We’d had sex a few more times before I felt ready to get dressed and leave. And after talking it over, I started feeling more comfortable with the idea of marrying Cade. After all, I knew exactly what I wanted from life: Cade and a good medical career. And this was just a way to get one of those things a little earlier than I’d planned. I knew that marrying Cade was crazy, but I was starting to realize that I didn’t care. I loved him, truly, I did, and I wanted to be with him.
And I was over the moon that he felt the same way.
We kissed for a long time before leaving the motel. I’d reluctantly tugged on my skirt and shirt and Cade had dressed as well, looking as sexy as ever.
Then, Cade opened the door and I felt my heart sink in my chest.
Kimmy was standing in the parking lot with a bunch of guys that I vaguely recognized from the party where I’d met Cade. They didn’t look like they were having fun now, though; they looked angry and standoffish, like they were about to get into a fight. I swallowed hard. What the hell do they want with us? As I turned to Cade to ask, I practically saw the answer written on his face.
“Mitchell,” one of the men called roughly. He stepped forward and I shivered. He was older than Cade, and had a scraggly beard and a face wind burned from riding in the summer heat and sun. “What the fuck are you doing with this bitch?”
I cringed at the curse, and Cade stiffened beside me. He stepped forward.
“Rudy, this is my fiancée, Vanessa Bailey,” Cade said. He grabbed my hand and tugged me forward.
Kimmy skipped over. “Vanessa, come with me,” she said. “It’s better not to be around when the men are talking.” She made cow’s eyes at the man with a scraggly beard and suddenly, I understood. I felt like I was going to be sick. Kimmy didn’t give a shit about me, or Cade, or making me cool. She only cared about herself…and she wanted to be with that man, that older man with the ruddy face. She’d fucking followed me! She was the one who’d ratted me out!
“No,” I snapped. I yanked my arm away from her grasp. “And I can’t believe you, Kimmy! I can’t believe you fucking narced on me like that!”
Kimmy gasped. If I hadn’t felt traumatized, I probably would have smiled. She looked like I’d stung her, and when I realized why, I felt a trifle smug. She’d never heard me curse like that before. Kimmy wasn’t even used to hearing me talk like an adult!
“Vanessa, this is for your own good,” she said smugly. “I did this for you. I did this because I didn’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Bullshit,” I sneered. “You did this because you couldn’t stand for me to be happy!”
“Ladies, ladies, calm down,” the other man with the beard said. He stepped forward and I stepped protectively in front of Cade. When the man saw me do that, he growled. “Get out of way.”
“No,” I replied. My voice was steady and even. “I’m not budging. I’m not leaving Cade’s side.”
“How nice for Cade,” the man said.
“Rudy, I can explain.”
“Shut up, Mitchell,” Rudy said. He turned back to me. “Butt out of this, you hear.” Turning back to Cade, I hung on his every word. “Women aren’t allowed in the Prophets, asshole,” he said to Cade. “What the fuck was your plan with this puss anyway?”
“I’d appreciate if you didn’t talk about my wife in such crass terms,” Cade said sharply. “We’re going to get married, and then you’ll have to accept her.”
Rudy shook his head. “That don’t mean shit,” he said suddenly. “You have to choose. Either this bitch, or the Prophets. And no coming back if things don’t work out with Little Miss Perfect,” he added with a nasty smile. I felt my cheeks burn with shame and hatred.
“No,” Cade said. He seemed remarkably calm and I envied his inner strength. “No, Rudy, I ain’t choosing like that. We’re engaged, did you not hear me?”
“That doesn’t matter,” Rudy said. Some of his anger appeared to have disappeared and he seemed calmer, almost bored with the matter. “Because you went behind my back, I’m making you choose. Her or the Prophets. Choose wisely, my friend.”
I looked into Cade’s eyes. There was a world of pain and hurt there, and suddenly I knew that I couldn’t be cause of any of it. I pushed away from him and stepped forward until I was standing right in front of Rudy.
“I’ll leave you alone,” I said to Rudy. “And I’m done with Cade.” I glanced at Kimmy, that blonde bitch, and glared. “And I’m going to find a new apartment. It’ll be like I never even existed. Trust me on this. I need to continue with my studies,” I added with a heavy sigh. Even saying the words out loud was breaking my heart, and part of me wanted to stay silent and let Cade walk away from everything that he’d worked for. But deep down, I knew I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t make him walk away from everything that he’d ever wanted in his entire life. I just couldn’t. It would be cruel—cruel like my parents had been to me, cruel like Kimmy. I couldn’t keep perpetuating the cycle. It had to end.
Rudy eyed me sharply. He looked different all of a sudden, like he was thinking of me in a new light. I almost hoped that the next words out of his mouth would be calling off the whole ultimatum. But instead, he nodded slowly.
“I like your fire, girl,” he said. “Go on. Take him back in the motel.” He glanced down at his watch. “Cade, I’m giving you one hour with this girl. She’s better than you deserve,” he added in a dark voice, and I cringed, knowing that Cade must be in deep trouble. “And don’t defy me again,” he added.
I stood in the parking lot with Cade and watched as Rudy and Kimmy and the other men left, Kimmy riding on the back of one of the motorcycles.
“Why did you do that?” Cade looked into my eyes. His face was tortured and I cringed at the sight. I’d never seen him like this. Cade had always been strong, powerful, confident. I’d never even though of what he looked like as a broken man.
I couldn’t answer. I opened my mouth and no words came out. Pulling Cade close, I kissed him passionately, slipping my tongue into his mouth. At first, he resisted, but after a few seconds he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. The outside world disappeared and I was vaguely aware of Cade pulling me inside of the hotel room and throwing me on the bed.
Nothing mattered anymore. Everything was different, everything had changed. The atmosphere was solemn as we took off our clothes and stared at each other, not blinking, not wavering in our gaze. Cade stepped forward and pulled me close. He was naked, but not hard yet, and he wrapped me in a deep hug. I could feel him smelling my hair and I moaned, knowing that I’d never know happiness so complete again in my life.
As Cade led me back to the bed, I felt a heaviness in my heart. I wanted him so badly. I wanted to be his wife, I wanted to grow old with him until we were grey and wrinkled and decrepit. But I had to give him up. I couldn’t have expected Cade to do anything different if it had been me in the situation. After all, if someone had come to me and asked me to give up my medical career for Cade, I wasn’t sure what the answer would be.
I was barely aware of Cade kissing me and wrapping his limbs around my body. As I pressed against him and felt his warm skin on mine, I sighed softly. Being with him was the only thing that had ever felt natural to me, the only thing I was sure I could keep doing time after time. Even school, even working towards becoming a doctor hadn’t felt as good or as simple as being with Cade. Being with Cade had unleashed a prime surge of want and lust in me, as though I’d suddenly been immune to those feelings for the entire twenty-one years of my life.
And now, I was never going to feel that way again.
My eyes filled with tears as Cade kissed his way down my pale body. I spread my legs for him, wanting him to know just how desperately I felt about him. As he slid inside of me and slammed his body against mine, I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.
“I’ll never forget you,” I whispered into Cade’s ear as our bodies began to move together in the frantic rhythm of lovemaking. “I could never, ever forget you. I love you so much.”
“And I love you,” Cade whispered back. He nuzzled my face to the side and began to nip and suck at my earlobe. The lust and arousal filling me was almost terrible it was so strong. I wanted to scream and cry and curse at what felt like a betrayal by my own body. How could I want sex at such a desperate time like this? How could I want Cade so badly when I knew that we’d never see each other again?
“Vanessa,” Cade moaned as he slid against me in a sensual, slick movement. Our bodies were coated with sweat and I seized every opportunity to rub against him, to soak myself in his scent. I wanted to remember this. I tried to memorize every single detail of the room: the ceiling that was stained with water, the pilled comforter, the uneven, lumpy pillows. I memorized Cade, too: the tiny, microscopic freckles on his shoulders, the way his eyes turned into a deep, navy blue when he was about to come, the way he groaned my name and moved his body like he’d never fucked anyone but me before.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped. Closing my eyes, I frantically moved against him. I felt like I was on the verge of a powerful orgasm, but no matter how I shoved against Cade, it wouldn’t come. Suddenly, I knew. I was being punished because I was leaving him. I was never going to be able to come again, not like I had with Cade.
“I love you, it’s okay,” Cade wiped my hair away from my brow.
My eyes filled with tears and I blinked, feeling them roll down my cheeks as Cade pumped his hips in and out of my body. As he arched his back and came loudly, the tears began to fall in earnest. I was sobbing as he finished, and when he lay back on the sheets, I buried my face in his chest.
“Vanessa, why?” Cade’s voice was tortured and strained. “Why did you do that?”
As I gazed into his eyes, I knew that I had to tell him the truth.