Chapter Three
Walking into the Boise Police Department made James’ palms sweat and his heart race. He never liked police stations—not because he’d ever committed a crime. Hell, James paid his taxes on time every year and never had so much as a speeding ticket. The moment he walked through the front doors, he was inundated by the sounds of an office. Phones ringing, a fax machine buzzed, someone answering said squealing phone—all of it brought him back to the early days of his teaching career. Still, he lifted his chin and walked straight to the front desk.
“Good morning. I’m looking—”
The man there held up a finger as he picked up the telephone with the other hand. James held his breath, trying to keep his anxiety from making him reach across the desk and slap the jerk silly.
“Yes, can I help you?”
“I’m here to—”
James was once again interrupted as the phone wrung and the man held up the same finger and grabbed the receiver. With his eyes closed, James took another breathe.
Ohmmmmm!
“Yes?”
James met the man’s stare. “I’m here to see—”
The phone rang.
When the man reached for it once more, James chewed on his bottom lip, reached over the counter and shoved a finger against the tab causing the phone to hang up.
“What th…?”
“Tony Silva!” James growled.
“Seventh floor!”
“Thank you.” James released the tab and walked off. He could feel the man glaring after him but he wasn’t in the mood. The last place he wanted to be was in a damn police station and that twit was not helping his stress level. Did he know he could have gotten shot? Sure. The question became, did he care?
The elevator brought him up to the designated floor and the moment he stepped through the doors, he was greeted by cubicles. He took a breath—and glanced around until he saw an officer. “Excuse me—I’m here for Tony Silva?”
“Yo! Sil!” The officer hollered.
“Yeah?” A man rose and turned toward them. He wasn’t at all bad looking—dark hair, brown eyes with a body that filled out his uniform quite well.
“There you go.”
“Thank you.” James offered a smile. Clearing his throat, he walked over to the tall, dark haired man and extended a hand. “James McLaren.”
“Right!” Tony said, accepting the greeting. “Please, follow me.”
James nodded and waited until after Tony grabbed folder from his desk. Together, they walked down a corridor, leaving the crowded office space behind.
“How was your flight?” Tony asked.
It was more for small talk, James figured. But he needed anything to keep his mind off the fact he was in a building loaded with guns. Thinking Tony looked good enough to eat wasn’t save territory either so he was glad for the question. “Same old. Not surprising that even with the new x-ray machines, I’m still getting felt up at the airport.”
Tony laughed. “That is why I stay here.”
“I wish I could do that sometimes.” James admitted as they stepped into a rather sterile looking room. Without being told, James fell into one of the chairs as Tony closed the door and took the other. “Okay, you got me here. What’s happening? You said there had been an accident.”
“Well.” Tony seemed as though he was measuring his words. “Felix and Marie were in a car accident two weeks ago. Felix was drunk—way over the legal limit. Jordan, their son, was in the back seat. Luckily, he was in his seatbelt so his injuries were easily treated.”
“Where’s Marie?”
“That’s why I called—Felix and Marie didn’t make it.” Tony licked his lips. “Marie died at the scene. Felix a couple of days later.”
James dragged a palm over his mouth—a way to keep in the pain that surged from the very depths of his soul. Suddenly there was a tightness in his chest. The air in the room was nonexistent and he knew if he didn’t do something he’d die. He surged from the chair and walked to the wall. Bracing both hands against it, he bowed his head, sucking in air, trying to quell the ache inside. Sure, he’d been angry at Marie for going back on her word but he didn’t want her dead.
“Do you want me to call someone?” Tony asked.
James didn’t know the cop had moved until Tony was rubbing his back affectionately.
“Would you like a bottle of water?” Tony continued.
“I just—need a second.” James gulped in air then turned and faced Tony. “Where’s Jordan?”
“I’ve managed to talk the hospital into keeping him another few days,” Tony said. “Once they release him he’ll be going into the system. I called you because—well—I did some checking on Jordan and found out—”
“Yeah.” James said. “I-I don’t know what to do now. He has no idea who I am. All of this will scare him.”
“Maybe start by telling him the truth,” Tony said, his voice full of concern and understanding. “It’s going to suck but at least that would be the major hump.”
“No kidding.” James stumbled back to the chair and fell in. “Not only did he lose his parents—but now, here I come.”
“If you can’t do this…”
“You said no one else seems ready, right?”
“Right.”
“Then I have to. He doesn’t deserve to be tossed around from home to home just because his parents were idiots.” James swallowed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”
“It’s okay. Do you want to meet him?”
James nodded.
“Let me grab my shield and we can be on our way.”
Walking through the automatic doors of the hospital, James became a little nauseous. The last time he’d been in one his mother had a stroke and they weren’t sure she’d make it. She hadn’t—bad news there.
All hospitals smelled the same. He always thought if fear and death had a stench, they would smell just like a hospital. He was positive of that.
James sighed and followed Tony up an elevator then down a corridor. When Tony finally stopped before a door, James knew they’d arrived.
“Let me talk to him,” Tony said. “Then I’ll call you in.”
James agreed with a nod and after Tony left him alone, paced the hall. His heart raced faster than he’d ever felt it. He pressed a palm against his chest while wondering if that was how a heart attack felt. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been wearing a groove into the floor before Tony came for him.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, James stepped into the room and tilted his head to look around Tony’s muscular frame. He froze in place when he saw Jordan Hudson. Everything from his stark green eyes, jet black hair, strong cheekbones—all of it was like looking into a mirror. James couldn’t stop the breaking of his heart. His eye stung as a shiver through him.
“Hello,” James managed. “My name is—”
“No way.” Jordan muttered.
“Um…” James looked from Jordan to Tony. “What?”
“I knew it.” Jordan whispered. “I knew it. Even after they told me they lied about Felix not being my dad because they were angry—I knew it!”
James and Tony exchanged looks before meeting Jordan’s eyes again.
“Knew what?” Tony asked.
“Felix couldn’t have been my father,” Jordan said, his voice cracking. “There was no way! I couldn’t have come from someone like that.”
“Jordan—what…”
“Why didn’t you want me?” Jordan asked pointedly.
James tilted his head. “Is that what they told you?”
“I’m going to leave the two of you to talk,” Tony said.
James was numb as he moved closer to the bed and took the only chair in the room. “That’s not true.”
“Why didn’t you come for me?” Jordan asked.
“I had no claim to you.”
“You’re my father!” Jordan snapped, tears toppling down his cheeks. “Why didn’t you save me? You should’ve saved me!”
“I’m your father by DNA, yes. But not in the eyes of the law.”
“Excuses.” Jordan space.
“Look.” James bowed his head. “I’m here now.”
“You’re too late.”
“Don’t say that.” James whispered. “I didn’t know where you were. I mean, Boise? Who would have thought to look here?”
Jordan glared at him. James knew that look well—Bethany gave it to him numerous time when she thought he was being an ass. “Jordan, the truth is, I’m gay.”
“Yeah—and?”
“Your parents—”
“Don’t call them that!”
“Right—Felix and Marie didn’t think that was conducive to a healthy child. They thought being around me was going to make you gay. Even after I promised I’d remain celibate. I’d stay alone until you turned eighteen. That made no difference. I went over one morning and they were just—gone. I had no claim to you so there was nothing the cops could do. I called in as many favours as I had—none panned out.”
“What do you mean you had no claim to me?”
“Your moth—Marie and I were best friends. She’s known ever since I was twelve that I was gay. It hadn’t been a secret.” He cleared his throat. “After she married Felix, the two tried having a child but it wasn’t working. Turns out Felix couldn’t—he couldn’t produce a child.”
“So they asked you…”
James nodded. “It wasn’t a hard decision.”
“You loved her.”
“And I trusted her.” James continued. “The deal was once you were born I’d be your God father and when you were old enough they would explain to you how you came into the world. But Felix—Felix found out I was gay after Marie was pregnant and he was not pleased. If I’d known they were going to take you away I would have done everything to keep that from happening.”
“We kept moving,” Jordan said. “I never understood why. The farthest back I can remember was some compound in Utah. Then it was Vegas, Toronto, Quebec and then all over Idaho. As I got older I started noticing things—like I didn’t look like either of them. One day Felix was mad at me. Hold me I was a sin, just like my father. Marie jumped in and said he’d only said that because he’d been angry. Then, I got sick—I needed a blood transfusion and neither my mom nor dad matched. That was when they told me that you gave me away. That you handed me to Marie and walked off because you didn’t want to pay child support.”
“If that was all they wanted to stay I could have given them as much money as they wanted,” James said. “They wanted to hurt me because of what I am. I’m sorry you were hurt in the process.”
“Do you have any other kids?”
“No.” James admitted. “I’m still not over you.”
Silence. The kind of quiet that could crush a man’s soul.
“So you’re my dad, huh—you look just like me.”
James laughed as his first teardrop splashed against his thigh. “Yeah.”
“Are you going to take me with you?”
“I want to. But that’s totally up to you. You’re old enough now to say where you want to live. It doesn’t escape me that you don’t know me.”
Jordan went silent for a moment but relaxed against the pillow. He seemed contemplative so James allowed him to think without interrupting. Besides, he was seething Felix and Marie would have told Jordan all those lies. Was it because eventually Jordan would have started looking and they wanted to keep that from happening? How could anyone put a child through so much?
Though he had a million questions for Jordan—did they hurt him physically, sexually?
James winced.
“Where do you live?” Jordan asked.
“New York. You’d have to move.”
“Okay.”
“Okay? That’s it?”
“Anywhere has to be better than where I lived with Felix and Marie,” Jordan said. “This could be the break I need—the new start.”
“One day you’re going to have to tell me about your life,” James said. “When you’re ready.”
“I will. Wow—I was right. I do have a real dad.”
James smiled.
“I’m not gay,” Jordan said. “I really don’t think having a gay dad equals me being gay or being around gay people would turn me that way.”
“You’d be right. It doesn’t work like that. But there are still people out there who believe that—Felix was one of them.”
“What was mom’s excuse?” Jordan asked. “She was supposed to be your best friend! That means, she was supposed to love you.”
“I guess she loved Felix more. I don’t know what her reasoning was behind her part in all of this. But, all we can do now is try building on what we have now.”
Silence.
“Wouldn’t it be just hilarious if I was in fact gay?” Jordan asked.
In that moment, James couldn’t help it. He laughed so hard, tears toppled down his cheeks. Jordan joined him and that was how Tony found them when he entered with a tray of cups and a paper bag.
“No blood spilled?” Tony asked. “I’m impressed.”
“You’re being dramatic, Tone,” Jordan said. “I’m going to miss you.”
“So you’re going then?” Tony handed James the bag before handing Jordan one of the cups. “Soda. I know you drink that stuff like going out of style. And I got you a burger and fries—hospital food is cruel and unusual punishment.”
“Yeah,” Jordan said. “Thanks. James lives in New York.”
“Don’t think you’re getting rid of me that easy,” Tony said. “I’m going to check in with James regularly—am talking regularly—to make sure you’re behaving.”
Jordan pouted.
James grinned and handed with his son’s name on it to Jordan with a packet of French fries.
“You didn’t have to get me food,” James said to Tony.
“You expect me to believe you ate on the plane?” Tony asked. “And besides, that’s the most delicious thing you’ll ever eat. Trust me.”
James nodded. “Thank you.”
After Tony snagged his own meal, James shifted to the edge of Jordan’s bed to give the cop his chair. They ate together and discussed what would happen after James decided to take Jordan. Tony had done all the necessary checks already and he had all the details from Felix and Maria’s past. He had to call in some favours but all James needed to do was sign some papers and they could be on their way.