CHAPTER 11
Dear Levi, I miss the sound of your laugh. It’s deep and authentic and it makes me ache inside to hear it...
Fifteen minutes later, Natalie turned right onto East Bay Drive and from his vantage point in the passenger seat, it looked like they were going back to her house.
Which suited him fine.
In fact, he could honestly say that, other than being on his boat, her house had quickly become one of his favorite places in the world. It was roomy and comfortable and smacked of everything Natalie. Her scent, that sweet ginger citrus that would undoubtedly haunt his dreams, permeated the air, and he loved the lazy swirl of the ceiling fans overhead. The girl also had a healthy respect for high end electronics, which was another sort of perk altogether.
It was hard to imagine that he’d be on a plane tomorrow morning, headed back to Iraq by way of Fort Bragg. It didn’t seem possible, Levi thought as he slid her a look. The dash lights illuminated her profile in sharp relief, emphasizing that pert little nose, elfin chin and those ripe, wonderful lips.
Something in his chest shifted, but he determinedly ignored it. He would not dwell on what he couldn’t change. They’d each chosen their paths and, much as he’d like to see them come together--or hell, even intersect for more than this week--he knew it was impossible. Giving up a career he loved wasn’t feasible and convincing her to make a life with him away from Bethel Bay would, ultimately, be cruel. If he’d learned anything this past few days--or tonight--it was that.
Natalie loved her town and her place in it. Adam hadn’t been kidding when he said she had a finger in nearly every pie. She was on the city council, was part of the Beautification committee and a member of their Historical Society. The city and its landscape had inspired her art, for pity’s sake.
She was invested.
As for his career... There had never been a time in his life when Levi had ever wanted to be anything other than a soldier. He was proud of what he did and who he was and, even though the idea of leaving Natalie made his gut clench with dread, he knew he would slowly begin to dislike himself if he changed. He was a Ranger. And unfortunately, he didn’t know how to be both a Ranger and hers.
Natalie turned into his driveway and slowly came to a stop. “Get out.”
He blinked at her, surprised. “What?”
She chuckled softly. “Get out, go inside and tell your parents that you’re going to bed early. You know, to rest up. And make sure you lock your bedroom door.”
He felt a smile falter on his lips. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. “Should I unlock the window?”
“No.”
“No?” he asked. If this was indeed his sneak-into-his-bed fantasy--and he couldn’t imagine what else it could be--then he knew damned well the window would need to be unlocked.
“Adam’s already done it for me.”
His eyes widened. “You told Adam you were going to sneak into my room through my window?”
She pulled a little shrug. “I needed some inside help and didn’t want to ask your parents. That would have been a bit, shall we say--“ she gave a delicate shudder “--awkward.”
Levi cracked up, then leaned over and pressed a lingering kiss against her lips that turned into a make-out session that had him ready to drag her over into his lap and take her right there. That had always been a fantasy, too.
Natalie drew back. “Get inside,” she said. “I’ll be along shortly.”
“How shortly?”
“Go,” she hissed.
With another quick peck, Levi climbed from her car and made his way inside. He found his parents in the living room, sitting in front of the television watching one of their favorite game shows. They were holding hands, Levi noticed, and something about that tender display of public affection wrapped around his middle and twisted.
His parents genuinely loved each other, he realized.
Naturally he’d known that. It had been evident over the years, unspoken and taken for granted. But looking at them now, their matching recliners sitting side by side, his mother’s hand in his father’s... It hit him. Even after all these years--up and down and sideways, through thick and thin--they loved each other.
And Levi knew, if circumstances were different, that could easily be him and Natalie. He had no trouble looking into his future and seeing her by his side, holding her hand. Sharing a bed and sharing breakfast, enjoying holidays and walks on the beach.
His mother looked up and quirked a brow. “Is something wrong, dear?”
He gave his head a gentle shake. “Nah, I’m just tired. I think I’ll turn in early.”
His father nodded and the rest went unsaid. He didn’t have to say “because he had an early morning or an early flight.” They knew it. “Where’s your brother?”
Levi felt a faint smile turn his lips. “He went to the gym.”
A shared understanding passed between them as his father’s eyes dawned with insight. Adam had turned a corner tonight. The General hummed under his breath, seemingly pleased. “All right then. We’ll see you in the morning.”
Because he knew she was putting on a brave face for his benefit, but was close to tears, Levi walked over and pressed a kiss to his mother’s cheek. “G’night, Mom.”
She reached up and gave him a light squeeze. “Goodnight, son.”
A minute later, his heart unusually heavy, Levi closed his bedroom door behind him and locked it. He turned and the sight that greeted him made every unpleasant thought vanish from his head.
Natalie was sprawled on her side, on his bed, naked.
A stunned breath stuttered out of his lungs.
Sweet God, she was glorious. Illuminated only by his GI Joe night light, her body was a landscape of shadows and valleys, of glowing tanned skin and long wavy red hair. A long strand slithered over her shoulder and curled provocatively around the heavy globe of her breast. If he’d ever seen anything more lovely in his life, he couldn’t recall it.
It was surreal, Levi thought dimly, being in this room with her. The history of his life--Little League pictures and Uncle Sam Wants You posters, CD cases, his letterman jacket, various trophies and certificates...and her.
His past and present seemed to culminate completely in this moment.
She smiled then, a little uncertainly, and that small hint of vulnerability did something strange to his insides. His chest grew inexplicably tight and his throat closed, preventing speech. He couldn’t have said a word if he’d wanted to.
And thankfully, he didn’t have to.
Swallowing tightly, Levi walked purposely toward the bed, shrugging out of his shirt along the way. He hit play on the CD player and the first notes of Bob Seger’s Turn the Page filled the air. A second later his hands were in her hair and he was feeding at her breasts. It was slow and deliberate, desperate and devastating...
Because he was in love with her.
Whether it had happened that day he’d seen her helping Adam wash his car or from the first letter he’d gotten or from their first kiss--more than likely a combination of all of the above--but somewhere, somehow, when he hadn’t been paying attention...he’d let himself fall in love with her.
Natalie rolled him over onto his back and kissed his chest, ran her hands lovingly over his abdomen, seemingly determined to measure and memorize every ridge and bump. Her hair slithered over his belly and sides, making him quake with delicious sensation.
Without saying a word, she straddled him, the wet V of her hot sex gliding over the ridge of his arousal. She coated him in her juices then, arched up and slowly, carefully sank down, impaling herself on him.
Levi clenched his teeth so hard he’d feared they’d break the pleasure was so intense. Her greedy muscles clamped around him as she slowly rocked back and forth, riding him. He watched her eyes fluttered closed, her mouth curve into a wickedly sexual smile and her head roll languidly from side to side as she upped the tempo along with the music. His balls drew up so tight he feared they’d break and he could feel the climax building in the back of dick, gathering force. He grasped her hips and then bent forward and drew the delicate bud of her breast into his mouth, suckling gently.
Natalie made a mewl of pleasure and her feminine muscles clasped tighter around him. She rode him harder, up and down, up and down, seemingly desperate for release to come.
“Oh, damn,” she said, her voice a feminine growl. “You are-- I want--“
Him, Levi thought. She wanted him. And he knew from her letters that she always had. The thought did it for him, tripped a trigger deep inside of him. The orgasm burst from his loins and he felt his body go rigid.
Her turn, Levi thought, then pressed his thumb against her swollen clit. Predictably she shattered. She spasmed hard around him, her feminine muscles milking the last of his release from his body. Breathing hard, she collapsed on top of him, her pebbled breasts against his chest, her tight little body still fisting around him as the last vestiges of orgasm ran through her.
Levi stroked his hands down her back, then traced the heart-shaped outline of her wonderful rump.
In absence of the courage to say I love you, he mouthed them against the top of her head and, for the first time in his life, wished he might have considered another path.
One that could have included her.
* * *
Determined to keep from squalling until after she got home, Natalie curled up to Levi’s side and settled contentedly against him. His fingers doodled pleasantly on her upper arm, bringing a smile to her lips.
She sighed and glanced around his room. “The Bat Cave,” she said with dramatic emphasis. “At last.”
Levi chuckled under his breath. “What?”
“Your room,” she said. “I always thought of it as the Bat Cave. You always kept your door closed. I could never get a good peek into your room.”
She felt his smile in the darkness. “And you wanted to?”
“Of course. This was your lair,” she explained. “Your space. I wanted to know what it looked like. I always thought it would be like taking a little peek at your soul. And, of course, I would have loved to pilfer through your stuff.”
Levi laughed. “You’re a nut.”
“No, I’m not.” She jerked her head toward his Uncle Sam poster. “That’s a look at who you are. And those trophies and that aftershave and you know what I was always impressed with?” she asked, propping up on her elbow to peer at him through the darkness.
“What?”
“Your bed was always made.” She nodded succinctly. “You were tidy.”
A hearty laugh rumbled up from his chest and he shot her a look that suggested she might have lost her mind. “I was tidy because I had to be. Dad would have tanned my hide if I hadn’t made my bed.”
“You mean you were tidy because you had to be, that at heart you were truly a slob?”
“I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say I was a slob, but I sure as hell didn’t make my bed because I wanted to.”
She harrumphed, and laid back down. “Well, that’s it, then, she said resignedly. “You are no longer officially perfect.”
That wonderful chuckle she’d gotten so used to hearing near her ear sounded again. “Surely there’s some way to redeem myself in your eyes,” Levi said, trailing his fingers over the top of her hip.
“I don’t know,” she said, feigning concern. “I built a world of fantasies over this made bed.”
His voice took on a husky measure. “I’ve built a world of fantasies over you in my bed.”
A breath stuttered between her lips as his thumb raked over her nipple. Her, too, Natalie thought. “I got your letter today,” she confessed. It was so strange to read letters from him while he was home, to read them with the perspective that, at the time he’d written to her, he still didn’t know who she was.
“I figured as much. You know, since you snuck into my bed.”
She smiled. “Hey, that was a cool fantasy. I’m glad that you gave me something to work with. I’d begun to worry that you didn’t have any imagination at all.”
Another broken laugh erupted from his throat. “No imagination?”
“You’ve got to be quiet,” she said. “You’re parents are going to hear us.”
“Nah,” Levi told her. “Once Dad turns on that sound machine it’s game over for them until it automatically goes off in the morning.”
Slightly mollified, Natalie nodded. “It still makes me nervous.”
“Not nervous enough to keep you from getting naked in my room and waiting for me.” He gave her a squeeze. “That’s the best damned thing that’s ever happened in this room. Or in any room, for that matter. Thank you,” he murmured. Warmth moved through her chest and settled like a blanket over her heart.
“I’m glad I could do something for you. You’ve been giving me my fantasies all week.” She felt tears threaten again, but determinedly pushed them back. “You’ve been my dream come true, you know that?”
He grew quiet, then, “It’s been my pleasure.”
Natalie looked at the digital bedside clock and winced. She’d been here for hours. She really needed to go. “I guess I need to crawl back out that window and head down to my place. You’ll need to get up soon.”
“Don’t go yet,” he said. “Stay with me a little while longer.”
And before she could utter a single word of protest, he was kissing her again, then between her thighs, filling her up, emptying her out, taking and giving and making her long for things that would never be.
Things like a life with him, morning coffee, walks on the beach, late night dinners and making love. Like holidays and birthdays and little red-headed children with eyes the shade of toffee candy. Things like fighting and making up and sailing and holding hands.
Things like...life. With him.
Levi pushed into her over and over, almost desperately, almost as though he was trying to store her up for a rainy day, as though he genuinely cared for her the way she cared for him. He was urgent and reverent and relentless and she wanted, desperately, for him not to leave. For him to tell her that somehow they’d make it work.
But she knew that wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t. He was about to go halfway around the world to fight in a war that could, quite feasibly, take his life. He could quite literally walk out of her life tonight and never come back.
A sob rose in her throat, but she swallowed it, determined not to fall apart while he was here. He didn’t want that. It wasn’t fair. And her hero, her badass, her very heart, would feel terribly guilty because that’s the way he was.
He was good, Natalie thought as release built up inside her once more. He was good and kind and wonderful and she absolutely loved him more than the air she was currently breathing.
“Look at me,” he said. He threaded his fingers through hers and lifted them over her head, stretching her out. She felt raw and open and exposed and...loved, God help her. “I want to watch you,” he told her. “I want to see the look in your eyes when it happens.”
Natalie arched against him, meeting him thrust for thrust, desperate for the same sort of connection. The same promise of something special. The look in his eyes when he let himself go, when he came into her.
He pushed, once, twice, a third time and then...
Bliss. Together.
They laid in the darkness for a few more minutes, then before she could change her mind or do something stupid, like beg him to change his life to accommodate her, Natalie quietly slipped from the bed and got dressed. She climbed back out through the window, then turned and propped her arms on the sill and rested her chin against them.
“I’m going to miss you,” she said, though it wasn’t enough, paled in comparison to the total devastation of her heart. Breathe, Natalie. Just breathe.
He traced her face with his gaze, then slid the pad of his thumb over her bottom lip. “I’m going to miss you, too.”
“Thank you,” she managed. “For everything. This week has been...” She sighed, searching for the right word. “Incredible.”
He nodded. “The best damned leave I’ve ever had,” he said. “You’re wonderful, Nat.”
“Be safe.”
He smiled at her. “Always.”
This was it, Natalie thought. Time to go. Time to leave. She managed another wobbly smile, then leaned forward and gave him a lingering kiss. “G’night.”
She wouldn’t say goodbye. Couldn’t. It was too permanent. Too final.
She started to go.
“Hey, Nat,” he called quietly.
She turned, hoping that he couldn’t see the sheen of tears in her eyes. “Yeah?”
He gestured wordlessly, then managed a smile. “Write.”
A broken laugh came apart in her throat and the tears she’d been stemming for hours suddenly slipped past her lashes. “I will,” she promised.