The rest of the week passed without further incidents, much to Landon’s relief. As predicted, Royce had badgered Landon when he arrived home after rehearsal. Landon had begged for some space, promising he would tell all later. He needed some time to process what had happened before sharing it with Royce.
Landon didn’t see Derek at all the day following The Incident, as he began calling it. In Derek’s class on Friday, Landon turned in his homework assignment, avoiding eye contact. He then settled down in his seat and buried his nose in his doodles.
It didn’t help that Derek’s jeans had clung in all the right places.
Murmurings of a Friday night bonfire had spread through the lobby by the time class was dismissed. Running into Kyle on his way to the practice rooms, Landon had been ordered to bring food, beer and his roommate. Landon promised to do his best.
It took some convincing until Royce eventually agreed to come out to the beach with him.
“I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I let you stay at home on a Friday night studying your boring biology,” Landon said. He drove them toward Agate beach in his old but trustworthy Toyota pickup. They had made a pit stop to grab some cold beers and hot pizza, as promised.
“I swear to God, Landon, if I fail next week’s test because of this…” Royce started.
“You won’t. Trust me. You need a break. It’s good for the brain.” He shot a cheeky grin at Royce. “I bet you’ll do better on your test because of this.”
Royce snorted a laugh. “Likely story.”
“Seriously! There’s legit scientific evidence out there for it,” he said, earning another snort from Royce. He had no clue it was true, but speaking from experience, it had always worked for him.
They chatted about other mundane things on the way to the beach. Landon avoided any mention of Derek. He knew Royce was waiting patiently for Landon to open up about what had happened. He would just have to wait a little longer.
Landon parked as the sun was beginning to set. They slid out of the car, grabbing the pizza, beer, and extra blankets. It looked like a couple of bonfires were already started. It didn’t take long for Landon to spot Kyle. Their fire was easily the biggest and quite a group had gathered around it. Landon was greeted with cheers as he approached, holding the beer aloft.
“Beer, pizza, and Royce as promised,” Landon said.
“You do not disappoint, Landon, my man,” Kyle said, giving Royce a wide grin and a high five. Landon caught Royce’s eye roll and snickered.
“That’s what he said!” Landon said, popping a beer and grabbing a slice of pizza.
“I didn’t need to know that,” Kyle whined. A large black lab barked at Kyle as he grabbed a slice of pizza. “Shhh, Pepper, I’ll share when Landon isn’t looking.”
Landon rolled his eyes. “Dude, you’re going to kill your dog that way. He doesn’t need to be eating pizza.”
“Neither do we!” Kyle shouted, taking a swig of his beer and pretending to drop the slice of pizza to the ground. Pepper dove for the treat. “Oops. I guess it’s Pepper’s now.”
“Kyle! That’s my hard earned money! You can’t just…” Landon continued to rant while everybody else grabbed beer and pizza.
“Landon, shut up!” Royce shouted from across the bonfire.
Landon growled before grabbing another slice and stomping away. Pepper followed him.
“Stupid dog,” he muttered as he took a seat on a log nearby. Wedging his beer into the sand, he took a bite and reached out to pet the dog. “You deserve better.”
Growing up on the ranch, Landon couldn’t help but care for every animal, regardless of if they were his or not. He was even known to save a rat or two from the brown tabby that inhabited the barn, much to his mother’s chagrin.
“You’re such a sucker,” Royce said, taking a seat next to him. The sun had set, the sky fading to a darker blue. The sand held the memory of warmth from the sun. Landon took a deep breath and relaxed, enjoying the scent and sounds of the ocean.
“I don’t know how I ever lived without the ocean for so long,” he said, ignoring Royce’s comment.
“You say that every time we come here,” Royce said, taking another swig of beer. He slid a sideways look toward Landon. “It’s time to spill.”
“Ah, fuck,” Landon mumbled, his mouth full.
“Is it a guy?” Royce guessed. Landon choked. “I knew it!”
Landon bit his lip, staring down at his beer.
“It’s the professor, isn’t it?” Royce asked, his voice quiet.
Landon’s shoulders slumped. “God, I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, I’d say this is right up there with the incident in high school,” Royce said.
Landon groaned, burying his face into one hand. Royce grabbed one of the blankets and threw it around the both of them. Landon tucked his side close and huddled next to Royce.
“To be fair, though,” Royce added, “nobody has ended up in the hospital yet.”
Landon didn’t say anything. He ran his fingers over the almost healed burn on his hand.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Royce asked.
Landon sighed. “I know it’s against the rules. I understand why the rules are in place. I truly do. But goddamn it if I can stop this. It’s unreal. I feel so out of control.
“He kissed me twice. Once in his office when I needed help with my theory homework. He apologized for that one. That’s how I burned my hand. The second time was in a practice room. He came in to give me that burn cream and one thing led to another. God, it was like the world exploded into nirvana for a moment. Then he apologized and left. “
“Wow,” Royce murmured.
“He’s driving me crazy. I actually lost my mind on Wednesday. He looked so good during rehearsal. I couldn’t help myself. I kissed him that time. Had him pinned to the goddamn wall behind a curtain like a horny teenager.
“He stopped it and left. I can’t even begin to describe the amount of embarrassment I felt. God, I even suggested we could start an affair, as though it would be easy to keep a secret like that. See? Idiot.”
Landon let his head fall back. Millions of twinkling lights met his gaze. Silence stretched between them. They listened to the roar of the ocean and the shouts from their friends.
Royce pushed his own beer toward Landon.
“You might need this more than me, tonight. Drink up, bro. I’ll drive us home.”
Landon felt the tension drain from his shoulders. Royce may not always agree with Landon, but he knew when it was important to keep quiet and when to speak up. And above all, Royce knew when to be supportive. Not for the first time, Landon realized how lucky he was to have Royce.
“I love you, Royce,” he said.
“I love you, too, idiot,” Royce replied, his voice full of affection.
Landon stood hunched in front of the espresso machine, wincing at the sharp whine of steam against metal. His head pounded, begging Landon to lay down on a soft pillow and slip back into slumber. Landon gritted his teeth. The ibuprofen he had taken that morning had barely made a dent in his hangover. He had downed a good liter of water, as well. It hadn’t been enough.
Landon remembered getting home very late last night. He and Royce had sat and stared at the ocean and stars for a while. Landon had talked about Derek until Royce threatened to hurt him if they didn’t change the subject. After that, they reminisced about their life back home, how quiet and easy going everything used to be. Landon confessed that it had been nice to be home during the summer, despite how people had treated him. Royce had been very vocal with his complaints of that town and its people.
“They are nothing but bitter, narrow-minded people that will never experience joy again. Pity them.”
It had eased the sting Landon hadn’t realized he had still been feeling.
“You look like you’re hurting,” came a low voice from across the bar. Landon shivered before he looked up, already knowing who he would see.
Derek looked good enough to eat. He was dressed in an old faded pair of jeans that clung deliciously to his hips. An equally faded t-shirt with a Metallica logo showed off his very defined pecks and biceps.
“God,” Landon groaned. “Just go sit down and let me do my job.”
Derek chuckled, as though he knew exactly the kind of effect he was having on Landon. Landon wondered why Derek was here. They had been doing a successful job of avoiding each other lately. Did he have a change of heart since that kiss in the rehearsal hall?
“Nah, I like the view from here.”
Landon’s jaw dropped. Apparently, that change of heart was a real possibility.
“Don’t burn the milk,” Derek warned, a smirk twisting his lips.
Landon growled as he flipped the steamer off and combined the milk with chocolate syrup. After adding the shots of espresso, Landon poured a small amount of foam on top to seal it and called out for “Molly.”
“Did you party a little too hard last night?” Derek asked.
“Wow, you’re talkative this morning,” Landon snapped, then winced. “Sorry. Yeah, too many beers. Can’t seem to drink water fast enough this morning.”
Derek made a noncommittal noise, prompting Landon to look up from the next cup he was making. Derek had a tiny line between his eyebrows, but the rest of his face was blank.
He’s worried. Landon felt some of his grumpiness ease.
“Don’t worry,” Landon added, turning back to his work. “My roommate drove and I had plenty of pizza to soak up most of it. We just had a little bonfire on the beach.”
Derek made the same noise again. When Landon looked up, he noticed the line was gone.
A comfortable silence settled between them. Landon kept looking at Derek, admiring the view and catching Derek’s glance a time or two. Curiosity tugged at Landon. Why was Derek here? Was he staying?
“Here’s your flat white, Derek,” he said, placing the cup on the bar. “Finally.” He waited while Derek took an experimental sip.
“Perfect.” Derek said, a soft smile lifting the corners of his lips. “Thank you, Landon.”
Landon froze at the sound of his name on Derek’s lips. It promised all kinds of dark and dirty things. Gripping the edge of the counter, Landon glared at Derek.
What is he playing at?
“Get out of here.”
Derek chuckled and lifted the corner of his messenger bag. “Nah, I think I’ll stick around. I have a bunch of music theory papers to grade.” With that, he turned and walked toward one of the tables next to the front window, a perfect line of sight to Landon.
Landon closed his eyes and counted to ten before going back to work. This was going to be a long day.
Derek had been there for three hours already. He made a good show of shuffling papers back and forth across the table. Landon doubted the man had done one bit of grading. For one, whenever Landon glanced over, Derek was watching him back. For another, Derek kept coming up to the bar, ordering water, or plain drip coffee. He even added a muffin. And he always approached when the other barista was too busy with something else or on break.
By the time it was Landon’s turn to take a break, he wanted nothing more than to drown himself in an ice cold shower. Well, he truly wanted to fuck Derek over one of the tables, but that wasn’t going to happen.
“Landon, got a sec?” It was Stella, who had entered the shop and was shutting the door behind her. She cast a quick look at Derek, who for once looked like he was actually grading the papers he brought.
“Stella! What are you doing here on a Saturday?” Landon slipped his apron off and hung it up on the hook by the back door. He followed her toward her office.
“Believe me, I don’t want to be,” Stella grumbled. “I’m a little behind with the paperwork.”
Landon entered Stella’s office and gave a short whistle to the chaos he found on Stella’s desk. “Do you want some help with this?” Landon offered.
“Yeah, I just might. But let’s see how the afternoon fairs. If we’re slow, come on back here and I’ll put you to work.”
Landon nodded.
“Landon,” Stella began, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “That man out there, your professor. He’s not bothering you, is he?”
Landon frowned. “No, not at all. He’s grading some papers, I think. Why?”
Stella shook her head and heaved a sigh. “I want to make sure you’re alright.”
Everything clicked in Landon’s brain. If it hadn’t been for the hangover, he would have caught on a lot quicker.
“Stella,” Landon began, turning to close the office door behind him. “Derek isn’t forcing me into anything because of my grades if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Stella smiled with relief. “Sorry, Landon. You caught an old woman with her wild imagination. It’s just…” she trailed off and lifted a hand, gesturing toward the door and the shop on the outside of it. She seemed at a loss for words.
“Don’t worry,” Landon said, giving her a reassuring smile. “We’re friends. Professor and student. Nothing more is going on between us.”
Stella lifted questioning eyebrows.
“I’m serious! Nothing is happening.” Landon wanted to promise Stella that nothing would happen, but he wasn’t sure that was a promise he could keep. Not after all that had already happened. Not after the way Derek had flirted with him just that morning. Everything was spiraling out of control and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on.
Stella watched Landon for a few moments longer before finally nodding. “Fine, I believe you. Just… be careful,” she added.
Landon nodded before he turned and left Stella’s office. He caught Derek’s eye for a moment. He jutted his chin toward the door. Without waiting, Landon exited the coffee house. He made his way down the stairs and took one of the winding paths into the gardens. The garden was small, but Stella took great pride in it.
The crisp fall air made Landon shiver, but the sun warmed his face. He took several deep breaths, clearing his mind and relaxing his shoulders. So much had happened already and it had only been the first week of classes. Derek, Stella, work, school, Royce. He felt like he needed a break already. Maybe he would head to the park today. Or park his ass on one of the beaches with a good book. Yeah. That sounded nice.
But first, he needed to have a talk with Derek.
Landon felt rather than heard Derek approach. Turning, he watched as Derek walked down the stairs of the porch and into the gardens. They stood together in silence for a few moments. Derek seemed to understand that Landon needed to gather his thoughts.
“Last rehearsal,” Landon began, staring at a bush of pink roses. “I shouldn’t have done that and I apologize. You were right. It was a stupid and reckless idea and we really shouldn’t allow ourselves to be put in that situation again. Even my boss is suspicious now.”
Landon glanced back at Derek. Derek stood tall and rigid, his face blank as he stared at a spot over Landon’s shoulder.
Landon frowned. Derek looked like he had completely shut down.
This was what Derek had wanted, wasn’t it?
“I promise I’ll do my best to keep my distance. We both have to get through this semester, but when Cindy gets back, we won’t need to worry about Theory anymore. And I can take other ensembles other than band.”
“No, you shouldn’t have to avoid band because of me,” Derek said, his voice even. “I’ll remain professional.”
Landon nodded, feeling uncomfortable. His chest was tight and he couldn’t seem to draw enough breath. He knew this was for the best. Even if Derek had agreed to try a secret affair with Landon, how long could they keep it a secret? And when the relationship did end, how would that effect the both of them if they still had to work together? No. It was best to not act upon this desire that had grown between them.
Then why do I feel like I’ve lost?
“I should get back in. I’ll probably be in the back helping Stella for the rest of my shift.” Landon didn’t dare suggest Derek leave. After all, he was a paying customer. But the implication was there, hanging between the two of them.
Derek nodded and stepped aside. He didn’t say a word as Landon walked past him, down the garden path and back up the steps to the cafe. Landon caught the faint whiff of Derek’s cologne as he walked by, the scent making him shiver. He bit his lip to keep himself from whirling back around and embracing the man.
They didn’t have a choice.
Landon shut the front door behind him. He let his coworker know he would be in the back helping Stella and to come get him if they got a rush. He knew he was hiding. He didn’t care. He couldn’t look at Derek right now, with his feelings so close to the surface. He needed time and distance to process the loss.
He knew these feelings would fade away if he had enough time. It had happened before.