Chapter 42

Rainey

The taxi ride home gave me enough time to stew in my own head about everything that had happened between Michael and me. I hated that he was an incredible lover on top of being the most gorgeous man I’d ever met. No one was perfect, and his flaw was his connections to dangerous company. I sure knew how to pick them.

I knew prodding into his life wasn’t the best morning wake-up, but I needed to know everything if I was going to get involved with him. I had Tanner to think about. I almost slipped and told Michael about my son. He made me want to open up to him. If I did, then I would be opening a vulnerable part of me. And it was a good thing I didn’t. I didn’t want my son involved with anything dangerous. He was going to have enough issues with Killian once he was old enough to see that his father was a deadbeat. For right now, I wanted to preserve the innocence within Tanner.

Halfway home, I knew what I had to do. I pulled out my phone and started writing up a letter to Michael. The thought of giving this to him made my stomach turn, but it was the only way to protect my heart and my family.

I arrived home before five. Since it was Sunday, I knew my parents and Tanner would be sleeping in. That gave me enough time to collect my thoughts and clean up. I hung the expensive dress on a hanger and shoved it in the back of my closet. I went into the bathroom and couldn’t even look at myself before getting into the shower. I scrubbed every inch of my body. I felt dirty as if I’d been the one involved with the mafia. Why hadn’t I trusted my instincts before?

I had been selfish. Michael swept me away with his good looks, charm, and general sexiness. I should have had Constantine drive me home last night after dropping Michael off. But instead, I got completely wrapped up in him. I didn’t blame Michael for anything about last night. It had been my decision. I’d thrown caution to the wind and had amazing sex with him. And this was my karma.

I had to be the strong woman my parents raised, and take responsibility for my actions.

After finishing up in the shower, I brushed my teeth twice, getting the stale taste of the food and drinks from last night out of my mouth. The taste and touch of Michael lingered on my body even after cleaning myself. My stomach churned, and I went into the bedroom to put on sweats. I needed to be comfortable today.

I texted Mom around seven after lounging on the couch watching mind-numbing television for almost two hours. My goal for the day was to distract myself away from Michael as much as possible.

She brought Tanner upstairs a half-hour later.

“Mommy!” Tanner said and launched into my arms. I hugged him against my body, taking in his scent. He was the only smell I wanted on my body.

“Did you sleep okay?” I asked him.

“Yeah! The guest bed is huge!” he said and ran off to his room.

My parents had a queen-sized bed in the spare bedroom. My old bedroom. It would seem huge to someone who slept in a twin bed for years.

Mom met my eyes. “Do you want some tea?”

“Coffee,” I said. My lack of sleep caught up with me. I didn’t want Mom to have to watch Tanner for the rest of the day while I caught up. It was another consequence of my selfish actions.

She nodded and went over to the coffee maker. I sat in one of the kitchen chairs.

Tanner sprinted out of his room carrying his robot figurines. He plopped down on the couch and turned on his cartoons. At least he knew how to distract himself. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be that way for long if Mom had anything to say about it.

“Tell me all about the event,” Mom said. “You looked so glamorous. I bet there were some pretty dresses.”

“Oh, yeah. The most expensive clothes I’d ever seen in my life.”

Mom smiled. “Did everything go off without a hitch?”

I forced a smile. “Yes. It was great. Really great.”

While Mom focused on the superficial parts of the evening, my mind drifted off to Michael. Guilt twisted in my gut at the way I left things between us. I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me. It was childish. But par for the evening. He brought out the side of me that Killian did.

After having a cup of coffee with Mom, Tanner came into the room.

“Let’s make pancakes this morning. The ones with the faces!”

I ruffled his hair. “Sounds like a plan.”

With Tanner in the room, Mom turned her attention from me to him. “Let me get some whipped cream from downstairs.”

“Whipped cream for the hair!” Tanner said excitedly.

It warmed my heart to see him so excited. It gave me more of a resolve to keep him safe. I had to give Michael the letter. If anything, I had to do it for Tanner.

Mom was only gone for a few minutes when my phone rang. Raw egg slime covered my hands, a gross feeling that accompanied the even nastier one that settled in my stomach hearing Killian’s ring from my phone. I wanted to ignore it, but Tanner had other ideas.

He launched himself off the stool to help him reach the counter and grabbed my phone from the table.

“Hi, Daddy!” he said.

Tanner’s face-splitting grin broke my heart. I quickly washed off my hands and went over to him.

“Okay,” he said into the phone. “Here’s Mommy.”

Tanner skipped away and climbed the stool to start stirring.

“Hey,” I said into the phone.

“Good morning,” Killian said. I could hear the smile in his voice, which set off warning bells in my head.

“What’s up?”

“I wanted to check in,” he said.

I rolled my eyes. He had the uncanny ability to “check in” at the worst times. I went into the living room so Tanner wouldn’t have to hear the conversation in case it got heated as it usually did. “I’m busy with my son right now.”

“Aw, Rainey, that hurts. Remember he’s my son too.”

I snorted into the phone. “I’m not going to get into this right now. What do you want?”

“Can’t a guy check in with his girl?” he said.

I shuddered. “I think you called the wrong number, then.”

“Rainey, Tanner needs a family with two parents.”

“That would involve the father wanting to be involved other than to feed his need for control.”

“That hurts.”

Nothing hurt Killian. He had a sick need to piss me off on a regular basis. “I have to go.”

“Wait,” he said quickly.

“What is it?” I asked, disdain dripping from my words.

“I wanted to tell you that I spoke with another lawyer. I didn’t want it to come down to this, but I don’t think Tanner should be living in a shoddy apartment with someone who can’t keep down a job.”

I curled my lip. “I have a job, you asshole.” It wasn’t for long, but he didn’t need to know that. “One that pays very well. And the apartment isn’t shoddy. Our first place was worse than this. Do you think he would be better off with you while you’re out at all hours drinking and screwing anything with two legs?”

“He’s my boy, and he needs a man in his life.”

“That’s right, he does. I’ll be sure to let you know when one comes around. Because it’s certainly not you!”

I hung up the phone and threw it onto the couch. It bounced and fell to the floor. My heart pounded in my chest, and my breathing was ragged. My head spun, and my throat tightened. Why did I even bother speaking with him when I knew I’d end up like this? I wanted to scream, but with Tanner in the other room, I had to bottle it all in like I always did.

Hot tears filled my eyes, and I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes to stop them. I would not show that Killian got to me once again. He threatened legal action at least once a week but never followed through. He never would get to it, thankfully. Having to take care of Tanner for more than an afternoon didn’t work for him. He wanted me to feel and act like this. He wanted to show his control. And I hated that I fed into his twisted games.

Normally I would have been able to control the situation, but I couldn’t help projecting my anger about Michael to Killian. This was why I couldn’t continue to work with Michael. I had to focus on my life and Tanner. And with the drama at work, I wouldn’t be able to do that.

Michael had come into my life and put me on a course that was going downhill very quickly. I needed to get off this ride before it was too late.