Merle

I got up to go to the bathroom. Charlie and I were about to leave and I wanted to wash my hands before we left. We had talked about a few places that were nice to go this time of year and now we were on our way to one of them. It was supposed to be a nice sight, one that only the locals knew about and it sounded like a good place to go. I was trying to keep my mind off of everything that was going on between us. The last thing I wanted to do was go to a secluded place with him when I wasn’t going to be able to get the attention that I wanted.

When I was getting out, one of the guys that were sitting next to us was there and I stopped when I saw that he was blocking my way.

“I hear you are a diver.”

“Yeah, I work for Charlie.”

I wanted to get around him, but he was standing in the hallway and I could barely see passed the hulk of the man. I don’t know why, but there seemed to be some really big guys from here. I don’t know if it was something in the water or what, but he was about as big as Charlie and I thought he was a big guy.

“I will pay you more with all kinds of extras. I need another diver because mine went back down to the lower 48. You interested?”

It looked like he was interested in more than a diver and I declined politely. I hoped that he would then back off and get a clue that I wasn’t interested, but it didn’t appear that he was going to. Instead of moving out of the way, he took a step towards me and I moved back just enough until there was an opening around him and I slinked out from around him and left back to the table.

Charlie had a questioning look on his face and I told him that I was ready to go. I didn’t make eye contact with any of the other guys at the table and got my coat so that we could leave.

“Is everything okay?”

I nodded that it was, but I felt a little shook up. It wasn’t the first time that I had had someone act in such a way, but here it felt much more like I was alone in it.

The ride up to the bluff that overlooked the town was pretty long and we both didn’t say much of anything on the way up there. I was thinking about the day I’d had and I was still thinking about his rebuff. It was hard to ignore how badly it had gone and I was still puzzled as to why. He was single and he wanted me. What more was there to consider?

“We’re here.”

I looked around and it seemed like the edge of woods to me. I didn’t see a bluff or a view, just a lot of trees that were mainly still bare.

“We are?”

“Yeah, it’s not that far of a walk from here.”

I had a moment where I didn’t want to get out and start walking into the woods. It didn’t seem like a smart thing to do, but Charlie assured me that it was worth it so I decided that I better. I wasn’t the best person when it came to heights, but I wanted to see what he thought was worth coming up here for. I wanted to know him better, even though the man made it almost impossible to do so.

“Let’s go then. It is starting to get cold.”

“Do you want my jacket?”

I declined because I didn’t want him to go cold, but I was thinking about other ways to get some of his body heat. Charlie lying next to me had been a hard one to top and I could still feel his hard body pressed against me. I had been cold and shivering, but I hadn’t been unaware of how he had felt and how intimate the moment had been. I had tried to make it more so, but that hadn’t worked out as planned.

Charlie walked in front of me a little bit and when I almost tripped on an exposed tree root, he took my hand. “Just step where I step. I have been up here many times, so I know the trail well.”

There was a moment that I hoped the intimacy was pointing towards something else happening between us. It was a big part of me that wanted him to go back to the way he had flirted when we had first me. Something happened when he saved me earlier. I changed my mind as well, but it was frustrating to know that he had changed his the wrong way. Did his holding my hand mean that he was ready to take this desire I had in me and help me out? I needed more than a little hand holding. I needed something more.

“Thanks for bringing me out here. It’s cold, but now that we are close to the clearing, I can see the view and it is gorgeous. Doesn’t look like the town we just left behind.”

The lights were just coming on outside and the sun was setting in the sky. It was the perfect time of day to be here and I wondered if he had planned it. He made it seem like it was done in the spur of the moment, but if that were the case, it had all worked out so well by coincidence and I didn’t much believe in that. I had met him for a reason after all, at the docks. I had to believe that, especially after what had happened since we’d met.

There was a large rock that was jutting towards the edge and we sat down on it. I wanted to get closer, but his hand moved and I was once again not sure how I was supposed to react. I didn’t’ know if he wanted me to touch him or not. I finally just listened to him tell me about some of the good times that he had up there and the one time a drunk friend had fallen off.

I was starting to see that maybe I had been wrong about Charlie and he wasn’t interested in me at all. He had kissed me, but maybe he hadn’t felt the same way as I had. Did he feel nothing?

If I couldn’t have Charlie like I wanted him, I was okay with it. I wanted him in my life in one way or another; even if not in the way I had pictured. I could live with it because he was fast becoming a good friend. I was just going to have to hold off on the rest of it and how I wanted it to be more than that.