CHAPTER 3
Teric looked up from his desk with a start when the klaxon sounded. Standing, he quickly headed out of his personal study into his main lounge. Though he was aboard the flagship of the Krylon home world, being attacked was a constant worry in deep space. His trusty assistant, Chal, met him at the data port. It consisted of a huge holographic interface set back into the wall. Chal activated the data stream and an image of the bridge came up.
A mature career soldier clad in the traditional black uniform of the Krylon fleet stared back at him. The only visual mark of his station was the star chart of the Krylon star system tattooed across his right forehead and temple. The dark ink a sharp contrast against his light pewter-colored skin. The subtle variations of veining could only be seen across the unaffected side of his forehead. His dark hair was pulled neatly back from his face and bound into a warrior’s topknot.
He spoke calmly to the slightly older man. “Captain Yeral, please explain the nature of the alarm.”
“Sorry to disturb you, Ambassador Teric. It appears that an artificial intelligence is trying to hack into our encrypted files. We have blocked access but the creature is proving to be quite tenacious.”
Teric frowned. “Have you traced the origin of the AI’s signal?”
“Yes, Ambassador. The point of origin appears to be a small world in the yellow dwarf star system… the one that is our destination.”
“The planet is called Earth. They are considered potential allies. I do not believe they mean us harm. What information are they trying to get? We are not authorized to disclose information related to our military or the specifics of treaties we have with other member worlds.”
“The AI has initiated very narrowly defined and perplexing search parameters.”
“What information do they wish?”
The man looked embarrassed. “Specifics related to the mating rituals of our people. They are looking for information related to pressing lips together.”
Teric couldn’t help the shocked expression on his face. “They want what? Are you certain?”
“They have initiated the one inquiry in many ways. It must be important to them.”
“Can you extrapolate the exact coordinates of the AI?”
“Yes, sir. I am pulling it up on the view screen now.”
Chal spoke for the first time. His voice was soft and respectful. “I believe that to be the residence of the ambassador assigned to handle our request. His name is Jefferson MacDowell the Third.”
Teric relaxed a bit. “That would make sense. His people must have many questions and he would be the one responsible for obtaining information. Ping the signal back. I would like to talk to the Earth ambassador. We need to establish clear boundaries about accessing our databases without prior approval.”
“Yes, sir. We are signaling them now.”
Suddenly, the view screen was filled with images of what could only be described as beautiful Earth females. He heard the captain trill in surprise.
“Hello. My name is Ambassador Teric. I am the envoy assigned to conduct trade negotiations with your world. I would like to lodge a formal complaint regarding the unprovoked attack upon our data stream.”
One of the females stood and walked forward. She was small compared to the women of her home world. She had blue eyes, pale skin, and hair the color of her sun. Another moved to her side. This one had short fiery hair and green eyes. They stared at him curiously.
He felt a surge of protectiveness. “Are you well, females?”
The one with blue eyes looked at her friend. “He called us females, like we’re some generic one size fits all gender.”
The other woman seemed amused and bumped into her shoulder gently. “I noticed. Maybe you should answer him.”
All the women quickly crowded around the screen to stare curiously at him.
“You aren’t hideous.” The words were spoken by a very young female who didn’t seem to be of child-bearing age yet. Her large innocent eyes moved from himself to Chal.
Teric stared at the women, unsure what the proper response to that greeting might be.
A small woman with black hair and dark eyes leaned forward. “Our scouts brought back images of your world, but none of your people. We were unsure what you looked like. Do you all have the same pewter coloring?”
Catching her meaning, Teric responded smoothly. “Yes, different shades of grey and light blue. I suppose you call it pewter colored. Some like me have dark hair and others, like my assistant, have light hair. Our eyes are almost invariably dark. We must seem strange to you. I am pleased you don’t find us repulsive.”
The woman began whispering. “Earthlings and Krylonians are both children of the Spirits of Life.”
“We have heard the story from many travelers to Earth.”
Teric spoke without thinking. “It is said the Spirits of Life were an ancient people who traveled the universe sharing their genetic material with those they found most worthy.”
Nodding, Rose replied. “It’s a common explanation for why some beings are humanoid and some are not.”
Teric almost smiled at the young female’s naiveté. “You mean Krylonadoid.”
The light-haired woman spoke again. “You’re correct, of course. Such things depend on one’s perspective.”
“To you, we are alien but to us, you lovely creatures are very much the outsiders.”
Unsure if he’d said something wrong, he watched her expression change slightly. “What do you mean by accusing us of an unprovoked attack on your data stream? We would never attack anyone, least of all a new ally.”
“Begging pardon, but you did. We traced the signal of the AI to your residence. You will cease hostile actions immediately.”
Her eyes narrowed upon him as she spoke. “Are you crazy?”
The woman with short hair leaned over and whispered something to the first woman. The confused expression fell from her face and she wrinkled her nose slightly. It made her face look small and adorable.
“It seems that it might have been us after all. We asked our AI to pull information from all available sources. She must have latched onto your data stream by mistake. Sorry about that. We don’t want an intergalactic incident or anything. We were just curious about kissing.”
“The pressing of lips together? It is not done by our people.” The women all began to whisper, sounding somewhat disappointed. He quickly tried to recover their interest. “Is it a gesture of affection? Our culture has many of those.”
The beautiful blue eyes turned curious. “I’ve been remiss in introductions. I am Ambassador Jefferson MacDowell’s daughter. My name is Rose. It’s nice to meet you, Ambassador Teric.”
“How can I be of service this evening?” Glancing at Chal, the other man gave a slight affirmative nod. It was evening on Earth. He thought so but wasn’t completely certain. His own automatic pat response caught him off guard, making him feel awkward before the lovely females.
“Can you tell us more about your gestures of affection? We are curious creatures.”
“Do not fear us. I am sorry you have been selected for the trade and are being forced together in such crowded conditions. We will conclude the negotiations as quickly as possible and ensure you have separate accommodations. You will never have need to see each other again.”
“Okay, almost all of that makes no sense to us. You sound a little panicky. First, no women have been selected because there isn’t a treaty yet.”
“Are you being held against your will? If so, you can count on us to advocate for your release. Do not resort to violence against each other.”
The one with short hair spoke. “Now why in the hell would you think that?”
Teric glanced at his assistant. The other man’s face told him he was drawing a blank as well.
“You are many and in a room together. There must be an explanation for such bizarre behavior.”
Rose spoke again. “I invited them here. They are my friends. We often gather together, drink alcoholic beverages, and talk about girl stuff.”
Teric tried to keep his expression blank, so as not to offend. “And this is common practice on your world? Women gathering without violence?”
Rose tossed him a lopsided smile. “Hells bells, man. What kind of women do you have on Krylon?”
“They are few and extremely competitive. We do not have them together except for important events, even then there are many males who see that they keep a distance from one another.”
All the Earth females began to laugh. The one calling herself Rose leaned against the one with short hair and they both laughed until liquid drained from their eyes. At least he thought they were laughing. It was difficult to tell and his scanners wouldn’t be able to read them accurately from their current distance. The situation frustrated him greatly.
Rose rested her hand on her side, out of breath from her brief episode of mania. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Earth women aren’t like that. Heck, we like spending time with each other better than with our men sometimes. We like to get together, gripe about politics, play music, and dance. Tonight, we’re talking about what kind of men we want to marry. It’s called girl talk.”
Teric knew he probably sounded simple, but he couldn’t help repeating her words. He just needed to make sure he heard them correctly. “Men you want to marry? You want to get married? Every single one of you?”
Nodding as she continued to look at him, she stated. “Every single one of us. Women outnumber men almost two to one at this point on Earth. We think Krylon husbands are a damn great idea. We’re thinking of volunteering. Are we what you expected?”
Glancing briefly at Chal before speaking, he stated reverently. “Not at all. You surpass even our wildest dreams.”
That must have been the perfect response for Earth females because their faces got all soft and dreamy looking. Murmurs of approval were heard. Pride surged through his chest. He’d not only managed to please one female, he’d pleased an entire room of them.
“Do you mind if I ask about the pressing of lips together. What is this? Why is it important?”
Rose bit her bottom lip, holding back another grin. He was learning to read her facial expressions.
“Would you like me to show you?”
Speechless, he nodded.
Turning to her friend, she pressed her lips to the other woman’s forehead. “This is the gesture for showing affection to children.”
“It is unusual.”
Rose pressed her lips to her friend’s cheek. “This is a traditional kiss for close friends, particularly when we have been separated from one another.”
Before he could speak, her friend pulled her close and pressed her lips against Rose’s lips quickly before pulling back. She made a small happy sound and smiled mischievously. “That is the one that shows romantic interest on our world.”
Rose laughed. “She’s being naughty. Most of us don’t kiss other women that way.”
Teric asked hoarsely. “She is your friend, is she not?”
“My very best friend.”
He heard Chal gasp. “What is…” His assistant remembered himself and clamped his mouth shut.
Teric asked the question for his longtime friend. “Do you mind if we know her name?”
The female turned to the screen. “My name is Jennifer Duncan. My friends call me Jen. I’m very pleased to make your acquaintance.”
“Likewise, Jennifer Duncan. I am uncertain if we are permitted to speak to young females without a chaperone.”
Again, all the women laughed. Rose explained. “No one cares if you talk to us. They’d be more worried about us saying off-putting things to you. As long as you’re not offended by us, no one would care.”
“How could a female possibly be off-putting?”
“You’d be amazed. Guess we should let you get back to whatever you were doing. It was nice talking to you, Ambassador Teric.”
“I will worry for you.”
“You’re an odd guy. No need to worry for any of us. We’re safe, happy, and look forward to meeting you all in person.”
“Thank you for speaking with us, Rose. We will be at your home world in…”
“Three days. I know.”
“I hope to speak with you all again.”
“I’ll be certain you receive an invitation to dine with us.”
“If it is permitted, I would enjoy such an activity. Farewell and be safe until our next encounter.”
When the screen went blank, he turned to Chal. “Do you think they were sincere?”
“Don’t be gullible. Females who choose to spend time together without incident? Does that sound remotely possible to you?”
“They seemed to be getting along fine during our call.”
“I believe it was an act. Females are deceptive and manipulative. You know this, Teric.”
“Perhaps Earth females are different from our own.”
“We have such little information on their females. We must hold ourselves in check and be diligent about gathering information when we arrive.”
“Agreed. Push that holographic recording to my personal device. I wish to review it.”
“You are taken with Ambassador MacDowell’s daughter.”
“Are you not? She was beautiful, well-spoken, and curious about our kind. Her friend was playful and nice. Do not pretend you did not notice. They are supposed to come in pairs. I did not understand Earth Government’s insistence on two coming at once, but if it is as they say, perhaps they need companionship with each other.”
“That sounds highly unlikely, sir.”
“Are you not excited about being the first assistant gifted with a mate?”
“Being gifted with a mate and managing to keep her are two different things, Ambassador.”
Rather than argue once again with his insecure friend, Teric let it pass. “We will be there soon enough. You may feel differently after spending time with them. I enjoyed their laughter.”
“I found it very unnerving. I could not gauge exactly what precipitated it or how to elicit more of it.”
Placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder, Teric insisted. “Come, we will work on the treaty together.”
“Any way I can be of service, you know I will.”
Teric’s mind was still on the ambassador’s daughter when he sat down to work out a rough draft of the treaty. “Chal, bring us alcoholic beverages.”
“We do not usually drink such beverages. Certainly, not while working.”
“I wish to begin consuming limited amounts at regular intervals over the three remaining days of our voyage. If drinking intoxicating beverages is part of their social interaction, I wish to be proficient at it.”
“I do not think it requires practice, but I will retrieve Lonorian Fire Water from my room.”
Smiling at his friend, Teric went back to work. Two dinks later, and both men were having a hard time concentrating.
Teric shook his head as if to clear the fog. “I wish I knew how much I would be expected to drink. I am having a difficult time functioning.”
Chal sighed. “It is unfortunate that we cannot speak to the Earth females again. They could give us much needed guidance in this matter.”
Teric got up from his desk and plopped down on his settee. Running a finger through the remaining liquid on the sides of the glass, he brought it to his mouth. “I think we should contact a medic. They can give us guidance in matters of biological tolerances. We could also ask about the kiss. I do not think it is harmful.”
“It is not. I did it once.”
“Liar. When did you ever do such a thing?”
Chal bit his bottom lip. “There are advantages to being low status. My brothers took me to a painted house when I came into my hormones. It was a tradition in my family to learn of mating in this manner, not that I still have extended family.”
Motioning the other man over, Teric scooted to the far end of the settee to make room for him. “Tell me everything. I have heard the females are exotic. What kind of female did you get?”
Chal smiled slightly. “She was Snardinean.” Leaning back, he got lost in his memories. “She had the most beautiful pale blue skin, long, soft-white hair, and three breasts.”
Taric seemed impressed. “To go with the three eyes. That must have been magnificent.”
“It was because Snardinean do not have to wait to go into a mating phase to initiate intercourse. I know how unusual this sounds but she almost seemed to enjoy it.”
Turning in his seat, Teric asked. “How could you tell?”
“She was eager to get started but not eager for it to end. It struck me as strange, since she knew I would not be back. She made strange female sounds, almost like a musical chirping. I liked it.”
“It sounds nice. You have a good family to think of making your first male experience so agreeable.”
“I was fortunate.”
“Chal, did you not find it strange that they seemed so open about bonding and mating?”
“It did strike me as forward. You do not usually find that with females.”
“I think we are having male time together like the females reported sharing.”
“I still find it hard to process that they gather together voluntarily and do not fight.”
“Perhaps they lie, as you said. We could contact them again, right now. See if they are still calm with our own eyes.”
“That is forbidden. We cannot contact them without good reason. It would be seen as pursuing them.”
“Raise them on the data stream. I will follow up on their claim.”
The moment the image came up of the female’s room, they saw total chaos. There was loud noise. Some of the women were jumping around in the floor, occasionally bumping into each other. Two were jumping on a sleeping platform and several were in the midst of hitting each other with large fabric-covered objects.
Teric panicked. “Females, I demand you stop before you injure yourselves.”
Much to his astonishment, they all stopped.
The short-haired one spoke. “Computer, stop music.”
The strange background noise stopped.
Rose stepped forward, stumbling a little. “It’s you again… Tumeric… Tamaberic…” Her eyes were a little unfocused as she tried to recall his name.
“You are exnebriated… inebe… inebriated.”
Several of the women laughed. The one with short hair, Jennifer, commented dryly. “So are you, it seems.” Nodding towards the bottle on the desk, she asked. “What are you drinking?”
Teric glared at them, refusing to answer. “You told me you are not aggressive with each other. Now I see the truth. You were hitting each other with objects.”
Rose laughed again. “Those were pillows. It doesn’t hurt.”
“Why do you do it? Is it to establish dominance among the members of your peer group?”
“Nope. Everyone’s equal here.”
How could it be the females made less sense the more he talked to them? “I discovered additional information on the kiss.” Suddenly, they all looked interested. “Apparently, I was mistaken. Snardineans make the kiss with Krylonian males. I was not aware of this because I have never been to a painted house.”
“Come again?”
Chal whispered to him. “Explain painted houses.”
“Snardinean females sometimes work servicing our males for credits. They make the kiss.”
“On your world, only prostitutes… females you pay for intimacy kiss you?”
Glancing at Chal, he nodded decisively.
Smiling, she shook her head. “Sugar, you’re really missing out.”
There was a disturbance and several of the females panicked a little, making squealing noises. Rose leaned forward. “Look, I gotta go. My father’s coming. I know I said no one cared if we talked, but I think he might; he’s obsessed with making first contact with you guys. Don’t mention the attack either. Bye, now.” She pressed her fingers to her mouth then waved them at him before the screen went blank.
Teric and Chal were left standing in front of the huge screen frowning. “I wish to speak to them more.”
Chal smiled slightly. “They are lovely but strange creatures. Must we practice hitting with the soft objects they call pillows?”
“I do not want to, but I think we should try out all Earth customs at least once.”
“We have already jumped on our sleeping platforms as children so we do not have to worry about that at least.”
Teric stared at his assistant.
Chal shook his head. “Never did that, did you? Not even once?”
“I was not permitted.”
“It is not quite as fascinating when you are large.”
“Since you have done it already, I will forgo the experience. However, you must write a short discourse on the activity for my files.”
A long suffering, yes, sir was all Teric got back in return.
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