CHAPTER 13
Sapphira had expected Huck to start asking questions the minute they got into the car.
Surprisingly, he didn’t.
He just sat there, patiently waiting for her to confide in him, to tell him the reason she’d acted the way she had, to tell him about her father and the stronghold he held over her life and the finances she used to help other people. To tell him about Carmen. And with every mile he put closer to the hospital, with each second that passed between them, she felt more and more guilty for not having the courage to do just that. To level with him, as she knew she should.
She tried to blame her cowardice on Ella’s revelation--honestly, if she didn’t love the older woman so much and know that she’d had her best interests at heart, she’d be unforgivably angry with her. As it were...how could she be? How could she fault Ella for loving her so much that she’d tried to fix her world the best way she knew how?
Annoying, manipulative and disrupting as though it had been, her intentions had been true and for that, Sapphira couldn’t fault her.
Wouldn’t.
As for her father, something inside of him had been broken beyond repair when Nicky died and she’d made the choice to endure it when she’d started Belle Charities. She couldn’t walk away now. Too many people were depending on her. Did she long for a real relationship? Did she want him to be proud of her? Like Ella?
Certainly.
But she was never going to get that from him because he’d made the decision not to care anymore. He’d perfected the most useful form of self-preservation--a complete and utter disconnect. It hurt. It was disappointing, because she remembered when he’d been a good man and a part of her clung to that memory, that hope. Prayed for its return, but didn’t count on it.
Instead she’d filled her life with things that made her happy, made her feel like she was making a small but important difference in the world.
In a few minutes she’d arrive at the hospital, would go into a delivery room with Carmen, and because of her--her help, specifically--this baby would have medical care, a home, and his or her mother would have a job and an education.
She was making a difference, dammit, and if she had to sacrifice a little of her own happiness--and by default his--then...so be it. She swallowed tightly.
And the time was fast approaching when she would have to tell him that, Sapphira realized.
Huck wheeled the car into the hospital parking lot and her heart ached with the anticipation of the break. He knew it too, she realized. Grim-faced, disappointment rolling off of him in waves, Huck shifted into park and turned to her. “You can do this alone, you know,” he pointed out. “Technically, I don’t have to stay with you.”
She reached over and cupped the side of his achingly familiar face. “I know you don’t have to, but I was hoping you would.”
His gray gaze caught and held hers and a deep sigh dredged from his lungs. “Are you ever going to level with me, Princess?”
Sapphira swallowed tightly. “When this is done.”
Seemingly satisfied, Huck pressed a lingering kiss on the tip of her nose and nodded.
* * *
“That sounds like a hospital,” McCann said. “What are you doing in a hospital? Oh, God. She hasn’t hurt you, has she? Shot you? Maimed you? Tried to eat one of your vital organs?”
Huck chuckled at Guy’s antics and passed a weary hand over his face. “Yes, we’re at a hospital. One of her friends is having a baby and she’s the labor coach.”
“So you’re fine?”
As fine as he could be for a man in love on the brink of being shown the door, he supposed. She hadn’t said as much--amazing how what went unspoken could sometimes speak more loudly than anything else--but Huck knew it all the same. The eternal ride in the car on the way over here, when she could have confided everything to him and hadn’t, had told him all he needed to know.
So why was he here? Why was he prolonging the agony? Because he didn’t seem to be able to leave. Couldn’t quite make the break himself.
Huck massaged the bridge of his nose. “Listen, I’m calling because I’ve had a break in the case. Ella was sending the letters.”
McCann swore. “No shit?”
He felt his lips twitch. “No shit.”
“Well, I’ll be damned,” McCann breathed, seemingly as stunned as Huck had been. “Why?”
Huck relayed everything he’d overheard, every poignant detail, and passed them on to his momentary colleague. At some point--probably in the next day or so--he’d have to confide the affair, but couldn’t muster the wherewithal at the moment. Furthermore, that was a conversation he intended to have with all three of them, in person. It was not the sort of fuck up one divulged over the phone. Respect demanded an audience and he wouldn’t shy away from owning what had happened between them.
McCann paused. “Why do I feel like there is more to this story?” he asked. “Why would her father give a damn if she mentored unwed mothers or spent her so-called salary on charity work? The man is a total hard ass, but... It doesn’t make any sense.”
“I’m going to get those answers before I leave.”
“What are you going to do about her father? How do you think he’ll react to finding out the letters were from someone within the supposed scope of his control, in his very own camp? I’d hate to see him kick her out, but I wouldn’t put it past him.”
Because he’d been so wrapped up in Sapphira--in what the discovery had meant for them--he hadn’t considered the ramifications for Ella. Surely Stravos wouldn’t kick an old woman to the curb, one who’d cared for his children for years? Huck thought.
Remembering Sapphira’s fear, the lengths that she’d gone to keep her father from knowing about her activities, shed a different light on things though. All things considered, he couldn’t rule out the possibility that Stravos would put Ella out.
And he damned sure couldn’t let that happen.
Huck sighed. “I gotta tell you, McCann, this is looking like a no-win situation.”
“I agree.” He paused. “I’m thinking our official position needs to be that there is no threat, that she’s not in danger, and we’re pulling out. That we can’t, in good conscience, continue to take him money when we’re not making any headway.”
Those had been his thoughts exactly. “How do you think the others will feel?”
“The same,” he said. “Ranger mentality, remember?”
Huck smiled. He was going to miss that.
“You want to tell me what else is going on?” he asked.
He respected him too much to shoot him a bullshit lie. “Later,” Huck said. He looked up and saw a beaming Sapphira coming down the hall toward him. “My target just walked in and she’s holding a baby.”
“Is there a possibility that she’s carrying yours?” McCann asked, somehow managing to zero in on what he’d hoped to keep hidden until he could talk to them in person.
She was on the pill and they’d used protection, but it was still possible. Besides, McCann didn’t want the split-haired answer--he wanted the truth. Huck sighed heavily. “Yes,” he said.
Rather than the grim silence he’d expected to hear on the other end of the line, McCann whooped and crowed, “Yes! Payne owes me a hundred bucks.” But before Huck could make any sense out of what that meant, McCann had disconnected.
Carrying his child? he thought again, as Sapphira drew ever closer. A sense of awe spread through him at the possibility and he felt an answering smile spread over his lips. Unbidden a vision of her holding a green-eyed chubby cheeked girl flashed in his mind’s eye. She’d have his fearlessness and her mother’s heart and, though it was completely irrational, he fell in love on the spot with that fictional baby.
He wanted a child, Huck suddenly realized. With her.
“Meet Melina Rhea Martinez,” Sapphira whispered proudly. Her gaze slid reverently over the child and her voice was thick with emotion. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
“Rhea?” Sapphira’s middle name, Huck realized. He’d seen it in the file.
Sapphira beamed at him. “Yep. She’s named after her god-mother.” Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “Me.”
Huck slid a finger down the infant’s pinkened cheek. “How’s Carmen?”
“She’s doing beautifully. Recuperating at the moment. It went fast for a first baby, probably because she waited until the last possible moment to come to the hospital.” Sapphira paused and cleared her throat. “She’s asked me to spend the night. Ella’s going to bring my bag.”
Huck stilled as the implications of that innocent comment surfaced. Here it comes, he thought. She was getting ready to cut him loose. He knew it, could feel it in the very air around him.
“I can take you home to get that, Sapphira,” he said, knowing she’d refuse the offer.
She shook her head, continued to hold the baby between them, almost like a shield of some sort. “That won’t be necessary. You know I’m not in any danger. You can leave, Huck,” she said. A slight crack in her voice betrayed only the slightest hint of emotion. “I’ve been thinking about that report you’ve got to give my father and--“
“I’m not going to out Ella,” he said. “Or tell him about any of this.”
She sagged with relief, the stress leaving her in wilting sigh. “Thank you. You don’t know how much that means.”
He felt his lips twist with bitter humor. “You were going to tell me, remember?”
She flushed guiltily and cleared her throat. “I don’t know that now is the time--“
“You mean you’re planning on seeing me again?” He knew she wasn’t, knew the minute he walked down the hall and out of this building that she wouldn’t have anything else to do with him. How did he know it? Who knew? Intuition, a sixth sense, a bad vibe? But he could feel her freezing him out, putting up a barrier, pruning him from her life.
And he wasn’t leaving here until he knew why.
“Please don’t make this any more difficult than it already is.”
Huck waited, refusing to it go.
“Remember when I told you that my father blamed himself for Nicky’s death? That he thought he’d pushed him too hard?”
He nodded.
“My father, for all of his distance, is determined not to push me too hard either. I was all set to go to work for the company, had looked forward to it, and in an instant, that all vanished. Dad killed the job and promptly let everyone else in the greater Atlanta area know that hiring me would make him their enemy. He wields a lot of weight in the business world around here, Huck, and nobody wanted to thwart him.” A half-smile caught the corner of her mouth. “I thought he’d get past it, that the grief was clouding his judgment and that eventually he’d come around.” She paused. “Two years later, he still hadn’t and I had to accept the fact that he wasn’t going to. So I made a different life. I--“
“--started Belle Charities,” he finished for her, “and have been funneling seventy-five percent of your salary into the foundation ever since.”
She blinked, stunned and her mouth rounded in shock. “How did you-- When--“
“This morning. Payne did a little poking around for me.”
Her gaze softened and a single light brown curl brushed the gentle slope of her cheek. “I wanted to tell you, Huck. I really did. But I couldn’t risk you including it in your report to my father. If he finds out what I’ve been doing, he’ll cut me off.” She gestured to the baby. “I couldn’t risk her, risk all of them. Mentoring is a personal thing of mine,” she said haltingly. Her green eyes tangled with his and the hurt and the pain he saw there made his gut clench with dread. “I was a Carmen once, a long time ago--“
Understanding dawned and he ached with her. “Oh, Sapphira. I--“
“I lost my baby.” She smiled sadly. “You and Ella are the only two people on this planet who know that. I’m telling you because I need you to understand why I can’t walk away. I can’t leave because the moment I do, so does the money and I’ve got people who are dependent on it. It’s not just me. If he finds out, he’ll cut me off. He’ll--”
“Sapphira--“
She shook her head. “He’ll cut me off,” she insisted. “And too many people are dependent on me--including this little girl,” she added, gesturing to the child in her arms “--to let that happen. He made himself perfectly clear, Huck. I’m not allowed to work. Period. That’s why I’m on salary, too keep me from getting a job. And I can’t say to hell with the money without screwing it up for the other people who count on it.” Another melancholy smile shaped her lips and her eyes were filled with hopeless resignation. “I’m trapped, you see? But it’s okay, because I’m making a difference. I’m helping people. I’m choosing to do this.”
Over you, hung unspoken between them and a dry laugh broke up in his throat. “So, let me ask you something, Sapphira. Where does that leave us? Where do I fit in in all of this?”
Her eyes welled with tears. “That’s just it,” she said. “You don’t. He’d never approve.”
“Because I’m not rich?” he asked bitterly. “Because I’m a bastard who’s never met his father and I don’t have a trust fund to keep you in the style to which you’re accustomed?” He was unfairly lashing out and he knew it, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. He was angry and hurt and wanted her to hurt with him. To be as miserable and as mad as he was at the moment.
“If not that, then he’d find another reason,” she said. “And I’m sorry, but I can’t give up what I do.”
And he couldn’t afford to keep financing it if she chose him over her father. He knew it, even on some level above the pain and anger roiling through him at the moment, understood it. She was sacrificing herself and him for the ability to do things for other people--heath care, scholarship programs, food and housing. Payne had been thorough in his search. She was doing a lot of good and he couldn’t blame her for being proud of that, of not being able to give it up. It was self-sacrificing and principled and...good, dammit.
She was good.
And if he was any sort of gentleman at all, he’d walk away and not make this any more difficult for her than it already was. After a moment, he cleared his throat. “Ranger Security is ending our service agreement with your father based on the lack of evidence that you are truly in any danger. We can no longer continue to accept payment for a service we don’t believe is necessary. If you receive any more letters, then feel free to contact us at once and we’ll take the appropriate action. Until then, consider our agreement fulfilled.”
A single tear slipped down her cheek and a hiccup of grief caught in her throat. “Thank you,” she said brokenly.
Huck bent and kissed away the tear, sipped it up and squelched the burning behind his own eyes. Damned hospital antiseptic, he thought, refusing the label the moisture what it truly was.
“I’m sorry, Huck,” she whispered and the agony and regret in that simple sentence made a him want to scream that he could fix this, that he would take care of it for her. Unfortunately, he knew better. He didn’t have that sort of money and never would.
“Me, too, Princess,” he told her, then straightened like the soldier he’d once been and, careful not to limp, walked away.
* * *
Sapphira swallowed the sob that rose in her throat as she watched Huck proudly lift his head and walk away. She told herself that this was for the best. That it was the only way it could be. She told herself that eventually the heartache would ease--she’d learned that with Nicky, right?--and that, despite the fact that she didn’t seem to be able to put one foot in front of the other at the moment, that she seemed rooted to the spot and cemented with despair, she would recover.
She would.
And on some level that might be true, but she’d never be the same. What was left of her heart was putty in Lucas Finn’s big warm hands and he’d inadvertently, unwittingly, carted that part of her away from him. She held little Melina close, sniffed her downy head and hoped that passersby mistakenly assumed her tears were of joy rather than sheer, abject pain. She held that baby and thought about the baby she’d lost and the children she’d more than likely never have, the family she’d never celebrate with, the love she’d never make again with Huck and told herself that it was for the greater good, that she it couldn’t be any other way.
She told herself that and prayed like hell that at some point she’d begin to believe it.
A soft hand landed on her shoulder and Sapphira turned to find Ella standing there with her bag. Her face crumpled into a sympathetic frown and that one lone gesture of caring brought opened the floodgates to her misery more than anything else could.
“Oh, child,” she tsked. “You’ve already sent him away, haven’t you?”
Sapphira nodded. “There was no other way, Ella.”
Ella wrapped her arms around her, snuggling her and the new baby. “There, there,” she soothed. “Everythin’s gonna be all right.”
Sapphira had heard the same sage words from her dear old friend more times than she could even remember...but for the first time she didn’t quite believe them.