need another month and a half to heal. After that your ass is mine, you’re outta control.”

“Colton, I don’t have time for your mess. My surprise party is coming up soon and I haven’t finished my registry yet.”

“If it’s a surprise how do you know about it?”

“Catalina needed PVC pipe.” I just stared at her.

“That’s a shame, that’s just pitiful. You bribed our daughter?”

“What, you think you’re the only one allowed to do that?”

“Let me ask you this, do you know what she wants it for?”

“I don’t ask those kinds of questions.”

I had nothing to say to her clueless ass. “That’s why that kid is the way she is. No supervision. The next time the school calls I’ma sic them on your ass, because you’re the one contributing to her delinquency.”

“Whatever, why don’t you go to sleep?” I would if I wasn’t sure that in ten minutes her greedy ass was

gonna send me to the fridge for something. I’m not sure if she’s carrying girls or piglets, every hour on the hour she’s stuffing something in her face.

I was out maybe ten minutes later but I’ve long learned to sleep with my ears pricked and my body ready to spring into action. That’s how I knew someone was outside my bedroom door.

Kat likes to keep it half open so she can hear Cody who I talked her into leaving in his room. Unless she’s trying to get some dick it stays that way and I can hear every move made.

“Mommy you asleep?” I only saw the shadow peeping around the door.

“The fu…Mengele what the hell are you doing up?” She took that as an invitation to walk her ass into my room.

She went over to her mother’s side of the bed. “I’m talking to mommy daddy.”

“What is it sweetheart?” Kat ran her hand over the spawn’s hair lovingly while I eyed her suspiciously.

I don’t trust that one-one fuck, especially in the middle of the damn night when she’s lurking around while the rest of the house is asleep. Is it any wonder I can’t get any peace in this bitch?

“Mommy I was thinking. Can I see the babies being born?”

“NO, now go to bed.” I answered before Kat could let this one con her into some stupid shit.

I’m not too blind to see the look she gave me in the moonlight as she made her way back to the door.

“Daddy’s always yelling dang!”

“What did you say?”

“It’s not a bad word, nana said.”

“Which one?”

“Nana Elena.”

I’m gonna strangle my own mother. I’ve held back for years but that old lady’s gotta go. Always meddling in my shit.

“I’ll ask you tomorrow mommy okay.” She gave me a look like I was the cause of all her problems. “Night daddy!” Hah, like I couldn’t hear the sarcasm in that shit.

Daddy’s gonna put your ass somewhere where you can’t cause any damn trouble. The world will thank me I’m sure, damn nut.

“Dang it, I wanted to ask mommy something else.” She flounced her little ass out the door. I guess she had a new word that she’s gonna use to make me nuts.

“Kat, you better watch that one and sharp objects. Before you know it she’d be trying to help you through labor. I don’t trust that look in her eye.”

She gave me the death glare and tried to get comfortable against the pillows at her back. “Come ‘ere.” Her miserable ass!

I half sat up and pulled her between my legs with her back to my chest and my hands under her large extended stomach. “Better?”

I know from experience that when she gets big as a barge this is the only way she can comfortably sleep. Who cares how I feel? She sighed and fell out within seconds.

I listened to make sure Mengele didn’t make any detours and finally went back to sleep. Tomorrow’s another day and sure as fuck it’s gonna be just as bad or worst.