Chapter 19
Celia
I was still trying to catch my breath when I heard the phone ringing. At first I thought it was his, but then I realized that it wasn’t his ringing, but my own. I had a feeling that I knew who it was and reality came crashing down on me again. It was hard for me to think when I was around Leo, but I was just supposed to be here to talk things out. I didn’t want to answer and face the music, but I knew I had to.
“Come on, you are going to get that?”
Leo wasn’t pleased and I shrugged, telling him that I had to. I knew that I didn’t want to talk to Carlos, but in reality I owed it to him to at least answer the phone. He was a good man and the more I thought about it, the more I regretted what I was going to have to do. I think he loved me, he said he did and it was going to be hard to tell him the truth. I didn’t even know what the truth was, but I knew that my future did not involve him, no matter how badly he wanted it to. There had always been something off, no matter how hard I tried for it to work out. Carlos had been the safe bet because I knew that my heart was never going to be all the way in it.
“I have to get it.”
He wasn’t happy about it, but I really did have to take care of it. The more I tried to put it off, the ringing really got to me and I finally picked it up. It was Carlos. I knew it would be.
“Hey Carlos.”
“So how did it go?”
He was still at work and didn’t know that I hadn’t gotten home yet. I was going to have to tell him eventually. He was going to find out after all, but there was part of me that didn’t want to it right now in front of Leo. Leo was eying me and I could see that he was jealous. It was hard to ignore the look in his eyes and I turned my back to him. This was harder than I thought it was going to be.
“It went pretty well. I will meet you later at my house if you want to talk.”
“Okay, that’s good. Do you want me to bring some dinner?”
He was acting like nothing was wrong and it was hard for me to pretend the same thing. A part of me wanting to just blurt it out and make it easier, but he deserved better than that. He deserved me looking in his eyes and telling him that I was sorry. I really was to be fair, even if I knew it was for the best. Leo and I were having a kid together, so how wouldn’t it be better if we were together? It just made sense.
“No, I will bring something back. We have to talk.”
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
I wanted to tell him that it was going to all be okay, but I knew that was going to be a lie. I knew that he was going to want me to tell him now or tell him that he had nothing to worry about, but that wouldn’t be true.
“I will see you around five, okay Carlos?”
He agreed, but there was something new in his voice that bothered me. It was defeat or something of the like and I was really starting to feel rotten about the whole thing. It was like he knew and I didn’t want him to be down, but there was no sense in giving him false hope. He told me that he loved me, but I hung up quickly before he giving him the reciprocating response he wanted to hear. I didn’t have an answer for that, I hadn’t before and I certainly didn’t have an answer now.
“I will see you later Carlos.”
I hung up feeling worse and I could tell that Leo had heard it all. He was sitting up in the bed and he had this look on his face that was hard to fathom.
“Why didn’t you just tell him the truth?”
“I don’t even know what the truth is Leo, do you?”
He nodded his head that he did. “Of course I do. You are mine and that is that. We are going to have a family together and soon we will get married. He has a right to know what I intend.”
It was nice to hear it come out of his mouth, but there was still the fear that it was all going to go so wrong again. I wanted to think that I knew what was going to happen next, but I really didn’t. It was hard to imagine everything working out, but maybe, just maybe it would. Or maybe I was wishing on a star that was never going to come true.
***
It ended up being a very hard conversation to have. Carlos knew I think when he came in, but I still had to explain it. I broke his heart, I knew it, but it would have been worse to lead him on any longer. Leo and I were going to make a real go of it and I went back to his place when it was all over. He was nervous, much like Carlos had been, but Leo was the one I was going to have a baby with. We owed it to our unborn child to try and see if it would work out. Every child needs a father and I had a feeling that Leo would be a good one. I hoped so anyways.
We lay together that night and talked about a lot of things. It was a conversation that was long overdue and I was happy with everything that was going on. I felt at peace, something that I hadn’t felt in a long while and even though his phone went off most of the day, he refused to answer it and it made me feel like I was his priority. I also had a feeling that he was nervous about it being his boss and it making a problem for us, but I believed his reasons for leaving before. I promised myself that I was going to get the full story before I took off again. I don’t know why I was always ready to leave. I think it was because I knew that he was the guy that I was going to care about. He was the guy that I was going to be attached to and now it was true. Leo was the one that I loved.
“I can’t wait till you move in Celia.”
“Not yet Leo. We have to give it some time. We have to get to know each other first.”
“I don’t need any time. I have known since I met you that I wanted to be with you the rest of my life. Now that you are having my baby, there is no way that I am ever going to let you go again. But I will give you all of the time that you need. I can be patient if I have to be.”
“I am yours Leo. It will take time, but I am not going anywhere either. I just need a little time to wrap my head around this all.”
“Just don’t take too long Celia.”
To me it didn’t matter how long it took. She was back in my arms in time for the holidays. She really was my Christmas miracle and there was nothing more that I wanted. I had gotten everything that I had wished for and then some. We were going to be a family and she was all that I needed.
THE END