As Cade and I lay in the cooling sheets, I closed my eyes. “Do we have time to take a nap?”
Cade chuckled and pulled me even closer, until my arm was draped over the warm, muscular surface of his chest. “It’s you who’s on a schedule,” Cade whispered into my ear. His hot breath against my skin sent shivers down my spine and part of me was almost ready to try for round two.
I laughed. “I’m so mad at my parents right now,” I grumbled. “I don’t even want to see them again. They tried to tell me that I needed to move out!”
Cade didn’t laugh. “Why?”
I rolled my eyes. “Because they found Kimmy’s gross vibrator in the bathroom and tried to act like it was mine.”
Cade snorted. “Your parents really need to relax,” he said softly. He trailed his fingertips over my skin and I felt goose bumps break out in the wake of his touch. “They’ve raised an amazing, smart, gorgeous daughter. You’d think they’d be proud.”
At that, I couldn’t do anything but sigh. Cade reached for his phone and mashed his thumb against the screen until a soft, folk-pop melody started playing.
“How long are things gonna be like this?” I rolled over on my belly and glanced up at Cade. “How long do we have to keep hiding our relationship?”
Cade licked his lips. “Wish I knew,” he said. “I’d say until I can get my shit together, but who knows. Rudy’s got it out for me now. I’m really gonna have to work my ass off to get back in his good graces.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Like dealing more drugs?”
Cade gave a quick jerk of his head. “Yeah,” he said. “Like dealing more drugs, Vanessa. You knew what I did when you got into this.” He sounded irritable, like I’d somehow begun to get on his nerves. “You knew, Vanessa.”
“I know,” I said softly. “But, like, are you gonna keep dealing forever? Or do you have plans for a different life?”
Cade sat up and turned the music off. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore,” he said gruffly. I watched as he climbed out of bed and pulled his jeans on. Without the warmth of his incredible body next to mine, I started feeling cold.
“Okay,” I said softly. I rolled over onto my back and stared at the cheap ceiling—it was that square material, with irregular pockmarks everywhere. A real cheap motel ceiling if I’d ever seen one. “When I can I see you again?”
Cade swallowed. He sat back down and roughly pulled me into his arms. The feeling of his clothes against my naked skin was intriguing and I realized that being naked around him while he was still dressed was a turn-on. I felt more vulnerable, like he’d abducted me. Of course, Cade would never have had to do that; I’d always have gone with him willingly.
“I don’t know,” Cade said after a moment. “The club’s throwing this big party tonight, and I gotta work it.”
A ripple of unease went through my body. “What are you talking about? What kind of party? Can I come?”
Cade stared at me. “Just, you know, a party. Like the one where we met,” he said. He leaned down to nuzzle me but I twisted out of his arms and lay back on the thin, lumpy mattress. “Just a party,” Cade repeated.
I frowned. I didn’t like the sound of that, not at all. The party where we’d met had been a den of sin. Was he hanging out with other women when I wasn’t around?
“Do you hang out with girls when I’m not there?”
Cade pursed his lips. “Vanessa, I can’t let Rudy suspect anything,” he said after a long pause. “I can’t do that, you know? I have to act normal.”
“What is normal?” My heart started to pound and my head started to ache. I didn’t like thinking about this, about Cade running around with all different kinds of women. Was he flirting with them? Kissing them? Fucking them? Doing everything with them that he’d just done with me?
“Like the way I acted the night we met,” Cade said. He sighed and lay back on the bed. “Vanessa, chill out, okay? Calm down. I’m not going around sleeping with tons of different chicks when you’re not here.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” I said miserably. “How am I supposed to know how you really feel about me?”
Cade stared at me. His blue eyes were practically on fire. “Vanessa,” Cade said in a heavy voice. “I like you a lot. Okay? I wouldn’t fucking sneak around like this if I didn’t. And you’re just gonna have to learn how to calm down and trust me when we’re not up each other’s asses all the time. You got that?”
I nodded, swallowing a lump that was growing in my throat. “I understand,” I said miserably. “I’m sorry, Cade. I just…I don’t know! This is new to me. I’ve never really had a boyfriend before.”
“It’ll be okay,” Cade said roughly. He pulled me into his arms and petted my hair. “We’ll work things out, Vanessa. I know we will.”
But as I left the motel and headed back home, I started worrying all over again. Just what exactly was I doing, throwing away everything I’d even known for Cade? Was this me? Could I really keep doing this? My studies were already beginning to suffer, and my parents definitely suspected something. Plus, what would happen to Cade if Rudy found out about the two of us? Would I be in trouble, too, like he’d said?